Chapter 30 — Anguish

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."

― Maya Angelou,

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

"I don't know…"

Empty.

That was how Serena felt as those words struck her. An emptiness she had not experienced yet. Then, as if someone had lit a fire inside her, she felt her body react. It started in her heart — blood rushed through her veins. It was as though white-hot lava traversed her veins, shocking her to life.

She barely had the time to control herself as her body reacted all on its own. Eyes narrowed to angry slits, its intensity directed at the dusty cave floor.

"Who…"

The word was quiet, barely a breath. But it was all her mind needed. Like a bolt of lightning, the cork she'd so carefully placed upon her emotions come undone, unleashing a maelstrom of emotions not even the girl herself could understand.

"Just who the hell do you think you are?!" she yelled at the male sitting in front of her. Her eyes lifted and made him their new target, glaring him down with all she had. She faintly noticed the way his body tensed at this unforeseen turn of events.

"Who gives you the right to say such a thing? Do you have any idea just what the hell I've been through? How the fuck I even got here?!"

Restlessness took over and she jumped from her seat, no longer able to sit still. She needed to move, to put some distance between herself and the Faunus.

"I'll tell you. I died! I fucking drowned because my damn plane crashed into a god damn river. Do you know what that's like? It's awful!"

Her fingernails dug into her skin, fists clenching from fear that she might attack him in her frenzy.

"It hurts, it's scary… It's the worst!" A hand latched onto her chest, squeezing the fabric of her shirt. "Feeling your lungs fill up with water when all you want to do is breathe. And the worst part of it? I knew that I was going to die. I knew in my mind that I would drown in that river! But I still hoped. Hoped that someone would save me, someone would come. But no one did. No one came…"

Tears pricked at her eyes. Retelling it all was like reliving the nightmare once more. It hurt. It hurt so much.

"But then I wake up here, in an unknown place. A world that shouldn't even exist! I should be dead, but instead I wake up in some fairy tale forest. And the first animal I meet tries to kill me. Again! I almost die twice in a row. Just my fucking luck!"

A self-deprecating laugh escaped her.

"So, there I am, all alone and believing I'm dead. What's left to do but live on? And I do just that. Try to build a life, or at least something resembling a life. Adapting is the only thing I can do. And everything's just fine until I'm told that, hey, you're not dead, just in some other world."

She threw out an angry hand, letting loose some of the energy that was stored up inside her. "Do you know how that fucks you up? Thinking you're dead but then being told you're not."

A tremor shook her body. One hand came up to clench at the wound on her left arm, the pain cursing through her body. But it didn't work. Not even the pain could stop her from continuing on. There was no stopping her anymore.

"Can you imagine the nightmares I've had? My parents buried their daughter. An empty coffin put into the earth. And what am I doing? Playing with Grimm! They mourn while I'm out here playing."

No, that wasn't right. She didn't want him to know all this. Why was she telling him this? It had nothing to do with him! Why didn't she stop?

"I've thought about suicide a lot in the time I've been here," she admitted, an air of defeat and guilt surrounding her. "Of just ending it all. The pain, the loneliness… All of it would end with just one stab of a knife. Or a jump from a cliff. But I can't. I just can't bring myself to do it."

She was crying now, tears rolling across her cheeks freely. Her eyes were no longer fixed on the male but on her shaking hands, holding them in front of her, cursing her cowardice. She should've just killed herself. Then, she wouldn't have to be feeling so much pain right now.

Why didn't she just end it when she still had the chance to?!

"I'm a fucking coward, too scared to die a second time," she bit out harshly, clenching her hands once more.

"But then you show up, bloody and near death. And suddenly, I have a purpose. My life is not as worthless as it was before."

She didn't know what kind of look she had in her eyes right now for him to look so uncomfortable.

"Turns out you're nothing more than an arrogant asshole who can't even appreciate the kindness of another person. Just what kind of person are you to try to kill the one taking care of you the moment you wake up?"

She did not expect an answer from him. She didn't even want to tell him all this. He wouldn't care about it anyway, so why did she still tell him? Nothing would change.

"I guess I'm a masochist because I still care for you. But even then, all I get in return is nothing but insults and hatred. I don't know what the people here did to you for you to hate them so much. But I'm not one of them, so stop treating me like garbage!"

Suddenly, her body became heavy. It seemed her rant had sapped her of any remaining energy. Right now, she was just tired. Serena tiredly plopped back down onto her seat. Head hanging, she rested her elbows on her knees, hands fisting in the short strands of her hair.

"Do you know why I live out here?"

She let a few seconds pass, trying to compose herself again. She wasn't this kind of person. She wasn't one to explode and shout at people. This wasn't her. But still she couldn't let go. Still she had to talk, to get it all out. She needed to get rid of this. To think that not even Ruby — her best friend — knew about what she was about to tell this stranger.

"It's the people," she bit out, her voice trembling. "I can't stand being near them. Every time I see a couple or parents with their children… Even just friends…" Her hands lifted to rest on her head, gripping at the short raven locks. "…I just can't. I can't bear the sight of them. Of what they have. All the things I have lost. They're a constant reminder of what I'll never have again. I don't have a place to call home anymore."

A solitary tear slid down at the last sentence. It was a simple longing, but one that tore her heart apart. To have something to call a family again.

Lowering her hands so that they were once more resting on her knees, she clenched her fists. No more tears were spilled as she tried to compose herself. Crying would help nothing, it only made her look weak in front of him. And the last thing she needed right now was for her to have a mental breakdown.

Standing up, she excused herself, stating that she needed fresh air. Marching away from the cave, she wandered to a clearing not far from her home, but still far enough to have some privacy. Breathing in deeply, Serena let it all out in one loud, angry, sad yell.

It felt good. Releasing the tension, as well as the emotions still swirling within her made her feel a strange but welcome emptiness. At that moment, her being was empty, yet she felt strangely at peace.

She was liberated. Balanced.

Ceasing her yelling, she let her head hang back, eyes gazing at the fractured moon and the stars surrounding it. Such a serene night it was. The darkness around her felt welcome, and she stretched her arms as if to embrace the moon and stars.

This would be it. This would be the new start she had always wanted but was too afraid to try. It would be time to leave the past — as hurtful and traumatic as it was — behind her and look only at the future.

It might not have been her wish, but there must be a reason as to why she had been brought to this world. Something so important that she had to give up everything she knew, leave behind the people she loved and treasured. It was time to take on that responsibility, this new duty. Even if she wasn't sure what it was yet.

The quiet footsteps stopping behind her made her return to reality, and Serena turned around to see the Faunus standing there. His head was bowed — which was odd, considering the amount of pride this man had — and he seemed to be fidgeting.

Serena gave a small smile at the picture. "If you want to say something…" she started gently, making him halt his shuffling. "…then just say it."

Lifting his head, his eyes connected with hers, and for the first time, she saw an emotion in them. It was so unlike him that she had to blink.

"I'm sorry for the things I said. I had no right to yell at you like I did. You're right; I didn't know anything. But now I do, and I've learned my lesson. I'm really sorry," he apologized, the words coming out hesitantly, as though he'd never before spoken an apology.

"It's alright," Serena conceded, making his regretful eyes turn into surprised ones. "I also didn't act in the best way. Likewise, I have no right to yell at you. But I guess, now we're on the same page, huh? So let's get along better from now on," she finished off with a smile, earning herself another stupefied look from the male.

"You're… You're not mad?"

The question made her laugh out loud, and she saw how uneasy he felt at her reaction. Walking up to him, she punched him lightly in the arm, giving him a sideways smirk.

"I'm not mad. We're humans; things tend to escalate sometimes. But it helped, don't you think? Now we know all about each other, so there's no need to hold anything back. Okay?"

She watched him nod slowly, as if his brain were still processing her words, but it was enough for her. Walking on back to her cave, she turned as she noticed that he was not following her. Instead, he was still standing rooted to his spot.

"You wanna go back? We still haven't finished our dinner yet!" Serena told him, effectively cancelling whatever paralysis had taken him over. With a small smile, he turned around and jogged after her, both returning to their now cold dinner.

Truly, it was time for a new start.

EDITED 28/07/2018

Disclaimer: I do not own RWBY or any of its characters. All I do own are my OC and the idea and plot of the non-canon parts of the story.