Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.
Harold of Konoha
Chapter twenty-seven: The warehouse murder mystery (AKA Were you aware that Harold and his friends were Amateur Sleuths? Because I wasn't)
One mid-December morning in the village of Konohagakure, Harold Fisher, one of Konoha's oldest active jonin, was walking on a sidewalk with his friends Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, plus Tsume's ninja dog Kuromaru. "…So Kiba managed to get Azulhime up to speed, which is good," Tsume remarked, bringing up the subject of Kiba's newest ninja dog after his previous one, Akamaru, recently died.
"That reminds me, did you guys ever discover how Kiba's old ninja dog died?" Inoichi asked.
"Hana ran an autopsy," Kuromaru explained, "She discovered that he ate something that he shouldn't have eaten. She wouldn't tell me what exactly, but judging by her expression, I'm assuming that whatever it was, it was poisonous. At least to dogs."
"It's still a damn shame," Harold said, "And here I thought that Akamaru was going to be Kiba's ninja dog partner forever."
"Akamaru was really old, Harold," Kuromaru pointed out, "If Akamaru was human, he'd have been approximately three times as old as you when he died."
"Holy crap, really?!" Harold exclaimed.
With a nod in the affirmative, the Inuzuka ninja dog said, "At least."
"Dogs and humans age differently," Tsume pointed out, "Didn't you know this?"
"I didn't know," Inoichi said, raising a hand.
"Well now you do know," Tsume replied to her friends, "And knowing is half the battle."
"The other half is killing someone," Harold stated, raising his right index finger.
As Inoichi and Tsume nodded in unison to agree with what Harold had just said, the group came upon the sight of Harold's grandnephew Haru, Inoichi's grandson Shikaru and granddaughter Inohime, and Tsume's grandson Bankai and his ninja dog Rojomaru. With the kids were the boys' friends Choba Akimichi and Shibei Aburame, and Natsu Uzumaki, a girl who Haru was dating. All of the kids were standing outside of a warehouse.
"Yo kids, word up with thee?" Harold called out as he and the other older ninjas walked up to the kids.
"Hey Uncle Harold," Haru greeted as the older folks came up. When the older folks got up, Inohime ran up to Inoichi and jumped into his arms in a tackle-hug combo.
"Grandpa!" Inohime exclaimed as she giggled cutely.
"It's great to see you too, dear," Inoichi replied with a smile as he set his granddaughter back down on her feet.
When she was placed back down, Inohime said as she turned to face the warehouse and point at it, "Grandpa, don't go into big building."
A confused look on his face, Inoichi said, "Why not, Inohime?"
"There's a really bad smell coming from inside," Shikaru said to his grandfather and the other older ninjas, "And I mean REALLY bad."
"It smell worse that poo," Inohime said, "And that smelliest smell Inohime know! Smell in big building very yucky!"
"Shikaru's little sister has a point," Bankai said, "In fact, Rojomaru and I both lost our lunch when the gang and us got close enough to smell whatever's inside." (1)
After catching a quick whiff, Kuromaru gagged and exclaimed, "Holy hell! Tsume, your grandson ain't kidding!"
After taking a quick sniff of the air, Tsume gagged as well before turning to face her friends and saying, "Boys, I think that the warehouse should be checked out."
"Kids, you wait out here with Bankai's grandma's dog," Harold instructed the kids, "Bankai's grandma, Shikaru's and Inohime's grandpa and I are going to head inside to see what's going on."
"But it very smelly inside!" Inohime insisted in a worried tone.
"We know, Inohime," Inoichi said in an assuring tone, "But this might be big trouble. As the only adults here, my friends and I have to do a quick bit of recon. It's very possible that we may have to call in some other adults to help out."
As Harold and the other older ninja proceeded inside, Kuromaru said under his breath, "Pfft, yeah right. The three of you are totally adults."
When they entered the warehouse, Tsume immediately pinched her nostrils closed by pinching them with her right index finger and thumb. Even Harold and Inoichi, once they got a better smell of what the smell in the warehouse was like, started to wrinkle their noses in disgust. "Ah hell, your granddaughter made an excellent point, Inoichi," Harold remarked, "It DOES smell worse than poo in here!"
"It smells worse than an Akimichi clan dining room on Chili night," Inoichi remarked with a nod of agreement towards his best friend.
"Maybe someone died in here," Tsume suggested, "Or someone died and their body was dumped in here a while ago, allowing it to fester and rot."
"Okay, that's more disgusting than the Akimichi clan chili night theory," Harold remarked, "Seriously Tsume, dude, where do you get so many of these HOLY CRAP THERE ARE TWO DEAD BODIES!" Both Inoichi and Tsume turned their line of sight in the same general area that Harold had his line of sight in, and as such they saw that Tsume's theory was, sadly enough, correct.
Laying on the cement floor about twenty feet ahead of them were two bodies; from the looks of them, they used to be girls slightly older than the genin waiting outside. "Oh God!" Inoichi and Harold both exclaimed in unison as they, along with Tsume, all ran outside. As they ran out the door that they entered, they ran past the kids and Kuromaru, then immediately drew the alarm of the kids and Kuromaru by simultaneously losing their lunch in the same bush.
"Holy crud! Uncle Harold! Are you okay?!" Haru exclaimed as he, his friends and Kuromaru came running up.
"Call the police!" Harold instructed as he tried to catch his breath after throwing up, "Call the Hokage! Call your Aunt Sophia! Call anyone and everyone you think can help!"
"Mr. Fisher, what did you, Mr. Yamanaka and my grandma see in there?" Bankai asked as Rojomaru sniffed at Harold's shins in a concerned manner.
"Bankai, little man, my friends and I have seen some serious hell in there," Tsume remarked as she wiped her mouth with the side of her fist, "Stuff that I hope you all never have to see."
Later, police cruisers, at least two ambulances, and a CSI van were parked outside the warehouse. Just outside the main door leading into the warehouse, police investigators were talking to Harold, his friends, and the kids. "So you kids didn't go inside the warehouse, correct?" asked the investigator.
The kids all shook their head, with Inohime saying, "Grandpa told Inohime to wait outside with doggy."
"Oh yeah, Inoichi Yamanaka and his friends Harold Fisher and Tsume Inuzuka went inside to see what's going on," the investigator whispered to his companion standing next to him, "All three of them are jonin of Konoha, so they're legally allowed to check things like that really quick before getting ahold of law enforcement."
To the kids, the investigator's companion asked, "When did you kids notice the smell coming from the warehouse?"
"We were heading over to Haru's place to play video games, when Rojomaru here caught the smell of something and ran off barking in the direction of the warehouse," Bankai explained as he gestured to his ninja dog partner, "The boys and I all ran after Rojomaru, and when he found him, he was throwing up at the base of a tree about thirty feet away from the warehouse."
"Well that explains the puddle of dog puke we found on one of the trees," the investigator muttered to himself.
"We were all standing outside, partly unable to stop gagging due to the smell coming from the warehouse," Haru continued, "After Bankai lost his lunch, his grandma, my uncle and Shikaru's grandpa showed up. The rest is up to them to tell you."
"We already spoke to the older folks," the investigator's partner explained to Haru.
To all of the kids, the investigator said, "Alright, I just spoke to most of your parents. I think they're coming here to pick you all up." The kids were all led by the investigator's partner over to where the police cruisers were parked, where they would wait for their parents to come pick them up. Shaking his head, the investigator said, "I can't believe something like this could happen in Konoha. Two innocent young girls, both of them taken in the prime of their lives. Who could do something so monstrous?"
"Tween pop stars?" Inoichi guessed.
"Cats?" Tsume suggested.
"Donkey Kong?" Harold offered.
"Actual legit criminals whose motives for killing the two girls remains unknown at the moment?" Kuromaru asked.
Shaking his head, the investigator said, "I'm just going to write up the copy of the statement that will be sent to the Hokage office building." After the investigator walked off to his police cruiser, Harold turned to face his friends.
"Yo bros," Harold began, "I think we should try and solve this mystery."
"I have an alternative suggestion," Kuromaru stated, "How about we let the actual investigators do that instead?"
"No, no I defiantly believe that Harold has an excellent point," Tsume remarked, "I say we try and crack the case of the two murdered girls!"
Shaking his head, Kuromaru muttered too quietly for anyone else to hear, "I swear that I'm up to my eyes in dumbasses."
Over at the Fisher residence, Harold, along with Inoichi and Tsume, were all dressed up as classic nineteenth-century detectives; Harold and Inoichi both even had appropriately-shaped detective pipes (albeit toy ones that produced bubbles). Kuromaru was laying on the floor next to an armchair. "Alright then, gentlemen," Harold said as he carefully laid some files on the table that he and the other humans stood around, "Let's go over what we know so far, shall we?"
"The victims are Danni Truman and Sasha Steinberg," Inoichi began, "Both fourteen years of age."
"They are also the respective daughters of two of the richest families in the Land of Fire," Tsume continued, "And neither family has any members that are shinobi. To be a wealthy family in the Land of Fire, and not have ANY members that are shinobi, is pretty impressive. Especially considering the respective wealth both families have!"
Nodding in agreement, Harold said, "We can suppose from the facts presented thus far that money is the most likely motive in this double-homicide."
Blinking in a surprised manner, Kuromaru said as he raised his head up, "Wow. You three are actually taking this seriously."
"What does our suspect list look like so far?" Inoichi asked.
"Ah hell," Kuromaru muttered to himself in a tone showing that he had an idea on where this was going, "I shouldn't have spoken so soon…"
"It's not much of a list, my dear Inoichi," Harold replied as he pretended to take a smoke from his toy pipe, "The first nefarious fiend on the list of suspects is none other than Donkey Kong."
"Okay, back up there a minute," Kuromaru said as he got up and walked over to the humans. Looking up at Harold, Kuromaru said, "Why in the name of Amertaesu would you suspect frigg'en Donkey Kong to be the murderer?!"
"Well, think about it," Harold began, "Donkey Kong is a sick son of a bitch who has a constant need to satiate his insatiable bloodlust. He has to be the murderer."
"Didn't you say that money was a motive?" Kuromaru asked. After the Fisher patriarch nodded in the affirmative, Kuromaru continued, "Then how can a giant monkey be the murderer? He's not only not motivated by money, but is nowhere near smart enough to pull off a kidnapping of this scale. Additionally, the dude's barely smart enough to use weapons, and even then, his arsenal is limited to throwing coconuts and barrels, neither of which could have been the murder weapon."
"You got a point there," Harold relented in the end.
"The next suspect that you guys have on your list," Kuromaru said as he put his front paws on the table to hoist himself up to look at the list, "Is…every tween popstar."
"Totally," Inoichi declared confidently.
Looking at Inoichi, Kuromaru said in a deadpan, "So you're thinking that every tween pop star teamed up to murder two rich girls."
"Exactly," Inoichi stated.
"…That makes no sense," the Inuzuka ninja dog pointed out, "Tween pop stars, despite all logic, tend to make a lot of money, so the money motive doesn't apply. Also, murdering some girls would be a serious dampener on their reputation, especially considering most of their respective fan bases consist mostly of girls just like the two that were murdered."
Inoichi looked like he was about to argue, but relented before any words escape his mouth. Looking at the list of suspects again, Kuromaru turned to face his owner. "…Tsume, there's no way that 'a bunch of cats' can be suspected of murdering those two girls."
"Well why the hell not?" Tsume asked in a defensive tone.
"Evidence showed that the two girls were tied up to chairs and assaulted with various blunt instruments such as baseball bats," Kuromaru pointed out, "Name one part in all of what I just said that can be the work of a cat."
"…Cats are evil," Tsume retorted weakly.
Shaking his head and sighing, Kuromaru said, "If you morons are serious about trying to solve this case, then why don't you talk to the families of the victims."
"Why would we do that?" Inoichi asked.
"They might have owed someone some money," Kuromaru suggested, "Also, there might have been someone who wanted revenge against them. Revenge can also be a reason for murder."
"Yeah, just ask my nephew-in-law about that," Harold remarked casually. (2)
Later, Harold and company (still dressed as classic detectives) were talking to a very wealthy couple. The wife of the couple was crying constantly, so the husband of the couple, who was a sharply dressed businessman, was talking to Harold and the others. "Tell me detectives, have you found out who murdered my daughter Danni yet?" asked the businessman.
"Not yet, but we were hoping to ask you a few questions," Harold replied.
"Like what?" the businessman asked.
Tsume said as she stepped forward, "We don't suppose if either you or the parents of Danni's friend had any sort of enemies, do you?"
"Enemies?" repeated Danni's father, "What do you mean?"
"Maybe some butt-hurt business person who's feeling salty over something you and or Danni's friend's father did the deed?" Inoichi suggested, "Or maybe someone that either of you two men owed a lot of money to?"
Looking very appalled, Danni's father exclaimed, "What?! How dare you ask something like that!"
"These are standard questions that have to be asked in cases such as this," Tsume pointed out, "Considering the fact that you and Danni's friend's father are both very rich men, stuff like this tends to pop up quite a lot."
Relenting, Danni's father said in a somber tone, "I suppose you're right. I shouldn't have been so snappy."
"We understand that this is a troublesome time for you and your wife," Inoichi said, "After all, if my daughter was found murdered, I'd be out for blood."
"So do you have any idea on who might have been interested in getting some money out of you, or wanted to be a bee in your undies?" Tsume asked.
After a bit of thought, Danni's father said, "Well as a wealthy businessman, I do have a number of people that, for all intents and purposes, could be considered as enemies. The same applies to Richard, given that his daughter Sasha was also found dead in that warehouse."
At Kuromaru's request ("Did that dog just talk?" Danni's father asked in surprise), the parents of Danni wrote up a list of all the possible people they think might be possible suspects, for reasons up to and including the aforementioned possible reasons of money and revenge. After they gave Danni's parents their regards, Harold and company left.
"Well let's go see if this Richard dude has anything different to say," Inoichi said to his friends as they all proceeded to make their way to Richard's place on foot.
Harold and company had a discussion with Richard and his wife Susan; like Danni's mother, Susan was an emotional wreck in the wake of the murder of the two girls, albeit she's more upset over the death of her daughter Sasha. Harold, upon first seeing Susan, expressed surprise that Susan's hair was the same shade of pink as his and Sakura's; the Fisher patriarch even asked if Susan had any Fisher family members in her family tree.
After Susan confirmed that her hair color is the result of regularly dying it that color for many years due to pink being her favorite color (Susan's natural hair color is light brown), Harold and company proceeded to interview the grieving couple. They asked the same questions that they threw at Danni's parents, and after getting similar responses, Harold and company thanked them for their time, expressed sympathy for the trouble they're going through, and took their leave.
"Well that was more or less a repeat of interviewing the Trumans," Kuromaru remarked, "Also, I think I recognize miss Steinberg back there."
"Yeah, Susan and Richard goes to the First Konoha Synagogue, the same one as all of the Hyuga clan members that are Jewish," Tsume explained, "Don't you remember, Kuromaru? We saw Susan outside the place during one of our morning walks around the block that we live on."
"Oh yeah, now I remember," Kuromaru said.
"So we got two possible motives," Inoichi said as he pounded his fist into his hand, "It's either money or revenge, or perhaps a generous mix of both."
Pulling up the written list of suspects named by the Trumans and the Steinbergs, Harold said, "And we currently have a fresh list of suspects to interrogate. Let's get crackalack'en!"
After a day of interrogations, Harold and company met back at the den over at Harold's place. "So out of the various dudes that we have talked to, I think that there are three who are most likely the murderer," Harold said as he placed a photo face-up on the table.
"That Dr. Briefs guy?" Kuromaru said questioningly.
"The man seemed very shifty as we were interviewing him," Harold pointed out to the Inuzuka ninja dog, "He seemed like he was hiding something."
Placing a second photo on the table face-up, Inoichi said, "Harold, with all due respect, I believe that suspect number two here might be the murderer."
"You mean that Fuyuki Hinata dude?" Harold asked as he looked at the photo.
"Every time he looked at you, there was a look of anger in his eyes," Inoichi pointed out.
"…That's because he's one of the guys whose car was totaled by you three on one of your 'ice cream truck theft' stints," Kuromaru pointed out, "It's rather understandable that he'd be pissed." (3)
"Well how about suspect number three here?" Tsume suggested as she placed the final photo on the table face up.
"Ah, Mr. Crow Hogan," Harold remarked, "I actually did some research on the man after his name came up in a police alert. Apparently, Mr. Hogan here has a committed quite a number of crimes, including arson, murder and jaywalking."
"…Is jaywalking even that serious a crime?" Kuromaru asked in an exasperated tone.
"…Well it says here in the copy of Crow's arrest record that I got that Crow jaywalks twelve times a week," Harold remarked as he flipped through a folder he pulled out from the briefcase he was carrying.
"…Well I think that Hogan and Briefs are the two most likely suspects," Kuromaru stated, "Given that the Fuyuki seemed mad only at Harold. …I can't quite blame the dude."
"Well then gentlemen," Tsume said as she gathered up the photos, "Let's get to it! We got suspects to look into!"
"…Well that was all bunk," Tsume huffed in an annoyed tone as she and the other 'detectives' made their way back to Harold's place after having taken a closer look at the three suspects. As it turned out, none of the three suspects that warranted closer inspection could not have been the murderer (or rather, could have been responsible for the murder of the two young teenage girls; that Fuyuki fellow seemed to have wanted to kill Harold).
"I say we take a fresh look at all of the possible suspects," Kuromaru suggested to the humans.
As the group got up to Harold's front door, Kuromaru said as Harold opened the door, "Maybe there's something that we-"
"HAROLD!" Sophia called out in a worried panic, cutting off the Inuzuka ninja dog and getting the attention of all four members of the detective group. Looking over, they saw that a man dressed as a butler was holding a knife to Sophia's throat.
"You son of a bitch!" Harold yelled at the butler, "What are you doing with my wife?!"
"…You all should not have investigated the murder of Danni and her little friend," the butler said after a few seconds, "I'll admit that you all came far closer than the official investigative team throw together by Konoha's government, but that's mostly attributed to the fact that bureaucracy always has a tendency to impede things with layers upon layers of red tape."
"Wait a minute…" Inoichi said, a look of dawning realization slowly creeping its way over his features. When the realization fully kicked in, Inoichi pointed to the butler and exclaimed, "You're the head butler for the Steinberg family!"
"Indeed I am," the butler replied in a cold casual tone.
"…So I take it that you're the murderer?" Tsume asked, her eyes narrowing at the butler.
"It was not for money, rest assured," the butler replied, "There was a much simpler, yet more powerful, motive to me murdering miss Danni and her little friend."
"…Revenge," Harold stated.
Nodding in the affirmative, the butler said, "Twenty or so years ago, my daughter Dawn, just a month shy of turning eighteen, was killed by a pink-haired individual. Richard's wife Susan, who has been regularly dying her hair pink for over the last twenty years, has to be the one who killed Dawn."
"…A pink-haired individual?" Kuromaru repeated, "I'm just curious…how did this 'pink-haired individual' kill your daughter?"
Chuckling, the butler said, "Susan Steinberg, who has to be the pink-haired individual in question, fell on Dawn from a great height at the sports game stadium that was here in Konoha before it was torn down to make way for the new, current sports game stadium that was used for the chunnin exams a few months ago that were interrupted by powerful ninja attacking Konoha and damn, why does that last bit sound so familiar?" (4)
"Butler dude," Kuromaru began, "With all due respect, the death of your daughter, from your own admission, sounds like it was a total accident. You cannot really hold Susan Steinberg responsible for what happened."
"I am a grieving father! I care not for logic!" the butler exclaimed.
"…I kinda understand where he's coming from," Inoichi remarked, "I mean, if Ino was murdered, I'd certainly throw all logic out the window."
"You do that on the regular basis anyway, but that's beside the point." Kuromaru stated matter-of-factly.
"Even though you're trying to avenge your daughter's death from twenty some-odd years ago, murdering two young teenage girls and holding my wife hostage is not the way to go about getting your revenge," Harold said to the butler.
"Stay back! All of you!" the butler exclaimed in a somewhat panicked tone, pressing the edge of the knife slightly closer to Sophia's throat.
"Dude, I'm warning you," Harold said as his tone slowly took on more of a stern warning sound, "Let Sophia go right now."
"And if I-" the butler said, but he stopped midsentence when his entire vision became nothing but swirls of black and dark red; the very last thing he saw before instantly passing out (the knife he held tumbling out of his hand harmlessly to the floor in the process) was a pair of Sharingan eyes, with each eye having three tomoe. After the butler collapsed to the floor, Harold and the other seniors, none of which having seen what the butler saw, suddenly noticed that Harold's grandnephew Haru saw standing between them and Sophia.
"Aunt Sophia!" Haru exclaimed as he ran up to his aunt and hugged her, "Are you okay?"
"Haru, sweetie, what happened?!" Sophia asked in a shocked tone, gesturing to the passed-out butler who was currently laying on the floor.
"Oh, I used my Sharingan to cast a genjitsu on the guy who was holding you hostage," Haru explained, "Dad taught me how to do what I just did."
"Dude!" Harold exclaimed joyously as he walked up to his wife and grandnephew. Gathering both up into a bear hug, Harold exclaimed, "Uchiha magic eyes for the win!"
"I always thought that Harold's grandnephew is the only Uchiha who is not a turd," Tsume whispered to Inoichi as they and Kuromaru watched Harold hug Sophia and Haru.
Later that day, Harold and company met with Naruto in his office at the Hokage office building. Looking at a report in his hand, Naruto said as he shifted his gaze to the three older ninjas and one ninja dog, "So it turns out that one of the butlers working for the Steinbergs was the murderer."
"He confessed to his crime when he came upon him holding Harold's wife hostage, and he confessed again when he was brought in," Tsume stated, "After he was woken up from his Sharingan-induced coma, that is."
"Ah yes, and there's the bit about Sasuke's son defeating the butler and saving Mrs. Fisher," Naruto remarked as he sifted his gaze back to the report, "I believe that Haru's actions in defeating the murderer and saving Mrs. Fisher warrants receiving that one award for service to Konoha."
"Well the Uchiha clan did run the local police force before they were all killed by Itachi," Kuromaru pointed out, "Protecting and serving Konoha citizens is probably in the kid's blood."
"Indeed," Naruto agreed as he sat the report down on his desk.
"Speaking of award for service to Konoha, Mrs. Inuzuka," Naruto added as he got up, "I sent the one for you to your place earlier this morning. I may not approve of you using The Hanamaru the way that you did to kill that powerful ninja, but you did save Konoha either way."
"All in a day's work, Lord Sixth," Tsume replied with a salute.
"Yeah huh," Naruto said, "Anywho, try to behave yourselves, alright?"
After Harold and company took their leave from Naruto's office, they were met up by Sasuke and Sakura. "Sakura! Did you hear what Haru did?" Harold said as he greeted his adult niece.
Nodding in the affirmative, Sakura replied, "It's a good thing that I sent Haru to assist aunt Sophia with holiday decorating over at your place, huh?"
"The little dude should totally get double Christmas gifts this year," Harold remarked, "It's the least he deserves."
Laughing in good nature, Sasuke said, "I'm certain that Haru was more concerned about saving his elderly aunt than he was about getting double presents. He's a rather selfless kid, that son of mine."
"Anywho, the butler who Haru totally owned in a fight said something about an incident from twenty plus years ago, where a pink-haired individual fell onto his seventeen-year-old daughter over at an old sports stadium, killing the daughter," Inoichi said, "That's the butler's reason for killing the two rich girls."
"Wait…" Sasuke said with a mildly alarmed expression, "…What does pink hair have to do with that?"
"Susan Steinberg, the mother of one of the two murdered girls, has been regularly dying her hair pink for the past twenty some-odd years," Harold explained, "The butler assumed that it was Susan who fell onto his daughter and killed her."
"The boys and I were planning on heading back over to the Steinbergs' place to do a bit of post-investigation follow-up," Harold said, "We'll be seeing you later. Oh, Sakura, before I go, can you do me a favor and tell Haru that I owe him one? 'K, thanks." After Harold and company took their leave, Sasuke and Sakura exchanged concerned looks with each other.
"…Do you think, if we ask him, that Naruto will tell us everything about the case," Sakura asked, "Including the current status of the butler who murdered those two girls?"
"Naruto owes me a favor or two," Sasuke replied as he patted his wife on the shoulder, "And we're both friends of his. I'm sure he'd be willing to indulge some of our questions."
END, CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Author's Notes:
(1) Members of the Inuzuka clan have enhanced senses of smell, remember?
(2) It's something about Sasuke's past that he's still sore about.
(3) I'd be a mite upset if it was me, too.
(4) Those who pay no attention to history are doomed to repeat it.
The next chapter will be a holiday special. The reason I say 'holiday' is because, while it will be primarily Christmas-themed, Hanukkah will also be featured in the chapter. I didn't say 'holiday' over 'Christmas' for the sake of political correctness. I never do anything for that reason.