Hello everyone, I am BACKKK with the second chapter. After writing more than 25 pages on my google document, I realized that I would eventually need a third one, so i'm really sorry but this chapter isn't the end of the story like I had initially planned. the third one is gonna be called "jemma & fitz", so this gives you a vague idea of what to expect in it...
Anyway! Here's the second part of this story, and Fitz's point of view on the whole situation (plus a little bit of "after"). I hope you'll like it!
Once again, English isn't my first language and I'm sorry for all the grammar mistakes I might have made in this chapter. xx
"Dinner."
Jemma sighed. "Fast approaching, yes. And we'll eat it, I'm sure."
"Yeah, no, no, no." Fitz' breath caught, his eyes falling at his feet. "But me and you- Maybe we could eat somewhere else, somewhere nice."
Fitz could see the way Jemma's hands shook lightly as soon as he was done talking. It was nice, in a way, to know that he wasn't the only one nervous in the room. It had been hard, for them, after his incident. He wasn't stupid, he knew that Coulson didn't have to insist too hard for Jemma to take the undercover mission at Hydra. He knew she was shaken by what he'd told her, and he knew that she felt guilty for the way he was, now. Fitz would have done it a thousand times over, though. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how hard he cried every time he couldn't speak a proper sentence, he would do it all over again for Jemma.
"Oh" Jemma finally breathed.
He could see the way she bit back a smile when he lost his balance, nervous. It didn't happen a lot, lately, but there was something so nerve wracking about them being alone together for the first time in what felt like forever.
"Uh, well, you.. you should come find me when you're finished here and I'll… start working on options to run by you… for that." Fitz managed eventually.
Jemma seemed to hesitate for a short moment. He knew exactly why, could still remember the feeling of her skin against his and the taste of her kisses as he looked at her, so incredibly beautiful and perfect. Then, eventually, she smiled. As he walked away guiddy with the prospect of a dinner and maybe, just maybe, the opportunity to talk about about what had happened to them a couple of months before, he heard it.
There was no mistaking Jemma's voice as she screamed, and Fitz turned around as fast as he could, running back towards where he came from. When he entered the room though, there was no one there.
"Jemma?" he screamed, looking around frenetically. "Jemma, are you there?"
He run around the monolith's case, realizing that it was open. Without thinking, Fitz rushed through the glass doors.
"Jemma!" he screamed, putting his hands against the monolith. The stone was warm against his palms, and if he concentrated enough, he could almost feel it vibrate. "Jemma!"
6 months later.
"New readings on the monolith?" Coulson asked as he stepped into the lab, looking around.
It felt weird, to see it so empty. Back in the bus, he'd gotten so used to seeing Fitz and Simmons in the lab together, bickering around as they worked. Now that Jemma was gone, Fitz had been but a shadow of himself. Coulson had foolishly thought he'd seen how bad it could get when she'd been undercover at Hydra, but it was nothing compared to the way Fitz had reacted to her being taken by the monolith. He'd often had to force Fitz to go home, getting up in the middle of the night to make sure that he was not in the lab again, running endless tests. He also had to appoint Bobbi to the lab with him at some point, because there was no way Fitz would ever handle the pressure with the way he overworked himself. They were busy enough as it was with the new Inhumains to handle, and of course the scientist had refused to let go of his studies on the monolith. The only good thing about this entire situation was the fact that he hadn't seen Fitz stutter in months, now.
Bobbi hummed. "Nope. That was Daisy, firing a warning shot. No new readings, no new anything on the monolith for months. Fitz even stopped sending automated probes into that room."
Coulson frowned. That didn't sound good at all.
"No one's stepped foot in there since… Simmons was swallowed up by it" Bobbi eventually said, looking away in guilt.
It had been a hard for the team, after Simmons' disappearance. Handling Fitz for the first few days had been the worst of it, but most of the team had taken it hard.
"Have Fitz look into this" Coulson said finally, handing her a gun he'd found on the case they were working on. "Oh, and by the way, where is he?"
"Fitz?"
There was something in the way Bobbi said his name that made Coulson internally sigh. For a trained super spy, she could barely conceal her fake surprise at the mention of his name.
"He requested yesterday to do some research at SHIELD archives, but I haven't seen him all day."
"I'll call him in" Bobbi replied immediately. Way too quickly. "He's chasing down one last lead on the monolith."
"He's had a lot of last leads" Coulson pointed out.
"I know. With him, I just… I try to…"
Coulson sighed. "We all do. But I'd rather have him with his head in the game than banging it against a wall."
"I'll call him in" Bobbi said again.
As soon as he was out of the door, she took out her phone, letting out a long sigh as she dialed his number. She had no idea where he was at the moment, but she knew he wasn't in America. His search for clues on the monolith had taken him to various places around the world, and she'd had to cover for his absence more than she should ever have accepted. But it was Simmons he was after, and she actually had no idea how she'd react if she had to tear up the world to find Hunter.
"Go for Fitz" said the voice at the other end of the phone as soon as he picked up.
"You need to come in" Bobbi said, not even bothering with an introduction. Few people had Fitz's private number anyway, and even less called him lately except for her. "Coulson has some weaponry he wants you to examine. It's pressing".
"You can handle that, though, yeah? For a biologist, you're pretty good with forensics."
"Fitz, I can't cover for you anymore." Bobbi insisted. "I'll get started, but you need to get in here, we need you here."
Fitz was quiet for a few seconds. "Yeah, I'll head back there in a minute. I just need to check out one last thing."
She could hear the sound of a car behind him, and she knew better than anyone that he wouldn't let go as long as he hadn't checked the lead, no matter what it was.
"Soon" Bobbi insisted. "All right?"
Fitz's voice was distant as he replied. "Yeah, copy that. Call me if you hit a snag."
As soon as he hung up, Bobbi let out an even more defeated sigh. Going back to her analysis, she was left alone for around five short minutes before another member of the team barged into the lab.
"We lost Fitz again, uh? Out there chasing down another ghost story?" Mack asked as he came in, heading straight towards her.
"He's got a theory."
"He's always got another theory. That's why I locked up that damn rock and won't let anyone in."
Bobbi looked up at him. "He wouldn't dare go in there. He's not totally irrational. Process of digging just helps him cope."
Mack shook his head. "No, it keeps him from coping." He sighed. "Look, I love the fact that he won't give up hope, I do. But the man's a scientist, and the evidence is pointing one way."
Bobbi avoided his gaze.
"I know, but… I'm not gonna have this talk with him. Are you?"
She put on her glasses, staring at Mack as he bent his head, defeated.
"So" she kept going. "Let him dig."
TANGIER, MOROCCO
"Mister" the cab warned as Fitz stepped out of the car, leaning against the opened window. "A man like you should not go to this place alone, though I will not go with you."
Fitz nodded. He didn't voiced that he had nothing to lose, nor that he didn't actually fear anything he'd find on his way. He was there to find Jemma, and it was all that mattered at this point.
"Okay" he said eventually. "Just stay close."
He'd written down the address on a piece of paper, that he tucked inside of his suit as soon as he arrived near the door he was looking for. Two men were leaning against the wall, too casually to even look natural. The meeting with Yusef Hadad wasn't that hard to arrange, all things considered, and Fitz didn't even think twice about his newfound confidence. In the months following Jemma's departure, nothing had mattered besides finding her, and putting himself in danger while queuing for evidences had become a routine that didn't even make him blink twice now. As he was dragged to Yusef, tied up and blindfolded, he couldn't even remember what fear felt like. All he could feel was determination, and loss. He'd lost Jemma, and he would never stop fighting until he found her.
Fitz wasn't an idiot. He saw the way his friends looked at him, sometimes. Even more since they'd heard about this particular night, and its consequences. He hated the way they often pushed a reassuring hand against his shoulder, just as much as he loved it. They were his family, in every sense of the word, but his heart was shattered by Jemma's disappearance. He didn't need pity, or time to heal. He needed a solution, he needed to bring her back.
Getting the information from Yusef was easier than he'd thought. It cost him a punch in the face and a few heated words, but he had what he'd come for, which was the scrolling. After chasing this lead for weeks, it felt strangely good to have a tangible thing to hold in the palm of his hand. This piece of ancient paper was the first real lead he'd had in months.
"This woman, you went all this troubles for. You love her, yeah?"
Yusef's words still echoed in his head as he drove the car away from the place. Fitz wasn't exactly sure that the word "love" covered the feelings he felt for Jemma, and what he would be capable of doing for her.
As soon as he was back in the lab a few hours later, Fitz shrugged off his jacket, holding the scrolling tight in his hand as he headed to his work station. It took him a few minutes to realize that Coulson was standing there, in the dark, looking back at him. His eyes fell on his arm, or most importantly his lack of, before looking away.
"I've been waiting for a while" Coulson finally said, walking towards the scrolling that he'd put at his workstation.
"Had to be done" he explained. "It's my last shot."
Coulson hummed. "What's supposed to be in there?"
"The answer."
Rolling up his sleeves, Fitz grabbed the equipment he would need to analyze it. He barely registered Coulson's following words as he heard them.
"You've thought you've had the answers before. I think you've considered every possible answer, except the obvious one."
Slamming the drawer shut, Fitz chose to ignore him.
"You thought Simmons was trapped inside the monolith" Coulson kept going "but every instrument scan showed the stone was solid all the way though. After hearing about the Pym technologies disaster, you even thought she'd been reduced to a microscopic level. But no evidence supported that. And now…"
Slamming his tool against the table, Fitz straightened up. "And now, I think… I know it's a black hole. It's dark matter made solid. It can warp space-time. It… look, regardless, okay?" he grabbed the piece of paper in his hand, waving it at Coulson's face "This is gonna tell us exactly what the monolith is. So…"
Without another word, he smashed it against the table, using the shock to open it. A small cloud of dust escaped from it, making him frown, before he realized that there was a piece of paper inside of it. Taking it out quickly under Coulson's dubious gaze, Fitz rolled it open.
"Should we… Scan it?" Coulson asked, gentle. "See if the computer can decipher what the-"
"It's Hebrew" Fitz replied, voice tight. "It's just one word."
Coming closer slowly, looking at the way Fitz's shoulder had tensed up and his entire body language screamed pain, he asked: "What does it mean?"
Death.
This time, when Fitz looked up at him, Coulson's heart clenched. He'd seen pain from up close, in all his years in the field. He'd lost agents, friends, people he considered family. But he knew the kind of pain Fitz was going through, and there was no words strong enough to express how sorry he felt for the man in front of him. He looked at the way Fitz turned the paper around, looking for a clue, anything that would delay the inevitable.
"Fitz" he said finally, "I'm gonna make the trip to Sheffield. Jemma's family deserves to know that she's MIA."
"I-"
"They need to be able to move on, and so do we."
Fitz pushed his hands against the small of his back, staring at the ceiling.
"You've shown so much heart, never giving up on Simmons" Coulson kept going, creeping closer. "And I will always, always respect you for it."
In front of him, Fitz had pushed his head in his hands, facing away from him. Coulson couldn't see the expression on his face, but he knew that he was torn, heartbroken and lonely. He'd been following leads on leads for months now, never stopping, never giving up. He knew better than anyone what it felt to give up on someone, but Coulson had to be the director right now.
"But look around. We need you" Coulson insisted. "We need that big brain of yours and that heart here, okay? I miss her too. I'm having a hard time accepting it, all of it. I'm… I'm on my third hand, but nothing feels normal because nothing will feel normal."
He hadn't realized his tone had gone up as he hysterically waved his hand around. Fitz's eyes were wet with tears, looking bluer than ever.
"May took off on vacation and never came back, so I lost my right hand, too. We have got to accept it, to say goodbye."
Suddenly, Coulson was faced with a sight he'd hoped he would never have to see again. Fitz's eyes were unfocused, his mouth opened in confusion as he stared at the floor as if he wasn't really here in the lab. All of a sudden, the broken Fitz with brain damage who'd came back from the hospital barely able to speak a full sentence was standing in front of him once again. Putting a reassuring hand on his shoulder, grounding him, Coulson all but forced him to look up.
"We need to say goodbye." he said, softer this time. "Jemma would want us to do that. Okay?"
Then, after long and painful seconds of silence, Fitz finally whispered back. "Okay."
It wasn't okay, though. It wasn't, and Coulson knew it, even though he turned around to leave him alone with his grief. It wasn't okay, because Jemma wasn't there. Looking around as he wiped his tears on the inside of his sleeve, Fitz couldn't stomach the sight of the lab without Jemma in it. He'd taken his decision as soon as he'd left the room, walking towards the no trespassing area in quick strides. He barely had the piece of mind to grab a shotgun as he went, ripping off the restriction bands as he opened the door with a kick. What did he have to lose anyway? Jemma was gone.
The monolith was still there, imprisoned by the glass case and surrounded by yellow tape. The door had been fortified since Jemma's disappearance, but it only took a well placed shot against the lock to open it. As soon as it opened, Fitz threw away the shotgun, walking towards it in quick strides. No one had came close it after Jemma, mostly because no one dared to. But Fitz had nothing to lose anymore as he stepped inside the glass case, staring at the rock.
"Do something" he whispered. Then, taking a few deep breaths, he yelled. "Do something!"
Screaming didn't feel half as good as he'd imagined it, though. He'd expected release, he'd expected to feel anything but the pain that burned through his veins and crushed his heart ever since Jemma had disappeared. But he only felt anger, resentment, and releaf never came.
"Do something!" he yelled once more, hitting the stone with his fist. Blood was gushing through his fingers as he cut his skin, but he couldn't even feel it. " Do something !"
He was still screaming by the time the rest of the team barged through the door, running towards him.
"Fitz!" Mack screamed, "Are you crazy?"
He grabbed him by the waist, tearing him from the stone and away from the containment module. As soon as he was secured, Bobbi Hunter and Daisy pushed the door close with their bodies, just in time for the monolith to grow liquid again. It lasted half a second, but it was enough for all three of them to stand there and gape.
"Damnit Fitz!" Coulson yelled as he entered the room, looking straight at him.
"I had to know." Fitz replied immediately. He wasn't going to apologize, no matter what everyone said.
Coulson pointed at the glass with his one good hand. "I already lost Simmons to that thing, I cannot afford to lose you too!"
"You're trying to get yourself killed?" Hunter asked, still panting.
Mack was still holding Fitz's shoulder, making sure that he was okay. Fitz couldn't take the patronizing way his friends treated him anymore, no matter how well they meant.
"I won't give up" he said, eyes still closed. He was too afraid to open his eyes, knowing he'd cry like a baby if he did. "I can't give up."
Daisy sighed."None of us want to, Fitz, but…"
"She's pregnant!" he screamed.
Dead silence followed his declaration. Sitting straighter, Fitz pushed his head against his knees.
"She's pregnant" he repeated in a sob. "And she's gone."
After a few painful seconds, he felt more than he heard Daisy kneel in front of him, putting her hand on his arm. Blood rushed to his ears as he let go and cried, sobbing like a child on the floor of the playground. He knew he should somehow feel ashamed to break down like this in front of his friends, but he was too far gone to care. He felt like his heart had been ripped from his chest, crushed and stepped on. He didn't even know it was possible to miss someone that much before losing Jemma.
"What are you talking about, Fitz?" Daisy asked, gentle but firm.
It took him a couple more minutes to be able to stop his tears, and finally Fitz was able to look up. All of his friends had gathered closer, now forming half a circle around him. Worry was clear on their faces, and Fitz could see the unshed tears in Bobbi's eyes when he crossed her gaze.
"Jemma's pregnant" he repeated, voice hoarse.
Coulson's frown deepened, and he swallowed loudly. "But… how? When?"
Fitz shook his head, an humorless chuckle escaping his lips.
"Remember that day when I was supposed to open your toolbox for the real SHIELD, Sir? Well, Simmons and I had a plan, obviously, since I ran away with it. That night before, we talked about it in her room, making sure everything was the way we'd planned." he stopped, taking a deep breath, willing his voice not to break as he spoke. "We had beers, because I didn't know when I was going to come back. We started talking about a few things, one leading to the other and… We'd never spoken about the discussion we had at the bottom of the ocean, before. I don't know why we thought it would be a great idea to talk about it again. "
He shook his head, sniffling loudly.
"We're two bloody geniuses" he croaked, more treacherous tears sliding down his face. "You'd think we'd be more careful that this, right? Especially with our job."
Daisy's fingers tightened on his arms in support. Mack started rubbing his back, too, and he could feel the tremors in his friends' arms.
"Oh, Fitz" Hunter said brokenly.
"I didn't know" he kept going. "I didn't know. After that night, it was… We didn't think, we were stupid, and it nearly cost us our friendship. We didn't know how to act around each other for the longest time after that, and when we finally found a way to communicate again... "
Fitz let out a sob. Behind the team, the monolith stood, still as ever.
"We were going to dinner. She was gonna tell me there, I know it. I could see the way she was fidgeting the entire night before that, and then…"
"Fitz" Coulson said, kneeling behind Daisy. "I'm… I'm so sorry."
The engineer shook his head. He looked up at Daisy, finding her lashes wet with tears as well.
"I found the tests in her room. Three, because of course she wouldn't be satisfied with one. I guess she didn't want to do blood samples, because she knew I'd find out eventually." He closed his eyes. "I don't even know if she wanted children before that, you know?"
"Fitz, you did everything you could" Coulson started.
Fitz shook his head vehemently. "No. No, I didn't. I lost her, and I have no idea how to get her back."
Mack sighed, defeated.
"Turbo…"
"I know you all believe she's dead" he spat, "I know you all believe I've lost my mind. And maybe I have, but I'm not ready to give up."
"Fitz, no one believes you've lost your mind" Bobbi interjected, wiping a tear from her cheek.
"Yes you do" Fitz replied. "And I don't care. I don't care about anything, but finding Jemma. I can't… she's pregnant, Bobbi. It was our mistake, and now she's alone to face the consequences."
"Fitz" Bobbi said, kneeling down as well. "You tried. OK? You tried your hardest. Everybody knows that."
She wiped a tear sliding down his cheek with her thumb, the first loving gesture he'd received in a very long time. He leaned slightly into the touch, before shaking his head.
"No" he insisted. "I've missed something."
As he raised his hands up to rub at his face, he caught sight of something on his fingers. Something that definitely wasn't there before he burst into the room with a shotgun.
"I've missed something" he repeated, staring at it.
Bobbi's eyes fell on Fitz's hand, before looking up at him. "What is that?"
Coulson took a breath.
"Proof."
He didn't wait for the team to react, jumping to his feet as he ran off the room, towards the lab.
A couple of months after Jemma's disappearance, Fitz went to her room for the first time. Ever since their night together had happened, he didn't have the heart to step back into it, even as his body ached for her scent. But it had been four months since their night together, and two since he'd last seen Jemma. He ached for her every minute of every day, and the only way to get a little taste of her was in her room.
Pushing the door open, his heart dropped as he laid eyes on the bed. If he closed his eyes hard enough, he could still feel Jemma's lips on his as she ran her hands down his chest. This night they'd spend together had been simultaneously the best and worst of Fitz's life. Best because it was everything he'd ever dreamed of, being with Jemma and making love with her, but worst because it was not at all the way he'd planned it. He'd tried to push his worries away, but he was too afraid of her running away after that. They hadn't talked about his feelings, his confession and he wasn't ready to get his heart broken again.
So he'd ran, right after. Because he couldn't stand the idea of her doing it first.
But now, standing in her room as he looked around the things as she'd left everything off, he wanted to cry. He wanted to cry as he laid eyes on the bed where they'd had sex, where they'd made love. He wanted to cry when he closed the door behind him and took in the scent of her, so familiar and reassuring. He wanted to cry when he saw some of the researches she'd been working on scattered on her desk, as well as the pile of clothes on her chair by the bed. She'd always had been a little messy, way more than he ever was.
Taking a deep breath, Fitz moved around the room awkwardly. He didn't know how Jemma would react if she knew he was there. Would she be upset? Would she invite him in? The last few weeks before her disappearance had been hard, mostly because of the awkwardness between the two of them. He could see how hurt Jemma was, and he'd tried to make it seem like everything would go back to normal but… the reality was different. Everytime he looked at her, he could see the way she'd reacted at his touches, her pupils dark with want and her mouth parted around a moan. He couldn't erase from his mind the way her breasts had bounced when she'd ridden him, or how well they fit in his hands. He couldn't stop thinking about the way her body had welcomed him so easily and well, as if they'd been made for each other.
With a sigh, Fitz opened the door to the bathroom attached to the room. He needed to splash his face with cold water, and pee before going to bed. It was past 2 in the morning, and he couldn't find sleep, like so many nights before that. He'd finally given up on sleeping in his own room, and here he was. Surrounded by Jemma's scent, he could already feel himself relax a little bit more than usual.
As soon as he opened the light of the bathroom, he squinted at the brightness. He remembered Jemma asking him to change the lightbulbs when they'd moved in the playground, because she couldn't do her makeup properly with the old lamps that had been installed. He also remembered thinking that she looked gorgeous without makeup anyway, this day. As he opened the tap, splashing some water onto his face before blindly reaching for a towel, he felt his fingers brush against something that fell on the floor with the motion of his hand.
"Shit" he cursed, eyes still closed as he finally caught the towel and wiped out his face.
He'd knocked against a little box, box that he didn't remember seeing before in Jemma's bathroom. Feeling awful for invading her privacy even though she wasn't here, he knelt on the floor to retrieve it, and put it back where he'd found it quickly.
Which was when he saw what it was, and his heart stopped beating for a couple of seconds.
"What" he let out, feeling his entire body freeze in shock.
There, on the cold floor of the bathroom, lay a pregnancy test. And most importantly, a positive pregnancy test. It took Fitz awfully long to make a move, kneeling on the floor to grab the test between trembling fingers before staring back at the box. He could see that there were a few other things in it, and without thinking, he spilled the rest of its content on the floor. Between a few scribbled post its, Fitz found two other tests. All three tests were from various brands by the looks of it, but all three were positive. With a spinning head and a short breath, Fitz finally picked up the few notes. Jemma's handwriting was neat and adorable, but most certainly recognizable. The first three notes were places and names he didn't recognize, but when he picked up the last one, Fitz realized what he was staring at the moment he saw the dates on the paper.
Last period - 13/05
Last sexual intercourse - 25/05
Today's date - 27/08
Tell Fitz before the end of the month!
She'd outlined the last sentence twice, with shaky fingers from what he gathered at the messy lines. Letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, Fitz felt his eyes grow wet.
"Oh Jemma" he whispered, fingers brushing against the paper gently.
When he curled on Jemma's bed soon after, it was with tears rolling down his cheeks and the first test he'd laid eyes upon clenched in his hands.
"Sand" Fitz explained a few hours later in Coulson's office. "Not just sand, impossible sand."
He turned around to face the team.
"The monolith's case is a clean room" Mack pointed out. "There's nothing in there but that rock, not even dust."
"Unless you blast it open with a shotgun and contaminate everything" Hunter added, from the corner of the room.
Fitz sighed, looking down at his feet.
"That's not what this is" Bobbi insisted immediately.
"OK, the sand itself, not unusual." Fitz stated, losing patience. "Mostly silicon dioxide particles. Just like on Earth."
From the other end of the room, he could see Coulson's eyes never leaving him. The director had both hands on his hips, and Fitz knew that his chance to convince Coulson that the monolith was a portal was now or never.
"But you're saying the sand is not from Earth" Coulson asked.
Bobbi interjected immediately. "Sir, carbon dating shows that-"
"It predates the Earth by billion years" Fitz interrupted.
His declaration was followed by a silence, during which Bobbi and him exchanged a look. It was the first tangible proof they'd had in months, and Fitz could see in her eyes that she finally believed him. Now, he needed the rest of the team to do the same.
"So you think the rock is a portal" Daisy asked, taking a step towards him.
Fitz pointed at her as he replied. "No. No. I'm proving that it's a portal, ok? To another planet. A very old planet. A crack in space-time that carried Simmons away and carried the sand back. Which means…"
"She's out there" Coulson finished for him.
As he looked up at him, Fitz could see the way Coulson's eye shined with a renewed light as he took a closer look at the readings on the screen.
"But it's been months" Coulson added.
Fitz nodded. "Yeah."
"She could be long gone from wherever this thing dropped her."
"Yeah" Fitz managed painfully. Of course he'd thought about that before.
"She could be dead."
This time, Fitz threw his hands up as he turned around, facing Coulson as he'd crept closer.
"Yes!"
Coulson nodded, the tiniest smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "But we're gonna find out, are we?"
"Yeah" Bobbi replied immediately.
"Damn right" Mack added, just as Daisy let out another "Yeah".
Fitz felt himself shake with emotions as he looked around the room, at their friends and their shy smiled as they looked back at him. For the first time in what felt like forever, they believed in him, and they had gained their hopes back.
"Ok Fitz" Coulson said. "What do you need?"
"Well, uh. More historical data" he supplied, blinking back tears. "People have studied this thing for centuries. I need an expert on quantum mechanics and Einstein-Rosen Bridge theory." and, more for himself than anything, he muttered "and a sandwich would be nice."
"I might have an idea" Coulson said "about the other things."
Getting Elliott Randolph on board with their crazy idea had been simpler than Fitz had thought. As soon as they'd mentioned the monolith, he'd followed them to the base to study it. When he'd gotten a look at the monolith and seen it change matter, he brought the only thing Fitz hadn't thought of: the idea that the monolith was not following Earth's pattern, but the other planet's. Finally, with their word that they'd destroy the portal as soon as Jemma was back, he accepted to help them.
"I have seen those words carved into the walls of a castle in Gloucestershire, England, in 1853" Elliott eventually said when he saw the piece of paper that Fitz had retrieved from Morocco. When he looked up at Fitz, the younger man could almost see hope shining in his eyes as he smiled. "To the plane!"
England was not like he remembered, was the first thing Fitz thought as soon as he stepped foot out of the plane. It felt weird, to be there without Jemma. They'd often came back together, to see her parents or his mum, back when they had time and money to take a few vacations. He missed his mum, he realized with a pang in his heart, he missed Jemma's parents, too. They'd always been so nice to him whenever he came back with her during the holidays, even invited his mum for Christmas a few times, so that they could all spend it together. Both their mums absolutely adored each other, and he felt at peace knowing that she would have friends to turn to if anything ever happened to him.
"Yes, yes yes!" Elliott said as soon as he stepped foot into the castle. "I came here for a costume ball, which was a pretext of course. I'd heard rumors of travel to the stars. Found it all to be nonsense, but it was a fun party."
"The carvings?" Coulson pressed.
And there, right in front of Fitz's eyes, the same words that were written on the scroll were carved into the wall of the castle.
"Death" he murmured.
"Maveth" Elliott corrected. "Yeah, one of its translations is actually 'death by punishment'."
"Could mean no trespassing" Coulson added, glancing at Fitz from the corner of his eyes.
As they looked around, Coulson found what he'd refer later as a "secret door" (Fitz sometimes wondered if Coulson hadn't taken a little too much of Tony Stark when working with the Avengers), leading to a dark tunnel.
"You're certain about this?" Eliott asked, baffled. "It does say death by punishment".
But Fitz was already walking down the halway, and the rest of them eventually followed. As he walked, Fitz could feel his heartbeat resonate in his ears, hope clinging its way through his entire body. The more they found out about the monolith, the more his theory was confirmed and the closer he got to finding Jemma.
"It sure got some life to it" Coulson said as soon as they arrived in a late 1800s powered room, finding the lights and turning them on to reveal a sort of dungeon.
Pieces of old machinery were scattered around the place, and Bobbi frowned after a few seconds.
"I hear water. Could be a stream underground, maybe hydroelectric power." she said.
It only took Fitz and Elliott a few minutes to find the lever connected to all the wirings they could see around the place, and Elliott didn't hesitate a second before pulling it. As soon as he did, a circle at the center of the room started moving, leaving place to a deep well.
Bobbi raised an eyebrow. "This looks a lot like it was made to hold—"
"The monolith" Fitz finished for her. "This machine" he pointed at the old junk next to him "was designed to control the portal. To open and close it at will."
"Do you know that?" Coulson asked, kindly. "Or is that just what you hope it to be?"
Fitz held his gaze as he replied.
"Well, there's only one way to find out."
As soon as the monolith was in place, Fitz could feel himself vibrate with excitation. He knew they were close, he could feel it in his bones, and he wasn't ready to give up now. No matter what Coulson or Elliott said, he was gonna bring Jemma back.
"Realistically, what are the odds of this thing working?" Daisy asked as she stepped inside the room, looking around the old technology with a critical eye.
"If we were realistic" Coulson pointed out, "we'd never have gotten this far."
Fitz was no idiot, far from it. He could feel the team's gazes on his back as he worked, ordering Mack and Elliott around as they worked on the machine. As soon as it started coming to live though, they all looked around in wonder, realizing that the idea might not have been the worst they'd had yet. And when the monolith suddenly turned into liquid again, they all gasped collectively.
"Fitz, it's working!" Bobbi exclaimed.
"Everybody stay clear!" Mack screamed, raising his hands for them to fall back.
"It stayed open" Fitz said as he knelt at the edge of the well, looking at the dark matter of the stone as it vibrated like disturbed water at the bottom. "Light, I need more light!"
Vaguely, he heard Daisy grunt in pain as the vibrations started to become stronger. Behind him, Mack screamed.
"We've got a problem!"
"I need some bloody light!" Fitz screamed again.
"Fitz!"
He barely had time to look up before Coulson threw him the firelight, that he shot straight through the portal. He looked at it disappear, actually praying to all the Gods he could think of as he thought about Jemma. Would she see the light? Would see know that he was there, looking for her?
"The gear is locked!" Mack suddenly said from behind him, as Bobbi rushed to his side to help him. But the equipment was ancient, and soon the entire structure collapsed at the same time as Daisy, falling in Coulson's arms. As soon as the vibration stopped, the monolith turned to stone again, and Fitz pushed his head in his hands.
It took a while for Daisy to come back to awareness.
"We have to fix it!" Fitz screamed from behind her, as he tried to get the gears back together.
"We can fix it, but you gotta chill" Mack insisted. "How are we supposed to fix a machine when we don't know how it works?"
"It'll just rattle apart again. We have to reinforce the connections."
"Reinforce?" Mack sighed. "Look, most of the workings are under the ground. We just can't tear the castle down. We're lucky the room was shaped this way, or the machine might have shaken apart on top of us."
As soon as the words were out of Mack's mouth, he saw Fitz freeze.
"Wait" he said, getting up. "Wait, yeah yeah yeah! That's the point. Quantum harmonic oscillation theory, like the professor said."
"I know that look" Bobbi whispered.
"It's a strange shape for this time period because it is made to resonate, to create a quantized field within the stone."
Coulson and Daisy looked up, confused.
"Fitz" Coulson said "you're talking, but we're not totally following."
Fitz nodded. "The room is a speaker. The machine is an amplifier. A sub-sonic frequency, to resonate with the monolith."
"You're saying you figured out a way to fix the machine?" Mack asked, hopeful.
Fitz took a deep breath. "No, I'm saying I've figured out-"
"We don't have to" Daisy said, interrupting him.
Her gaze was fixed on the stone in the middle of the room.
"I can do it" she said, getting up. "I can open the portal myself."
It took them less than an hour to build a structure around the monolith, to make sure that they could safely pull Simmons out of Maveth with a tugboat screwed to the floor.
"If the point of the machine was to resonate the room at a certain frequency" Daisy said, walking around as she supervised the structure. "I can do that."
"And you can replicate it?" Coulson asked, unsure.
"Kind of drilled into my brain."
"And it could kill you. How long do you think you can hold it?"
Daisy sighed. "Maybe a minute" she replied truthfully.
"If it's too much" Coulson warned, "you pull back. I can't lose you too."
She smiled at him. "I got this."
Soon enough, Bobbi was barging into the room with the latest drones her and Fitz had been working on, to keep a visual on the other side. And under Elliott's confused gaze, she started to quake the side of the machine, tuning in to find the perfect vibration. As everyone around her started to move, Fitz used the distraction to grab the cable meant for the drone, keeping it firmly in his hands. The team probably wouldn't understand, and they would definitely not agree with this if he'd told them. But there was no way he would let Jemma alone on Maveth, even if he had to find himself stuck on the other side too. And as soon as the monolith turned liquid again, he turned to face Daisy.
"Hold it open as soon as you can" he said, before clipping the hook to his belt and jumping straight through the portal.
When he blinked his eyes open on the other side, the first thing he noticed was the sand. It was everywhere, flying around him in what looked like a storm, penetrating his mouth and attacking his eyes. The planet's atmosphere seemed different as well, and he felt dizzy for a few seconds before taking a tentative step forward. Which was when he saw the figure running towards him, squinting through the sand.
"Fitz!"
As he started running towards the shadow, he realized that it was a man. He looked tired, worn out even, and incredibly dirty. His clothes were filled with holes and covered in dirt, his beard was long and his hair disheveled. But most importantly, this man was currently carrying someone he'd recognize everywhere.
"Jemma" he whispered as soon as he reached them. Then, he looked up at the stranger. "This way, the portal!"
Fortunately for Fitz, his grip on the man's hips was strong enough to pull him towards the portal with the help of the hook still attached to his belt. Fitz could feel the man's exhaustion as they ran, his entire body shaking with effort as he held Jemma close, the portal coming closer with every step.
And then, everything turned black.
When Fitz came to his senses, the first thing he did was to look to his left, making sure that he hadn't dreamed. There, still held tightly by his hand on a dirty and worn out shirt, was the man he'd seen on Maveth. Almost in concert, they both looked down at Jemma, the woman still half covered in dust as she tried to blink her eyes open.
"Oh my god" Fitz heard Coulson say from above.
"Jemma" he whispered, feeling his eyes water.
He didn't hold back his tears, this time. Next to him, the unknown man did the same, letting out a small hysterical laugh at the same time.
"Fitz" Jemma croaked . "You found me."
Fitz didn't actually register the presence of other man -Will, he'd said his name was Will- until they had to leave the well. Logically, he knew that Will was there (he'd pulled him from Maveth after all), but he didn't realize what it meant until he saw the way he immediately fussed over Jemma. Fitz was still dizzy with everything that had happened in such a short time, but the moment he realized how tightly Jemma's arms closed around Will's figure as she struggled to get used to Earth's gravity, he felt his stomach plummet. He immediately felt awful for it, but he couldn't help his heartbreak, could he?
"We need oxygen" Will said urgently, looking up at the team. "Please, she needs oxygen!"
Fitz snapped out of his transe in seconds. He knew the team would get everything they needed as soon as possible, so it was his job to make sure everything was alright with Jemma in the meantime.
"Jemma" he whispered, kneeling in the dirt by Will's side. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah" she whispered, eyes fluttering close. "Too much noise, it hurts."
He couldn't resist putting a hand against her neck, swallowing back tears at the contact. He'd missed her so much, he could hardly believe she was here by his side again.
"The planet's gravity is different" Will said, finally. "She must be a bit nauseous."
When Fitz looked up at him, he couldn't find it in his heart to be mad at the man. Will looked exhausted, the dark circles under his eyes were almost purple and his entire body shook as he tried to sit still, never letting go of Jemma.
"Are you okay?" he asked, putting two fingers against Will's neck as he took his heartbeat as well, making sure he wasn't going to faint.
Will smiled weakly. "Never been better."
"Fitz" Jemma whispered again, looking at him with tears in his eyes. "I'm…"
Looking down at her belly, still partially hidden by the dust of the rock, Fitz swallowed.
"I know" he said with a nod. "I know, Jemma. I'm so sorry."
When Bobbi returned with two oxygen masks, Fitz applied them to both Will and Jemma quickly. Then, it took a few minutes and a lot of arm strength (it was Mack's doing, really) to get them out of the well. Jemma was incapable of standing on her own two feet, and they rushed her in the containment pod quickly. Will followed close, eyes wide as he looked around him, never leaving Jemma's side.
"She needs to lay down on her right side" he said as soon as Mack lay Jemma down on the medical bed. "She can't sleep otherwise. The baby puts too much pressure on her bladder."
The words sliced through Fitz's heart like a knife. It was obvious that most of the team tried not to stare at her swollen belly, still it used to the idea that Jemma was carrying a baby. Obediently, Mack gently turned her on her right side, and Will sat on the floor next to her in seconds.
"We can get you another bed" Fitz said immediately, keeping an eye on Bobbi as she checked Jemma's vitals, hooking up to a few machines. "You don't have to stay on the floor."
Will actually chuckled at the idea. "You know, even this floor is comfortable compared to the place I've spent the last 14 years in."
Behind him, Daisy blinked.
"Did you just say 14 years?" she asked, a little breathless.
Will nodded. "Yep. Went through that portal in 2001. I guess I've missed a few things, but Jemma did promise me that Fitz had the best high resolution TV of the entire SHIELD base."
It felt overwhelming, really, to see this man he didn't know talk about Jemma like this. It wasn't jealousy per say, but Fitz's heart clenched all the same as he looked at his unconscious lab partner, belly swollen with his child as she breathed in and out deeply. He had no idea how Will had gotten on Maveth, and for how long he and Jemma had been surviving together. But it didn't really matter, in the end. Will had been there for Jemma when she'd needed him the most, through her pregnancy for six entire months. He'd never get to take those months back, he'd never get to see her belly grow with each passing weeks and he'd never get to feel the first kicks, or watch her face light up with joy the first time the baby had moved.
"Fitz" Coulson said, pressing a hand against his shoulder. "You should sit."
He hadn't realized that he was hyperventilating until Coulson had brought him back to reality. With a firm shake of his head though, he looked back at Jemma.
"I need to stay with her" he rasped, eyes pleading. "I wanna make sure… I need…"
"It's okay" Bobbi said, voice soothing. "Maybe you can sit down with Will, right?"
The man in question was looking back at him. To Fitz's surprise, there wasn't any pity or judgement in his eyes, only comprehension and kindness.
"Yeah man" he said, mentioning to the place next to him. "If you can live with the smell, you've got a designed seat."
And it was at this very moment that Fitz realized that no matter what had happened on this planet, he could never hate Will.
"Simmons and Will didn't have to go through quarantine" Coulson said a little while later, when they were back at the base and debriefing. "which is good, all things considered."
Fitz was buzzing with anxiety, wishing nothing more than to be with her instead of in the lab with his team. Ever since he'd laid eyes on her again, he'd felt terrified at the idea of leaving her alone. He had no idea how to act around her, and for a short moment he'd realized that it was easier to handle Will than Jemma when she'd woken up as they were approaching the base. All tests had come back as positive as they could have been in those circumstances, and when Bobbi and the medical team wanted to make more tests on both Jemma and the baby, she'd begged for a shower beforehand. Sensing Fitz's distress and obvious anxiety, Will had offered to help her, silently begging them to be trusted. And Fitz had, because what else could he do? Even though it broke his heart and made him ache in a way he didn't even know was possible, Will was more a partner and father than he'd ever be. The way Jemma had leaned against him as they walked to the showers had been proof enough that he didn't have his place in this relationship.
"What exactly are these 'things' that we're 'considering'?" Mack pressed immediately.
Bobbi stepped in. "Everything that comes with being on another planet for months."
"Different atmosphere, different levels of oxygenation, different microgravity" Fitz supplied, voice quiet. "Every system in her body is out of whack. Cardiovascular, inner ear, respiratory, all got used to being not here. Will ain't faring much better, but he's stronger and more used to it, being trained as an astronaut."
He didn't mention the fact that Jemma also had another life growing inside of her, but he knew everyone heard it anyway.
"Labs indicate oxidative stress" Daisy added, "Vitamin D deficiency, upper respiratory irritation. All things we have to consider for her pregnancy as well, which is why we've requested more tests. As soon as they're out of the shower, they're back in the medical yard, Simmons in priority."
Luckily for both Fitz's worries and imagination, their shower didn't take long. A little after the end of the debrief, Jemma was back in the medical bay, still clinging to Will's arm as he helped her sit back on the bed. For a few seconds, Fitz hovered around the entrance. Was he allowed to enter? Would Jemma want him here?
"Fitz" Will said when he caught sight of him. For whatever reason Fitz didn't understand, he smiled. "Come in."
They both looked better, and slightly more relaxed after having showered. Jemma even smiled at him as he entered, and he resisted the urge to run up to her and squeeze her in his arms to never let her go.
"We're gonna check that everything's alright with the little one now" one of the doctors said, preparing the material for the echography.
From the corner of his eyes, Fitz saw Jemma tense. Will must have seen it as well, because he immediately caught her hand in a reassuring hold. Fitz felt a little out of place, and for a couple of seconds, he felt like he might just start crying right here and then.
"Do you… do you want me to stay?" he eventually asked.
As soon as he did, two pair of eyes looked up at him.
"Of course I want you to stay" Jemma replied, brows frowned. Then, her face fell a little. "Only if you want to, of course. I didn't mean to-"
"I do!" Fitz rushed. "I do. I just didn't know…"
He didn't know if he was welcome anymore, he didn't finish. He might have been this baby's biological father, but it didn't compare to the man currently sitting by Jemma's side holding her hand. The man who'd confessed while Jemma was unconscious that she sometimes had troubles sleeping on Maveth, and that he'd had to boil water to push warm cloths against the small of her back when it was too painful. The man who'd given her most of his food because she carried a baby, and was ready to stay back if it meant her leaving the planet.
"I can go, if you want?" Will finally offered, looking between the two of them.
"No!" Fitz said immediately. "No, I didn't mean… I don't…"
He took a deep breath, feeling himself growing more and more anxious.
"Fitz" Jemma said, patient as ever. "It's okay."
Neither of the men talked about leaving again, after that. They looked as Jemma rolled up her shirt to expose her belly, and Fitz felt oddly dizzy as he looked at her barren flesh. The last time he'd seen Jemma's body, they were making love in the intimacy of their bedroom. Now the fruit of that love was tenting her belly, and soon they'd have a child of their own.
"Do you want to know the sex?" the doctor asked she lubed up the probe, before gently applying it against Jemma's belly.
Immediately, Jemma turned her eyes towards Fitz. He looked back at her, throat tight, as he replied.
"It's your decision, Jem."
Her eyes were shiny with unshed tears when she turned back towards the doctor.
"Yes, please."
Will squeezed her hand, and Fitz bit back a wave of nausea. Thankfully for him, the doctor chose this exact moment to turn on the sound of the echography. The rapid sound of his baby's beating heart caught Fitz entirely by surprise, and he felt his heart swell. When he'd never really thought about having children (it had been him and his mom for so long, no immediate family or even relatives, and he didn't really get interested in girls that much), he knew that the only person he'd ever consider having kids with would be Jemma. It wasn't just because he was madly in love with her, although it played a huge part of course, but it was mostly because they knew each other by heart. Jemma knew his worst sides, just as she knew his best. She'd never sugarcoat anything when it came to her children, and she'd never let him turn into his father either. But listening to the heartbeat that resonated in the small medical yard, Fitz felt like his heart might burst out of his chest with love. He hadn't planned this child, neither of them had, but he couldn't imagine his life without this baby now. There was nothing in the world that Fitz loved more than Jemma Simmons and science, but looking at the black and white silhouette of his child on the monitor in front of him, he realized that maybe there would be a third special place in his heart very soon.
"Everything appears to be normal" the doctor said, bringing Fitz back to Earth. "coupled with the blood samples we got from Agent Morse, I think we can safely say that this baby is perfectly healthy."
It was all it took for Jemma to start crying, tears of joy rolling down her face as she let go of Will's hand and hid her face as she sobbed. Fitz restrained himself from running towards her, feeling his heart break at the sight. He truly had no idea what Jemma had gone through on Maveth, but he knew from the way Will's face dimmed when he'd asked about it that it was a lot. She'd carried a baby on an alien planet for six whole months, growing a life inside of her while trying to survive on roots and whatever she could find on her path. And like everything she ever did, she'd done it brilliantly.
"Everything's fine, Jemma" Will whispered, his hand carefully brushing her arm. "You did amazing, I told you everything would be fine."
"I just…." she sobbed, rubbing at her reddening cheeks to wipe off her salty tears. "I was so scared. Constantly. Everytime the baby stopped moving, I thought my body had gotten too weak to handle the pregnancy. Everytime I felt a kick or a pain, I thought I was going through an early labor. I was so scared ."
Her voice broke again at the end of her sentence, and Fitz took a step forward before he realized what he was doing. But just as he reached out to reassure her, touch her hands or dry her tears, his gaze fell on Will, and he stopped. His arms fell back by his sides, and he swallowed the tears that so desperately wanted to spill out of his eyes as he saw a flash of anger in Will's pupils.
"I can tell you that it's a very healthy little girl" the doctor offered, taking away the probe, leaving the place strangely empty without the sound of the baby's heartbeat. "I took the liberty of printing a few pictures, and I will of course give you the full results for further analysis, Doctor Simmons."
A little girl. Fitz couldn't help the grin that spread on his face. He was having a little girl. A little girl that'd probably look just like Jemma, with her big eyes and gorgeous face. God, he hoped she'd look just like her mother on every point.
"Hey, it's a girl" Will said, catching Jemma's hand in his. "Just like you said it would be, Jem. You were right It's a little girl.."
And with those words, Fitz's heart plummeted again. He looked back at Jemma just in time to see her smile through her tears, gaze shifting from the monitor to Will in wonder. They didn't need him here, just like they didn't need him back on Maveth, and it was selfish of him to interfere. Of course he'd looked for dirt on Will, it was one of the first things he did when Jemma was still unconscious and both were being tested for radiations. But he hadn't found anything, because he was a great man, who just happened to have fallen in love with Jemma Simmons. How could Fitz even blame him for this? He was no competition, and he knew it. So he did the only logical thing he could think of, and walked away silently.
The lab was quiet at this time of night, thankfully for him. After running away from the medical bay, Fitz had spent the rest of his day avoiding any human contact, needing time to handle his emotions. He'd found himself hidden in the darkest corners of the base to cry his heart out, clutching at his heart as if the pain of his fingers digging into his skin through his shirt would ease the hollow in his chest. But now the base was mostly asleep, corridors empty as he'd walked back to the lab to mindlessly build something and hopefully get his mind to focus on something else than a child he'd probably never get to see grow. Ever since his father had left him when he was just a child, he'd found that building things was the best medicine to get him through the night. There was no way he'd fall asleep anyway, and a small part of him missed sleeping in Jemma's bed, surrounded by her scent.
"Are you fucking serious?"
Will's voice boomed from behind him, just as he finished taking apart one of the holo tables. Fitz jumped in surprise, dropping his screwdriver as he turned around the face the other man.
"What?" he half squealed.
"You know" Will said as he approached in quick strides, pushing his finger against Fitz's chest. "During all those months I've spent with Jemma on that God forsaken planet, I've heard quite a lot about you. And by quite a lot, I mean probably most than you'd be comfortable knowing."
Fitz felt himself flush, at loss for words. His fingers clenched around the screwdriver he'd quickly retrieved from the floor.
"But" Will kept going, ignoring the way he struggled for words, mouth opening and closing without being able to say anything "never once did Jemma told me about you being such a coward."
This time, surprise let place to confusion in Fitz's mind.
"What?" he repeated with more force, frowning.
"Now I know this entire baby situation wasn't planned" Will said, throwing his hands up. "But the Fitz Jemma babbled about all the time at night on Maveth isn't the one I've seen barge out of med bay while she cried out of relief because your child, the child you both created, was alright."
This time, Fitz felt himself flush with something more than confusion. Anger bloomed inside of his chest, and he pushed Will back with force.
"I didn't want to!" he protested immediately. "Do you think I ever wanted to leave her, especially in that moment?"
"Then why the hell did you do it?"
"Because I didn't want to take your place!"
Fitz hadn't realized he was yelling before the words left his mouth, the silence in the lab deafening after such an outburst. Will was staring back at him, now harboring the same exact confused expression.
"I didn't want to come between you two" Fitz sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I wanted to stay, I wanted to see the echography, wanted to see this baby so badly… But I realized afterwards how unfair of me it was to stand there with you two, between you two."
He let his hands drop down his sides, turning around to face away from Will as his eyes watered with unshed tears. He'd been strong enough to keep his emotions to himself in front of Jemma and Will back in med bay, but this was a little too much. Staring at the holo table so hard it felt like his gaze could pierce a hole right through it, he took a deep calming breath.
"Wait a minute" Will said, willing Fitz to face him once again. "I know you're a genius and all but… You do know the baby's yours, right?"
Fitz had the decency to look slightly offended at this. "Of course I know she's mine!" he scoffed, his Scottish accent coming out stronger than before with his emotions.
"Then I simply don't understand what you're talking about" Will admitted with a sigh, rubbing a hand against his beard.
The two men stared at each other in silence for a few seconds.
"I want Jemma to be happy" Fitz finally whispered, voice tight. "I care more about her being happy than I do about myself, because I love her more than anything in the world. And it's important for me that you know that it includes seeing her with another man, if this is what she choses."
His throat felt tight and his eyes burned with the need to cry again, but Fitz didn't look away from Will's face as he said this.
"Wait a second" Will finally said, his eyes never leaving Fitz's. "I think… I think there's been a misunderstanding here."
"What? No, I'm pretty sure-"
"Fitz" Will stopped him with a firm hand against his shoulders. "I'm gay."
"...What?"
Fitz blinked. For a second, they looked at each other in complete silence before Will burst into a small nervous giggle, running a shaky hand through his hair.
"Oh Lord, we're so stupid" he groaned. "I'm gay, and I'm not dating Jemma or whatever story you've been telling yourself since we came back. Which, to be honest, looked a little bit like we were together and I do understand the confusion. But trust me when I say that nothing's going on between the two of us."
Fitz blinked. "But… You two.. The hand holding, and the bet on the baby's sex…"
"It was Jemma's doing, honestly. She was so worried she'd lose the baby during the last few weeks, so we tried to keep ourselves busy thinking about something else. And after spending so much time together trying not to die on an alien planet, we kind of got used to touching each other all the time."
A rush of relief crashed at once on Fitz's shoulders, and he pulled up a chair to sit on it, pushing his head in his hands immediately.
"I'm so stupid" he moaned, the sound muffled by the skin of his palms.
"You're not stupid" Will countered immediately. "You're… Well. Jemma did talk a lot about you on Maveth, I didn't lie about that. But I did kind of think she was exaggerating most of the time, because no one could actually be so perfect. Especially a straight man."
From between his hands, Fitz snorted.
"Yeah, right" he said, letting his hands drop on his knees to look up at Will. "Because a SHIELD scientist with brain damage she made the mistake of sleeping with one time sounds so dreamy."
Will actually frowned at that, crossing his arms against his chest.
"She never told me you were that self deprecating, though." He sighed, pulling out another chair to sit next to Fitz. "No, Fitz. She told me about her best friend, a child's prodigy and brilliant mind who'd stuck by her side since she was 16, through her first heartbreaks and self doubts, and who'd followed her in Coulson's team even though he was terrified. She told me about a man who didn't even hesitate to save her life at the bottom of the ocean, because he loved her too much to let her die. She told me about a man who'd do anything to find her, and who actually dove through a hole through the universe for her before she had to give birth on that fucking planet."
He stopped, taking a deep breath.
"So no, Fitz. I don't think she was exaggerating how perfect you can be, but I don't think she realizes how much you care about her. What you just told me? That you'd do anything to make her happy even though it meant seeing her with another man's hand in hers as you looked at your child on the monitor? That's… that's big, Fitz."
Fitz swallowed a sob. "I love her" he replied, simply.
"I know" Will said with a smirk. "I got that part right at least."
"You must think I'm so stupid."
Will scoffed immediately.
"Honestly? The word stupid never even once crossed my mind. You know, Jemma's a pretty special person, and I wondered how anyone could live up to her. But here you are."
Fitz shook his head immediately. "No" he said, "I don't deserve her."
Will smiled.
"And that, right here, is precisely why you do."
He moved to get up, putting the chair back where he'd found it before turning around to face Fitz again.
"Oh, I almost forgot" he said, pulling out a phone from the back pocket of his jeans. "Jemma asked me to give you this. When she first arrived on Maveth, she documented a lot of things. Took some picture, and some videos. She said she wanted you to see them, if you can recover the data that is. She said she always felt better, having you as her second pair of eyes."
Fitz couldn't help the small smile that stretched his lips. "Thank you, Will" he said as he took the phone, playing with it nervously.
"You're welcome, pal."
"No, I mean…" Fitz paused, taking a deep breath. "Thank you. For taking care of Jemma, when you were there. I owe you so much."
Will smiled. "Thank you for finding us. Also, when you're done with the phone… Jemma's in her room."
He gave him a pointed look, before turning around, leaving Fitz alone in the lab again. He allowed himself a few seconds to take in what he'd just heard, fighting himself not to just run to her room and cry in her arms. Will had given him the phone for a reason, and he needed some time to process their discussion as well. Soon enough, he was opening the broken phone, pulling the memory card from its center gently. A few simple manipulations were luckily enough to retrieve its data, and soon enough his screen lit up with downloading pictures and videos. The first one started playing as soon as it was downloaded entirely.
"Happy birthday Jemma!" Fitz smiled, remembering this day like it was yesterday. He'd been so sad not to be with Jemma during her birthday, but he knew how much she'd missed her family. He had hoped to make her smile with this little video, and he had no idea she'd actually kept it all this time. "Happy birthday Jemma. It's not the same without you here. Say hi to your parents for me, and i'll see you soon."
He remembered her calling him that night, touched by the video and oh so happy to have spent some time with her family. He remembered how she'd switched from an audio to video call just for him to greet her parents, and how happy he'd felt at the idea of being included in her family.
The next few pictures loaded quickly. The first one gave him a clearer view of Maveth, without the sandstorm he'd found himself in.
"Wow, two moons. Bloody hell" he whispered, taking the sight in.
The next picture was a selfie of Jemma, and he felt his heart swell at the sight. She looked so tired yet hopeful, and by the looks of her, she must have been on the planet for barely a week when she'd taken it. He scrolled through a few more pictures before he found one that made his heart ache in a totally different way. It must have been Will's doing, because it was a picture of Jemma sitting on a camp bed, legs hanging from the edge as she pushed a hand against the swell of her back. The picture gave a view of her side, and the light from a fire behind her made her silhouette stand out against the rest of the room. Even with the shadows, Fitz could see the way her eyes were closed as she frowned, her face bent towards her swollen belly as a few strands of hair covered her cheeks. The picture had no special context, yet it spoke volumes. The worry and hurt on Jemma's face was clear as day, and Fitz pushed his head in his hands just long enough to take a few deep, calming breaths.
"Fitz." Jemma's voice coming from the computer made him look up in surprise. One of the audio files of the phone had started playing automatically. "it's possible I'm on one of the poles, but it's strange. The stars and the two moons, they keep disappearing and reappearing, but there's no sun. There's never a sun."
Fitz felt his eyes water. Still, he kept playing the other audio files.
"It's been three weeks, Fitz. If I don't find something, if I don't eat, I won't make it."
Unable to hear any more of this one, Fitz clicked on the next file. Then, all of a sudden, in the middle of the audio files he browsed through, a video popped up. Fitz felt his heart clench at the sight of a worn out and thin Jemma looking back at the camera, her lips dry and sky white with the lack of sun.
"Fitz, hi" she began, tentative smile playing on her lips. "I don't know why I'm still talking with you, why I'm recording myself. You're never gonna see this, are you?"
Straightening up in his chair, Fitz pushed his head against his clasped hand to prevent himself from biting on his nails out of anxiety. He'd never thought that the audios and videos he'd found would hit him that hard, but then again, what didn't when it came to Jemma?
'I still haven't found water, and it's hmm, well, I… I'm having trouble focusing and I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm scared."
Her voice broke at the end of the sentence as she looked away, blinking away tears that he could see forming at the corner of her eyes. He wasn't fairing much better as he watched, his blue eyes reddened with moisture.
"I'm scared, Fitz" Jemma kept going around a sob. "Do you remember when we first met? I do. You were so quiet and pasty, and so incredibly smart and handsome" she coughed, a dry and awful thing that would resonate in Fitz's head for a long time. "Quite a strange feeling, isn't it? Never wanting to be without someone. You must have been so annoyed, me following you around all the time."
"No" Fitz croaked immediately, the sound muffled by his hands. "Never."
He wiped out a single tear rolling down his cheek with force.
"I imagine our dinner sometimes… where we'd go, what we'd eat. I wonder about us a lot, actually. You know, I wanted to tell you about the baby that night. I even had everything planned… I was so nervous, Fitz. I thought you'd hate me, for being so reckless. During my worst anxious moments, I even pictured myself raising this baby alone, you know? Never thought it would be on a deserted planet, but I guess we can't have it all… There's a small cottage in Perthshire, we drove by once when I was a girl, some… some family holiday, and I don't know why but I found it so lovely. I still think about it. A place where you and I could have… Could have raised this baby, some day." She stopped, sighing. "But that's that, I suppose. I'm not sure how long this battery will last. I should save it just in case. For more important things. But I'll still talk to you on my own, if that's all right. We'll always be with you, Fitz."
Taking in a deep breath, Fitz pushed his head in his hands again, trying to compose himself. Then, abruptly, he pushed back the chair and got up, not even looking back as he headed to Jemma's room. As soon as he was in front of the closed door though, he hesitated. Would Jemma want him there? Was she mad at him for the echography? Taking a deep breath, Fitz knocked gently on the door. It took less than a second for Jemma's muffled "come in" to be heard, and with one last exhale of a breath, Fitz entered the room.
Jemma was lying on the bed on her side facing Fitz as he entered, wearing one of his old hoodies. The covers were rolled down her bare feet, and Fitz fought the urge to rush in and cover them.
"Hey" he said, choking up immediately.
Jemma smiled. "Hey, Fitz."
She pushed herself on her elbows with a wince, her belly looking huge. The shirt she was wearing was barely covering it entirely, and he silently thanked Daisy for her desire to rush to the nearest store and buy her maternity clothes in the morning.
"No, don't move" Fitz said immediately, closing the door behind him before sitting down on the free side of the bed.
"I'm not made of glass, Fitz."
"I know. But you've also just came back from an alien planet 8 months pregnant, so I feel like I have the right to fuss."
Jemma let the ghost of a smile stretch her lips. She still stubbornly sat down, and Fitz immediately arranged the covers to cover her feet. When she looked up at him, though, Fitz felt himself flush. They stayed silent for a long time, simply looking at each other, but for the first time since she'd came back it wasn't awkward. Fitz let himself stare unashamedly, his gaze flickering to the beautiful freckles sparsed all over her face. He knew for a fact that said freckles went down her cleavage, and he willed himself not to let his eyes drop down, looking back in her eyes again. She was looking at him looking at her, looking awfully relaxed about the whole thing.
"You kept the test" Jemma finally said, breaking the silence. "There's one missing from the box. I imagine you're the only one here who was interested in it."
Her right hand was now caressing her swollen belly in slow strokes. Fitz looked down at the movement, quietly watching her for a moment before answering.
"I did" he said, clearing his throat when he realized that his voice was tight. "I did. I kept it in my pocket for days."
"When did you find out?"
"The tests?" he asked. When she nodded, he hummed. "Not long after you disappeared. I couldn't… I couldn't sleep, you know. Kept replaying the night you disappeared in my head, kept thinking about what would have happened if I had stayed instead of walking away like a coward."
"Fitz-" Jemma began, only to be stopped by the hand he raised in front of her.
"Jemma, please… Please let me finish."
She eventually nodded, even though he could see the way she pursed her lips.
"When I found the test… it felt like my entire world was crumbling." Fitz confessed. He ran a hand through his hair, looking up at the ceiling to prevent himself from crying again. "I felt so angry at myself for avoiding you during all that time, when we could have talked about what had happened. I knew you wouldn't have kept this from me, and I'm pretty sure we would eventually have sat down and talked about all of this. But Jemma… I couldn't regret that night. I don't think either of us were ready to have a baby with each other so soon, but I've spent weeks after that night doubting myself before you were taken. I can't… I can't do this again now."
His eyes were wet with tears when he finally looked back at her, only to find her cheeks strained with wetness as well.
"What are you saying, Fitz?" she asked in a small voice, both hands on her belly now.
"I'm saying" he sniffed, taking a deep breath. "I'm saying that I want this baby with you, Jemma. I'm saying that I'm not nearly ready for this, especially not now that we've got this job at SHIELD and live in an underground secret base. I don't know… I don't want to crash into your life if you're not ready for that, but… But I want to be a father for this child, if you'll have me that is."
Jemma let out a sob.
"Oh Fitz" she said, throwing herself in his arms.
Fitz was just as quick to catch her, closing his arms around her as she pushed her face against his neck, wetting his skin with her tears. Fitz felt like his heart was about to explode as he hugged his entire world, after spending so many months afraid that he'd never see her again. The swell of her belly pushing against his torso as she all but straddled his legs awkwardly was weird, but far from unpleasant. Somehow, Fitz knew that he was precisely where he belonged.
"Fitz" Jemma said as she pulled back again, wriggling a little as she found a more comfortable position. Fitz crossed his legs on the bed, facing her without putting too much distance between their bodies. The way her belly pushed in the open space between them was weirdly poetic, and Fitz closed his fists to prevent himself from reaching out. The last thing he wanted was for Jemma to be uncomfortable. "I want you to be honest with me" Jemma kept going, raising a shaky hand towards Fitz's face.
"Always" he replied truthfully.
The contact of her warm hand against his cheek felt like heaven, and he leaned into the touch.
"Do you… What about us?" she asked finally.
Fitz's stomach dropped. He'd promised her not to lie, but he had no idea where she stood when it came to the both of them. He loved her, of course he did, and he didn't remember ever stopping. But he had no idea if she shared the same feelings, after everything that happened.
"What do you want, Jemma?" he eventually asked.
She bit her lip. "I want you."
Fitz felt his heart race in his chest, so loud he was sure she could hear it. "Want me? As in…"
"A relationship. That night we spent together… I couldn't stop thinking about it you know? Even before I knew I was pregnant, it was everything I could think about. How right it had felt, and how much I loved you."
This time, Fitz let out an audible gasp.
"You love me?" he asked, voice wobbly.
"Yeah, Fitz. I love you, so much."
He blinked away a few tears. "You already know how much I love you Jemma. It hasn't changed a single bit since the bus, the bottom of the ocean and ever since."
He barely had time to finish talking before Jemma closed the distance between their mouths, pushing their lips together. It felt like coming home, the taste and shape of her lips familiar as they moved in tandem, bodies angling themselves towards each other. Fitz couldn't help but smile as her baby bump pushed against his torso, and when they broke apart just enough to breathe, he slid down a hand between their bellies to caress it.
"I can't believe you're here" he whispered, worry creasing his brows once again. "I thought I had lost you forever."
"You found me, Fitz" Jemma replied with a small smile, kissing the tip of his nose. "You found us. I knew you would."
"I was so scared, you know? I thought… I knew you had to be somewhere, and the more time passed the more I imagined you giving birth on your own on an unknown planet."
Jemma sighed, pushing her forehead against Fitz's neck as he managed to move them both around so that his back was against the wooden headboard, Jemma tucked by his side.
"I imagined myself giving birth on Maveth multiple times, too" she confessed, catching Fitz's hand to entwine their fingers. "I was prepared, you know? But all I could think about was how you'd never get to see your baby, if I was stuck there with Will forever."
Fitz frowned. "I missed so much, Jemma. I wish… I wish I could have been there for all of it."
She pulled back just enough to be able to look at him in the eyes, smiling.
"You will, now."
"But" he started, biting the inside of his cheeks "I'll never get to be there when the baby moved for the first time. I'll never get to be there to see your body change, and to be by your side as you had to go through what you went through on Maveth alone. I was away, just like my dad when he left."
Jemma shut him up with a kiss immediately, cradling his head as she bore her gaze into his.
"You listen to me, Leopold Fitz" she said fiercely. "You are nothing like your father, nor will you ever be. During all the time I've spent on Maveth wondering what it would have been like to be there with you through this pregnancy, I've never once asked myself if you'd have made a great father. I know you will, because you are a amazing, kind and wonderful man with a huge heart and you love as fiercely as you solve math problems."
She stopped talking to take a deep breath, calming her rushing heart. Her fingers tightened on Fitz's, her soft skin acting like a balm over his heart as he once again relished on the fact that she was here with him.
"I never once thought about the fact that you were like your father, because I know you're not. I love you, Fitz, and I know you'll be a wonderful dad. I cannot… I cannot give you back those moments you lost, and I'm so deeply sorry about that. But from now on, you and I? We're gonna create new ones, just for the two of us." Jemma stopped, glancing down at her belly. "This baby's gonna be here soon, and we're gonna have enough to figure out by this point."
Looking down at her belly as well, Fitz felt a smile stretch his lips. Now that he was there, with Jemma in her bedroom, it felt almost surreal to think that he was going to be a dad so very soon. He should have felt anxious, even scared at the thought when he'd learned not so long ago that he'd soon have a baby, but there was nothing but love as he held Jemma's hands in his. Somehow, it felt almost right to be there with her, looking down at the new life they'd created together. The amount of love Fitz felt for Jemma was indescribable, but he'd never figured he could love anyone else the same amount. But there she was, his daughter who wasn't even born yet, and his heart felt like it could burst with contempt.
"Maybe tonight" he finally said, squeezing Jemma's hand almost shily "we could just enjoy this."
Her smile was the only answered he needed. This time when their lips met again, he parted them to allow her access to his mouth. They kissed, slowly and unhurried, settling down on the bed as they did so. When they parted for breath, their forehead touching, Fitz's fingers slid down between their bodies to rest against the swell of Jemma's belly.
"I'm not gonna tell you I'm not terrified" Jemma whispered, her breath caressing Fitz's mouth. "But I'm slightly less scared when I'm with you."
Under Fitz's palm, their daughter moved, and they smiled.