"Oh babe". The words had slipped out of his mouth before he could stop them.
He scanned the body which lay motionless in front of him. His face was battered and there was deep bruising and grazing along the right side. Four, small, round electrode pads where place over the top corners of his forehead and on his temples. It still looked like Steve with his strong straight nose and dark eyebrows which pointed into apexes at the top. Maybe more like post North Korea Steve. Two large white rectangular bandages covered his right temple and cheek bone. His eyes were closed. His lips were slightly parted revealing part of his front teeth, Danny could see flecks of blood across them. On his left side, there was a thin yellowish tube taped to his cheek that extended into his nose. A feeding tube, Danny through grimly.
Swallowing hard, Danny allowed his gaze to travel down to the large white neck brace his partner was locking in. He wasn't wearing a gown. Danny could see a second brace which started from just under his collar bones made of steel the same white plastic as the neck brace wrapped around his trunk most of it was covered with a soft blue hospital blanket. A thick clear tube snaked into a large triangular opening around the top of the collar near his throat. Danny's eyes grew wide as he saw the plug for the tube going directly into Steve's flesh just below his adams apple. Danny remembered the doctor had mentioned that they had to intubate. He can't breath on his own. The thought felt like a cold hand was grabbing his own lungs. He could hear a machine next to him rhythmically hissing each time it fed new air directly into is partners lungs. There were lines, tubes and wires extending from his body into six different machines. Danny recognised some; there was a EEG, blood pressure monitor, hear rate monitor, but he hated to think what the others might be. But for now he was grateful for them, they were keeping this solider alive.
Looking back down it struck Danny that the way the bed was positioned, the back gently raised to a 30' angle and Steve's knees slightly bent, he could just be resting. That's what he was going to tell himself. His partner was resting, he would wake up and everything would be fine. He had to lie to himself just to not fall apart.
Danny grabbed the chair which was placed in the corner of the glass room and brought it to Steve's bedside. His partners large strong hands were resting on top of the blue blanket, IV lines snaking from both. Danny wanted to grab his hand but was afraid to touch him, less he cause any further damage or pain. Steve looked so fragile.
Crossing his forearms over the bed rails and he gazed at his partners face. "I'm here brother" he said softly. He could feel his his mental barricades falling away and his emotions taking over. Danny stared up at the white ceiling trying to recompose himself. "I'm not going anywhere, none of us are".
Danny sat next to the hospital bed for the next two hours. Over the beeps and hissing of the machines he could hear the sounds of the ICU waking up. At some point he heard a code red then a flat line, but he wasn't taking his eyes away from his partners face. He knew the nurses at their station directly behind him must be staring, but he didn't mind. Nurses came in occasionally, inspecting the machines, noting down different things. Danny didn't feel like acknologing them, respectfully they left him alone.
Around 7.30 a high pitched beeping noise pulled Danny out of his day dreaming. One of the machines near him was flashing and beeping loudly. He jumped up with a fright. Something must be wrong. He looked down at Steve, nothing had changed. But something must be wrong, he thought again. He ran outside to the nurses station. "There is a machine beeping, something is not right!" he felt panicked "you need to come look".
A youngish blond nurse followed him back into the room. She seemed too calm for there to be a problem. "It is fine"she gave him a reassuring smile "it just means that we need to change his IV bag", she hit a few buttons and the beeping stopped.
"Oh, okay" Danny cleared his throat and swept back his hair feeling stupid for making so much fuss.
"It won't take long. We also need to check and attend to a few other things for Commander McGarrett. Maybe you could go and get some breakfast" she suggested. "The cafe in the lobby should be open, maybe a cup of coffee?".
Danny nodded, still embarrassed, and left the room. Another nurse walked into the room as Danny left, she pulled a salmon coloured curtain round the glass room to provide the patient some privacy while they both tended to him.
The suggestion of coffee did sound pretty good. His stomach growled. Danny realised that he hadn't had anything to eat since before Steve, Grace and he all went surfing yesterday morning. Anything that was previously in his stomach before that was lost when he had thrown up in the bushes behind the Ambulance dock. He was semi-confident that today he would be able to keep food down. He headed for the cafe.
At 10.30am Chin and Kono arrived for their meeting with Steve's medical team. Kono had let out a little gasp as she had entered the ICU. Her bottom lip was trembling as she walking into Steve's glass room, here eyes darting rapidly from one piece of equipment to the next and then back to Steve. Her arms were protectively wrapped around her sides, clutching the fabric of her light jersey sweater. Her cousin walked in after her. It was very clear to Danny that he was trying to keep a normal expression, however the bones visibly pulsating on either side of his lower jaw from his clentched teeth suggested otherwise. The tree stood around their college's bed, looking at each other and then back to Steve. Before any of them could speak a short man in his late fifties dressed in a short sleeve button up shirt strode into the room.
"Hello" he addressed them, shaking each of their hands in turn. "I am Dr Lucas, I am the head of Commander Mc Garrett's trauma care team". His voice was soft but commanding, "we are all assembled in meeting room 5 for the initial briefing and planning". He looked up at the three officers, "it would be good if you could join us, that way we can fill you in further on his situation and our next steps". He looked down at Steve with a similar sadness that all the nurses seemed to display. They were medical professionals, they saw severe, permanent injuries everyday. Somehow it didn't make it easier to see such a fit strong man suddenly be render helpless. After all, they had also seen the very long and painful recovery period their patients faced.
The team followed Dr Lucas out of the room for the briefing.
Some hours later Danny was back at Steve's bedside. The medical briefing has consisted of each member of the trauma team introducing themselves and then provided a brief outline of their initial diagnosis. At the end of the meeting Danny, China and Kono thanked them. They would meet again with medical team early next week. It was good to know that there were so many really smart committed people working hard to keep his brother alive. But it didn't Danny from feeling useless.
Danny rubbed his face, thinking back to the meeting room. Towards the end his patience had really started to wear didn't know what he would do if another doctor had repeated the phase "it is just to early to tell"or "recovery journey" one more time.
Dr Lucas, it turned out, was Steve's neurologist. The team comprised of five other specialists: the Trauma doctor who Danny had met and nearly head butted yesterday, Steve's neurosurgeon, another specialist neurologist who was managing his brain injuries, a respiratory specialist and, Danny let out a big breath just thinking about it, the trauma therapist
The specialist neurologist was a well dressed woman, probably in her mid fifties, her hair was cut short and was starting to grey. She spoke quietly but definitely in a way was reassuring, even if none of them quite understood what she was talking about. She had told them that the medicated coma was to reduce the amount of energy different areas of Steve's brain needed. She explained it in a way which was mildly comprehensible to Danny. "If we can reduce the energy to the damaged frontal lobe areas then, as the brain heals and the swelling goes down, those at risk spots in his frontal lobe can be protected". She continued to explain the nature of the medical coma which was akin to a general anaesthetic or how the brain reacts to hypothermia. She had assured them that her neuro team were making every effort to only keep Steve under as long as his brain needed. "Does he know what is going on?" Kono had asked "I mean, if we talk to him can he hear it?". "We don't think so" the had doctor replied flatly, "however, some patients recounted vivid dreams, others nothing at all, it really is a case by case basis. Brains are very unpredictable in that way. I advise you all to simply assume that the patient can hear you. Therefore be careful with what you say within earshot." She looked back at Kono, "the same goes for when he begins to wake up too". Reflecting on her statement Steve gently patted his partners forearm "we are all here babe, no one is going anywhere" trying to sound reassuring.
The first neurologist, the man who had come to get them from Steve's room for the meeting, spoke next. As far as Danny could tell, it wasn't much different from what the ER doctor had told them yesterday. However this time Danny was able to deal with the information much better. That didn't mean that when he had described Steve's "lower thoracic complete spinal injury" or his potentially low "motor index score" it didn't cause Danny to flinch. He really should get Chin or Kono to bring in a laptop so he could get a better grasp on all the terms and meanings. He still didn't understand where the T12 vertebrae was or what it meant. If he didn't understand it then there was no way that he was going to be able to explain it to Grace. Grace. The thought of having to tell her that her Super Hero was broken made him feel weak and cold. He hadn't spoken to her since Rachel came to pick her up. Telling his daughter would just be all to real for him right now. But he knew he would have to. He would go over to Rachel and Stan's house tonight.
Respiratory specialist and the neurosurgeon were brief. The respiratory specialist followed on from Dr Lucas' discussion about muscle function explaining that with Steve's injury level he would have basically normal lung capacity. The reason that he needed respiratory assistance at the moment was due to trauma based swelling in his spinal cord called spinal shock which was affecting other functions above his injury level. He assured the team that he would be able to remove the trach in the next 72 hours or so. Danny looked over at the pipe pushing air into Steve's throat. It was grotesque. He could see his partners chest rising and falling in time with the hissing of hair the machine pumped into him. Their was a faint whistling noise coming where the plug met his flesh, it make Danny's stomach turn. He subconsciously rubbed his own throat, hopefully it would be out before Grace visited. One small mercy at least.
The surgeon had summarised the three hour stabilisation procedure which he had performed yesterday. Although by that point Danny had stopped listening again. The idea of a frame to hold his vertebrae in place made sense enough, but as far as Danny was concerned it was just technical talk. "Sure some would be impressed, but really its just a bit of welding and carpentry" he muttered to himself. "Sorry babe, I didn't mean it wasn't important, you know, I am just no into this kind of stuff" again he patted Steve on the arm gently. It didn't change the fact that one of the strongest me he knew wasn't going to be able to live the same life he previously had. No. He wasn't going to continue to torture himself. Danny pushed the thought out of his mind and took some deep breaths. That reminded him, the trauma therapist. He was a youngish man, late 30's at the most, with floppy brown curly hair and very thick eyebrows. He was wearing a cardigan and converse trainers. The whole time the man spoke Danny felt uneasy, he knew what he was saying was true, but it was a little hard to acknowledge right at that point. "You need to look after your self" he said directly staring at Danny. "You will be no good to your friend if you completely burn yourself out in the first few weeks. It really is a marathon, sprinting isn't going to help anybody." He then turned to Chin and Kono, "you all need to make sure that you are getting adequate rest in between visits. It is going to be emotionally and physically draining on you." He looked back to Danny ."This will only increase when your friend wakes up and starts rehabilitating". These were two things that Danny did not want to thing about.
Shortly after the meeting Kono had left to get the defence force insurance started and organise a transfer to Triplers for the rehab. Something Danny hadn't even thought about. Chin had stayed for a little while. They both had lunch while the nurses tended to Steve again but he had gone back to HQ to chase down witness statements from anyone who was at the beach cove yesterday morning. His demeanour was strong, confident and caring. He didn't ask how Danny was or how he felt was he just gave him a pat on the back before he left. Danny really appreciated Chin not asking him to join him for any of the police work, he knew there was absolutely no way he could remain professional and objective. After all, he too was a witness. Chin had promised to return around late afternoon with Danny's car and trade shifts watching Steve. Danny promised himself that as soon as Chin returned he would call Grace.