(Takes place immediately after the flashback in ch.2.)

Act I

Episode Plus: The Heart in Solitude

Everything faded together as she woke. She was rested on her side, eyes open, but it was all still a blur. Jen laid still on the bed, not wanting to strain her eyes, and let them come into focus on their own. There came the realization that she did not know where she was, but she was calm, gently turning onto her back and looked about the room. It was moderately sized and furnished quite well, but the white walls were somewhat barren. For a bedroom, the ceiling was quite high, giving the place a grand and spacious feel. Growing more wakeful, Jen sat up in bed. She was still wearing that Preventers jacket, though the bath towel once pulled around her body had fallen loose underneath her in her sleep. She quietly pulled the bed sheets to herself as she sat in contemplation.

The smell of smoke was still on her. Jen's house had burned down the night before, and the bodyguard she had hired escorted her here in a mobile suit. They had touched ground just as the sky was becoming gray this morning, but being so exhausted, she had fallen asleep right away, not even remembering how she made her way to this bed. Jen quietly looked up again, finding a digital clock on the desk across the room. It was already evening. She slid out of bed and onto her feet, holding the sheets to herself. In a chair she found a t-shirt and a pair of shorts that he must have set out for her. Holding them up, she found them to be a bit big for her size, but they were likely all he had to offer at the time. Jen dressed herself, but put the jacket on over the shirt again.

She made her way over to the window, putting a hand on the pane of glass as she looked through it with careful eyes. The room was apparently on the second floor, but much to her surprise she did not see a single building outside. There were only trees as far as she could see. They must have been miles away from any populated areas. How far could we have gone in a single night? Am I really going to stay out here? She thought over her host's offer to have her stay while her home was rebuilt. It was an impulsive decision made in chaotic circumstances, Jen knew, but she at least needed to find Heero and talk to him. She'll have to keep a cool head until then.

Jen turned away from the window and made her way out of the room. A short hallway greeted her, lined all with closed doors. She was curious, but not enough so to peek into the rooms. She crept quietly through the hall and down the stairway.

The bottom floor was surprisingly luxurious, as the rooms expanded across wide spaces with the same high ceilings. Again, the rest of the house seemed to be appropriately furnished, but still appeared quite barren. There were no paintings, decorations, or framed pictures to be seen. Many of the rooms seemed too organized and clean as though no one ever walked into them. A few places like the kitchen and the living room showed signs of life with someone neglecting to set something in place or to clean off a dish. So far she had not come across a single soul. It was all so quiet. She began to wonder where the bodyguard could have been. Did he live alone in a place like this? Jen made her way to what must have been the back doorway and slid the heavy glass door aside.

Jen was met with a sudden gust and turned away with her eyes closed, keeping her hair back with one hand. When the wind died down, she looked up to find the expanse of a lush garden that stretched all the way from the house to the forest of trees in the distance. The air was clear and invigorating, carrying the scent of spring foliage and a slight mist picked up from the pond across the way. The sun hung low, but the sky was still blue, though twilight would come soon. She looked about again before walking barefoot onto the cool and springy grass. Venturing out further Jen found her host seated at a stone table near the pond.

Heero Yuy was quietly reading a book--some old thing from before the colonization of space. Jen strolled by him casually and smiled, not saying anything. He lowered his book and returned a casual glance. She silently gestured at his jacket that she was still wearing, inquiring if he needed it back from her.

"Hold on to it for while," he answered simply. Well alright,she acknowledged with a thoughtful nod and continued away on her stroll. Heero returned to his book, not wanting to interrupt her. She seemed well enough, and the formalities could always wait.

Feeling comfortable, Jen lead herself on a tour around the garden. The Spring was beautiful, though it was much too early for the flowers to be blooming. She didn't understand what it was, but she really felt alive out there. Back home in the city, the air was heavy and it was crowded and noisy everywhere. There simply wasn't any time to go outside and let one's hair down.

But where she stood now there was so much life and so much space! She walked with her arms outstretched and with a spring in her step, standing atop large stones that sometimes came up through the grass or stopping to examine an interesting plant once in a while. One might even dare to say she was frolicking through the garden.

By now she had gone all the way around the pond, coming by Heero again. She curiously watched a couple of red-ear slider turtles perched atop a rock in the water. Jen shouted suddenly, trying to scare them. "Blah!!" They ignored her, but she only laughed, feeling silly. She came up closer to the water, wanting to feel it, but she stopped and called out to Heero over her shoulder. Jen knew it was weird to be screwing around in the man's garden, but she paid no mind to what others thought of her at that moment. "Do you mind?" She smiled beautifully.

He looked up from his book. "Go for it," he answered, nonchalant. The man returned to his reading again. People can do whatever they want.

With his consent, she took some steps into the clear water. It was very relaxing, and the cold, soft mud crept up between her toes. It felt wonderful. Jen walked in a little deeper. The turtles took notice and left their perch, slipping into the safety of the pond. She taunted them boisterously, "Oh hoho! Not so smug now, are you!" Jen laughed once more. She felt like a kid again. Whatever happened to all of this?

Heero stole a glance of her over the top of his book. The young woman seemed happy and free from her worries. It was different from before, when terrible things loomed in her future. Jen was a sight to behold when her guard was down. She seemed miserable and nearly lifeless back in the city, working herself to death and enduring quite a few catastrophes. Perhaps he had done some good, and when the time came, she would be ready to return home with renewed vigor. Though for the moment, having some company out here wasn't a terrible thing. Maybe it was the right thing to do.

The sun had now set, and several stars made their appearance. As the light of dusk faded away, the entire night sky became painted with points of glimmering light. As Jen stood in the water, she saw the surface of the pond reflect all of the starlight in the heavens. She was astonished at how many of them appeared far away from the city lights, unable to decide if the sky or the water was more beautiful.

But her wonder was interrupted by a terrible sneeze. The night had grown cold very quickly; now she knew why Heero had made her keep the jacket. Jen made her way back to land, making sure the water had cleaned away all the sediment from her feet. Heero had come up to meet her, his book clasped loosely in one hand. He was just visible under the starlight.

"Ready to go?"

"Mhmm," Jen consented, and together they made their way back indoors.

They had both washed up for dinner when Jen began looking through the kitchen to assess her living situation. It was utterly devoid of anything asides from one can of very old looking beer, what looked like a spot of mold (though she did not care to investigate this thoroughly), and a small smattering of cook- and dishware. There was no food stocked anywhere as far as she could tell. Jen had no idea what they were supposed to eat, but sat herself down at the table, trying not to look worried.

Heero came by and set a tray in front of her, and she blinked twice at it. The food looked hot, as it was steaming, but it had no distinguishing smell. Heero took the moment to apologize for not having any "civilian food".

She smiled curiously, trying extremely hard not to sound ungrateful, but asked, "What is it then?"

"A military issued ration pack. It's sort of all I have for the time being." He explained that he had not anticipated having a guest so suddenly, and this was all he cared to have for himself. She pardoned him, claiming to be a burden, and thanked him again for going out of his way to help her. She insisted with emphasis that it was rare to know such hospitality. Heero could only again apologize and insist he was making up for what happened to her. This went on for several more turns until they each convinced the other to eat before their food was cold. It amused them to test how formal and self-belittling the other could be.

Jen at last took hold of her fork and had a taste of what must have been some sort of steak. She was quite confused at what her taste buds were telling her, but finally confirmed it: the food was absolutely flavorless. It was no exaggeration; the food just did not have a discernable taste. Jen looked up at Heero, a little reluctant, and saw he was merely focused on his own tray. He ate quickly with an almost mechanical efficiency. This must be how soldiers eat in hard times, she thought, and wondered deeply if this was how he really ate every day. Honestly, she might have had a better experience if the food was actually bad. At least then she might still be able to call it food.

She just didn't know what to think of this. After a moment, she was able to set these thoughts aside and followed Heero's example, clearing her tray quickly. In the least, she could not complain of going hungry. It was different than what she knew, but it felt much like times where just getting by was difficult. Was this what Heero was doing? Just getting by?

Heero cleared away the table in silence and washed the dishes, leaving Jen feeling awkward at the table because she had no way to be useful. When he returned he placed a credit card in front of Jen and sat across from her.

"What's this?" she asked, not understanding.

He looked serious, his elbows on the table, hands clasped in front of his mouth like he was in some sort of formal business deal. "Use this to order what you need to be comfortable. Clothes...furnishings...that kind of thing."

Jen's eyes were wide as she frowned at him incredulously. "You can't mean that! There's no way I--"

"Don't make this difficult," Heero pressed. The hard look on his face kept Jen quiet. "This isn't any special favor or gift. You just need to replace the things you don't have. People need what they do to live comfortably. Consider it as an apology for everything that's happened."

She was quiet for a long time, reluctant, before she consented. "Alright."

"Don't spoil yourself, either. The money in that account doesn't come from nowhere."

Jen shook her head earnestly. "I wouldn't dare."

"And there's one more thing," Heero started.

"Yes?"

"It's a bit much to explain all right now, but there's something you should be aware of while you are here. You know how I was a soldier once. I'm running some thing of an experiment in the house. It could be dangerous for you if anything ever happened, but I've arranged it so you don't have to worry about that. You won't even notice." Heero was referring to his ZERO system research, but he knew making her understand everything right away was impossible.

Jen looked concerned, not even knowing what to say or ask, but simply nodded to let him know he had her understanding. She would simply have to learn more later on.

"Now," Heero began, "that should settle everything for the time being. You should go clean up. You still smell like smoke." He sounded serious, but from the small smirk that cracked his facade Jen knew he was just making a friendly jab.

The following days were uneventful as Jen grew more accustomed to staying in Heero's home. She respected the private man's space, but often was his company in the library or the exercise hall. Thankfully she had more to do when he loaned her one of his old computers and once her shipment of cookware arrived. Her friend Ramone often called to check in on her, but otherwise Jen spent most of her time studying various subjects or trying to find ways to be useful.

Heero minded the young woman's space but conversed with her often to make sure she did not grow to feel friendless. After all, they were in the middle of nowhere with no neighbors or places to go. At first they conversed mostly about their old contract together and the custom mobile suit Heero had stowed away. This naturally led to talking about being a soldier and Heero's days as a Gundam pilot. He told a lot of stories he didn't know he even cared to remember. The ex-soldier never thought he could share those things about himself, but Jen's genuine interest and probing questions brought it out of him. Eventually he even began showing her a bit of the Leo-G in its hangar and a few of the smaller experiments he was running with it. It was somewhat dangerous, but intriguing in an engineering and intellectual aspect. He doubted Jen could do much to jeopardize him, anyway.

One day Heero approached Jen formally, not saying anything at first. Her face lit up, offering her attention. "I've got a contract to work on," he said. "I'll be leaving in the morning."

"Oh," she replied with some surprise. The thought hadn't occurred to her that Heero might need to go out on another job. "Well, how long will you be out?"

"Can't be sure. The contracts don't run on any time constraint. It could be days or weeks before I'm off. The longest I've had was over two months, but that's rare."

She frowned a bit. "Okay." An awkward moment passed. Jen almost asked if she was supposed to go with him, but stopped herself realizing what a stupid idea that would be. He's a professional body guard! People might die!

"What are you going to do?" Heero asked suddenly.

"Huh?" Jen blurted, caught off guard.

"I mean, what are you going to do while I am away? It could be strange for you to stay here by yourself. You could always go on a trip or hang out somewhere else for the time," he suggested.

"Oh!" Jen caught on. "Well, I suppose I don't mind staying here. I don't really want to inconvenience you by trying to travel here or there." Heero gave her a long look, tacitly asking if she was sure. Jen nodded seriously.

"Alright then. Just don't feel pressed to stay if you change your mind. Be careful while you are here by yourself. No one's really around to help if you get into any trouble."

"Of course. I'll be careful," she promised with a sure smile.

Jen saw him off the next day, wishing him luck. Nothing was different at first. It just felt like she had all the time in the world, and she took care of herself very well. She kept herself busy and productive, accomplishing things she never dreamed she would have the time for, but soon it settled that she was the only person within miles. It felt more invigorating or empowering than it was lonely, like the world was hers. She had lived like this before.

But over time the days began to drag. She mostly read or slept, and her thoughts wandered away to other things. Her voice grew soft and her movements slow and meditative. Jen reflected extensively on herself and slowly began to manifest new ideas and feelings. She grew restless underneath, wondering quietly how much longer she would be alone. As soon as she realized this, she worked harder to keep herself busy, trying to not think too much, but the ideas and feelings kept creeping back.

***

Heero stepped through the front door and exhaled a long breath of relief. He mechanically hung up his jacket and set his suitcase down after locking the door behind him. Walking over to a secured drawer, he reached behind him and grabbed his handgun from its holster. He routinely removed the magazine from the weapon, but stopped to stare at it for a moment. How was it that I hit five people with only three bullets? Heero turned the gun over again to see if he could find anything strange. No, nothing. He scratched his head in resignation. Maybe we'll just call it "skill" and leave it at that....

After putting the weapon away, Heero stepped into the kitchen, loosening his necktie with one finger as he entered. He picked up a glass and approached the faucet for a drink of water but stopped unexpectedly when he saw something he didn't recognize out of the corner of his eye. There was a water cooler sitting cozily in the corner of the room. Jen must have ordered it while he was away. She has good taste, he thought as he uneventfully took his drink from there instead. It was cold and soothing to his parched throat. He set the glass down with a dull thunk and started looking around for other incongruencies.

There were handy trinkets here and there and a new decoration or piece of artwork in a few rooms. On one counter he found a picture frame and picked it up to examine it closely. It was a crude crayon drawing of himself scowling. He frowned back at it, knowing Jen must have had a good laugh at his expense. He set it down with a defeated grunt and began walking elsewhere at a tired pace. Just where was she, anyway?

Heero eventually pushed the back door aside and stepped out into the backyard. He found Jen kneeling nearby the pond's edge, planting some blue flowers he didn't know well enough to name. She greeted him warmly but didn't stand up from her work. He watched her continue to set the plants into the soil. "What are these?"

"Irises," she smiled, still not paying much attention to him. She was too caught up in the moment.

"What kind?" Heero asked awkwardly.

"BLUE," she stressed with a bit of a laugh. "I don't quite remember the specific name!" Jen admitted. She turned to him finally. "Care to help?"

"Uh...sure." Still in his dress clothes, he knelt down next to her and rolled up his sleeves.

"Hand me that one?" she asked politely.

"Yeah." He gingerly took hold of one of the stalks and passed it to her.

Jen set the young plant into one of the holes she had dug and pushed some dirt over its roots, patting down the earth. They continued working like this for some time, not really talking much. There was no need for it really. They understood how it went.

Heero grew as focused as Jen was, minding the irises gently. The fresh air and the smell of the earth told him how much he had actually missed being home. Then there was Jen who seemed to be treating him a bit strangely. He stole a quick glance of her. She merely smiled quietly to herself, not looking up. It was as if she were aware of some kind of inner contentment that she kept secret from him.

A strong wind suddenly blew over them, and they turned away from its violent gusts. It chilled them and ruffled their hair. Heero opened his eyes after he recovered. A moment later he heard Jen groan in protest. She was turned away, the back of her hand pressed to her eyelashes.

"What's the matter?" Heero pressed with some concern.

"I think I have something in my eye," Jen complained unhappily.

Heero touched a hand to her shoulder, persuading her to turn around. "Let me have a look."

He leaned in close as she eventually complied, but blinked as soon as he got a good glance. Though Jen had turned to face him, she sat with both of her eyes closed, her chin pressed a bit forward, lips parted ever so slightly. Heero hesitated, unsure of what was going on. He couldn't possibly check her eye if they were closed as they were. Was she trying to...? Jen was always playing these subtle games, though now Heero was beginning to catch on. He paused, a bit overwhelmed at the sudden sight she presented.

He was on guard, frowning a bit. "Is this some kind of trap?"

Jen was still for a moment, not yet opening her eyes to him. With them still closed, she asked secretively, just managing to conceal a smile, "Is it going to work?"

The young man did a double take, flabbergasted. But on the surface he stayed cool, being aware of the game. "No." He countered staunchly. He wasn't one to fall prey to anyone's games.

Jen opened her eyes and turned away from him like before, the same quiet smile concealing her secret from him again. She reached for another iris. "Well, I'll just have to try again later."

Heero looked on again in disbelief. It was a feint the entire time. She's kind of a weird one! he exclaimed in his thoughts. But it was sort of what made her company so remarkable.

"Hand me that one?" Jen gestured for one of the plants like before.

"...Yeah...." Heero complied.

They finished planting the irises together when they heard the sound of a distant rumble. Looking up they saw a mass of dark storm clouds rolling towards them.

"Let's go before we're caught up in that," Heero advised. Jen consented calmly, her eyes still set on the billowing clouds. They put away what they could and retreated indoors.

Heero dusted off his hands with a cloth. The world had grown dark suddenly as the storm clouds covered every inch of sky. He found Jen still standing at the back door, one hand gently touching the pane of glass as she stared out at the garden. She seemed detached from everything, focused on something he couldn't read. Was she worried about the irises?

"Heero?" she asked suddenly, not pulling her gaze away from the garden. "What are those statues in the middle of the pond?"

It certainly wasn't the question he was expecting. "Do you mean the shrine? Haven't you been there?" he asked.

"No," she replied simply, her voice a bit low. "Will you take me there when the weather is better?" The first drops of rain began to fall, growing steadily in strength.

The man was quiet for a moment. "Yeah. I'll do that." They didn't speak again for a long time, listening to the heavy downpour together.

***

Heero slumped down into his desk chair--something he hasn't done since he left on his contract. He missed it: the old broken leather and the aged fragrance that smelled most like home. The man sat alone with all the lights off at his computer as he often did. It must have been bad for his eyes, but it helped him focus, and there was still some documentation from the job to finish up. Pulling up the files, he started typing away at them. His hands worked the keyboard mechanically with him not putting much attention into what he was doing, but eventually his thoughts began to drift, and the typing gradually ceased.

Everything seemed normal now, just like before he had left. He and Jen talked over dinner like they always did, sharing and joking openly like friends. She asked a lot about his time out working and he answered what he could. He apologized for completely losing contact with her, but she understood with that simply being the nature of his work. Otherwise they caught up with what she had been doing at home, and it was almost too much to hear all at once. The best part was when she recited her favorite jokes from a humor book. It was so corny it was magnificent. She could be a real busybody when she wanted to be. It was good to know Jen was well off while he was away.

Heero sunk deeper into his chair. But what brought on that entire episode earlier today? It was unusual, and he couldn't figure if she was hard to read or being too obvious to be real. Did she really want him to...or was she just playing a joke on him? She often teased him about everything she could find, like being anti-social or him fondling weapons the same way a normal person might caress a newborn child. And it was tricky, but he would get her back, like her being a mooch or a helpless dork. It was a terribly elaborate mind game they played with each other to keep one another on their toes. They both knew they were friendly jests.

What did she mean by this last gesture? Was he too detached? Was it his apparent disinterest in anything human? Living out in the middle of nowhere was rather extreme, after all. Heero's mind grew quiet and meditative as he came closer to the riddle. He was reluctant to face the answer. Was she lonely without him? He didn't know they had become that close. Maybe it wasn't about him. Being alone in the middle of nowhere could cause any normal person to start acting strange. But that wasn't right, either. She could have chosen to go away and do other things while he was out. But she didn't. She stayed here by herself and waited for him.

Heero wavered in his meditation as something profound struggled within him. This isn't right. Something inside refused the entire situation. This isn't what I wanted, he told himself. When he had offered her shelter in his home he meant it as another way to help one of his contracted protectees--nothing more to it. No, there was something dishonest about that thought. It would have been difficult, but they could have arranged for her to live in a hotel or an apartment instead. That would have been more professional. Staying with him was simply the most convenient arrangement. But that wasn't normal at all. Two strangers don't just spontaneously live together. Why the hell did he even offer? On some level, was that his intention? Did he really intend to have her alone out here with him?

Dammit, this is all crazy. It was a misunderstanding. The entire situation wasn't fair to Jen at all, and she was in no place to protect herself from him. She was stuck in the middle of nowhere with a crazy person, and she was insane for agreeing to it. Heero truly felt that it was dangerous that Jen might be falling for him. He's slaughtered entire legions of people--a slayer of men and children. He did it by choice, mistakes be damned. She couldn't possibly cope if he ever opened that up to her. No one but himself should ever carry that burden. It was a world that no one else deserved to suffer through, and with the world changed as it was, no one should ever have to. All of that bloodshed and pain should die with his generation.

The ex-soldier sunk even deeper into his chair in a near catatonic low. Jen Aoki, he knew, had a fighting chance in this world to be normal and be happy, and he'd do anything to protect anyone else from suffering through the life he's lived and becoming the monster he's become. For her, no good could possibly come from being close to Heero Yuy. He would accept nothing else.

***

They stayed indoors while the storms loomed overhead, relaxing and passing the time. Jen and Heero were together often, though no more advances came from her end, and he never found any need to confront her. Maybe he made a mistake and was just imagining things. Regardless, the two acted normal and friendly towards each other, though Heero became more guarded than before.

It rained nonstop for three days, though when the weather cleared they found that the garden had grown lush and vibrant in that time. Everything glowed and sparkled in the remaining mist when the clouds had retreated. Heero and Jen prepared their boat as planned and rowed out towards the middle of the pond where the shrine was erected on its own small island. She admired the depth and the clarity of the water. The red-ear slider turtles sunbathing there scattered as soon as the small vessel met land. Heero stepped out first, lending Jen his hand to help her onto solid ground.

The small island was 10 feet across, covered in white and grey gravel. The center had a large marble pedestal where two porcelain statues stood back to back. Heero stood out of the way, looking up at them, while Jen circled the shrine, her hand on the cool porcelain, admiring the fine sculptures. Even atop the pedestal, each of the porcelain figures stood 7 or 8 feet tall, exuding a truly godlike presence against to the two people who admired them from below.

Jen recognized the two figures, having seen them in her childhood, but was never familiar enough with them to recall their names. She wondered at their significance as she looked up at them. One was a fearsome warrior dressed fully in armor. He brandished a long-handled sword that looked tremendously heavy and powerful. The other was a beautiful goddess in long, flowing robes. In one hand was a vase with a willow branch. It was simple and elegant. Unlike other figures she knew, this porcelain goddess looked back down on Jen. It was both a warm and hair-raising feeling to know a goddess was supposedly watching over her.

"Who are these two?" Jen asked finally.

"A god of war and a goddess of mercy," Heero answered simply, still in a quiet mood.

How fitting for an ex-soldier, Jen thought. "Is this what you found most appropriate to believe in?"

"No. For me there is no god. They are simply part of the garden. A gift fashioned for me by an old client."

"Hm. You are a 'do-it-yourself' kind of guy, I figured. Still, they're both very wonderful sculptures," she said admiringly. "The garden wouldn't be the same without them." It was strange, Jen thought. He knew enough to pick these two specific deities, though he likened them to mere decoration. It was as though he knew exactly what he needed but had no faith in it. Despite what he said, she knelt down and offered a small prayer. Watch over him.

Jen stood up again and looked over to Heero with the usual quiet energy. "Okay, I'm satisfied now. Let's get outta here."

She hung out quietly as Heero complied and prepared their boat. They were hushed, not speaking again, relishing in the good weather and the feeling of being surrounded by the crystalline water. He helped Jen into the boat first, pushing it into the water so they could row back to shore. Now Heero needed to board, but this was always tricky, and it took a good amount of luck to get the right footing. Before he could step into the boat, he found that it was already drifting away. Both he and Jen were suddenly alarmed, and Heero made a small leap into the vessel before it was out of reach, but the boat slipped under his weight and he lost his balance.

First he swayed backward, threatening to tumble into the water, but Jen reached out and pulled him in towards the boat. Their vessel rocked dangerously as Heero fell forward but eventually regained its steadiness. When everything became calm again, they found that he had knocked her onto her back as he fell on top of her. He had caught himself mere inches away from her touch, his knee landing high between her thighs. They both laid still for a time, not knowing what to do.

She seemed astonished but unabashed at their sudden proximity. They gazed into each other for a length of time, and she trembled underneath him, but each were too stunned to move. Though they weren't touching, they could feel each other's warmth. Jen closed her eyes and came up delicately for a gentle kiss, though she found that she had only met with the corner of his lips. He had turned away, not offering himself to her. Her kiss was intimate, but she pulled back quietly, a little hurt and unsure of why he did not reciprocate.

Heero had averted his eyes, looking ashamed. She gazed at him in wonder, not knowing what he would do. Eventually, he slowly pushed himself up and helped Jen up as well. They both sat quietly facing each other, not looking one another in the eye, reluctant of the next thing to happen. The boat had drifted along on the pond's surface, the stillness of the water reflecting their silence.

"Jen," Heero spoke at length, still not meeting her gaze, "I'm sorry. I think this has been a misunderstanding." Immediately, she knew she would be disappointed, and it pained her, but she remained quiet so he could continue. He laughed a bit at himself, "I'm terribly flattered by you, but I never meant for you and me...." He stopped again for better words. "When I offered to have you stay here, I meant it as a way to help you, a way to make amends for mistakes I caused. This--you being here with me like this--was not what I meant it as, and I realized it was wrong to keep you to myself."

"What is so wrong with it?" she asked solemnly.

"It was wrong to take you away from everything you had. It was wrong to have you all alone. I understand how people can become attached when they are alone together often, but I think your feelings are misplaced. I'm not a person that should have anything to do with you. My life is dangerous and abnormal. No good can come of being with me. If you are feeling lonely, it would be smarter for us to find more suitable living arrangements for you."

They still have not met eyes. "Is that really how you feel?" she asked. He was silent, not denying it. "Okay," Jen exhaled at length. "I understand what you mean," she said, finally turning her gaze to him. "Can you take us home now?" Heero nodded solemnly, seeing things were becoming resolved.

Taking hold of the oars Heero asked, "Are you hurt?" Jen blinked at the bluntness of the question. "From the fall, I mean."

She suddenly inhaled deeply, being spurred back into reality, and looked side to side to check herself. "No," she breathed. "I'm not hurt."

***

Jen sat down on her bed and slumped onto her side, letting her head fall into her pillow, burying half of her face in it. She laid with her eyes partly open to the dark room, awake, but she was emotionally spent. Her body felt lethargic and sore all over. She was just numb.

They went on about their day like normal when they returned indoors. She and Heero still talked and ate together, though quieter than before. He acted a little too kindly towards her, knowing she must have been fragile at the moment. She hated it. She didn't want to be treated any differently. The rest of the day was dull and uneventful, and she didn't want to talk anymore.

Jen reached out and took hold of a part of her bed sheet, hugging the bundles tightly to her bosom like she were trying urgently to stop some terrible wound from bleeding out. And now it was the middle of the night. She was alone in the dark, unable to sleep. What a loser.

My feelings were misplaced? I only felt that way because we were alone? Am I so easily waved off? So predictable, Heero?

Jen had never been with anyone before they had met. Her busy work and troubled life never allowed her to mind any boys. She had never developed these feelings for anyone before Heero. She buried her face deeper into the pillow, trying to drown out the things that were stirring up inside her. Her throat and chest felt terribly sore. If what he said was true, why didn't he have feelings for her as well? Was he really that guarded and detached? She didn't understand. The fact of the matter was: he had a woman living alone with him in his house with no one else around for miles. He could have easily taken advantage of her. She wouldn't have minded in all honesty. They were both adults, and she liked him well enough--admired him, really.

Dangerous and abnormal?True on all counts, but was it really enough to refuse nearly all human contact? And a girl that offered herself up to him? That was the part she didn't understand, and the part that he never let her get close enough to know. Jen groaned into her pillow, frustrated. Maybe she should just get the hell out of here and leave him alone. She laid face-down into her pillow for a long time, trying to stay devoid of thoughts. She sighed heavily several times, huffing hot breaths of air into the pillow, quite literally venting her frustrations into the cushion.

Jen turned her face to the side again, one eye gazing into the darkness, the other pressed into the pillow. She can't just up and leave. She owed him far too much. And there was nothing she hated more than being indebted to someone. And Heero was absolutely impossible to top. He was so selfless and masochistic it was enough to drive anyone up the wall. She couldn't perform outright miracles the same way he did, either.

"Son of a bitch...." she mouthed to herself angrily. Her eyes closed in focus and fatigue. If she can't get even with him, then she will never be satisfied. She'll figure him out, she swore indignantly, sleepily. And she'll pay him back...do some genuine good for him...even if she's the last friend he has on this earth.....

***

A week or more passed, and the uneasiness between them evaporated away. Jen at first seemed somewhat angry for some reasons she never revealed, though she never fully directed it towards Heero. Heero figured he deserved it in one way or another, so he took it in stride. They never brought up the subject of Jen leaving elsewhere, so it never became an issue. In fact, they grew fairly comfortable around each other since now that they knew what lines they couldn't cross, neither had to worry about such troubles.

They were getting along again, so they each hoped the past episodes were behind them. Heero's previous contract had paid well, so he stayed home, not concerning himself with more work for the time. He devoted most of his waking hours to working on the Leo-G, though Jen came to him wanting to learn how to shoot a few of his guns. Her favorites were the machine pistols, though he scolded her for wasting bullets and spraying them around like garden hoses.

One day Jen came looking for Heero with a proposal, making her way down in the hangar. She walked along the ground floor, able to hear him fiddling with something on one of the catwalks high above that lead to the mobile suit's cockpit. She looked up at the gigantic machine, seeing its godlike stature and how its white armor gleamed under the light. It was something that shouldn't exist, she knew, but it was kept alive by one man's passion. Somewhere in there was Heero's heart and soul. She was almost jealous of how much time and attention he put into it. The other woman.... she thought with a respectful ambivalence.

Jen climbed up onto the platforms and approached Heero from behind, though he noticed her presence right away. He was huddled over a box of random circuit parts, sifting through it for things he needed. Jen waited for him, though he eventually stopped and turned around to address her.

"Hey, Jen. Did you need me for something?"

She decided to be direct with it. "I want to learn how to build mobile suits."

He was taken aback and frowned a bit. "What brought this on all of a sudden?"

"I wanted to learn something useful while I'm here. Maybe I can go off to do better things. And I know mobile suits are out of fashion, but this is what you're best at, isn't it?"

A dark thought crossed his mind. No, Jen. I'm far better at destroying people. He turned away from her and started digging through the box again. "No." He answered firmly. "Mobile suits are illegal outside of construction and service types. You won't be finding much work."

"Can't I adapt what you teach me into other things? Besides, I don't really care if the industry is small."

He answered, still not looking up, "You're not being very smart. I still don't think it's a good idea."

Jen was quiet for a long time, seemingly accepting defeat. She watched him with a small pout as he continued looking for parts. "Can you at least tell me what you're doing?"

Heero's brows furled a bit, trying to focus. "I'm looking for a circuit breaker, but I can't seem to find one in good condition."

"You wanted to protect one of your new boards before you ran your test, right? It'd be a shame if all that hard work got fried," she commented knowingly.

He looked up at her in confusion, unsure of how she could have just told him that. She hadn't taken any classes in that field. "How do you know something like that?" he demanded curiously.

"My father was an electrical engineer. He worked on mobile suits for the old military."

Heero's eyes narrowed. "That doesn't explain why YOU should know anything about it."

Jen averted her eyes suspiciously. "Well, when I was a kid he didn't know any bedtime stories so he always told me about work when he came to tuck me in...."

The young woman looked embarrassed, but Heero just returned a dry stare.

She pouted defensively, "Hey, don't look at me like I'm weird!" Heero suddenly averted his eyes apologetically. "Things were hard for us, alright? He didn't know much, but he tucked me in every night he was around."

Jen looked at Heero indignantly, to have him be judgmental of such a tender memory, but Heero was quiet, his mood seemingly changed. "He sounds like a good father," he spoke respectfully.

"Yes," Jen agreed quietly, deep in nostalgia, "he was...."

They were silent, one caught up in the past, the other contemplating the future. Heero stood up unexpectedly and approached Jen, offering a hand. She looked back at him, not understanding the gesture. "I'll take you on," he said. "Just don't expect anything extraordinarily great."

Her face lit up right away. She grasped his hand professionally and gave it a firm shake. "You don't know how much I appreciate this. I won't be any trouble, I swear." They both looked at each other, trading confident smiles. That was the start of Jen's apprenticeship under Heero Yuy.

***

The two of them got along very well and grew to be especially good friends. It was a relationship that worked excellently. Now, whenever Heero was excited about anything he was working on, he could find the closest person around and tell his story without worry of scaring or confusing them. Though he knew a good amount of mobile suit design and maintenance from his days as a solo Gundam pilot, Heero's real strengths were programming and software design. Jen was sharp and intuitive, and although her lessons slowed down Heero's personal goals at first, he eventually became very reliant on her help. She was constantly spot-checking and troubleshooting his work, though her favorite part was running simulations with him. They each still harbored memories of their past exchanges with each other, but they were tightly locked away, never really crossing their minds. Things as they were now satisfied them fine enough.

One day, they were installing a module Heero had been working on for months. He sat on the open cockpit platform of the Leo-G, wires extending out from the internal computer and attaching to his laptop. Jen sat close behind him, looking on from over his shoulder.

"This component calculates minimum and maximum values for evasion distance when dodging enemy attacks," Heero explained with some energy. "It'll need to be tweaked as we play with it more, but if it works right it might increase combat efficiency by more than forty-five percent." Jen leaned in closer, mesmerized by the brilliant code she saw on the computer screen. Heero smiled with some satisfaction. "It's a bit of a monster, but can you see the parameters that I used?"

As he said that, he turned around to see if he had Jen's attention, but he didn't know she had leaned in so close. He was caught off guard, suddenly gazing into her intensely dazzling eyes, and his heart stopped altogether, the dark pools stealing all sense from him. The sudden sight was too much for him, and he paused, unable to think or breathe. But it was only for an instant. He quickly turned away, his eyes cast down, and fumbled some words about their work. "This component will overwrite some of the older parts, so we'll have to be sure that happens properly...."

Jen didn't register those last words. Something else had her attention. What was that just now? It was only an instant, but she noticed it. Her expression softened, and she trembled a bit. She had seen that expression before: the last night at her house...and when they were on the pond. There was a wall that made him untouchable, but at those instances, and now, she had caught a glimpse through it.

Why? Why did he always close himself off? What was he afraid of? She looked upon him with a tender eye, searching herself. She realized it now. He protects the defenseless from those that would do them harm. He suffered through an entire war alone, expecting nothing for himself but death. He protected the peace of the entire world. He carried with him the weight of all the lives he had taken. He was lost in the world, unable to overcome the past. And now he was protecting her from himself. But who was ever going to look out for him? Hasn't he suffered enough? It broke her heart into a million pieces.

Terribly pained, she reached out and buried herself into his shoulder, hugging his middle to herself as tightly as she could. She held him like this, barely able to control her tears, until all time ceased to be.

She told him with all the kindness she could muster, "You have such a good heart, Heero. Don't keep yourself from me."

He was completely paralyzed under her embrace. Her feelings were too intense and too great to fight off or run away from. Already he could feel the walls begin to crumble, and the terrible pain and suffering in his heart began to melt and bleed away. He felt so small and so undeserving of something so blessed and wonderful that it hurt to witness. Maybe there was hope for him. And maybe, away from a world that had no real place for them, these two misfits could manage to save each other.

Seraphic