Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself
Harold of Konoha
Chapter five: The Iwagakure investment (AKA sometimes seniors need a Mercy Kill if they're old enough)
One day in the village of Konohagakure, sometime close to noon or so, Shikamaru and his children, Shikaru and Inohime, had accompanied Inoichi Yamanaka (father-in-law to Shikamaru, grandfather to Shikaru and Inohime) to a newly opened garage. Inoichi's wife Michelle recently had her car taken care of here when its one window was smashed in a scheme that was carried out by a greedy man who had just recently been taken to jail (if you want to know why it took THIS long for the man to be taken to prison, just ask Inoichi and two of his friends, Harold Fisher and Tsume Inuzuka).
Inoichi himself also had one of his car's windows damage in the same event; in fact, his car was being taken care of at this garage. The garage was one of those businesses with many branches all over the place. "…And the total will come out to this," a young garage shop employee said to Inoichi, showing him the total cost on a calculator. The garage employee wore a uniform that resembled one that would be worn by a member of a pit crew. The garage employee also had medium-length light brown hair, very fair skin, and an…above average face.
Looking at the price, Inoichi remarked, "Hmm, that's a little pricier than what Honest Al would have charged, yet it's LOADS cheaper than what that rip-off artist Huge Hal was trying to fleece out of me. Overall, it seems fair."
"If you'd like, we can give your car's rear window a decal," the garage employee offered, gesturing for the Yamanaka patriarch to follow him. Inoichi, and his family members that came with him, were led to a computer in the garage; the employee opened a file and showed Inoichi various patterns for window decals.
"You're Michelle Yamanaka's husband, right?" the garage employee asked Inoichi.
"Why yes, yes I am," Inoichi replied somewhat smugly, "I've been married to that wonderful woman since before you were born."
"Heh, I would figure," the garage employee said with a slight laugh, "Well, Mrs. Yamanaka asked for the one decal of a family of stick figures. It's in the lower right corner of her car's rear window."
"Yeah, I remember Michelle saying something along the lines that she wanted something like that," Inoichi remarked, a look of remembrance on his face.
"Well here are a selection of window decals that are popular among men," the garage employee began, "There's the skull with flames coming out of the eye sockets, and there's also the Pitbull with the chain collar around its-"
"Ponies!" Inohime exclaimed suddenly, cutting the employee off as she pointed to something she saw on the computer screen.
"Oh yeah," the employee replied as he moved the mouse arrow over the appropriate file, "There's also some window decal designs of characters from 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic'. They're surprisingly popular here in Konoha. Even more so at our branch over in Suna."
As the garage employee showed decal designs that resembled the various characters from that show, Inohime suddenly exclaimed excitedly, "Pinkie Pie! Pinkie Pie!"
"Oh, you mean this one?" the garage employee asked, moving the mouse arrow over a picture of the Pinkie Pie decal design.
"Grandpa, you should get Pinkie Pie on your car window!" Inohime suggested, "Pinkie Pie is really awesome!"
"Now Inohime," Shikamaru said, "Your grandfather isn't going to get a pony window decal just because you think it would be awesome."
"You father has a point, sweetie," Inoichi agreed in a firm tone, "I'm sorry, but I'm not getting a Pinkie Pie window decal."
"Aww," the young Nara girl replied, sounding totally disappointed.
FIVE MINUTES LATER…
Inoichi, Shikamaru and Shikamaru's kids were driving out of the garage, having finished their business. Shikaru, seated in the back seat behind the driver's seat, had his hand over his face in a gesture of shame mixed with confusion. Shikamaru, who sat in the front passenger seat, had his hand over his face in a likewise manner. Inohime, who sat in the back seat behind the front passenger seat, had her head turned so she could see the new window decal on her grandpa's car. The young Nara girl was giggling cutely.
Inoichi himself, who was driving, had a look of smug satisfaction on his face. Looking to his father-in-law, Shikamaru moaned in an exasperated tone, "I thought you said that you weren't going to get a pony window decal."
"Now Shikamaru," the Yamanaka patriarch replied, "If you will recall correctly, I said that I would not get a PINKIE PIE window decal." Inoichi pulled out of the garage parking lot and drove off down the road, revealing a decal of Fluttershy, with the phrase '#Fluttershyisbestpony' underneath, on the back window of his car.
The next afternoon, Shikamaru was talking to Sasuke and Naruto over at the Hokage office building. "…And that's how my day with my father-in-law went," Shikamaru said, having regaled Sasuke and Naruto with the tale.
"That's…really interesting," Sasuke remarked, looking confused and mildly disturbed.
As the men were going to continue their conversation, a Konoha shinobi of chunnin rank appeared in the office's doorway. He was a young man in his mid-twenties, physically fit with a lean yet muscular body, fairly tanned skin, and a bandana-style Konoha headband; because of it, it was hard to tell what his hair's color was, assuming he even had any hair. "Lord Sixth," the shinobi said to Naruto, "May I disturb you for a moment?"
"Hmm? What's up?" Naruto replied, gesturing for the young shinobi to enter the office.
"We just received a request for a mission," the young shinobi began, "You…aren't going to believe what they're asking for."
"Try me," Naruto challenged, "Given all of the shenanigans that Sasuke's uncle-in-law, Shikamaru's father-in-law and Kiba's mother gets into on the regular basis, I think my ability to be shocked has gone completely numb."
"The request is to assassinate the third Lord Tsuchikage," the young shinobi explained.
"…Huh, well what do you know?" Naruto replied in a mildly surprised tone, "Maybe I can still be shocked after all."
"Why in blazes would we even consider taking out one of the five great shadows?!" Shikamaru proclaimed incredulously, "Unless it's the twelfth Raikage, of course."
"How in the hell did they get up to twelve Raikage so quickly?" Sasuke remarked in a tone of amazement.
"Who is even asking us to carry out this assassination?" Naruto asked. Checking the info that he was given, the young shinobi said, "Hold on a minute, it's right in here…Aha! Here we go. The people requesting the assassination of the third Lord Tsuchikage are…Kurotsuchi and Akatsuchi."
"Wait a minute," Shikamaru interrupted, "Those two are Iwa shinobi loyal to the third Lord Tsuchikage. In fact, Kurotsuchi is the third Tsuchikage's granddaughter!"
"Just give me a chance to explain WHY I want that old coot knocked off!" a woman's voice called out, startling all present save for Naruto (he had sensed the new presence coming in). Suddenly, someone did a midair roll through the open doorway of Naruto's office; coming out of the roll and landing perfectly in a graceful pose was Kurotsuchi. She hadn't changed a bit in terms of appearance, unless one is willing to count her outfit, which consisted of a midriff-exposing tank top in Iwagakure red, short shorts, a pair of shinobi sandals and an Iwagakure headband.
"…Is there a reason WHY you want us to assassinate your grandfather?" Naruto asked.
"He's over a hundred years old, for crying out loud!" the young Iwa kunoichi explained in a mildly worried tone, "And his health has been shaky for the past few years. Taking care of him has been both a financial and emotional burden to the family."
"And if current news is correct," Sasuke added as he leaned against a wall, "He's also a burden to Iwagakure, as he refuses to step down as the Tsuchikage despite his age and health making his job near impossible."
"Exactly," the Iwa kunoichi agreed, pointing to Sasuke in a commending manner.
"Wait a minute," Shikamaru said suddenly, "Has your grandfather even appointed a successor yet?"
"No, and from the looks of things he never will do so," Kurotsuchi explained, "But me and a few other Iwa shinobi believe we can convince the Land of Earth's daimyo to pick our choice to take over as Tsuchikage."
"I seriously cannot believe that someone would want to have a member of their own family murdered," Naruto remarked, looking mildly aghast.
"Excuse us, Kurotsuchi," Shikamaru began, "But could you wait outside the office? Sasuke and I need to talk to our Hokage." Obeying the Nara man, Kurotsuchi walked out of the office, even closing the door behind her. Turning to face Naruto, Shikamaru said, "Naruto, dude, seriously. I think Konoha should take this mission."
"Care to explain why?" the Lord Sixth Hokage asked, cocking an eyebrow.
"As mentioned before, one of the reasons why Iwagakure is doing so badly is because the third Lord Tsuchikage is refusing to step down despite his age and health requiring it," Shikamaru pointed out to the Lord Sixth, "Additionally, the cost of providing the medical care to one so old, both financially and emotionally, has gotten rather steep for Kurotsuchi and her family."
"The financial crisis that Iwa is going through only worsens the financial stress for that woman and her family," Sasuke pointed out.
"Also," Shikamaru added, "As a side note, keep in mind that Iwagakure is sitting on some rather rich mines which their financial crisis has prevented them from being able to collect upon. If we do the assassination, and use doing that favor as a bridge to form an alliance between Konoha and Iwa, then we can send in what Iwa needs to gather the material from the mines. For a very sizable portion of the gatherings, of course."
"That material can be used to make weapons, armor, and tools that the Konoha shinobi and Suna shinobi currently off fighting against Kumogakure in the fifth shinobi war could really use," Sasuke stated, "We could also sell excess material for a profit."
"I see what you both are getting at," Naruto remarked, having considered everything he was advised about. Leaning back in his chair, Naruto said, "Well alright. We'll do the assassination. But what Konoha shinobi would be willing to carry it out?"
"…And so that's when the boys and I offered to do the job," Harold Fisher, jonin and Konoha's oldest active shinobi said to his adult niece, Sakura Uchiha, and Sakura's good friend Ino Nara. With Harold was 'the boys' as he referred to them as; Inoichi Yamanaka (who is the father of the aforementioned Ino), Tsume Inuzuka and Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru.
"The four of you are going to go assassinate the third Tsuchikage," Ino remarked, sounding aghast.
"What are you all planning to do?" Sakura asked.
"Probably shock the old coot to death," Tsume remarked casually. After being given questioning looks by the two younger women, the Inuzuka matriarch explained, "That Tsuchikage dude is over a hundred frigg'en years old, for crying out loud! One good shocking event or whatever and his old man heart will go boom inside his chest." To emphasize her point, Tsume put the tips of all of her fingers together, forming a sort-of sphere with her hands, then made an explosion gesture by throwing her hands apart.
"So you plan to scare the third Lord Tsuchikage to death," Sakura stated, trying to get a grasp on the plan the three seniors have.
"Hey, this is technically supposed to be an assassination," Harold pointed out to his adult niece, "If we can do it the way we intend to, then it will be a very clean kill that will be very hard to trace back to us."
"That's…" Sakura began to say, but stopped short, thought about it a little, then continued, "…Actually a rather well thought-out plan. Not bad at all, Uncle Harold."
"So when will you guys be ready to leave?" Ino asked.
"Oh, probably after we do our 'A-Team' style profile montage," Inoichi answered casually to his adult daughter, taking a sip from his can of beer.
"'A-Team' style profile montage?" Ino asked incredulously, "The hell are you on about this...Oh no." The Nara (by marriage) woman face palmed when realized what her father and his friends were about to do.
Over at the Fisher residence, Harold slipped a bag on over his back and pecked Sophia, his beloved wife of many years, on the right cheek. "I'm going to miss you, dear," Harold said.
"When will you be back?" Sophia replied.
"After the boys and I assassinate the third Lord Tsuchikage," Harold replied casually.
"Well that sounds very- Wait, what?" Sophia said, changing her line of thought midsentence. But it was too late, as Harold took off from the front door with a leap, and hung in the air as his A-Team style profile showed up:
NAME: HAROLD FISHER
SPECIAL SKILL: INFINITE LAGER CHUG
SPECIAL ITEM: PAPE KONOHA'S BRAND LAGER 12 PACK
LIKES: HIS LOVED ONES, STUPID SHENANIGANS, PAPE KONOHA'S BRAND LAGER
DISLIKES: EVERY TWEEN POP STAR, THE TWILIGHT SAGA, DONKEY KONG
Inoichi Yamanaka was packing his bag for the mission as his wife Michelle, their daughter Ino, Ino's husband Shikamaru, and Ino and Shikamaru's kids Shikaru and Inohime watched. "Only a complete and utter fool would seriously accept a mission to assassinate the leader of one of the five great villages," Shikamaru remarked, "So with that in mind, it shouldn't really come to me as a shock that you and your friends jumped at the opportunity to take this mission."
Just as he was finishing packing his bag, Inoichi felt a tugging on his right pants leg. Looking down, he saw his granddaughter Inohime who, upon having her grandfather's attention, held up a plushy of Fluttershy from 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic'. It was about the same size as Inohime's Pinkie Pie plushy. "In case grandpa gets lonely," Inohime said, handing the Fluttershy plushy to her grandfather.
"Oh, thanks for reminding me to bring my pony plushy, sweetie," Inoichi replied, ruffling his granddaughter's hair.
"Wait," Ino said in a surprised tone, "That's your pony plushy? You own a pony plushy?!" Before Ino could get an answer out of him, Inoichi already ninja'd himself out of the house, pausing in midair as his A-Team style profile appeared:
NAME: INOICHI YAMANAKA
SPECIAL SKILL: FLYING GRANDPA KICK
SPECIAL ITEM: FLUTTERSHY PLUSHY
LIKES: HIS LOVED ONES, MLP: FIM, PAPE KONOHA'S BRAND LAGER
DISLIKES: EVERY TWEEN POP STAR, THE TWILIGHT SAGA, POLITICAL DEBATES
Over at the Inuzuka clan compound, Tsume was packing a bag of things that she and Kuromaru would need for the mission. Watching Tsume was her adult son Kiba, Kiba's wife Sakaki, Kiba's son Bankai, and each of their respective ninja animals; Kiba's dog Akamaru, Sakaki's cat Mayamaru, and Bankai's dog Rojomaru. "You're really going to assassinate a village's leader," Sakaki said to her mother-in-law, sounding totally appalled.
"Hey, Iwa wants this, so who am I to judge?" the older Inuzuka woman replied.
"They really did request Konoha to assassinate the third Lord Tsuchikage, believe it or not," Kuromaru said in a tone of confirmation.
"Oh, Naruto told me about it," Kiba replied, his arms crossed over his chest, "Sakaki and I are still trying to get over the fact that Ma and her friends would so readily accept the mission."
"Because we're cool like that," Tsume replied, pausing as her A-Team style character profile showed up:
NAME: TSUME INUZUKA
SPECIAL SKILL: GRANDMA GRAPPLE
SPECIAL ITEM: NARUTO'S KUNAI
LIKES: HER LOVED ONES, DOGS, PAPE KONOHA'S BRAND LAGER
DISLIKES: HER EX-HUSBAND, CATS, HER EX-HUSBAND'S CATS
"…Why are those profiles necessary?" Kuromaru questioned. Then he was paused himself as his own A-Team style character profile showed up:
NAME: KUROMARU
SPECIAL SKILL: ANGRY GROWL
SPECIAL ITEM: FAVORITE EYEPATCH
LIKES: PET TREATS, BELLY RUBS, PLAYING WITH CHILDERN
DISLIKES: LOUD NOISES, STUPID SHENANIGANS, PAPE KONOHA'S BRAND LAGER
The village of Iwagakure gave off a cold atmosphere; most of the building were stone gray, as was the sky overhead. It was to this scene that Harold and company, along with Kurotsuchi, appeared in the village of Iwagakure. "Damn, this place is dreary!" Tsume exclaimed as she took a look around.
"I know, right?" Kurotsuchi agreed as she joined the older Inuzuka woman.
Looking up, Kuromaru said, "It looks like we're going to get some rain."
"Yeah," Kurotsuchi stated, "According to the weather reports, we're expecting a rainstorm later today. Eighty-two percent chance of lightning."
"I hate lightning," the Inuzuka ninja dog remarked, "Loud noises freak me out."
"Well given that you're a dog, that's no surprise at all," the Iwa kunoichi remarked, "Although I wasn't counting on you being able to talk."
"No one ever does," Kuromaru pointed out.
"So anywho, how do you Konoha folk plan to do in the old man?" Kurotsuchi asked.
"We plan to shock the old man to death," Inoichi explained, "We're counting on his age making it relatively easy."
"A few Iwagakure folks, myself included, have already tried that method," Kurotsuchi explained.
"Yeah, using IWA style shock methods," Harold pointed out as the group made their way to the Tsuchikage's residence, "This time, the boys and I are going to do things KONOHA style!"
The Tsuchikage's manor was located somewhere near the Tsuchikage's office building. Not as large as the Hyuga clan estate in Konoha, and less decorated than most residences in Suna, the Tsuchikage's manor was a testament to the financial struggling of Iwagakure as a whole. It was at this unadorned local where the third and (unfortunately) current Lord Tsuchikage, the (VERY) old Onoki, resided. He was currently staring blankly at a television screen, while seated on an ancient light tan leather recliner, the leather cracking in places here and there. The old lord third had no idea that he was being watched through a crack in the door by his adult granddaughter and the four Konoha shinobi she hired to assassinate him.
"Good GOD!" Tsume swore under her breath as she looked to Kurotsuchi, "Is that really the lord third Tsuchikage?!"
"Yeah, that there's my grandpa," Kurotsuchi remarked somewhat ashamedly.
"Now I see WHY you want him knocked off," Harold remarked, "Even his wrinkles have wrinkles!"
"My granddaughter would think that lord third Tsuchikage is a pug, given all those wrinkles," Inoichi casually remarked, "Hell, I'm half-tempted to make that assertion myself!"
"Well, aren't you all going to go in to try shocking him to death?" the young Iwa kunoichi asked, "That's what the village is paying you all to do."
"Let's try one at a time," Harold suggested, "You know, build up his stress until it finally takes him."
"Good idea," Tsume said to the Fisher patriarch, "I'm heading in first."
Entering the room, Tsume walked in front of the screen, causing Onoki to exclaim as loudly as a man his age could manage (which wasn't all that much), "Did the assistants replace my TV with one of those new-fangled 3-D contraptions?! My soaps look all wrong!"
Clearing her throat with an *ahem*, the Inuzuka matriarch said, "I am a lesbian."
"…Ehh?" the old lord third replied, either not understanding or not hearing.
A mildly annoyed look on her face, Tsume left the room saying, "I tried." Next to go after the older Inuzuka woman was her Yamanaka teammate and friend, who cleared his throat before speaking.
"I am a grown man who enjoys watching My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic," Inoichi declared.
"…Ehh?" replied the far older man in the room.
"Well damn," the Yamanaka patriarch muttered in an annoyed tone, leaving the room so that the next in line, Kuromaru, could have the next go.
"I am a talking dog," Kuromaru declared.
"…Are you my granddaughter?" Onoki asked in a confused manner; apparently, both vision AND sight (probably hearing too) were starting to fail on the old lord Third Tsuchikage.
"…Asshole," the bemused Inuzuka ninja dog muttered, getting up and trotting out of the room, leaving Harold as the last to go.
Taking the spot between the very old Onoki and the TV screen, Harold cleared his throat and said, "I am a lesbian."
"…Ehh?" replied the decrepit Iwa leader. Kuromaru came trotting back into the room, gestured for Harold to bend down, and began to whisper something into the man's left ear.
*whisper whisper whisper* "What do you mean I can't be a lesbian?" *whisper whisper whisper* "But Tsume told me that-" *whisper whisper whisper* "It's a WOMAN that's sexually attracted to women?" *nod nod nod* Getting up, the Fisher patriarch dusted his pants with his hands. "Well damn, there goes my plan," Harold said as he followed Kuromaru out of the room, sounding mildly disappointed.
In the next room over, Kurotsuchi was conversing with the team of Konoha shinobi. "Well, there goes the plan of telling very shocking lies to the old man in the hopes he'll be scared to death," Tsume remarked.
"Wait a minute," Inoichi said suddenly, a look of mild shock on his face, "We were supposed to lie?"
"Yeah, thanks for reminding me, dude," Harold replied to his best friend. Turning to look to Kuromaru, Harold said, "Kuromaru, dude, we were supposed to lie."
"Well I figured that seeing a talking dog would be shocking enough," the Inuzuka ninja dog explained.
Jerking a thumb to her canine companion, Tsume said to the other humans present, "He's got a point. I can't tell you how many times people freaked out upon Kuromaru speaking in their presence for the first time." With a slight snicker, Tsume added, "Choza's wife nearly fell out of the chair she was sitting in!"
"Well that explains the earthquake that day," Inoichi remarked, drawing a laugh from the humans present.
"Don't you all have some sort of plan B in case the shocking grandpa to death idea floundered out?" Kurotsuchi asked.
"Don't worry, young lady," the older Fisher man assured the younger Iwa kunoichi, "The boys and I all brought some gear with us." At that prompting, all four Konoha shinobi took out the special items that they brought with them and placed it on the table.
"Well let's see here," Kurotsuchi began as she looked at the items, "We got an eyepatch, a girly stuffed animal, a twelve-pack of beer, and a…" the Iwa kunoichi stopped short as she picked up the large kunai Tsume put on the table. It had a four-inch-long hilt (not counting the little metal ring at the end of the hilt), and an eight-inch-long double-sided blade, one of those sides being serrated. It was obviously made to be a melee weapon, not like other kunai which are thrown.
"Where in the hell did you get that from, dude?!" Harold asked his Inuzuka friend, sounding very much impressed.
"I swiped it from Lord Sixth's place when me, Kuromaru, my daughter-in-law and my daughter-in-law's stupid cat visited a short while back," Tsume explained casually, "I was thinking 'My God, that stupid cat has a point, Lord Sixth really DOES spoil that little girl of his too much! This kickass kunai would look MUCH better in my grandson's hands'!"
Looking at the special kunai's leather sheave, Kuromaru (he was wearing an extra eyepatch) said, "Uhh, Tsume, if this kunai was meant for Natsu, then why is 'Property of Naruto Uzumaki' engraved on the side of the sheave?"
Looking at the special engraving on the sheave, Tsume said, "Well frig. I've done frigged up here, haven't I?"
"Just promise me you'll return it when we're done here," Kuromaru said in an exasperated tone, "Hopefully, Lord Sixth won't be too pissed that you essentially robbed him."
"So what are we going to do now?" Harold asked everyone present, "Iwa-style shock methods won't work. Konoha-style shock methods won't work. What will?!"
Picking up the cool kunai she took from the Uzumaki residence, Tsume said, "I have an idea…"
"I thought that we were going to try for a CLEAN kill here," Kuromaru pointed out, "And what I know you're thinking about is the total opposite of a clean kill! Not only that, but you'll have to explain to Lord Sixth not only that you stole his special kunai, but that you used it to assassinate one of the five great shadows!"
Placing the special kunai back down on the table with the other items, Tsume said, "Fine. We'll save it as an absolute last resort."
Looking at the other items, Kurotsuchi said, "Maybe you can try to…no, grandpa listens to the words of his doctor like they're the gospel, so getting him to drink is out of the question…maybe the eyepatch can…no, not a very effective strangulation tool…maybe you can…beat him to…death with the…pony?"
"Kurotsuchi, young lady," Inoichi replied, "If plushies of ponies were effective enough bludgeons to beat someone to death with, my granddaughter would have had her own pony plushy taken away because her older brother would have been dead because of it."
Stretching, Harold said, "Alright, dudes. The shock method didn't work, and all of our items either won't be effective enough or can't be used to score the kill. What do we do now?" At that moment, a loud crash of thunder sounded from outside; Kuromaru yipped in fright and hid behind Tsume's legs for cover.
"Oh grow a pair, you," Tsume said in a dismissive tone to her canine companion.
"Just so you can get Hana to surgically remove them again?! HELL NO!" the Inuzuka ninja dog exclaimed.
A weak call from Onoki's room got Kurotsuchi's attention, making her leave the room with Harold and his friends so she could check on her grandfather. Returning a minute later, the Iwa kunoichi said, "My grandpa told me to ask the neighbors to keep it down. I tried explaining to him that it was the lightning from the rain storm, but he wouldn't hear any of it."
"Man, he must be older than I thought," Tsume remarked.
"I know, right?" Kurotsuchi replied, "He complained that the volume and suddenness of the loud noise nearly scared him to dea…" The Iwa kunoichi stopped midsentence as she had an idea. "…We've been going about this all wrong," Kurotsuchi said to the Konoha shinobi, "The shock method would work. We just haven't done the proper thing to shock my grandpa yet."
"So what IS the proper way to shock your grandpa?" asked the older Fisher man.
A few minutes later, Onoki was calmly watching his TV, sighing as a man of his significant age would. Weakly picking up the remote control that rested on the right arm of the ancient recliner, Onoki proceeded to flip through the channels. Suddenly, Tsume, Harold and Inoichi all came in, banging pots and pans together as loudly as possible as they sang the most shocking things they could respectively think of at the top of their lungs.
"Shooby doop dooby dop dobby doop dobby dah dah dooby op-"
"What is the malted liquor what gets you drunker quicker what comes in bottles or in cans-"
"Rainbow Dash always dresses in style-"
"AIEEEEE!" the old Lord Third Tsuchikage exclaimed in pain, falling off the recliner while clutching his upper torso. Hearing her grandfather cry out in pain, Kurotsuchi came running in to check up.
"Grandpa, you okay?!" the Iwa kunoichi asked worriedly.
"El Diablo! El Diablo!" Onoki exclaimed, struggling in vain to get up. Pointing dramatically at Inoichi, Onoki managed to cough out in exclamation, "He sings the words of El Diablo!" With that, the old Lord Third Tsuchikage passed out.
After medics arrived at the Tsuchikage's manor, Harold and the other Konoha shinobi were talking to Kurotsuchi outside. "…So? How was my acting?" the Iwa kunoichi asked.
"Pretty good, if I do say so myself," the Inuzuka ninja dog remarked, "Made me scared for a minute there that you forgot why you hired us."
"He thought what I was singing were the words of El Diablo," Inoichi said, "Personally, I don't blame him."
As the four Konoha shinobi and the one Iwa kunoichi talked, an Iwa medic came up to them. Due to his medic outfit, which consisted of a hood, long-sleeved scrub top and bottom in Iwa Red, the only part of him you could see was his face; fair-skinned, light brown eyebrows, and brown eyes.
"Who here is Kurotsuchi?" the medic asked.
"That would be him," Harold answered, pointing to Kuromaru.
"He said Kurotsuchi, not Kuromaru," the Inuzuka ninja dog said, muttering, "…Dumbass," at the end under his breath.
After Tsume pointed out the correct person, the medic said, "Miss Kurotsuchi, I'm very sorry to say this, but your grandfather is dead." Sighing in a knowing manner, Kurotsuchi asked, "How did he die?"
"We're thinking shock-induced trauma, but we want to run an autopsy," the medic explained, "I was there when he spoke his final words."
"Which were…?" the Iwa kunoichi asked, expecting the medic to fill her in.
"The late lord third Tsuchikage said," the medic replied, "And I'm quoting him on this one, 'The words of El Diablo have taken my soul'."
"I always KNEW that song was evil," Inoichi muttered to himself in a tone that made him sound like he felt justified.
A few days later, Harold and his group were standing in Naruto's office back in Konohagakure. The Lord Sixth Hokage was seated in his chair behind his desk, reading a report. "…It says here that you all banged pots and pans together while singing the loudest and or worst songs each of you three could think of as loudly as possible," Naruto pointed out.
"In all fairness, we were able to pin the blame on some loud kids who just so happened to be playing outside of the mansion at the time," Harold explained, "So technically, Iwa has no idea that Konoha's responsible for the death of its third Tsuchikage."
Leaning back in his chair, Naruto replied with a sigh, "Alright, you got me there. Technically, this mission was accomplished without a hitch, so good job you all."
"YES!" Inoichi exclaimed, thrusting both of his fists into the air.
"Oh Lord Sixth," Tsume said as she laid Naruto's kunai on his desk, "I believe you'll be wanting this back."
"I was wondering where that went," Naruto remarked as he picked up the special kunai, "Tenten cut me a deal on my new katana, so I was trying to find this thing so I can give it to Natsu for…Hold on a minute. Mrs. Inuzuka?"
"Yes, Lord Sixth?" the older Inuzuka woman replied.
"Where did you find this?" Naruto asked suspiciously.
"Uhh…" Tsume said nervously as she glanced from left to right, "…I plead the fifth?"
Sighing, the Sixth Hokage said, "Just forget it." Just as Naruto was about to dismiss Harold's group, the same young Konoha chunnin from before came in, carrying a small scroll.
"We just got a message from Iwagakure," the young chunnin said as he greeted Naruto.
"Alright, let's see it," Naruto replied, gesturing for the chunnin to enter.
The chunnin walked up to Naruto's desk and handed him the small scroll.
Unrolling it, Naruto read the contents. "Hey hey! Kurotsuchi became the fourth Tsuchikage!" Naruto remarked.
"Aww hells yeah!" Harold exclaimed, pumping a fist into the air.
Looking to the older ninja, Naruto said, "Well, whatever you guys did must have worked. Now with Kurotsuchi in charge of Iwagakure, Konoha and Suna can expect materials from them to make weapons and tools to help out in the war against Kumo."
"Those jokers are going down!" Inoichi declared confidently.
Leaning back in his chair slightly, Naruto replied, "Yes, well now I have to contact Suna to tell them about the upcoming support from Iwa. If you all don't mind…" Taking the cue, Harold and his friends left Naruto's office.
As they made their way out of the Hokage office building, Inoichi muttered to himself, "I should check to make sure that Inohime hasn't heard the words of El Diablo."
END, CHAPTER FIVE
Author's Notes:
That song IS pretty evil, if you think about it. Anywho, I decided to scrap the initial idea I had for chapter six's plot, as it involved an expy of a real life famous person, and I did NOT want to take that risk, even with the appropriate disclaimer. Hopefully you'll like the new plot that I come up with for chapter six. I should have it done within the next week or two.