Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.
Harold of Konoha
Chapter twenty-three: Gifts from the Gods (AKA Praise the Sun, because That's no Moon!)
Harold Fisher and his wife Sophia were visiting their adult niece, Sakura Uchiha, one day in early to mid-November. "…So Haru and his friends are going to be busy with the new video games that just came out today," Sakura said to her aunt and uncle as she picked up a mug of tea, "I'm glad to see that the boys have something that helps them get along."
"What are those new games called again, dear?" Sophia asked as she picked up her own mug of tea.
"Haru said something about Sun and Moon version," Sakura replied. Setting her mug of tea down, Sakura continued, "Haru said that he picked Popplio the instant he got the chance to."
"I think Hiashi told me something about his granddaughter wanting the Sun one, and picking the little fire kitty," Harold remarked as he set down a can of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager that he was drinking from.
"Well since the kids will be occupied and staying out of trouble for the next few days, that frees up us grown-ups, eh?" Sophia said.
"I agree," Sakura replied with a nod, "The girls and I have to get together to discuss how we're going to manage Thanksgiving."
"Hey Sakura, that reminds me," Harold said, "You know how the boys and I are trying to help your fat friend lose weight?"
"You mean Tenten?" Sakura asked, "Yeah, what about her?"
"Don't you think it's kind of untimely to have her start a diet and weight loss regimen right before a major holiday that involves a lot of eating?" Harold asked.
"While I do agree with you that it is not the nicest thing to do to Tenten, the fact of the matter is that Tenten weighs more than most Akimichi clan members," Sakura replied. In a tone that sounded concerned, Sakura added, "I'm worried that something bad will happen to Tenten's health if she doesn't lose some weight."
"If you're that concerned with Tenten losing weight, then why don't you just do what Tsume suggested?" Harold replied.
"Because that is not how liposuction works," Sakura explained in an unamused monotone. (1)
Later, Harold was out with Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, as well as Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru. Both Harold and Inoichi were both taking care of a bit of grocery shopping for their respective wives. "And that's when Inohime complained that Shikaru picked the blue seal thing over the kitty," Inoichi said as he told his friends a story.
"Hey, my grandnephew ALSO picked the blue seal thingy!" Harold remarked.
"As did Bankai," Tsume stated.
"Wait, don't the boys need to get all of those little critters?" Kuromaru asked.
"Choza told me that his grandson picked the little owl thingy," Inoichi stated.
"Shibi told me that his grandson also picked the little owl thingy," Harold pointed out.
"And I'm willing to bet that Hiashi's granddaughter picked that frigg'en cat thingy," Tsume said in a knowing tone.
"Yeah, Hiashi confirmed that one," Harold stated.
"Well at least the kids are all covered when it comes to getting all of those critters," Kuromaru said.
"So anywho boys, we got more important things to do than talk about the video games our grandkids play," Tsume said.
"That's right," Harold said as he held up a grocery bag he was carrying, "I got to get these groceries home!"
"Well, that," Tsume replied, "And we also got to grab Ten-ton and drag her fat ass out to the throwing weapons practice grounds for another workout session!"
"After I get these baking ingredients home to Sophia?" Harold asked.
"Well of course you should get those home," Tsume remarked, "We can't have Ten-ton eat them, now can we?"
Later that day, Harold and the others were at the Hyuga clan's estate. They were standing with Hiashi as he oversaw the arranging of tables and metal folding chairs in a large room. "You do know that Thanksgiving is next week, right dude?" Tsume asked as she turned to face Hiashi.
"Which is why I'm trying to get an idea on how to set up everything in here," Hiashi replied.
"Care to elaborate?" Harold asked.
"Every year," Hiashi began, "The entirety of the Hyuga clan gets together to have Thanksgiving dinner, here at the estate. This includes non-Hyugas who are related to the Hyuga clan."
"Oh, you mean like Lord Sixth, Tenten and Hanabi's husband," Inoichi replied.
Nodding in confirmation, Hiashi continued, "Since people start showing up early to either help with baking, or watch some football game or parade on TV, it's not just THIS room that's going to be seeing some changes for the holidays."
"Speaking of the holidays, what's your plan for Christmas?" Harold asked.
"I'm not quite sure," Hiashi replied, "You'll have to ask my nephew Neji, or some other member of the Hyuga clan's cadet branch, as they're overseeing Christmas-related celebrations and the like. The main branch of the Hyuga clan celebrates Hanukkah." (2)
"Oh yeah, that reminds me of all of those cool foods that Omiyo makes," Tsume said. Turing to face Hiashi, Tsume continued, "How is she-" Tsume stopped short upon seeing Hiashi's face, which was a mix of anger and sadness; the anger directed entirely at Tsume, and the sadness, which made up at least ninety percent of what Hiashi was feeling at the moment, aimed at something that was beyond anyone's control.
"…Can you guys leave for now?" Hiashi asked as a tear started to well up in the corner of his right eye, "I need to continue overseeing the arranging of the tables and folding chairs here." After Harold and the others excused themselves, Hiashi turned to face the room, in which a number of Hyuga ninja were arranging chairs and tables.
Approaching Hiashi was Neji and Ko, with the later saying, "Hey Lord Hiashi, where do you want Neji and I to set up the table where you and Lord Sixth will-"
"Lord Hiashi?" Neji interrupted, cutting Ko off and making him see the look on Hiashi's face.
"Sir, are you alright?" Ko asked when he noticed the look on Hiashi's face. Quickly wiping a tear away, Hiashi said, "Yes, I am fine. Sorry for causing you two to worry about me. Now then, why don't we continue planning the layout of chairs and tables for Thanksgiving?"
After their visit to the Hyuga clan estate, Harold and company got ahold of Tenten and dragged her over to the throwing weapons practice grounds for another workout session. Given the apparent success Harold and his friends had the last time they got Tenten to exercise, they came up with the idea of having Tenten try various dances every time they got together for a workout session. This time, they were going to try disco dancing.
"I am not wearing that," Tenten declared flatly when Harold removed an afro wig from a duffle bag he was carrying.
"Oh come on, Tenten," Harold said, "Afros are an important part of disco."
"What would Might Gai say if he saw you rejecting an afro wig?" Inoichi asked.
"Knowing Gai-sensei, he'd probably agree with you about the necessity of the afro wig," Tenten remarked in a dry monotone.
Tossing the afro wig to Tenten, Harold said, "That's the spirit! Now put it on!"
Begrudgingly and only because she actually lost some weight thanks to all of the hula dancing she did last time, Tenten put on the afro wig. As the afro wig jiggled and shook around, Tenten said, "Wow, it bounces around more than my butt."
"And your butt is all the more reason WHY you have to dance the fat away, Ten-ton," Tsume remarked.
Growling angrily, Tenten looked to Tsume and the others to snap, "Will you quit calling me-"
Given that Tenten was looking up as she put on the afro wig, she turned her gaze back down and saw that Harold, Inoichi and Tsume were not only all wearing afro wigs, but they all also wore full disco outfits and lavender-colored lensed glasses. "…Do I even want to ask?" Tenten said dryly as she saw what Harold and the others were wearing.
"Tenten, trust me on this one," Kuromaru said, "It'll help you get to sleep at night easier if you stop bothering trying to ask."
After spending two and a half hours disco dancing with Tenten, Harold and company decided to head on over to the Hokage office building. The fact that Harold, Inoichi and Tsume decided to take off their disco outfits and changed back into their regular outfits surprised Tenten; she thought that they would go all the way over to pester Naruto without first bothering to change back into normal clothes.
When they got there, Harold and company saw that the front lobby of the Hokage office building was already decorated for Thanksgiving. "Geez, and I thought that the Kazekage office building over in Sunagakure gets decorated for the holidays early," Inoichi remarked as he and the others walked in. As the group entered, they were greeted by Hinata and Natsu, the latter of the two currently playing a video game on her 3DS.
"That's one Team Skull grunt down," Natsu said as she played her game.
"Ah, Lord Sixth's wife," Harold greeted, "How's it going?"
"Natsu and I just stopped by to let Naruto know that my father has finished planning the layout of tables and chairs in the room over at the Hyuga clan estate where everyone will be having Thanksgiving dinner," Hinata said to the older ninja.
"Grandfather said that he's going to set up a table for him, father, mother and I to dine at on Thanksgiving," Natsu said, "I'm really looking forward to all of the various Oh no my Mudsdale fainted!"
"Whosajigawa?" Tsume said, obviously sounding confused.
"It's something in the game she's playing," Hinata explained to the older ninjas.
"Oh yeah, she got one of the new games that Haru and his friends are all playing," Harold remarked. To Natsu, Harold asked, "Hey young lady, my grandnephew said that you got the little cat critter at the beginning of your game, right?"
"Yes I did pick Litten at the beginning," Natsu replied, "Now I need to use a revive on my Mudsdale."
"Is that one of the new little critters?" Inoichi asked.
"Mudsdale is a Pokémon that is based off of a large breed of horse," Natsu replied, apparently answering the question in the affirmative.
"Well at least it beats a Pokémon that resembles an overweight rat," Tsume remarked, drawing nods of agreement out of Harold and Inoichi.
"Umm, oh dear," Natsu replied in a mildly concerned tone, "Umm, miss Tsume, did Bankai tell you about something that's been introduced in the new games called 'Regional Variants'?"
Later, Harold and company was over at Inoichi's place, playing pool in Inoichi's den. Inoichi's grandchildren were in the living room; Shikaru was playing the copy of the new game that he got, and Inohime was watching some Ponies on Netflix, which Inoichi set up for her. "So that rat critter is now the critter equivalent of Ten-ton," Tsume remarked as she sunk one of the pool balls in a corner pocket.
"I always thought that Snorlax was the critter that was closest to Tenten," Harold remarked as he lined up to take a shot. (3)
"According to my grandson," Inoichi said, "The fat rat is only fat in the new games. Ones that are transferred from older games aren't fat."
"Well that's a relief," said Tsume as she and Inoichi watched Harold take his shot, sinking the remaining balls.
As Inoichi set up for another game, Kuromaru said from over in the corner he sat in, "Yo Tsume, I need to take a leak."
"Excuse me boys, but I got a dog to take for a walk," Tsume said as she gestured for Kuromaru to follow her. After the Inuzuka clan kunoichi and her ninja dog left, Harold and Inoichi decided to shoot the crap until Tsume got back.
"You know, I bet that he'll miss it," Harold said to his best friend.
"Who?" Inoichi asked, looking mildly confused.
"Neji," Harold clarified, "I bet that he'll miss it."
"Miss what?" Inoichi asked, a genuinely lost look on his face. In response, Harold walked up to Inoichi, then he whispered something in the Yamanaka patriarch's ear.
Looking at Harold, Inoichi said, "…You raise an excellent point, Harold. I bet that Neji will very much miss it when it's gone."
Back over at the Hyuga clan estate, Hiashi was going from room to room, between a room that was set up to view a parade on TV, a room that was set up to watch a football game on TV, and the large main room where the tables and folding chairs were set up for the big Thanksgiving dinner. As he was walking from the football room to the big dining room, Hiashi reached into the neck hole of his traditional Hyuga clan robe, and pulled out something he wore around his neck.
It was a gold locket on a gold chain; not as elaborate and ornate as one that a woman might have, but it served the purpose Hiashi got it for quite well. Standing in place where he stopped walking so that he could pull the locket out, Hiashi gently pushed a button on the side of the locket, making it pop open so that Hiashi could look at what was inside the locket (at the angle we're at, we can't see what's inside).
Looking at what was inside of his locket, Hiashi whispered in a somber tone, "Omiyo…"
Back at Inoichi's place, Harold and the others were resuming their pool session once Tsume got back from taking Kuromaru to relieve himself. "…And nine months later, Ino was born," Inoichi said as he walked around his pool table, stroking the edge with his left hand as he did so. When he got back to his original spot, Inoichi added, "I've kept this pool table ever since."
"You're a man among men, my friend," Harold declared as he raised a beer glass, full of Pape Konoha's Brand Lager, in a toast to his best friend.
As Inoichi returned the toast, Tsume pulled something out of her pocket, which turned out to be a cell phone. Looking at the screen on it, Tsume muttered, "Ah hell."
"What happened?" Harold asked.
"Sakaki's mom needs a ride to the hospital after breaking her leg," Tsume explained after slipping her cell phone back into her pocket.
"Wait, aren't you Sakaki's mom?" Inoichi asked.
"I'm her mom-in-law," Tsume clarified, "I'm talking about Sakaki's birth mom."
"Oh," Inoichi said, "…Well damn, she broke her leg? That has to suck."
"It does suck!" Tsume said in a tone of complaint, "Because now I have to go and help the old bat of a Nekozuka get to Konoha General!"
"Hey, here's a thought," Kuromaru began, "If you're so keen on not lifting a finger to aid the Nekozuka, why not get Banyo to take her instead?"
"You mean my ex?" Tsume replied, looking mildly confused.
"He does want to have a more active role in the lives of his children and their families," Kuromaru pointed out, "And due to Banyo's preference for cats, I bet he'd get along with Sakaki and her mother, who both have ninja cats."
"…Ah, what the hell," Tsume replied as she took her cell phone back out. After dialing in a number, Tsume held her phone up to her ear. "…Hello, Banyo?" Tsume said into her phone, "It's me, Tsume. Listen, can you do me a solid and take our daughter-in-law's birth mother to Konoha General? …Well you do have a car or something, right? …What do you mean your car was totaled when an ice cream truck was rammed into it? I'll help you find the dweebs that are responsible and we'll kick their asses together! It'll be the first thing that we did together after separating! …Okay, yeah. Oh, Hana said that she wants to reconnect after not seeing you for over twenty years. You okay with meeting her for lunch next week Tuesday? …Great, I'll let Hana know. She'll contact you with the info later. Okay, yeah. Alright, thanks anyway. Take care, Banyo. Bye."
After hanging up and slipping her cell phone back into her pocket, Tsume turned to face Harold and Inoichi and said, "Unfortunately, Banyo can't help because his car's in the shop after some assholes wrecked an ice cream truck into it. So now I have to go play escort to some crazy old cat lady."
"Damn it all to hell," Harold remarked, "Banyo's car was totaled by some idiots in an ice cream truck?!"
"I'm sure I'm speaking for Harold here when I say that if you and Banyo want it, we'll help you find the jerk-waffles responsible and help you kick their asses," Inoichi stated, drawing a nod of agreement out of Harold.
"Thanks, but I feel as if this is a thing that Banyo and I will have to do ourselves," Tsume replied, "You know, to help smooth things over between me and Banyo for the benefit of our kids and Bankai."
"Ah, good point," Harold remarked.
Sighing in a tone of resignation, Tsume said as she and Kuromaru proceeded to leave the room, "Now if you gentlemen will excuse us, I got a Nekozuka bitch to take to Konoha General."
After Tsume had left, Harold and Inoichi resumed their game of pool. At one point, Sakura and Ino showed up. "Oh, Uncle Harold, Mr. Yamanaka," Sakura greeted, "Sorry, but Ino and I are going to be busy at Konoha General."
"We just got called in to look at an older woman broke her leg," Ino explained.
"Well Shikaru and Inohime are still here, right?" Inoichi asked.
"Yeah, mom's still watching them," Ino confirmed. Gesturing to Sakura, Ino added, "In fact, Sakura figured that since the two of you would be playing pool today, she asked mom if she could also watch Haru."
"Haru and Shikaru will both be occupied with their new games, so there's no need to worry about the boys wandering off and getting into trouble," Sakura explained to the two older ninjas.
"Well hot damn! Haru's over here now as well?" Harold exclaimed.
"Now it's a party!" Inoichi declared.
Smiling, Sakura said, "Yes, yes. Oh, Mr. Yamanaka, I believe that your wife wanted to talk to you about doing some shopping for Thanksgiving tomorrow."
"And when you do go take care of the shopping, please behave yourself," Ino stressed to her father, "I do not want to hear about a repeat of last year…"
(FLASHBACK, ABOUT ONE YEAR AGO)
A large number of shoppers were scrambling all over the inside of the Konoha supermarket. An overweight woman, pushing a cart full of various Thanksgiving foodstuffs, was running as fast as she could through the meat section. After grabbing the largest turkey that she saw, the woman threw it into her cart and proceeded to dash out of the meat section. As she ran, the overweight woman was shocked when a shopping cart pulled up right beside the one she was pushing.
The other cart was being pushed by Harold, while Inoichi stood in the basket of the cart, holding a baguette in each hand, as if he were dual-wielding swords. Raising both baguettes over his head as if he was going to do a double horizontal slash, Inoichi jumped out of the cart basket and flew at the overweight woman. As the overweight woman screamed in fear, Inoichi yelled loud enough to be heard over the overweight woman, "Sie sind das Essen und Wir sind die Jager!"
(END FLASHBACK)
"…Now in all fairness, Tenten knew what she was getting into when she was helping the Hyuga clan with the Thanksgiving shopping last year," Inoichi defended.
Face-palming, Ino said, "Whatever. Will you and Mr. Fisher just go help mom watch the kids already?"
"Hey, you don't have to ask me twice," Harold replied.
"I agree," Inoichi said, "Us older folks love spending time with the grandkids. …Or grandnephew, in Harold's case."
Still over at Inoichi's place, Harold and Inoichi were continuing playing pool. Also, Tsume and Kuromaru were done with getting Sakaki's mother to Konoha General, and have since returned to hang with the guys. "Hey Tsume, I've been meaning to ask you," Harold said as he set up the pool table for another game, "How is it that you've been able to put up with being related to the Nekozuka clan?"
"Yeah, I've been wondering that myself," Inoichi stated as he walked over to where he had his cue sticks.
After selecting a cue stick, Inoichi said as he applied cue chalk to the one end, "Seriously, Tsume. The guys and I figured that you'd flip your lid the instant you heard that your son was engaged to someone from a clan that you consider to be the archrival to the Inuzuka." (4)
"Oh, I most certainly did flip my lid," Tsume replied casually, "Remember that one incident from over twelve years ago, where over twenty cars randomly blew up in and around Konoha?"
"Yeah, I remember hearing that," Inoichi replied.
With a knowing smirk, Tsume said as she watched Inoichi take a shot, "Like I said. I most certainly did flip my lid."
"…Wow," Kuromaru said with a shake of his head, "And since I remember hearing that most of those cars belonged to Nekozuka clan members, everything suddenly comes together."
"Well then boys," Tsume said as she lined up to take a shot, "Are we going to continue this game, or just shoot the crap all day?"
That evening, as things were winding down for the day, Harold and Sophia were back at their place. "…And that's when Haru said he beat some guy named Guzma," Harold said to Sophia as they got dressed for bed.
"Well that certainly does sound very interesting," Sophia remarked as she took a simple stud earring out of the lobe on her right ear. After laying the earring down on her nightstand, Sophia turned to face Harold and said, "So how did your day go, dear? I believe you mentioned something about you and the boys playing pool?"
"Oh yeah, we had a hell of a time," Harold said, "Although the pool-playing was peppered between doing other things. But those other things were also entertaining."
"Well so long as you had fun," Sophia replied as she got into bed. Getting into bed himself, Harold said, "And now I get to enjoy the best part of the day."
Looking at her husband with a curious look, Sophia said in a confused tone, "The best part of the day?"
Giving his wife an affectionate peck on the cheek, Harold said, "Spending the rest of it with you."
Smiling, Sophia replied, "Well you certainly DO have a way with words, dear."
"And YOU certainly do have a way with being awesome," Harold said, drawing some cute giggling out of Sophia.
As the two older Fishers laid down, Harold said, "So are there any plans you have for tomorrow?"
"Well the ladies and I were planning on a get together to discuss how we're going to take care of the shopping for Thanksgiving dinner next week," Sophia explained, "We DO have families to feed, after all."
"Oh that reminds me," Harold said, "You want that the guys and I should handle the shopping for you and the other ladies again?"
"I believe Tenten mentioned something about someone attacking her with a pair of baguettes last year during the shopping for Thanksgiving dinner in order to steal the turkey she got," Sophia remarked, "She took a blow to her head, so she doesn't quite remember the details."
"So can I take that as a yes, then?" Harold asked.
Smiling, Sophia replied, "Well you and your friends always manage to get everything that's needed, so I don't see why not."
"Woot!" Harold cheered as he pumped a fist into the air.
END, CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Author's notes:
(1) Tsume suggested shoving the hose of a vacuum cleaner into Tenten and sucking the fat out.
(2) Hyuga in the main branch are Jewish. This isn't necessarily applicable for non-Hyugas married to main branch Hyugas, though.
(3) Harold can correctly identify more Pokémon than Naruto can characters from Ponies.
(4) When he said 'the guys', Inoichi meant himself, Harold and Kuromaru.
There's chapter twenty-three for you. This chapter is meant primarily to serve as build-up for Thanksgiving next week, as well as helping to introduce the concept of religion into the story setting (how ELSE will the big holiday specials make sense?). I'll be working on chapter twenty-four in the meantime, but given that I'm going to be in the Alola region with my Litten starting this Friday, I'm going to be somewhat occupied, so the chapter may not be out on time.
As a side-note, I would like to apologize; I had meant to get this chapter out earlier, but I was handling some school work, so I couldn't get this chapter out until I got to the length of time between classes.