Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.
Harold of Konoha
Chapter eight: The amazing (ly stupid) Spider-folk (AKA I need shout outs! Shout outs to Spider-Man!)
Haru Uchiha was walking through the village of Konohagakure one morning. The chunnin exams were coming up; as genin, Haru and his friends had a shot at going up in rank. That prospect had Haru's friends understandably nervous. That isn't to say that Haru himself isn't nervous; the young Uchiha boy was very much nervous indeed. But not for the same reason as Shikaru Nara and the other boys their age.
No, the reason for Haru's nervousness was the fact that Natsu Uzumaki, the girl that Haru's fallen for, had by chance saw him out walking, came up to him, and joined him on his stroll. Natsu herself was also a genin, and would be taking part in the upcoming chunnin exams. Given that Natsu's mother was a member of the main part of Konoha's famous Hyuga clan, and that Natsu's father was the sixth (and current) Hokage, villagers were betting that Natsu would get made a chunnin.
But Natsu was just as nervous, if not more so, than Haru himself, but the Uzumaki/Hyuga girl, unlike the Uchiha boy, was nervous over the upcoming chunnin exams. "M-my father's g-going to be watching the exams w-with visitors from other v-v-villages," Natsu barely was able to say, her nervousness making her stammer like a flustered school girl.
"Wait, I thought that due to the ongoing fifth shinobi war, all of the five great villages will hold separate chunnin exams for their respective shinobi," Haru replied.
"That's t-true," the nervous Uzumaki girl stammered, "But representatives from S-Suna and Iwa will b-b-be coming to watch the c-combat portion of the ex-ex-exams here in Ko-Ko-Konoha."
"Oh yeah," Haru remarked in a causal tone, "Iwa is now all buddy-buddy with Konoha and Suna. A darn shame that Iwa can't send troops to bolster Konoha's and Suna's forces against Kumo."
"The ma-materials that I-I-Iwa's sending to help Ko-Konoha and Suna t-t-troops is still a big h-h-help," Natsu was barely able to say in response.
A slight smile spreading across his face, Haru gave Natsu a single, gentle pat on her right shoulder. "Natsu, you're more nervous than my Grandpa Kizashi when he forgot my Grandma Mebuki's birthday last year," Haru said, "You have got to relax a little."
"But the ch-ch-chunnin exams are coming up!" Natsu exclaimed, "How can you n-not be so- hmm?" Haru's expression changed to reflect his sudden curiosity when Natsu stopped midsentence.
Following the Uzumaki/Hyuga girl's line of sight, Haru got his answer; a device of some kind was laying on the ground. It looked like some sort of capsule-firing device to be worn on the wrist/forearm. "What do we have here?" Haru said aloud as he walked up to the device, giving it a gentle nudge with his right foot.
"Haru, please don't touch it," Natsu said, all of her worry over the chunnin exams temporarily forgotten, "That thing could be dangerous."
"Then I will do what my Uncle Harold does when my mom asks him not to touch something because it's dangerous," Haru replied as he proceeded to look around for something. The Uchiha boy's eyes fell upon something that would serve his needs, laying against a pile of trash bags sitting beside a garbage can. Haru walked over to the trash and picked up a long rod that was laying on top of the bags of trash. Walking back over to the device laying on the ground, Haru said to Natsu, "I'll poke it with a stick!"
Experimentally, Haru began prodding the device on the ground with the rod he salvaged from the trash. "Haru, are you sure that's such a good-" Natsu began, but she was cut off when a small object randomly came shooting out of the device, hit a nearby wall, and ignited on impact, creating a small explosion with appropriate booming sound as a result. Both Uchiha and Uzumaki were instantly freaked out.
"Now I see why my mom tells my Uncle Harold not to poke things with sticks!" Haru exclaimed as he pointed at the device with the rod, "That thing's a threat to the village!"
"Let's turn it over to my father," Natsu suggested instantly, "He'll know what to do with it! He's the Hokage, after all."
"How are we going to carry that thing, though?" Haru replied as he pointed his rod at the device, "It's obviously too dangerous to carry by hand."
Natsu looked from the device on the ground, to the rod that Haru was holding, back to the device on the ground. A look of inspiration spread across Natsu's face. Taking off her orange-and-cream colored jacket (revealing a somewhat oversized t-shirt with the image of a Salamence on it), Natsu said, "I think I have an idea."
Later, Naruto Uzumaki, the sixth Lord Hokage, was walking through the village with two of his most trusted confidants/advisors/friends, Sasuke Uchiha and Shikamaru Nara. "Who could have gotten into the storage room where we were storing the Kote?" Naruto asked his two friends rhetorically.
"Actually, Naruto, it could have been anyone," Shikamaru replied, "Konohamaru was doing a field-test of the Kote, and when he returned it to the storage room, he forgot to lock up afterwards."
"Then that means that I'm going to have to have a talk with Konohamaru when I get back to the office building," Naruto said in a somewhat ominous tone, "The fact that-"
"Lord Sixth!" a random Konoha chunnin called out, landing in front of Naruto and the others, "I just saw your daughter and Sasuke Uchiha's son doing something…weird."
"Weird?" Naruto repeated, sounding confused.
"Well, Uchiha's son was carrying a very long metal rod, holding it out like he was using it as a fishing rod," the Konoha chunnin began, "At the end of the rod was your daughter's jacket, being used as a bundle to hold something."
"Wait, Haru was using Natsu's jacket as a bundle?" Sasuke said.
"They're just up ahead, if you want to speak to them yourselves," the Konoha chunnin explained, pointing the way.
"Thank you," Naruto replied to the chunnin. To Sasuke and Shikamaru, Naruto said, "Alright boys, let's what the kids are up to."
Naruto and the others ran a bit further down the street before they found Haru and Natsu; just as the Konoha chunnin explained, Haru was carrying a long rod with Natsu's jacket tied to the other end as a bundle to hold something. Both kids had mildly worried looks on their faces. "Hey kids, over here!" Naruto called out, getting Haru and Natsu to both look in his direction. The instant they saw the adults, two of which were their respective fathers, Haru and Natsu both sighed in relief, their shoulders dropping in a way that showed relief as well.
Naruto and the other adults walked up to the kids, with Shikamaru asking, "What are you two doing?"
"Natsu and I were out on a walk, talking to each other, when we came across something we found lying on the ground," Haru began, "It shot out something randomly, so we wrapped it up in Natsu's jacket, stuck it to the end of this rod, and were planning on turning it over to Lord Sixth and the other adults over at the Hokage office building, since we figured that they can handle whatever this thing is safely."
"But since you're here, father," Natsu said to Naruto, "We can just turn it over right now." At Natsu's prompting, Haru lowered the end of the rod with Natsu's jacket attached to the ground, carefully unwrapped it, then as soon as the jacket unfurled, revealing the device Haru and Natsu found, Haru jumped back at least a foot, a noticeably alarmed look on his face (the look on Natsu's face was just as alarmed). Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru, on the other hand, had looks of surprise when they saw what was wrapped in Natsu's jacket.
"It's the missing Kote!" Shikamaru exclaimed. A confused look replaced the alarmed look on Haru's and Natsu's respective faces.
"Father, what's a Kote?" Natsu said to Naruto.
"Is it fancy jargon talk for dangerous object that will kill you if given half a chance?" Haru suggested. Sighing in a tone that suggested he was trying not to chuckle, Naruto calmly picked up the Kote, returning alarmed looks to the faces of the two kids in the process.
"No kids," Naruto began to explain, "This device, which is called a Kote, is an experimental tool created by the boys in development. It can store mini scrolls that have jitsu sealed in them, and when you use the Kote, it will shoot one of those scrolls, allowing you to cast the jitsu that was sealed in the scroll that was fired off."
"Basically, it can let you use jitsus that you normally can't use," Shikamaru continued, "For example, it would let an Akimichi clan shinobi use one of the Nara clan's shadow-style techniques."
"Well the thing it shot off earlier exploded," Haru replied.
"Must have been one of the pre-stored fire-style techniques," Sasuke said to Naruto.
"Probably," the Lord Sixth replied. Turning his attention to Haru and Natsu, Naruto said, "You two said that you found this on the ground somewhere, right? Can you show me and the others where exactly?"
"Why?" Haru asked.
"This was actually stolen from a storage room in the Hokage office building earlier," Naruto explained, "Even though it's been recovered, we still need to do an investigation. And since the two of you found it, we'll need you to help a bit."
Later that day, Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru were in Naruto's office at the Hokage office building. Naruto was using a weight machine in the office to get a bit of a work-out, while Shikamaru was sitting on the front of Naruto's desk and Sasuke was simply standing in the middle of the room.
"So it's safe to say that neither Haru or Natsu couldn't have possibly taken the Kote," Sasuke stated, "Given that neither of them were seen anywhere near the Hokage office building within enough of a timeframe to possibly be suspects."
"Why do you think I punched that jonin who raised that possibility in the gut?" Naruto replied.
"You'd be surprised to hear how mad Ino will be when she hears that someone had the gall to suspect your daughter of having stolen the Kote," Shikamaru said to Naruto, "And Sakura as well. A lot of adults in the village have this apparent tendency to think of Natsu as the world's sweetest thing."
A smile spreading across his face, Naruto stopped using the weight machine and got up, saying to Shikamaru, "Why do you think I punched that jonin who raised that possibility in the gut?"
"By the way, something that my son said has me concerned," Sasuke interrupted, "He suggested that whoever tried to make off with the Kote may have intended to use it in the upcoming chunnin exams."
"Yeah, that would have been a major disappointment," Naruto remarked, "At least both Natsu and Haru won't even consider the idea, given that both of them are too freaked out by the Kote to go anywhere near it."
"I think that their experience with the Kote has the kids more freaked out than their experience with that know-nothing anti-drug and alcohol seminar they and their friends went to," Shikamaru said.
"Yeah, Sasuke and I," Naruto began, "Along with a few other adults, went to confront those KADD jokers. But when we found them in their warehouse, they were all brutally murdered."
"Wait, what?!" Shikamaru exclaimed.
"Anywho, the point is that we got the Kote back," Naruto said. Walking over to his desk to pick up a form that was previously laid there, Naruto continued, "And thanks to an anonymous tip, we've learned that the person who stole-"
"Lord Sixth!" a female Konoha chunnin called out, cutting Naruto off as she ran into the office.
"What is it?" Naruto asked.
"It's the Kote that's being kept in the storage room," the kunoichi explained, "It's been stolen again!" This news made Naruto, Sasuke and Shikamaru all exclaim angrily.
"Again?!" Naruto shouted, "Oh, for the love of all that is holy!"
"Wait, we placed video security in the storage room," Shikamaru said, "We should have an image of what the thief looks like this time!"
Later that evening, Sophia Fisher was watching a news story on the TV in the home that she and her devoted husband of many years, Harold Fisher, had shared. "And in local news," the news anchor said, "An experimental device that was being kept at an undisclosed location was stolen earlier this morning, but the device was recovered by Lord Naruto's eleven-year-old daughter and a twelve-year-old boy that was accompanying Lord Naruto's daughter at the time. Many of Konoha's villagers believe the boy in question to be Lord Naruto's daughter's boyfriend."
An image of Haru and Natsu was shown on screen as the latest sentence was spoken, causing Sophia to spit out the tea she was drinking in surprise. "Haru?!" Sophia exclaimed in shock, surprised to see her grandnephew on TV.
"However," the news anchor continued, "About an hour after the two kids recovered the device and turned it over, it was stolen again. Video footage of the room where the device was being kept has confirmed the new thieves as… Steven Universe, Rick Sanchez, and Fluttershy!"
Hearing such an odd collection of names made Sophia do a double-take. "Say what?" Sophia said quietly, her voice clearly showing her confusion. On the TV, the news anchor showed a short clip of the aforementioned footage, where it was quite obvious that it was really Harold, Tsume Inuzuka and Inoichi Yamanaka wearing masks of Steven Universe, Rick Sanchez and Fluttershy respectively. Sophia, as good of a woman as she is, totally believed that it was the real Steven Universe, Rick Sanchez and Fluttershy.
The news anchor, along with most of the other news staff, were just as oblivious as the older Fisher woman. "Apparently, the half-human half-crystal gem, the mid-eighties mad scientist, and the bearer of the element of kindness were caught on tape having broken into the storage room and taking the device," the news anchor continued, "Anyone with information leading to the apprehension of any of the suspects is urged to contact Konoha police right away. And now onto sports. Roger?" (1)
As the sports anchor proceeded to go over the results of a football game in Sunagakure, Harold walked through the front door, leading Tsume, Inoichi and Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru inside. Tsume was carrying a black duffle bag, its strap slung over her right shoulder. "Hey Sophia, dear," Harold greeted his wife, "The boys and I are going to work on something in the garage."
"Okay dear," Sophia replied, "By the way, criminals broke into a private storage facility and stole something."
"It was probably some of those bastards from Kumo," Harold said in a dismissive tone as he led his group to the Fisher house's garage.
In the Fisher household's garage, Harold and the others gathered around a table in the center of the garage, where Tsume tossed her bag onto, unzipped it, and pulled out the Kote. "So this is the wrist-mounted device created by the boys in development," Harold remarked in an amazed tone as watched Tsume handle the device.
"This looks like one of those web shooters used by Peter Parker in the old Spider-Man comics," Tsume remarked, prodding a button with her right index finger. This resulted in Tsume putting too much pressure on the button, which caused the Kote to fire one of its pre-stored mini scrolls, which flew into a wall and melted into a puddle of water.
"Oh snap!" Inoichi exclaimed as he saw what happened, "Dudes, I just had the most awesome idea ever!"
"The last time you said that you triggered Hinata's severe peanut allergy, broke several fire hydrants off of the sidewalk via ramming them with an ice cream truck, and caused a multi-car collision in the village's uptown district," Kuromaru pointed out, "Are you SURE that you have a good idea this time, Inoichi?"
"Well how was I supposed to know that the ice cream sandwich that Harold, Tsume and I sold her was made in a factory that handled peanuts?" Inoichi defended.
"By the way, we still have to cover the cost for that ice cream truck we stole," Tsume added.
"So what's your cool idea, dude?" Harold asked.
"We take this thing," Inoichi began as he took the Kote from Tsume, "Modify it so that it only shoots webbing like those web shooters used by Spider-Man, then we can use this device to swing around like Spider-Man himself! Who doesn't like Spider-Man?"
"So long as it's not the one from those movies from the early 2000s, then I'm cool with the plan," Tsume replied.
"Holy frigg'en balls, dude," Harold said to his best friend, "That is the single greatest idea that I have ever heard in my life!"
"Holy frigg'en balls, Inoichi," Kuromaru said, "That is the single dumbest idea that I have ever heard in my entire life!"
Walking over to a tool rack on the one wall of the garage, Harold said as he grabbed a few tools, "Alright, boys! Let's get crackalack'en!"
Later the next day, a two-story building somewhere in Konoha's downtown area was on fire. A crowd of worried onlookers had gathered outside to watch firefighters struggle to put the flames out. "Oh my goodness!" a very plump Konoha kunoichi in her early to mid-thirties exclaimed as she pointed to one of the second floor windows, "There's a little girl stuck in the burning building!"
"Ahh! Help me!" the little girl screamed in fear, clinging to a teddy bear for dear life.
Suddenly, a string of webbing splotched onto a nearby powerline, and a costumed hero came swinging in, the hero landed on the ledge of the window the little girl could be seen from, broke the window, collected the little girl and her teddy bear, then swung down and landed on the ground safely. "The little girl's been rescued!" exclaimed one of the firefighters, "Hooray for… Wait, is that Spider-Man?!"
True, the little girl had been rescued by the spectacular Spider-Man; actually, it was Harold Fisher in a Spider-Man costume, using the Kote which had now been turned into a web shooter. A late twenties woman with long auburn hair came running up, picked the girl and her teddy bear up, and hugged her tightly. To the young woman, Harold said, "No need to thank me, good lady. It's all in a day's work for Spider-Man!" Using the Kote-turned-web shooter, Harold leapt up to the top of a power line, and swung away out of sight.
That evening, Harold and his friends walked into the bar they usually get a drink at. The attention of all of the patrons at the bar, which included Choza Akimichi and Shikaru Nara at this time, were turned to the TV mounted on the wall. "…And in today's news," the news anchor said, "The fire which burned a two-story apartment building in downtown Konoha today almost took the life of a young girl. But she was rescued by, of all people, the spectacular Spider-Man. Residents of Konoha had this to say about the web-slinger's sudden appearance."
An interviewer from the news station was talking to Haru Uchiha, who said to the microphone, "Why couldn't it have been Iron Man who rescued the little girl? Iron Man's WAY cooler."
A second interview, this one with Shikaru, was played, with the young Nara boy saying, "I think Hawkeye would have been perfect in performing the rescue."
A third interview, this one with Natsu Uzumaki, was played, with the young girl saying, "I'd have like to have seen Loki do the rescue, if I'm being honest. He's a good guy in some comics!"
A fourth interview, this with Shibei Aburame, was played. "Am I the only person in Konoha who actually LIKES Spider-Man?!" the young Aburame boy exclaimed in an annoyed tone.
In the bar, Shikaku asked the bartender to change the channel to some other news broadcast. When the new news channel started talking about the upcoming chunnin exams, Harold and the humans in his group sat down at the bar (Kuromaru sat on the floor next to the stool that Tsume occupied). "So boys," Harold said to Choza and Shikaku, "Looks liked Konoha has a superhero helping to save the day, huh?"
"Don't you think that a hero like Spider-Man is awfully outclassed in a place like Konoha," Shikaku began, "Given that, you know, at least one-sixth to one-fourth of the population is composed of ninja? Some of which are capable of throwing down with Orochimaru-level threats in one-on-one combat?"
"Personally, I would have loved to have seen The Thing rescue that little girl from the burning building," Choza remarked before taking a rather large swig from his mug of lager.
"But you've got to admit," Inoichi said to the other members of his generation's Ino-Shika-Cho trio, "Having a bona-fide superhero in the village has got to be pretty awesome."
"I'd have preferred The Hulk, personally," Shikaku replied, turning around to face Inoichi properly.
"Well we got Spider-Man, do deal with it," Tsume remarked in an annoyed tone as she signaled the bartender to come over so she can make an order.
The next day, Neji and Rock Lee were visiting Might Gai at his home. The three men were seated at a dining room table. Gai, aside from appearing slightly older, looked the same as he did back when his students were in their late teens. Additionally, in this time line, Gai was not handicapped due to injuries that he sustained during the fourth shinobi war. This allowed him to be as boisterous as ever.
"We got a bona-fide superhero in Konoha now!" Gai exclaimed at his two old students, pounding the table surface before him with his right fist.
"I have a feeling that this might be some crazy scheme cooked up by Mr. Fisher and his idiot friends," Neji remarked casually, "Although where they would get the things they need to make a web shooter is beyond me."
Pounding the table surface with his right fist again, Gai exclaimed, "I don't need speculations, I need pictures! Pictures of Spider-Man!"
"Why do you need pictures of Spider-Man?" Neji asked, "It's not like you run a tabloid paper or something."
"My daughter Tenlee is pretty good at writing fanfics," Rock Lee offered, "In fact, my wife Tensuki has saved every fanfic that Tenlee ever wrote."
"Then I want fanfics of Spider-Man!" Gai exclaimed, once again pounding the table surface with his fist.
After Rock Lee and Neji took their leave, Neji talked to Rock Lee about their meeting with their old teacher. "At least that conversation wasn't as nonsensical as the last one we had with Gai-sensei," Neji remarked.
"Yeah," Rock Lee admitted in a somber tone, "Even I have to admit that Gai-sensei isn't in as good a shape, both mentally and physically, as he once was."
"Name one time where Gai-sensei WAS in good shape mentally speaking," Neji thought to himself.
The next day, Harold and his friends were hanging out at Inoichi's place in his den, playing pool. "…And that's when I had to explain to my granddaughter that Elsa and Pinkie Pie couldn't have helped in rescuing that girl from the fire," Inoichi said to his friends, "Especially Elsa. That fire would have made things seriously difficult for the queen of Arendelle."
"What about that one boy from that Frozen movie?" Tsume asked, "You know, the one who wears a white scarf, has fire powers, and is followed by a blue, flying talking cat."
"There's no such character as that in Frozen," Inoichi replied, "I should know, as I've seen that movie no less than twenty-seven times."
"Well little girl stuff aside," Harold said as he lined up to take a shot, "Thanks to us, Konoha now has a hero." After taking his shot, sinking a few pool balls as a result, Harold asked his friends, "By the way, I was Spider-Man last time. Who's going to take the next turn?"
"That would be Tsume," Inoichi informed his best friend, "Tsume, Kuromaru and I drew lots to see who would go next, and Tsume got the highest number."
"Two things," Kuromaru said to the humans, "One, why would you all have me draw lots for this? I'm a dog, so I can't possibly be Spider-Man. Second, Tsume can't technically be Spider-Man either."
"And why can't I be Spider-Man?" Tsume asked her ninja dog.
"Because you're a woman," the Inuzuka ninja dog pointed out, "Or have you actually forgotten that little tidbit?"
With a surprised look on her face, the Inuzuka matriarch said, "Oh. Oh yeah. Heh heh, I hang out with the guys so much that I sometimes forget I'm a woman." (2)
"I think there's a Spider-woman, so you can still play along with this blatant stupidity if you want," Kuromaru pointed out, silently cursing himself for unintentionally encouraging the stupidity of Tsume and her friends.
"Alrighty, then," Tsume declared in a confident tone as she pumped a fist into the air, "Time to introduce Konoha to its SECOND superhero!"
The next day, at around noon or so, a pair of escaped criminals from prison, both armed with hand-sized automatic crossbows, had stormed into a bank and demanded that everyone get down while the bank tellers fill their bags with all of the bank's money. "No one here better tries any funny business, ya hear?!" shouted the first armed robber, his right eye twitching slightly in a manner showing that he was a little on edge.
Suddenly, one of the windows were shattered as a costumed hero came bursting through. "Look, it's Spider-Man!" one of the hostages exclaimed, "He's come to…Wait, that's a woman dressed as Spider-Man!"
"I'm Spider-Woman, and I'm here to stop the bank robbery!" replied Spider-Woman (really Tsume Inuzuka in the Spider-Man costume).
The two armed robbers aimed their respective automatic crossbows at the costumed crime fighter (3), with the second one saying, "One move and we'll shoot!"
"My spider-sense is telling me that the you two are both full of it," Tsume replied in a causal tone, not at all feeling threatened by the two armed robbers who were just regular civilians; any competently trained genin fresh from having graduated the Leaf Village Ninja Academy could have very easily taken both armed robbers down without letting any of the hostages come to any sort of harm.
Suddenly, without warning, Tsume fired a few shots of webbing at the armed robbers, knocking the automatic crossbows out of their hands. Running up to them, Tsume proceeded to deal a few quick elbow jabs and punches, knocking both armed robbers out. "And that's how it's done," Tsume declared as she smacked her hands together, "All in a day's work for the one and only Spider-Woman!"
"Not so fast, costumed hero!" a male's voice called out.
Turning to face the direction the voice came from, Tsume saw that a third armed robber, who was using the bathroom up until now, was holding a knife to the throat of one of the hostages. This hostage just so happened to be Hinata Uzumaki. "You back off right now or else this pretty little lady here will paint the room red!" the armed robber threatened.
"Holy geez, how can a kunoichi of her level be so easily taken hostage by a group of armed robbers, none of which are even shinobi?!" Tsume exclaimed. (4)
"Just surrender and join the hostages so that me and my buds have leverage to use to get the bank's money and to get away with our crimes," the armed robber demanded.
"You do realize that you got Lord Sixth's wife there," Tsume pointed out, "Don't you?"
"I don't give a hoot about who I have held at did you just say that this is Lord Sixth's wife?" the armed robber said, changing his line of dialogue mid-sentence.
As an answer to his question, Naruto appeared behind the armed criminal, holding a kunai to the back of the armed robber's neck. "Let my wife go unharmed or else I will kill you," Naruto said to the armed robber, his voice both calm and cold. The only reason why the armed robber couldn't move a muscle in order to comply with Naruto was because he was terrified. This terror that had captured the criminal's very essence allowed Hinata to slip out of his grasp and run to the safety of the costumed hero as Naruto head-butted the armed robber in the back of his head, knocking the criminal out cold.
"Hinata, are you alright?" Naruto asked Hinata as he caught the unconscious criminal and gently lowered his body to the ground.
"I'm fine, dear," the Uzumaki matriarch replied with a nod, "Although this costumed hero took out the first two criminals."
Looking to the woman who was dressed up as a superhero, the Lord Sixth said, "I heard that Konoha had recently been host to Spider-Man. And now we have Spider-woman."
"We're working on Spider-Dog, but that's not going to happen anytime soon, I'm afraid," Tsume replied.
"Well I should thank you for- Wait a minute," Naruto said, stopping mid-sentence, "Spider-DOG?!"
"Well he doesn't think he can operate the web-shooter properly, given that he lacks opposable digits," Tsume explained. Naruto raised an eyebrow in curiosity, espeicially since the voice that he was hearing sounded familiar to him. Walking up to Tsume, Naruto grabbed the top of the mask and yanked it off, revealing Tsume as Spider-Woman.
"Mrs. Inuzuka?!" Naruto and Hinata exclaimed in unison.
"Oh now why did you have to go and unmask me for?" Tsume complained.
Over in Naruto's office in the Hokage office building later that day, Harold, Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru were standing before Naruto's desk, at which Naruto was seated. Laying on Naruto's desk was the Kote-turned-web-shooter, which Naruto had confiscated from Tsume. "So let me get this straight," Naruto began, "The lot of you minus Kuromaru broke into the storage room here, stole the Kote, modified it into a web-shooter, and used it plus a Spider-Man costume to go around, pretending to be a superhero."
"In our defense," Harold replied, "Kuromaru would have been recognized if he was caught on camera, regardless of what mask he wore."
"We were considering giving him a mask of Dipper Pines to use," Tsume stated.
"And here Sakura thought the stuff I did back when I was twelve was stupid," Naruto muttered to himself in an exasperated tone.
"I assume that you'll be taking that thing back," Kuromaru said, "What did you call it now, a Kote?"
"Yes that's what it's called," Naruto answered, "And yes, I'll be taking it back. The boys in development will have to undo whatever you all did to it to turn it into a web-shooter."
"But, Spider-Man!" Harold exclaimed, looking worried.
Holding up a hand to cut off any further protest, Naruto said to the older shinobi, "To all of y'all's credit, I bet that the boys in development will want to try to replicate this web-shooter concept into a different invention. But for the time being, they'll want to restore the Kote to its original state. Now if you all would be so kind as to leave, I need to go over a few details about the upcoming chunnin exams with a few of my advisors."
After they left Naruto's office, Harold and the humans in his group were somewhat down in the dumps. "Great, there goes Konoha's first superhero," Harold remarked in a somber tone.
"With all due respect, an actual Spider-Man, or Spider-Woman, would have been woefully outclassed in a place like Konoha," Kuromaru pointed out, "It's little wonder why Spider-Man and his ilk are not all that popular here in the Hidden Leaf."
"Yeah, my grandnephew did say he liked Iron Man better," Harold said, "And Inoichi's grandson likes Hawkeye better."
"Doesn't Hiashi's granddaughter like Loki?" Inoichi asked.
"Yeah, I think so," Tsume replied, "And yeah, he's a good guy in some comics."
Over at Might Gai's place, Neji and Rock Lee were seated at Gai's dining room table with Gai himself. Handing Gai a small stack of photos, Neji said, "I was able to take some pictures of Spider-Man who, as I suspected, was really Mr. Fisher in a costume. There's also pictures of Spider-woman, who's actually just Mrs. Inuzuka."
"From what I heard, they took a device made by the boys in development, modified it into a web-shooter, and used it to do Spider-man style rescues," Rock Lee continued.
"So there really ISN'T a Spider-man," Gai remarked in a mildly disappointed tone. Putting the photos down, Gai said, "Well now I've got nothing to sell to the tabloids."
"If it makes you feel better, Gai-sensei," Rock Lee said as he pulled out a few sheets stapled together and handing the stapled sheets to Gai, "This is a Spider-Man fanfic my daughter wrote."
Gai took the fanfic, gave the title a quick look, then said, "Why would Tenlee ship Spider-man with Harry Potter?!" (5)
END, CHAPTER EIGHT
Author's notes
(1) The sports person on the Konoha news team, Roger, is named after a close friend of mine who, tragically, committed suicide a few years ago. As a tribute to Roger, I named a character in this story after him.
(2) This once led to a rather embarrassing incident when, as she was having a conversation with Harold and Inoichi, Tsume followed them into a men's restroom.
(3) The lack of the presence of guns in this world has led to the rise of a variety of crossbows. In fact, in his tenure as Hokage, Naruto has had to push for a few laws concerning the domestic ownership of crossbows.
(4) It always grinds my gears whenever a trained ninja is taken hostage/made helpless by a lowly criminal, especially one without any sort of combat training whatsoever.
(5) I wouldn't be surprised if this ends up getting made or already exists.
I was able to upload this chapter without any issue; odd, considering the blip of trouble i had last time. Maybe it was just a fluke.