Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.
Harold of Konoha
Chapter fourteen: Uzumaki: The life of a Hokage (AKA Historical Badass Upgrade often equals Historically Inaccurate)
The curtains on the stage in the prison theater were drawn open. The background showed that the scene was set in Winter, what with the snow-covered ground and tree tops. In approximately the center of the stage was Sakaki Inuzuka, squatting down as three other inmate pretended to be punching and kicking her. Sakaki was dressed like she was a young girl dressed for Winter; the three other inmates dressed like young boys dressed for Winter. "Ah! Someone help me!" Sakaki hollered, faking a distressed tone.
"Back away from that girl, you curs!" a coarse female voice called out. Walking onto the scene from stage left was Tsume Inuzuka, the mother-in-law of Sakaki; Tsume was dressed like a young boy dressed for Winter, same as the three other inmates. However, Tsume was also wearing a red scarf.
"Hey, who are you?" said the first inmate, pointing a finger at Tsume in an accusing manner.
"I am Naruto Uzumaki, and I will one day be Hokage!" Tsume said. Holding up a sheet of paper that was crumpled up into a ball, Tsume said, "Have at you, foul villains!" Throwing the paper ball at the first inmate (and successfully hitting him), Tsume exclaimed, "Kunai attack!"
"Ah! I have been defeated!" said the first inmate as he jumped back.
Tsume threw two more paper balls at the other two inmates, one paper ball per inmate, shouting, "Kunai attack!" with each paper ball thrown. The other two inmates were also hit, exclaiming that they've been defeated as they were hit, then jumped back to join the first inmate. When all three were together, they ran out of the scene stage right. Walking up to the crouching Sakaki, Tsume offered her a hand and said, "Do not worry, for I have defeated those very bad people!"
"Thank you, brave hero," Sakaki said as she took Tsume's hand, getting up.
"What is your name, mysterious girl?" Tsume asked.
"I am Hinata Hyuga," Sakaki replied.
"You are very cute, Hinata," Tsume said, "We should be childhood sweethearts."
"Okay!" Sakaki said, taking Tsume by her right hand and walking off of the scene with her stage left. End Scene.
When the curtain opened for the next scene, it could be seen that this part of the play took part in the Leaf Village Ninja Academy. An inmate dressed as a teacher sat at a table opposite of a number of inmates, two of which were Tsume (dressed like twelve-year-old Naruto) and Sakaki (dressed like twelve-year-old Hinata). "Greeting, students," said the inmate dressed as a teacher, "I am Iruka Umino, and I will be testing you all to see if you are worthy of graduating from the Hidden Leaf Ninja Academy. The test will be on the clone technique. First up will be… Naruto Uzumaki."
Stepping forward, Tsume put her hands together in a gesture normally used to cast jitsu (1) and said, "Clone Jitsu!"
At that moment, Harold Fisher and Inoichi Yamanaka (both of which were dressed as twelve-year-old Naruto) came walking onto the scene stage right. "We're Naruto's clones," Harold said.
"Yeah, we're totally his clones," Inoichi added, "In fact, we're shadow clones."
"Great scot!" the inmate playing Iruka exclaimed as he stood up, "This is phenomenal! Naruto Uzumaki, you pass! With flying colors!"
"And this is my first time too!" Tsume exclaimed as everyone on stage cheered. At that moment, a really fat inmate with a gonk-like face and a bald head came walking in from stage left.
"Rawr, rawr, I am Mizuki!" the inmate said, "I am an evil ninja!"
"Kunai attack!" Tsume exclaimed as she threw a crumpled-up sheet of paper at the inmate playing Mizuki.
After getting hit, the inmate proclaimed, "Oh no! I have been defeated by a twelve-year-old!" Getting to his hands and knees, the inmate playing Mizuki said as he laid on the stage, "And now I am the dead. Bleh."
"Naruto! You saved Iruka-sensei's life!" exclaimed a tall, muscular black inmate (who is male) that was among the crowd playing other academy students.
"Of course I did, Ino Yamanaka," Tsume said, "I am Konoha's greatest hero, after all!"
"Hooray for Naruto!" Sakaki cheered, pumping a fist into the air. End Scene.
The next scene had Tsume, Harold, a skinny inmate, and a fat inmate with long brown hair with a gonk-like face in what appeared to be the local training grounds. "I am Kakashi Hatake, and I will be your jonin instructor, now that you all are genin," said the skinny inmate, "Fist off, I would like for you all to introduce yourselves."
"I am Choji Akimichi, and I like burritos," said the fat inmate.
"I am Sakura Haruno, and I'm totally crushing on that Sasuke dude that my Uncle Harold can TOTALLY take in a fight," Harold said.
"I am Naruto Uzumaki, and I am Konoha's greatest hero," Tsume said.
"Great scot!" the inmate playing Kakashi exclaimed as he pointed at Tsume, "You mean to tell me that YOU'RE Naruto Uzumaki?! The genin who single-handedly defeated Mizuki Assmore, the evil stupid ninja that wanted to assassinate Lord Third and kill all of the puppies that live in Konoha?!"
"Damn skippy!" Tsume proclaimed.
"Oh my God, I bet you get all the ladies, Naruto!" Harold declared.
"Oh, they certainly try, random pink-haired girl that I haven't met up until now," Tsume said, "But my heart already belongs to the prettiest and most beautiful of girls in Konoha!"
"You mean Hinata Hyuga?" the inmate playing Choji asked.
"If Hinata were my daughter, I'd offer you her hand in marriage right now," said the inmate playing Kakashi.
To Harold, Tsume and the fat inmate, the inmate playing Kakashi said, "Well anywho, back to business. I WAS going to do the bell test to see how well the lot of you worked together. But since we have a national hero as awesome and cool as Naruto on the team, I can safely say that this team passes with flying colors!"
"Hooray! Three cheers for Naruto!" Harold and the fat inmate cheered, and proceeded to say, "Hip, hip, Hooray!" three times in a row, alongside the inmate playing Kakashi. End Scene.
In the next scene, Tsume, Harold, the inmate playing Kakashi and the fat inmate were walking through the woods when a skinny inmate came walking in onto the stage from the other end. "Rawr, rawr, I am Zabuza!" said the skinny inmate.
"Oh no! It's Zabuza!" the inmate playing Kakashi exclaimed, "He is a super tough evil ninja that wants to take over the world and kill puppies!"
"Not if I have anything to say about it," Tsume declared as she threw a crumpled-up sheet of paper at the inmate playing Zabuza, "Kunai attack!"
"Oh no, I have been defeated!" the inmate playing Zabuza proclaimed as he was struck by the crumpled-up sheet of paper. Getting down to lay on the stage, the inmate playing Zabuza said, "And now I am the dead. Bleh."
"Holy balls, that was awesome, Naruto!" Harold proclaimed, "If it wasn't for the fact that Hinata already has dibs on you, I'd totally toss that Sasuke jerk to the side!"
"I may have boobs like a girl, but I am still a boy," said the fat inmate, "If I were a girl, I'd totally go for you, Naruto!"
"Thank you, Choji," Tsume replied. Before any of the actors could continue, a female inmate came onto the stage; she had long, beautiful auburn hair, a pretty face, and a thin yet healthy body.
"I am Haku, and you just killed my baby daddy Zabuza! I will defeat you with the power of my super-girly ness!" said the female inmate.
"Like hell you will!" Tsume declared as she threw a crumpled up sheet of paper at the female inmate playing Haku, "Kunai attack!"
"Oh no! I have been defeated!" the female inmate playing Haku exclaimed when she was hit by Tsume's projectile. Laying down on the stage, the female inmate said, "Now I am the dead as well. Bleh."
"Naruto has defeated yet another evil ninja!" the inmate playing Kakashi proclaimed, "Truly he is the greatest ninja in the history of forever!"
"No way that he can defeat I, Gato! I am the greatest of all ninja!" exclaimed a fat black inmate as he walked in on stage.
"Oh yeah?" Tsume said, walking up to the inmate and proceeding to pretending to punch him repeatedly.
"Augh! So many punches that are so strong! I have been slain!" the inmate playing Gato said as he laid down on the stage.
"Naruto has single-handedly saved the Land of Waves!" the inmate playing Kakashi proclaimed, "We are victorious!" End Scene.
In the next scene, a number of inmates were in what appeared to be the arena where the first portion of the first chunnin exam's combat phase took place. Tsume was facing off against a thin yet healthy male inmate who had medium-long black hair. The guy's face looked…above average. "I am Kiba Inuzuka," said the inmate opposite of Tsume, "And I shall defeat you, Naruto!"
"You can never defeat me, Kiba!" Tsume proclaimed, "Even IF your mother is totally awesome and rock'en!"
A fat inmate playing the role of Hayate said, "Okay, you two can begin fighting." The inmate playing the role of Kiba went running at Tsume, who simply threw a pretend punch that the inmate received on his face.
"Oh no! I have been beaten too much! I cannot continue!" the inmate playing Kiba proclaimed as he laid down on the stage.
"Naruto Uzumaki has defeated Kiba Inuzuka!" the inmate playing Hayate declared, raising a hand.
As the crowd of inmate playing the roles of the other genin taking part in the chunnin exams cheered, Tsume said, "Oh hells yeah! No one can defeat me, Naruto Uzumaki! I am the greatest!"
As Tsume walked up to join the other inmates, the fat inmate playing Hayate said, "Okay, next fight is between Hinata Hyuga and Neji Hyuga." At that moment, Sakaki (dressed as twelve-year-old Hinata) and the female inmate who played Haku (dressed as thirteen-year-old Neji) walked to center stage.
"Okay, you two can start fighting," said the fat inmate playing Hayate.
"I will beat you!" Sakaki yelled as she ran at the female inmate.
"Like hell you will, you frigg'en nerd!" the female inmate said, jabbing Sakaki in the gut (not all that hard, though).
"Ah! I am wounded!" Sakaki cried as she laid down on the stage, "Cough hack cough!"
"Neji Hyuga has defeated Hinata Hyuga," the fat inmate playing Hayate declared, "And from the looks of it, he also half-killed Hinata as well."
"You're a turd, Neji!" Tsume yelled, "You better hope I'm not paired to fight you in the next round!"
"A blonde r-tard like you cannot defeat a leet haxor munchkin such as I," the female inmate replied to Tsume.
"Okay, with all of the other fights having been taken care of, I will now announce the pairings for the next round of fighting," the fat inmate playing Hayate said, "Round one will be Naruto Uzumaki versus Neji Hyuga."
"Yes! I will get to pound the face of the bastard who dared to try and kill my sweetness!" Tsume said. Pointing to the female inmate playing Neji, Tsume said, "Prepared to get reckt, m8!"
"Oh no, I might actually be in serious trouble!" the female inmate playing Neji said, "But I am a stuck up snob who wrongly believes that he is better than every other genin, so I should be fine!"
"Okay, everyone go train for a month, then meet back at the big stadium in town," the fat inmate playing Hayate said. End Scene.
The next scene saw Tsume and the female inmate playing Neji in a setting similar to the arena where Naruto and Neji had their fight in the chunnin exams. "I will defeat you, girly boy!" Tsume said, "I trained with a perverted old guy who has a frog fetish! I cannot lose now, not that I ever could lose!"
"Oh no! I see that I really am in serious trouble!" said the female inmate playing Neji.
"Okay, you two can fight now," said the fat inmate who played Hayate, now playing the role of Genma.
Holding a softball in her hand, Tsume ran forward and shoved it into the stomach of the female inmate playing Neji while shouting, "Rasengan!"
"Ah! The power of your Rasengan, which you have perfectly mastered, is too much for me to take!" the female inmate playing Neji exclaimed, "I am defeated!"
After the female inmate playing Neji laid down on the stage, the fat inmate playing Genma said, "Naruto Uzumaki has defeated Neji Hyuga!"
"Woohoo! I am awesome!" Tsume cheered. Suddenly, another female inmate came onto the stage.
"Rawr, rawr, I am Orochimaru!" the female inmate said, "I am leading sound ninja and sand ninja in an attack on Konoha!"
"Not if I have anything to say about that, foul cur!" Tsume said as she threw a crumpled-up sheet of paper at the female inmate that's playing Orochimaru, "Kunai attack!"
"Augh! I am wounded!" the female inmate playing Orochimaru exclaimed, "You are far too powerful an adversary for me to face! My minions and I shall withdraw from Konoha, for our own safety!"
After the female inmate playing Orochimaru left the stage, the fat inmate playing Genma said, "Great scot! Naruto, you've single-handedly stopped the sound-sand invasion of Konoha! You are a hero!"
"Let's give a round of applause for my baby daddy!" Sakaki said, "Three cheers for Naruto!" The other inmates began cheering Naruto's name. End Scene.
Before the next scene played, the female inmate who played Haku and Neji walked from the far left of the far right of the stage while wearing nothing but a two-piece swimsuit; she held a sign that said 'THREE YEARS LATER' above her head. The curtain opened to a scene where Harold (dressed as sixteen-year-old Sakura) sat at a counter as Inoichi (dressed as Teuchi the ramen guy) placed a bowl in front of Harold. "Hey ramen guy," Harold said, "Naruto's been gone for three years now, on an extended training trip with that perverted old guy with a frog fetish."
"Isn't Naruto that angsty boy with black hair? You know, the one you have a crush on?" Inoichi asked.
"No, that's Sasuke Uchiha," Harold replied.
"Oh, I remember now!" Inoichi declared, "Sasuke is that little brat who your uncle Harold Fisher can TOTALLY take in a fight!"
"I know, right?!" Harold agreed. As Harold proceeded to pretend to eat the contents of the bowl (it was empty), Tsume came walking up, dressed up as sixteen-year-old Naruto.
"Yo, guess who's back?" Tsume greeted.
"Naruto! Dood!" Harold exclaimed as he got up off of the stool he was seated on, and ran over to Tsume to hug her.
"Long time no see, Sakura," Tsume greeted, "How's Choji doing?"
"Our old teammate?" Harold replied, "He's in the hospital getting his stomach pumped."
"What did he eat this time?" Tsume asked, sounding like this was a regular occurrence.
"It would be quicker to say what Choji DIDN'T eat," Harold replied.
"Ha! That's Choji for you!" Tsume laughed, with Harold and Inoichi joining her in the laughing. End Scene.
In the next scene, Tsume (dressed as sixteen-year-old Naruto in sage mode) was facing six inmates dressed as Pain. "So you are Naruto Uzumaki," said one of the Pains, "The only one of your graduating class to have so far reached the rank of chunnin."
"I'm actually a jonin, but that's beside the point," Tsume said, "With my sage mode-enhanced Kunai attack, I shall slay all six of you in one hit each!"
"I would like to see you try, Naruto Uzumaki!" said the inmate playing the first Pain.
Tsume threw crumpled up sheets of paper at each of the inmates dressed up as Pain, shouting, "Kunai attack! With each crumpled sheet of paper thrown.
Every inmate playing one of the Pains was hit, and they all proceeded to lay down on the stage. "Oh no! The mighty Naruto has single-handedly defeated all of the Pains!" exclaimed the inmate playing the first Pain who spoke, "Truly us evil ninja have sorely underestimated the might of Konoha, the might of Naruto! And now all six of us are the dead. Bleh." After the six inmates playing the Pains were 'killed', various inmates who were playing Konoha citizens came out and started cheering.
"Let's hear it for Naruto!" Sakaki said, "Hip, hip, hooray!" End Scene.
Before the next scene started, the female inmate that played Haku and Neji walked from one end of the stage to another, wearing only a two-piece swimsuit, while holding a sign that said 'AND SO TIME PASSES…'. When the curtains opened on the new scene, everyone was standing before Tsume and the fattest inmate (who is male) to have graced the stage yet. "And so I, the Fifth Lady Hokage Tsunade, do hereby step down from my position," said the fat inmate playing Tsunade, "And I my place, I appoint Naruto Uzumaki! Let's hear it for the Sixth Lord Hokage, everyone!"
Everyone in the crowd standing before the fat inmate and Tsume started cheering, "Hip, hip, hooray!"
"As my first decree as Hokage, I hereby lower the legal drinking age in the village of Konohagakure to eighteen!" Tsume declared.
"Praise Jesus!" Harold proclaimed as he stood in the crowd of inmates acting as villagers, who started cheering even louder. End Scene.
In the next scene, Tsume, dressed as Hokage Naruto, was standing before a female inmate that was at least forty years of age (that being said, Tsume had approximately two decades on this woman). "So tell me again, Lord Hiashi Hyuga of Konoha's Hyuga clan," Tsume said, "Why is it that you invited me of all people to your home? Truly I am not deserving of such a privilege as this."
"Nonsense, young man," replied the female inmate in her forties, who is apparently playing the role of Hiashi, "You are a village hero and a national hero many times over, and that was all BEFORE you became Hokage!"
"So why is it that you wish to see me?" Tsume asked.
"A young man of your position must have no doubt been asked by fathers in Konoha to marry their daughters," the female inmate playing Hiashi began.
"I received no less than fifty thousand such requests, now that you mention it," Tsume replied, "All from different men."
"If that is the case, then I'm afraid that what I am about to ask you will be seen by you as annoying," the female inmate playing Hiashi said, "For I was going to offer you my daughter's hand in marriage."
"You're going to have to be a little bit more specific," Tsume replied, "You have three daughters, remember? Hanabi, Hinata and Neji."
"Yes I know, and they are all prettier and more girly than the last," the female inmate playing Hiashi replied, "However, it was Hinata I was talking about."
"Oh, you were talking about Hinata," Tsume said, "I see no problem with that, so long as she is willing to spend the rest of her life with me. It will probably help given that Hinata and I have been childhood sweethearts since we were both little kids."
"Oh, so YOU'RE the boy that my second born daughter has been crushing on since she was six," the female inmate playing Hiashi said, "Well then, this shall make things very much easier!" Tsume and the female inmate playing Hiashi then shared a good laugh. End Scene.
In the next scene, Tsume and Sakaki were standing before a thin male inmate dressed as a priest. Standing behind Tsume, Sakaki and the thin inmate was the crowd of other inmates that were playing the roles of various villagers. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Naruto Uzumaki, national hero of the land of fire and village hero of the village of Konohagakure, with Hinata Hyuga, the girl voted as 'girl-nerd with largest boobs EVAR'."
To Sakaki, the inmate playing the priest said, "Hinata Hyuga, do you take Naruto Uzumaki to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to hole, through rich and through poor, through sickness and through health, until death do you part?"
"I do," Sakaki replied with a small nod in the affirmative.
To Tsume, the inmate playing the priest said, "And do you, Naruto Uzumaki, take Hinata to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to hole, through rich and through poor, through sickness and through health, until death do you part?"
"Hells yeah I do!" Tsume declared.
"If there are any folks here who object to this union, speak now, or forever hold your peace," the inmate playing the priest said.
"I object!" A voice called out, making everyone gasp in shock. Everyone watched as the female inmate who played Orochimaru came in out of nowhere. "It is I, Orochimaru, and I object to this union!" the female inmate playing Orochimaru declared.
"I've had dibs on Hinata since we were both six," Tsume said as she stood between Sakaki and the female inmate playing Orochimaru, "I will not let you take her!"
"It is not the well-endowed girl that I seek to marry, Naruto Uzumaki," said the female inmate playing Orochimaru. Drawing a stage prop rapier from a scabbard on her belt, the female inmate playing Orochimaru pointed the fake blade at Tsume and declared, "It is in fact YOU who I seek to marry!"
Drawing her own stage prop rapier, Tsume pointed it at the female inmate playing Orochimaru and said, "Have at thee!" The two women then proceeded to fight each other, fencing and parrying each other's rapier strikes. Jumping back a foot, Tsume took out a crumpled-up sheet of paper and threw it at the female inmate playing Orochimaru while shouting, "Kunai attack!"
"AUGH!" the female inmate playing Orochimaru screamed, "I have been struck in my broken heart by the kunai!" Getting down to lay on the stage, the female inmate playing Orochimaru said, "And now I am the dead. Bleh."
After a few seconds passed since Orochimaru 'died', the inmate playing the priest asked, "Any other objections?"
"Nah, we're good," Harold said from the crowd of inmates playing various villagers.
"Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce Naruto and Hinata as husband and wife!" As Tsume and Sakaki proceeded to pretend to share a kiss, everyone cheered; there were even a few cheers coming from the audience. End Scene.
In the next scene, it looked like Tsume, Sakaki and a third inmate dressed as a doctor were in a hospital delivery room; Sakaki was laying on top of a table and looked like she was getting ready to give birth. "Come on, Hinata, push!" Tsume said, "Oh, this is by far the most exciting day of our lives, the day we become parents!" After a few seconds of Sakaki making grunting sounds, the tall muscular black male inmate who played Ino came crawling out from underneath the table that was being used.
"Waaaaa, waaaaa," the tall muscular black male inmate said, imitating the crying of a newborn infant.
"Great scot!" the inmate playing the doctor exclaimed, "It's a beautiful, perfectly healthy baby girl!"
"Waaaaa, waaaaa," the tall muscular black male inmate pretended to cry, pretending to throw a punch into the inmate doctor's face; the inmate doctor then proceeded to pretend to get knocked out in one hit, laying down on the stage to help with the cover.
"Wow, not one minute old and our daughter is already kicking ass," Tsume said, "We should name her Natsu, for everyone with that name kicks ass!"
"Totally, Naruto," Sakaki said, "Our daughter is going to be one of the greatest ninja that Konoha has ever seen, but since you're her father, that was already a given."
"Of course me being the father makes it a given!" Tsume declared with her fists on her waist as she proceeded to laugh boisterously. After that, the curtains closed on the scene.
A few seconds after the curtains closed, the curtains opened again with all of the inmates who participated in the play standing in a line; they proceeded to bow to the audience, who cheered for them for a job well done. End Play.
About a day or so after Harold and the others were released from prison, Harold and his wife Sophia were watching the play, which Sophia recorded on a video camera that uses DVDs. "You were actually in the audience when the play was performed?" Harold asked his wife.
"Well it WAS the first play you ever participated in," Sophia replied to her beloved husband, "I record every play that my loved ones participate in. Like that play our grandnephew Haru participated in back when he was six."
"Remind me which one that was again?" Harold asked (due to his and Tsume's time-travel shenanigans, Harold knows very little about the current timeline).
"It was the one that showed how Konoha became Suna's ally against Kumo in the fifth ninja war," Sophia explained, "Haru was playing the role of Lord Sixth, and some blonde five-year-old girl that the REAL Lord Sixth brought along played the role of the Kazekage, Lord Gaara." (2)
"Hey, you think Sakura, her husband, and all of their respective friends would like watching this?" Harold asked, "I mean, they're all characters in this play, and if they think it sucks, hey, none of the boys or I wrote the damn thing, so it can't be our fault. In fact, we ad-libbed some of our respective lines."
"Yes, I see," Sophia remarked, "And you're right. I bet that they will all love watching the recording I made of the play."
Later that evening, Harold, Inoichi and Tsume gathered everyone for a special showing of Sophia's recording of the prison play over at Tsume's place (it had a VERY spacious living room). When the recording finished, Harold turned off the TV, then he, along with Inoichi and Tsume, stood in front of the TV.
"So that was the play that Inoichi, Tsume, Tsume's daughter-in-law and I all participated in back when we were in prison," Harold said, "We're lucky that the awesomeness that is Sophia was able to get in so she could video record the whole thing on DVD."
"Now bear in mind that it was the first-ever play that the boys and I participated in," Inoichi said, "And the play was written by the prison warden. All that the boys and I did was spiced our respective character's dialogues up with a few choice lines of our own."
"So what do the lot of you think?" Tsume asked the crowd of gathered adults; aside from Sakaki (who was blushing and covering her face in shame), there was Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Hinata, Shino, Kiba, Ino, Choji, Shikamaru, Neji, Rock Lee, Tenten, Sophia, Kuromaru and Mayamaru. Everyone save for Sakaki and Sophia just starred dumbfounded at the three older ninja.
The silence lasted for about a minute until Naruto broke it by speaking up. "...What?!" Naruto exclaimed, "What the f-"
END, CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Author's Notes:
(1) Ninjas who are inmates at the prison have to wear manacles on their wrists; these manacles impede the ability to mold and manipulate chakra, effectively preventing the ninja wearing them from using jitsu.
(2) Yes, Naruto had Natsu, who was five at the time, play the role of Gaara
I was originally planning on using a different idea for the plot of chapter fourteen, but then I figured that showing what the prison play that was repeatedly mentioned in chapter thirteen was like would make for an interesting chapter. And before anything is said, yes, I deliberately made this chapter (at least the parts that covered the play) the way it is. The prison play script was written by the prison warden from chapter thirteen, so I had to write the play as if it was a poorly written fanfiction that is horrifically inaccurate to the point of absurdity. Yes, the warden is THAT kind of a character.