Chapter 13

Levi stepped hesitantly into the cold shack. The sound of a baby crying was alien to him. He looked at the floor as he walked back to them, terrified. Once he stepped up to her bundled form, he knelt down and reached for his son, moving him on Rui's chest.

"Levi..." He heard her weak voice and it startled him, a rush of adrenaline suddenly pumping through his body.

"You're...you're still with me. Rui, you're awake," he choked, gripping around her chest. She had bled so much, he thought...he was nearly sure...

"I can't see you..." She said. He quickly came around to her front, the baby whimpering against her chest. Levi rewrapped his little body, afraid for the chill in the air. Rui's head nodded as if she would pass out again.

"Please stay awake, Rui...I thought you left me," he said, humiliated by his own weakness. She had just given birth, damnit, why was he so sensitive?

"Levi...I would never leave you," she mumbled. He sadly smiled. She wasn't completely with it.

"How do we get him to eat? I can't get him to latch," he said, rubbing his thumb over the baby's tiny nose. He was so beautiful. He had a full head of black hair and the smallest button nose. Levi was mesmerized by his face.

"Here, help me...sit up a bit..." She said in a soft voice.

"Are you sure you're okay? You'll let me know if you're going to...I mean...I'm just so worried," he scooted closer to her, pressing the baby between them as he helped lift her up. Rui smiled.

"I'm just really tired...and cold..." She mumbled. Levi looked at her shoulder. With the force she'd used to push out their son, it had bled a lot. But now it seemed to have stopped. Would she...make it? He blinked, staring at her as she held their child against her, his tiny face pressed under her breast.

"Rui...look at that, he's eating!" Levi said, amazed. She giggled, resting her head against his shoulder.

"I'm okay you know...I'm not going to die," she said, brushing her fingers through the child's hair. Levi looked at her, unable to process his emotions completely.

"You were pale...you were bleeding badly. Your eyes were closed. After everything that's happened, I wasn't sure if I'd ever see you again after today. It would be exactly something that would happen to me. It would have killed me, Rui," he held her tighter, watching their son.

She yawned. "Just try and get rid of me that easy..." She said. His eyes became glossy. He wrapped the blanket around them tightly.

"I've learned my lesson."

000

Levi scanned the area. The clouds were so thick and dark, he doubted there would be much movement from the titans. The cold air was painful, but he looked out from atop the roof of the little house regardless. He had looked everywhere for something to eat, but apart from a few canned rations deep within the cubbords of the lonely houses, pickings were slim. They would have to move soon.

He stepped back into the house, walking over to the little bundle by Rui. He was wrapped up so tight, one could hardly tell it was a baby at all. He leaned down to kiss his face, inhaling deeply.

"Smelling him again?" Rui smirked, rolling bits of hay into small tinder packs. He smiled, inhaling again.

"He smells so good," he whispered. It had been three days since Rui had given birth and already she seemed much more alert. But, given Levi's fear of not finding enough food, he had given her everything he could scrounge up and forwent eating entirely. She had fought him about it at first, but he insisted she needed to eat to ensure she still produced milk, so her argument became invalid.

"What makes him smell so good? Maybe because he was inside you? Is that a weird thing to think?" He asked, laying on the floor and pulling his bundle closer.

"You've been the epitome of weird since his birth, Levi. I think I'm used to it," she giggled. He couldn't help it. He was over the moon. His feelings for Rui, strong and firm as they certainly were, paled in comparison to what he, rather suddenly, felt for this tiny thing. Any time he made any sort of noise or movement, Levi's eyes cast towards him like moth to a flame. His head smelled amazing, his warm little body felt so good to sleep with, and whenever he graced the world with opening his eyes Levi was able to see the most perfect little blue orbs staring back at him.

"Why are his eyes blue? Neither of us have blue eyes," he asked quietly, laying his hand over the bundle.

"I think they will change to their permanent color over time," she said absently. He looked over to her, watching her perform the easiest job he could think of. Anything to pass the time while the baby slept.

Levi lifted himself up to his hands and knees, carefully moving away from the child to sit behind Rui. He rested his chin on her shoulder, turning his nose into her neck and brushing his lips on the sensitive flesh. She placed a hand on his face, pushing him back, slightly.

"You keep away. That's what got us into this mess in the first place. And besides I'm in no shape for anything," she said in irritation. Levi smiled into her palm.

"About that; when should...things...be back to normal?" He asked. Rui was quiet for a moment. She tied one of the tinder rolls together tightly.

"I wouldn't know that. But I will say it's a veritable war zone right now," she said. Levi shivered.

"I know."

Rui glared behind her shoulder.

"Sorry, I only just had your son," she grumbled. He chuckled into her neck, sliding both hands around her belly. She frowned, gently pushing them away.

"Please don't," she sighed. Levi was confused. Was she still in pain?

"What's the matter? Are you hurting again? I know you're still bleeding, but we have plenty of clothes down there..."

Rui clenched her jaw.

"No...well, I mean yes, it's still crampy but...I still look pregnant," she mumbled. Levi stayed quiet for a moment. Her emotions had been unruly and chaotic since having the child. He just wanted to be close to her, but in her mind she was still too unattractive for him to hold.

"Rui...I don't really care what you look like, I just want to be close to you. Is that alright?" He asked. She sniffed. She was crying again. She probably dropped tears six or seven times a day. He couldn't figure out why and she only got angry if he brought it up. He wished more than anything that he could talk to Hange about it.

The baby began crying and Rui tensed up. His tiny mouth opened and his body wriggled around.

"I think he's hungry," Levi smiled against her. She sniffed again.

"He's always hungry..." She mumbled.

It was heartbreaking to see her this way. Why was she so sad? His world brightened just knowing they were both alive. He supposed the last few days had been rough. Her family home was completely gone and they were trapped here for who knows how long...but Rui had never been one to crack like this under any kind of pressure. There had to be something else going on.

"Are you having trouble feeding him?" He asked, picking up the bundle and shushing him gently. Rui sighed, her face covered in tears again.

"It...it's just constantly. All day and all night. And the sound of his crying just..." A new wave of tears burst from her eyes. She held her face in her hands and sobbed.

"And I just don't understand...why I'm not loving him as much as you are...why can't I find every part of him to be as amazing? Why don't I have unconditional love for my own baby?"

Levi stared at her. She cried and cried, showing no signs of stopping. His son squirmed, letting them know that he was still hungry.

"Perhaps you'll feel closer to him if you name him," Levi said quietly, handing her the child. She began feeding him through the tears, looking deeply at his face.

"I can't think of anything right now," she said. Her voice was low and tired. Levi had never seen such a thing. Didn't mother's usually love their children? He understood she had her reservations about getting pregnant at first, but she had spent most of her time afterwards just as excited as he was to have the baby. Why was she sad about it now? He knew nothing about babies and such, so he couldn't fathom what was wrong. But if hormones could cause mood swings and foul temper during pregnancy, perhaps they hadn't quite sorted themselves out yet. He tried to remember everything that Hange had said.

"When you're done feeding him...I'll take him with me," Levi smiled, brushing his thumb over the baby's plump cheek. Rui's eyes widened.

"You will?" She asked. He kissed her forehead, watching his child eat. It was such a beautiful thing to witness. He'd had no idea how much he'd love watching absolutely everything related to this. He wondered if it was just because it was her or if that was just a weird thing he'd never known about himself.

"Sure, I'll take him for a walk. It's a bit chilly out there, so I won't take him long but...just rest. You need your strength," he whispered. Rui tried to hold back more tears.

"I'm so sorry, Levi. You'd think since my mom did this so many times that I'd know how to handle it better," she sniffed. Levi wasn't sure what to think. He didn't love her any less, but it did make him uncomfortable to know she hadn't bonded with her son. Levi felt that he could never live without him again.

Once he was done eating, she handed him to his father. Levi stood, his boots creaking the wooden floor as he took the child, allowing Rui to get some rest. He glanced back at her before leaving. She laid down on the floor, covering herself with blankets and going quickly to sleep. Levi looked into the bright blue eyes of his son.

"Just you and me," he whispered. A little coo was heard from the newborn. He blinked and Levi was once again captivated. It must have been quite a trying time for Rui. His child was the most beautiful he'd ever seen. How could she not love him to pieces? It truly amazed him. This was the cutest baby. He didn't need to see any others to know for sure.

He stepped outside, carrying his package tightly against his chest. He still had his ODM gear strapped to his body, but he prayed there wouldn't be a Titan for a while at least. He stared down at his child's face again. He simply hated to look away. He memorized every feature the baby had. He looked nothing today as he'd looked when he was first born. His eyes were not swollen shut, his hair was dry and clean (Levi had taken the liberty of carefully cleaning him) his skin was a different color. Every day, the child seemed slightly different from the day before.

"What is your name, little one? If you don't tell me we can't be properly introduced. And I'll be damned if you'll have a stupid name like Eren or Armen. Those are stupid names," he chuckled. He had never given a thought to how he felt about people's names until now, but he suddenly became very picky.

A name kept sticking in his brain that he felt he had always liked. He wondered if Rui would feel the same.

"What about...Farlan? That's something of a unique name, isn't it?" He asked the child. He never got an answer, but given the baby's innocent squeaks and whimpers, he assumed his son approved the name. He assumed the name's predecessor would approve as well.

He heard a loud noise off in the distance and quickly looked up. Red smoke drifted high into the air and Levi couldn't believe his eyes. He shot a line into the roof of another building, holding his baby son close. He looked out as far as he could see and, to his amazement, the entire scouting corps were making their way directly to them. Dozens of horses and a few carts were running in their direction. His son yawned, having no idea that their lives just became a thousand times easier.