Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.

Harold of Konoha

Chapter twenty-one: Fidelity is good for a marriage (AKA it's good to be Happily Married)

One early November day in the village of Konohagakure, some of the women got together for socializing over a lovely brunch. This group consisted of Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Tenten, Mebuki, Sophia, Michelle and Sakaki (who brought Mayamaru with her). "Sakaki, dear," Michelle began, "Didn't you say that you'd invite your mother-in-law to join us for brunch?"

"I did invite her, Mrs. Yamanaka," Sakaki replied. After taking a sip from her tea cup, Sakaki added, "It's just that mama Tsume declined the invite."

"No offence, Sakaki," Sakura began, "But your mother-in-law is nothing short of eccentric."

"That would be putting it lightly, good miss," Mayamaru replied to Sakura.

"Not to mention she's a little on the mean side," Tenten stated, "She keeps calling me 'Ten-ton'. I know I'm a little on the heavy side, but that's no excuse to call me names!"

"At least those morons who hang out with Tsume regularly have the decency to refrain from doing so," Mebuki remarked.

"Those 'morons' that you speak of are me and Michelle's respective husbands, Mebuki!" Sophia stated in an offended tone, "In fact, the one I'm married to is your BROTHER!"

"And every day since you accepted his proposal, I've had to question your sanity," Mebuki remarked in a snarky manner. As Sophia and Michelle both started to get upset, Sakura wisely cut in.

"Woah there," Sakura interrupted, "Mom, I know you like calling out Uncle Harold whenever he does something stupid, but you got to realize that doing so in front of Aunt Sophia isn't very nice."

"What I would like to know is why she's so loyal of him, even with all of the shenanigans he gets into." Mebuki replied honestly.

"It's because he's never done wrong by me," Sophia replied, "Nor do I believe the idea is even capable of crossing his mind."

"It's the same reason for why I'm still perfectly happy with my marriage to Inoichi," Michelle stated, "I think that he's actually incapable of betraying my trust."

"I have to agree," Ino said as she picked up her tea cup, "If there's one redeeming quality that can be found under all of my dad's stupidity, it's that he's faithful to his marriage with mom."

"It's also why I've never seen any issue with Harold having some women as friends," Sophia added.

Nodding, Michelle said, "I agree. Inoichi and Harold see Tsume as just another one of the guys."

"Mama Tsume probably sees herself that way, too," Sakaki remarked. (1)

"You know, all this talk about dad and his friends has got me wondering," Ino said, "What are those three up to right now?"

Harold Fisher, Inoichi Yamanaka, Tsume Inuzuka and Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru were standing in front of a bizarre-looking car that was crashed into the side of a building; the front end of said car was crushed up in a way that made it resemble an accordion. As flames crackled from various areas on the ruined car, Harold and the other humans, with tears in their eyes, saluted the car as if it was a dear comrade that they were attending the funeral of. Kuromaru, for his part, only sighed in a tone that suggested that something like this might have happened at some point or another.

"Good-bye, supercar," Harold remarked in a voice that mildly waivered, "You were the best of us."

"You helped with raising the money my daughter and her family needed to get back on their feet after the house fire," Inoichi said in a somber tone, "From fire you saved them, and by fire you are claimed."

"Technically, you guys crashing the supercar into the building is what totaled it," Kuromaru remarked, "The small fire that erupted from under the hood didn't happen until AFTER the crash."

"This is sadder than the time when Lord Sixth shut down The Four Dudes Card shop," Tsume remarked as tears rolled down the sides of her face.

"You know, I'm frankly rather surprised that Lord Sixth allowed you three to even keep the damn thing," remarked the Inuzuka ninja dog as he and the older ninjas continued to survey the damaged supercar.

"I never got to take Sophia for a joyride in it," Harold remarked sadly, "I bet that she would have gotten a kick out of it."

Nodding in agreement with Harold as he sniffled from his crying, Inoichi said, "That reminds me that I was going to take Michelle for a joyride in the supercar."

"You two were going to take your respective wives out for joyrides in the supercar?" Kuromaru asked.

"Well why wouldn't I want to take Sophia for a ride in the supercar?" Harold asked, "She means the world to me, and as such, I want to treat her as much as I can, as often as I can, and as well as I can."

"Likewise, Michelle means the world to me," Inoichi said, "And as such, I've done things only a true man is willing to do. Like go into a shopping mall on Black Friday so as to find the perfect holiday gift for Michelle."

"You risked your life for your wife?" Kuromaru asked, looking mildly shocked.

"Of course I have," Inoichi replied.

"I myself have also braved malls on Black Friday so as to get Sophia the perfect gift," Harold added.

"I saw the two of them team up one Black Friday," Tsume said to her ninja dog, "They fought a combined total of forty-seven other shoppers. I think Harold and Inoichi were responsible for six of the twenty some-odd deaths that Black Friday."

"We each got three," Harold said to Kuromaru as he gestured to himself and Inoichi.

Shaking his head, Kuromaru said, "Whatever. Now back to the subject at hand. You guys got insurance for the supercar, right?"

"…Why the hell didn't we think of that?!" Tsume exclaimed, her hands thrown into the air.

Shaking his head once again, Kuromaru said, "I'm going to take that as a resounding n-" Kuromaru was cut off when something struck him in the back of the head, knocking the Inuzuka ninja dog out cold.

"The hell?!" Tsume exclaimed, right before she herself got knocked out. Harold and Inoichi were also knocked out, before either of them could say anything. Those who knocked Harold and company out took their unconscious captives and spirited them away.

Later that day, as Sakura and the other ladies were enjoying their time together, they were surprised when Shikaru and Inohime, Ino's son and daughter, came over.

"Hey mom, Grandma Michelle, do either of you have any idea where Grandpa Inoichi is?" Shikaru asked.

"Why are you looking for him?" Ino replied.

"It's not so much me, so much as it's Inohime," the young Nara boy replied.

"Today there's new episodes of Ponies," Inohime said, "Grandpa always watches Ponies with Inohime. But Grandpa didn't visit yet."

"Strange," Michelle remarked to the other ladies that were present, "Inoichi is always punctual when it comes to spending time with the grandkids."

"Maybe he forgot that today's Saturday?" Sophia suggested.

Shaking her head softly, Michelle replied, "No, no that can't be it. If I know my husband like I know I do, then he'd never forget to catch the newest episode of a show that he likes." With a mild hint of worry in her tone, Michelle said, "Something must have happened to Inoichi."

"Just because he missed an episode of a show that he watches regularly?" Tenten asked, looking totally incredulous.

"Wait a minute," Sophia said suddenly, "If something happened to Inoichi…then maybe that same something happened to Harold!"

"Now you're just overreacting, Sophia," Mebuki said in a tone that was dismissive of the Fisher matriarch's worries. At that moment, Sakura felt her pocket vibrate, so she pulled out her cell phone.

Answering it, Sakura said, "Hey Sasuke, what's going…What do you mean Uncle Harold hasn't shown up yet to help you and my dad with the project that…" Sakura suddenly stopped short as a look of realization dawned on the Uchiha woman's face. "…Umm, Sasuke, I'm going to have to call you back," Sakura said in a mildly worried tone, "Call me if Uncle Harold does end up showing up, alright? Okay, thank you. I'll see you later. …I love you too."

After ending the call and slipping her phone back into her pocket, Sakura said to the women, "Uncle Harold had promised to help Sasuke and my dad with some woodworking, but he's yet to show up. Uncle Harold never missed an opportunity to do what he would refer to as 'man work' with Sasuke and dad."

"Oh yeah, that reminds me about what Haru told me about failing to find his granduncle," Shikaru remarked.

"Ladies, something happened to Harold and Inoichi," Sophia said, "We have to report this pronto."

In a dimly lit room in an abandoned warehouse somewhere, Harold suddenly came to. When the Fisher patriarch did, he noticed his surroundings; the first thing he noticed about wherever he was at was that on his left was Inoichi; Tsume was on Harold's right. Both Inoichi and Tsume, along with Harold himself, were sitting in armless chairs, tied down in place by rope that was around their bodies and the backs of the chairs they were seated in. Their legs were also tied down in a similar fashion to the front legs of the chairs.

Straining his neck just a tad, Harold saw that Kuromaru was laying on the ground, his front legs tied together, and his back legs tied together as well. Also, Kuromaru was muzzled. When Inoichi and Tsume came to as well, the very first thing that Tsume saw was Kuromaru. "Alright, assholes," Tsume shouted angrily into the room, "I want the asshole who put that muzzle on my dog to take it off RIGHT NOW!" (2)

"Me oh my, you're rather bold for a lady of your age," a mysterious voice called out, "Really, a real woman in the same stage in life as you shouldn't talk so harshly."

"Who the hell was that?!" Harold exclaimed in a mildly alarmed manner. Stepping out from the shadows was a Konoha shinobi, wearing the standard Konoha shinobi outfit. It wasn't the fact that a Konoha shinobi had apparently taken them hostage was shocking to Harold and company, but rather it was WHO the shinobi was.

"Katasuke from development!" Harold exclaimed, his feelings of alarm disappearing and being replaced with feelings of suspicion.

"Indeed," Katasuke replied calmly with a slight bow of his head, "And how are the three of you doing?"

"I'm wondering what the hell you're planning that involved taking the boys and I hostage," Harold remarked in a suspicious tone.

"Yeah, I wanna know what's going on as well," Inoichi agreed.

"Same here," Tsume added, "But the first and foremost thing I want right the frig now is for that blasted muzzle on Kuromaru to be removed!"

"As my men and I are worried that the dog may try to bite us, the muzzle will stay," Katasuke remarked.

"The muzzle…" Tsume began in an eerily monotone voice, "…will stay?!"

"So what do you and your fellow boys in development want with the boys and I?" Harold asked.

"Oh no, you got it wrong," Katasuke replied calmly, "I'm not working with the usual boys from development on this one. My allies in this are…men who were rejected from development."

"Okay, but that doesn't answer Harold's question," Inoichi said, "The hell do you want with us?"

"It has come to my attention that you lot are the ones who took the first prototype for the Kote and turned it into that blasted thing you used to pretend to be Spider-Man," Katasuke began.

"Oh yeah, now I remember," Harold said, "After Lord Sixth confiscated it, he told us that the boys in development were working on recreating the web-shooter into a stand-alone invention while they were busy trying to restore the whatever you called it to its original state."

"Ah yes," Katasuke remarked, "Lord Sixth. A great leader, really. One of the finest Hokages that Konoha has ever had, if not THE greatest." After a few seconds of silence, Katasuke added, "Or rather, he WOULD be if he didn't constantly impede the progress I'm trying to make!"

"Dude, the unaltered web-shooter scares the snot out of Lord Sixth's daughter," Harold stated in a mildly offended tone, "Not to mention my grandnephew."

"He expressly forbade the use of the Kote in the recent chunnin exams!" Katasuke exclaimed suddenly as he threw his arms into the air, "All because he thinks technological advancements 'defeat the purpose of the exams', or some other total load like that!" Looking mildly startled after his mini explosion, Katasuke visibly calmed himself. "Apologies," said the jonin scientist to his hostages, "I normally never lose my cool like that."

"So what the hell do you want with us?" Harold asked.

"You see, the web-shooter idea that the three of you came up with is actually rather genius, if I'm to be honest," Katasuke began, "However, the boys in development have reached something of a snag."

"A snag?" Inoichi repeated in a mildly confused tone.

"No one has any idea on how to properly concoct the fluid that goes into the web-shooter," Katasuke explained, "You know, the fluid that turns into webbing when shot out."

"And you want us to tell you how we made it ourselves?" Harold asked suspiciously.

"I will be credited with the invention of the webbing fluid, thus earning myself the recognition in the scientific community that has eluded me for so long!" Katasuke proclaimed. Calming down slightly, Katasuke said, "And you three will tell me how to make it."

"I'll never tell you!" Inoichi shouted, "I'd sooner die than talk to an obvious madman on how to make a breakthrough in the making of a web-shooter!"

"You'll likewise find that I am also impossible to talk to while an evil scientist has me held as a hostage," Harold warned Katasuke. Giving a slight 'Hmph', Katasuke said, "No matter. I will get the three of you to talk in time. In fact, I think I'll go and gather some help for this."

After Katasuke left Harold and company alone in the dimly lit room, Tsume said, "The muzzle…will STAY?!" (3)

Later at the Hokage office building, Sophia and Michelle led the women they were having brunch up the floors until they reached the top floor, where Naruto's office was located. The women busted the door open, with Sophia and Michelle saying in unison, "Lord Sixth, we need to talk to you!"

Looking at all of the women that suddenly barged into his office, Naruto said, "Umm…what can I help you with?"

"We have reason to believe that Harold and Inoichi are in serious trouble!" Sophia stated.

"Uhh, Mrs. Fisher, Mrs. Yamanaka," Naruto began, "No offence, but aren't your respective husbands usually in some sort of trouble?"

"No Naruto," Sakura said, "It's not THAT sort of trouble."

Getting up from his desk, Naruto replied, "Then what, pray tell, caused all of this worry?"

"Inoichi and Harold BOTH missed things that they would never miss," Michelle said, "Inoichi missed watching the newest episode of Inohime's favorite show with her, and Harold missed doing woodwork with Sasuke and Kizashi."

"They wouldn't pass those activities up, even to hang out with each other," Sophia confirmed.

"Yeah, you two got a point there," Naruto remarked as he gave what he was told some thought, "Mr. Fisher and Mr. Yamanaka both being such dedicated family men is something about them that I'd like to emulate." Looking the women directly in their faces, Naruto said, "Alright. I'll organize some search parties for-" Naruto was cut off when there was a ringing sound coming in out of nowhere.

Recognizing the ringing, Sakaki pulled a cell phone from her pocket. "Hello, Kiba?" Sakaki replied, "What do you…oh. I'm actually at Naruto's office right now with the women I told you I'd be having brunch with. I'll let him know right away." After ending the call and slipping her cell phone back into her pocket, Sakaki said to Naruto, "You may also want to add mama Tsume and Kuromaru to the list of missing persons as well."

"Wait a minute," Mebuki said, "My brother and his idiot brigade are all missing?"

"Who would want to kidnap all of them?" Ino said rhetorically, "Furthermore, what could be happening to them right now?"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Harold exclaimed angrily at Katasuke; Harold, as well as Inoichi and Tsume, watched helplessly as Katasuke poured the contents of a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager onto the floor of the dimly lit room they were in. The three seniors grunted as they struggled with their bindings, vainly trying to get free so as to save what little of that most glorious golden liquid was left. After Katasuke finished pouring the contents of the can he held on the floor, he tossed the can itself onto the floor.

As Harold and company panted with exhaustion, Katasuke said, "Wow. I am both impressed and slightly disturbed with how much emotional pain you three suffered by watching me pour a can of beer all over the floor."

"YOU SACRIGLGIOUS BASTARD!" Harold angrily exclaimed at Katasuke as tears streamed down the Fisher patriarch's face, "HOW COULD YOU DEFILE SO SACRED A DRINK?!"

"If you thought that we'd talk to you now, then you're obviously fooling yourself," Tsume spat bitterly at the scientist.

"I see that angering you lot is not the way to go," Katasuke remarked casually, "…Aha! I know! I shall appeal to the core of manhood that is in Fisher and Yamanaka!"

"Appeal?" Harold repeated in a mildly confused tone, "The hell are you on about?" In response, Katasuke clapped his hands twice; about a moment later, two physically attractive women of ill repute came walking into the dimly lit room.

"Perhaps Fisher and Yamanaka would be willing to talk to these lovely ladies about how to make the webbing fluid?" Katasuke suggested.

"…No, not really," Inoichi replied.

"Yeah, I'm not seeing where you're trying to go with this," Harold admitted with a shake of his head.

With a snap of his fingers, Katasuke said, "Ladies?" At this prompting, the women of ill repute approached Harold and Inoichi, causing both men to go wide-eyed with worry.

"The hell is going on here?" Harold asked apprehensively, "Whatever it is, I don't think that OHNONONO!" Harold started freaking out when the woman of ill repute that approached him sat on his lap and started tracing her fingertips down his chest. The women of ill repute that had approached Inoichi proceeded to sit in Inoichi's lap and trace her fingertips down his chest.

"BAD TOUCH! BAD TOUCH!" Harold exclaimed hysterically as he shook his head vigorously.

"I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!" Inoichi exclaimed as he behaved in a likewise manner similar to how Harold's acting.

"YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH!" Tsume shouted at Katasuke, "HOW DARE YOU HAVE THESE PROSTITUTES THROW THEMSELVES ONTO MY FRIENDS!"

Katasuke looked on at the display with a mildly confused look on his face. "…Do these men not like having women throw themselves at them?" Katasuke remarked to himself as the two older men both continued to struggle against the women of ill repute.

"GET OFF OF ME! GET OFF OF ME!" Inoichi shouted helplessly as the woman of ill repute did as she was instructed to by her boss.

"RAPE! RAPE!" Harold exclaimed as tears started rolling down the sides of his face again. But they weren't tears of anger over seeing beer being spilled.

Naruto was leading a search party consisting of Neji, Rock Lee and Shino. As they hopped from rooftop to rooftop, they were met up by a search party consisting of Sasuke, Shikamaru, Choji, and Kiba; as what one can expect, Kiba had Akamaru with him. "Any sign of Mr. Fisher and his friends yet?" Naruto asked.

"None at all," Sasuke replied, "And that's what worries me. As much as Sakura's idiot uncle likes doing stupid stuff with Ino's dad and Kiba's mom, they would never have been gone for this long."

"Ma always lets me, Bankai, Akamaru or Rojomaru know if she's going to be up to something," Kiba stated. (4)

"Naruto," Neji said, "Did the women who came to you mention anything that might help?"

Shaking his head in the negative, Naruto said, "Nothing that could be considered substantial, no."

"Lord Sixth!" a female voice called out. Naruto and company all turned to face a female Konoha chunnin, accompanied by two more Konoha chunnin, another female and one male.

"What is it?" Naruto asked.

"Hanabi and the team she was leading were walking by a warehouse along the edge of Konoha's residential district when Hanabi heard something that she wanted to bring to your attention," the male chunnin said, "Something about hearing what sounded like two older men shouting that they were being raped."

"Oh yeah," Naruto replied, "I had Hanabi lead a team composed of Natsu, Tenji and Hogato to assist with the search effort." To the male chunnin, Naruto continued, "Did Hanabi or any of the others say anything else?"

"Hanabi thinks that she recognized the voices as those that belong to Harold Fisher and Inoichi Yamanaka," the male chunnin continued, "She and her team are waiting for back up before charging into the warehouse."

"Now wait a minute here…" Sasuke said in a mildly confused tone, "…Did you just say that Mr. Fisher and Mr. Yamanaka were screaming that they were being raped?!"

Back in the dimly lit room at the warehouse, Harold and Inoichi, due to the unwelcomed contact with the women of ill repute, had been reduced to sobbing wrecks. "…Wow," Katasuke said as he looked at the two older men, "Never before in my life have I've borne witness to men reacting in such a manner to prostitutes."

"You better hope like you get a damn good lawyer," Tsume snarled angrily at Katasuke, "Because after I'm done suing you for muzzling Kuromaru, the boys here will we suing you for getting them raped!"

"No sexual activity of any kind took place," Katasuke pointed out, "All that the prostitutes did was sit on their laps and trace their fingertips down their chests."

"I feel so dirty" Harold sobbed as his shoulders shook, "Now I know what it feels like to be violated."

"Wow, this is so-" Katasuke remarked, but before he could finish, the door leading into the dimly lit room was busted down; immediately after that, Naruto, Sasuke, Neji and Rock Lee all ran into the room, with about twenty-four or so other Konoha ninja of varying ranks, mostly jonin, running in after them.

"What the-" Naruto exclaimed in confusion as he saw what was going on. Looking right to Katasuke, Naruto snapped, "You! This is all your doing, isn't it?!"

"Lord Sixth, save me!" Harold begged.

"This man made a woman of ill repute bad touch me!" Inoichi shouted.

"Get that muzzle off of Kuromaru, please!" Tsume exclaimed. Growling angrily that he had been foiled, Katasuke pulled a kunai out and ran at the first ninja who busted him that he laid eyes on, who just so happened to have been Hanabi. Before he even got close, however, Katasuke felt a powerful blow strike him in his stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Looking his assailant in the face, Katasuke was shocked to see Naruto.

"Yeah, I take issue with people trying to attack my sister-in-law," Naruto explained in an eerily calm tone before jerking his arm back, causing Katasuke to collapse to the ground, as Naruto's fist in his stomach was the only thing keeping him on his feet.

As Konoha police cruisers plus a few ambulances surrounded the warehouse, Naruto had some Konoha shinobi take Katasuke, who was passed out and strapped down to a stretcher, over to one of the ambulances. Meanwhile, Harold and his friends were sitting on the tailgate of some cop cars; Harold and Inoichi each had a blanket covering their respective backs and shoulders as they both drank from mugs of hot chocolate that was provided for them. It was at this point that the group of women that had brunch together came onto the scene. When they saw their respective husbands in such a condition, Sophia and Michelle immediately ran over.

"Harold!" Sophia exclaimed as tears started rolling down her face, "What happened to you?"

"That Katasuke guy took the boys and I hostage," Harold began as he seemed like he was about to cry, "Then, he brought in two prostitutes, and he made one of them bad touch me."

"He made the other one bad touch me at the same time," Inoichi admitted with tear-filled eyes, "I had never been so scared in my life."

"We were violated!" Harold exclaimed as he started to cry.

"You were violated?" Sakura asked as she stepped forward to give Harold and Inoichi an examination; Sakura IS a medic expert.

"All that the prostitutes did was sit on Harold's and Inoichi's laps as they traced their fingertips down the guys' chests," Kuromaru explained, "Katasuke took us hostage in an attempt to get Tsume and her friends to spill how they made the webbing fluid for their web-shooter from a while ago."

"And you two cried that you were being raped?!" Mebuki snapped.

"I didn't like how that woman was touching me," Harold sobbed as his shoulders bobbed up and down. As Mebuki face-palmed at her brother's apparent stupidity, Sakura stepped back, having finished her examination of Harold and Inoichi.

"Well I don't see any signs of physical trauma," Sakura said, "Although given how much both Uncle Harold and Mr. Yamanaka appeared to have been crying, I think that having them get something to drink might be a god idea. You know, to get rehydrated."

"Well dear, when can I get Harold home?" Sophia asked, "He obviously needs to recuperate."

"Naruto and his men will probably want to ask some questions," Sakura remarked, "But after that, I think taking him home right away is the best idea."

After Sakura finished her explanation, Sophia gently wrapped her arms around Harold and gave him a soft hug. Michele likewise did the same thing with Inoichi. The two men began to relax and calm down, feeling at ease at last in the loving embrace of their respective wives. "Mmm," Harold hummed contently, "Good touch."

END, CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Author's Notes:

(1) If the fact that she casually buys mature-rated zombie horror survival video games for her grandson and his friends is any indication.

(2) Seeing a muzzle on Kuromaru WILL tick Tsume off.

(3) Seriously. Don't muzzle Kuromaru while Tsume is nearby.

(4) Again, proof of poor Inuzuka/Nekozuka relations.

One of the very few things in fictional literature that I feel very strongly about is double standards against men. Just because a man is sexually harassed, or refuses a woman's advances, or anything else along those lines, DOES NOT MEAN that the man in question is 'less of a man', or whatever the hell anyone would call it in that situation. Hearing about double standards being used against men in such a manner is part of what inspired this chaper.