Part 2
Author's Note: I am so so SO sorry guys! I posted this about a week ago but deleted it quickly because I realized there were far too many errors I didn't catch and for whatever reason it took me even longer to get the motivation to read through again. Hope you guys enjoy this last part wrapping things up for this series! As always, I'd love to hear whatever you think. Hope you're all safe and well wherever you are! xx
Three years. That's how long it's been since Hazel left. And not a day went by where she wasn't reminded of him in some way. Word around town was Alfie became an absolute beast of a man, especially with the men working for him. And there was no one to blame for this but herself.
Hazel hadn't strayed too far from where she shared a home with Alfie. Thinking of leaving Camden Town made her heart ache even more than it already had with the absence of Alfie in her life. Knowing he was, at least, in the same town as Hazel was almost comforting. Almost. Nothing could ever comfort her like he always could.
Thinking back to her life with Alfie especially towards the end, it was like Hazel had been living with a ghost. Hazel knew he was there in the dirty clothes that were piled up some mornings when he actually made it home. In the little notes he'd leave on the kitchen counter for her to find because he didn't have enough time to wait for her to wake before he was off to the bakery again. In the bundle of flowers, he'd leave by her bedside table every Wednesday just because he knew Hazel loved having pretty things around their home. There were all these little signs letting Hazel know he was there, but she hardly saw him in the flesh. And when she did, she had been horrible to him. An absolute monster. It broke her heart even more when she finally realized he tried in his own way to let her know he loved her and was trying in some way even if it wasn't exactly what Hazel wanted. But it was too late. She ruined everything by running instead of fighting for their relationship.
Why had she left? This question plagued her thoughts the moment Hazel left her once warm home with Alfie. There was no other reason she could think of other than how unhappy she was. Unhappy because she couldn't remember the last time she felt his skin against hers. Unhappy because while Cyril was great company, she spent dinners and most nights in bed alone. Unhappy because he wasn't there to tell her stories about his day or about something else poor Ollie messed up that entertained Hazel so much because Alfie had this way of captivating anyone who listened to his storytelling. And now she missed him more than she ever did before because now she didn't even get a glimpse of him. Now it was like he never existed at all. Not only was she missing Alfie terribly, but she found herself always reaching toward the other side of her new bed for Cyril like she used to before.
Hazel gave up so much and for what? What sense had it made to leave him completely and not see him ever again? She had sabotaged herself and the love of her life thinking in some way it would all be better if she was gone. Hazel left instead of trying even harder to make things better. Now she was stuck with this sadness that stained her blue. So very blue. And there was no going back.
It was another Friday night. At least this one Hazel wouldn't be spending entirely alone. The girls from work convinced her to join them on their Friday night out to close out the work week. They had been asking for weeks, if not months, now and Hazel felt bad for always turning them down so she thought maybe it would do her some good. What could it harm?
"So, you finally decided to come out with us? It's about time don't ya think?" Rachel asked as the girls all made their way toward the club the girls frequented each week.
"Maybe it's because you finally stopped hounding the poor girl every single week to join us before she was ready, Rach." Mia quipped as she linked her arm through Hazel's and gave her a warm smile. Of the three, she was the one Hazel felt most at ease with and was able to open up to. At least about some things. None of the girls were aware of her relationship, or lack thereof, with a certain Mr. Solomons.
Rachel huffed as she walked a few steps ahead with Edna. "Yeah yeah, you ask once, and she agrees. I was just bein' friendly since she was the new face in the factory. Plus, it's been three years! Surely that was more than enough time. I'm just really glad you finally decided to give us all a chance outside of work, Hazel." She said giving Hazel the first genuine smile she had seen cross her lovely face.
Hazel was grateful for these girls. This may have been the first-time spent with them outside of the factory but while working Hazel didn't think she had ever laughed so hard in her life except the early years in her relationship with Alfie. She missed that. The carefree feeling of just enjoying someone else's company and laughing about the most ridiculous things such as the antics Rachel got into with the guy who lived down the street from her.
Edna was the quietest of the bunch, but she was probably the sweetest of them. She always brought extra food and treats she made to share with the other girls. If you needed someone to cover a shift, she volunteered no questions asked. The girls were the complete opposite of one another, but they complimented each other so well and Hazel was glad she finally sucked it up and joined them in their Friday night fun.
"I think you'll like it here, Hazel. It's a great spot to unwind. The music and drinks are great. And the guys never bother you too much." Edna said.
"Unless you want them to, of course." Rachel remarked with a smirk on her face.
Mia shook her head as she pulled Hazel closer as the girls all walked through the door together. Hazel couldn't deny walking through the club that it was absolutely beautiful. Even in the dim lighting, the colors that flowed through the room gave off a very calming, romantic vibe. The music was absolutely beautiful. A pang of sadness flowed through Hazel at a sudden memory of her and Alfie dancing the day of their wedding. One of the best days of her life and she wished she could go back to that day and maybe do things differently following it.
Shaking her head, Hazel smiled at the girls as Hazel all scoot her way into the booth. Right away Rachel ordered drinks for the table even though Hazel had no intention of drinking much tonight. The girls were giggling about another one of Rachel's stories as Hazel took small sips of the whiskey she pushed in front of Hazel.
She was taking in the vibe of the room; people dancing to the music, women laughing at something their date said, the musicians playing instruments and so on. It was a good idea, Hazel thought, coming out with the girls. Maybe she was a little too quiet, but it felt good being out with people again. Even if it felt like something was missing.
He was missing.
Laughing at Rachel trying to pull Edna closer to the music for a dance, Hazel felt a shift in the air. She didn't know what it was but judging by the looks on some of the peoples' faces, she knew something was up. Shrugging her shoulders, Hazel took one last sip from her glass as she felt Mia nudge her. Hazel arched her brow as if to ask what was wrong.
"Looks like trouble tonight." Mia said as her head bobbed toward something happening behind Hazel.
"Does that mean we should leave?" Hazel asked sadly at the thought of the night possibly ending too soon.
Shaking her head, Mia replied, "Nah. Don't think so but if he's here it must mean someone fucked up. Did ya want another drink, love?"
"Yeah, why not."
Mia left the table to get more drinks leaving Hazel there by herself even though the bar was maybe 5-steps away from the booth. Because Hazel was curious who Mia meant by "he," she couldn't help turning in her seat to get a glimpse at whoever this man was. From the sound of it, he was pretty important and wasn't to be messed with.
It felt like ice filled Hazel's veins as she turned never thinking he would be the person Mia was referring to. But, how stupid could she be? She was still in Camden Town and no other person had more power or control of it than Alfie. She froze as she stared like a deer in headlights watching him grip another man up while, Hazel assumed, threatening him about whatever he had done.
He looked the same as the day she left, so handsome and like a fuzzy bear she just wanted to hug forever, but she could see so much anger in him she never once saw on his face before. Guilt filled her suddenly as she continued blaming herself every day for what she did to him.
Hazel turned around so fast as he looked up. Hoping like hell he didn't see her because she had no clue what would happen. What was taking Mia so long? Looking over toward the bar, Hazel saw she was talking to the bartender about a lot more than just drinks it seemed. Hazel looked around for Rachel and Edna, but that was a lost cause because Hazel could see they were having too much fun dancing to the music. Hazel was stuck silently praying he hadn't seen her for that brief second. Even though all she wanted was to talk to him.
Hazel sighed as she decided maybe she'll just meet Mia at the bar and at least get her drink. Running away seemed to be what she did best. Sliding out of the booth, her exit was blocked by a cane.
That cane.
Looking up into those eyes Hazel fell in love with, it felt like time froze around her. She didn't know whether to cry or smile. Hazel voted for cry because even after what she did, she couldn't place the look in his eyes, but he wasn't looking at her like he hated her. Not even a little bit.
"Hmm."
"Hi Alfie," Hazel spoke nervously. So badly she wanted to call him 'Fie' but, she lost that right the moment she left.
"Right, what are you doing here?" He asked in an accusatory tone looking around the booth for any hints.
Hazel was a bit confused that that was his first question to her in three years. But she wasn't about to question him about it.
"Just here with a few friends to unwind after the long work week."
Hazel didn't miss the look that crossed his face at her answer. "Unwind, right. So, you chose my club to do just that, yeah?"
What in the world was he getting at? It sounded like he was just trying to pick a fight with her for whatever reason.
"I wasn't aware this was your club, Alfie. Someone else picked this spot and it's a rather nice one if you ask me."
"Well, that is good to know, innit? I am glad this place suits you and your friends' needs." He said while making a dramatic show of waving his hands around.
While he wasn't screaming at her or ignoring her completely, Hazel couldn't understand the reason for his behavior right now. He almost looked hysterical as he kept going.
"So, where's the bloke, hm? I guess I can't be too surprised since it's been three years, right?" He asked looking around the place wild eyed.
"Alfie, what are you talking about? I'm here with a few girls from work." Hazel asked as she was still sat in the booth looking up at him.
"Sure, then where are they, hmm? Why are you sat here all alone as if you're waiting for someone to return?"
Hazel suddenly felt like crying again because this was her fault too. The first time seeing each other in three years and Alfie's ready to pop a vein in his forehead over the thought of Hazel replacing him with someone else. How could she ever think to do that? Especially when they were still technically married?
"Fie," Hazel spoke softly while cautiously grabbing one of his hands in hers. "Mia is over by the bar getting us more drinks but obviously got too wrapped up in whatever the bartender has to say. Rachel and Edna are too busy making fools of themselves with everyone else dancing. I'm not here with anyone else, promise."
He looked down at her hands a moment before another frown crossed his face.
"You made a promise before to never leave me, dinnit ya?" He scoffed but didn't make a move to pull his hand away from hers.
That crushed Hazel all over again. As if she ever got over it in the three years she had to think about everything. She knew she could spend forever apologizing to Alfie, but it would never be enough. At least not to her.
"Do you think, maybe, we could talk for a bit, Alfie?" Hazel bit her lip nervously. She was a ball of nerves because she really didn't know how this could all go. So badly she wanted things to go well but she'd understand otherwise. What else could she expect after everything?
He sighed at her question letting Hazel know the answer would be no. Better to have tried, she thought to herself.
"Got some business I need to take care of, yeah?" He said before pausing to see the look on her face drop and he almost wanted to kick himself for it even though a very small part of him thought Hazel deserved it after what she did to him.
Even if it wasn't all of her fault.
"Ah, it's okay, Alfie. It was just good to see you again. Really good." Hazel spoke with a sad smile on her face as tears started forming in her eyes, she hoped he couldn't see.
Squeezing her hand gently, he cleared his throat. "Should be finished early. How about I swing by then?"
A smile so big crossed her face for the first time in years as Hazel nodded her head at him.
"I'd like that a lot."
"Right then. ISHMAEL!" He shouted as he pulled away and made his way toward the door and left.
The breath Hazel hadn't realized she was holding in left her. And then came the tears. Tears because she was so overwhelmed from seeing him again. Tears because she couldn't believe Alfie didn't completely brush her off or turn down her wish to see him later.
Hazel didn't realize she was practically sobbing out loud until she felt Mia kneel before her holding her hands asking what happened and why Alfie Solomons approached her like that. Knowing Hazel couldn't lie or keep things about that part of her life from her any longer, she completely blubbered to her about that night three years ago and her relationship with the man Hazel missed more than anything else in this world.
Bracing herself for the worst, Hazel bit her lip as she took in the look on Mia's face. She looked shocked more than anything else, which was to be expected Hazel thought considering the reputation the man held especially after she left.
Mia looked like a fish as she tried to formulate a response to what Hazel told her. Trying to grasp the fact that a woman such as herself; kind, sweet and caring amongst many other things, was in anyway associated with the likes of a man like Alfie Solomons.
"You were married to THAT man?" She finally asked.
Hazel laughed as she moved into the booth so Mia could sit properly. "Yes, in fact I'm still technically his wife."
"How?"
A sad smile crossed her face as her mind flashed with so many memories she had with Alfie. There were so many good times that outweighed any of the bad moments in her relationship. Hazel always wished she had thought about those before she made the decision to just up and leave.
"No one saw the man that I did for so many years. He was loving, more than anyone could ever imagine. He paid attention to the little things and would always use those to put a smile on my face. And how he could make me laugh with the most ridiculous things that would come out of that mouth of his. He was perfect, Mia. Absolutely perfect and I fucked it up." Hazel sighed as she felt more tears forming.
Mia pulled her in a tight hug and gently swayed as Hazel let the tears fall.
"It seems to me you may have a chance to fix that, sweetie. I think it's about time we all head out soon anyway." She said as she nodded toward Rachel and Edna giggling their way over to the booth.
They all grabbed their coats and piled out of the club. Though it had been an emotional night for Hazel so far, she was happy she decided to join the girls. They were just as much fun as they were at work, if not more. Hazel thought maybe this was the universe's way of giving her another chance. Because what are the chances the club, they ended up going to, would be Alfie's or that Hazel would even run into him at the same time? Hazel didn't know who to thank but she was grateful and really hoped something good would come of this opportunity.
It was just before 10 when Hazel made it back to her home. Hazel paced the living room as her thoughts ran. Should she change or put water on for tea? Would he be hungry? What time was early to him? Would he even show at all? Hazel sat on the sofa to try and get a hold of herself before she passed out. This was Alfie, not someone new. She knew him or so she thought. A lot could have changed in three years.
Hazel let out a squeal as she heard a knock at the door. Taking a deep breath, she moved to open the door.
He looked so good still, if not even better.
"Hi Alfie." Hazel spoke softly as she opened the door wider for him to walk in.
He gave Hazel a nod and hum as he stopped in the middle of the living room standing in front of the small fireplace. Nervously Hazel started twisting her hands as she stared at his back thinking maybe this wasn't going to go the way she hoped after all.
"Did you want me to hang your coat up so we could maybe sit in the kitchen for a bit? Or sit here and have some tea or something?"
He scoffed but never moved from his spot in front of the fireplace.
"Three years I spent trying to hate you, dinnit I?" He started. "Three long fuckin' years, love. Then there you are, showin' up in my own club makin' me forget what you did, yeah? Makin' me forget how you stomped out the bit of heart I had left."
"I'm sorry, Alfie." Hazel whispered looking down at her feet feeling absolutely ashamed for what she did all over again.
"Yeah, I bet you are, aren't ya?" He mumbled as he turned and made his way toward Hazel in one quick movement.
Even though he was right there in front of her, Hazel didn't dare look up into those eyes that she loved in fear of what she would see. She closed her eyes wanting to kick herself for thinking this would have a better ending. The fact he agreed to see her fooled her into a false sense of security.
"I really am sorry, Fie. I've missed you. So fuckin' much. And I know nothing can take back that night or fix it, but I've regretted it ever since." Hazel was trying so hard to keep the tears and sobs in as she started replaying that night in the kitchen all over again and how much of a monster she was to him.
Suddenly Hazel felt his fingers lift her chin to look up at him, but she refused to open her eyes. Hazel bit her lip as the tears just kept coming. It felt so good having his touch on her again and being so close she could smell him. A scent Hazel always wanted to drown herself in because it felt safe. It felt like home.
Home.
"Love, look at me."
Hazel was expecting him to be angry or disgusted. But if it was possible the look in his eyes killed her even more. He was looking at her in the same way he used to before she left. His eyes held so much love in them. Love Hazel didn't deserve anymore.
"Why didn't you just stay then, hmm? We could've fixed it."
"I was so unhappy, Fie. I missed you and you were never around when I needed you. It felt like we were just going around in circles and nothing was being fixed. And after saying all of that, I didn't think I deserved to stay."
"So, you ran? What sense did that make?" He laughed sarcastically.
Hazel couldn't help but roll her eyes at him as she pulled his hand from her face and held it between hers. "None, I know that, Fie. None of what I've done has made any sense. I've only ruined everything."
There was a pause as they both stared at one another. Three years without seeing his face and now she never wanted to look away again. A look flashed across Alfie's face as if something were suddenly bothering him.
"What is it?" Hazel asked nervously.
His eyes almost looked black as a scowl took over his face. "You really never messed about with any blokes since that night, hmm?"
Hazel almost wanted to laugh at this jealousy, but she felt guilty because she knew he was thinking if she left her home with him then would it be too ridiculous to assume she'd lay with another man?
Touching his face softly and running her fingers through that beard she missed the feel of so much, Hazel replied, "Fie, there will never be anyone else but you for me. Never."
He closed his eyes at the sensation.
"Come home." He whispered so softly she barely heard him. Hazel didn't deserve him. Not when she first met him and definitely not now. She expected the worst when she first laid her eyes on him at the club.
"Fie…"
"I don't care what you think, yeah. I can't stand being in that place without you. It hasn't felt right since you left. We can fix this." He said as he looked into her eyes pleading with her.
"I miss you, love. WE miss you."
Hazel sobbed then thinking about how she left Cyril too. So many things ruined that night and for what? Running had not solved anything; it just made all those feelings even worse. This time would be different. She would make it work because a life without Alfie Solomons at all was a life she couldn't bear living ever again.
She wrapped her arms around Alfie's neck squeezing him so tightly. When his arms wrapped just as tightly around her, a shudder left her at how good it felt being in his arms again after so long.
"Are you sure, Fie? After everything?"
"Ya really gonna let me suffer another night of Cyril whining and howling because he misses you? The mutt's been relentless, hasn't he?"
Smiling to herself, Hazel knew who Alfie was really talking about. May lightning strike her down if she ever has a thought of leaving Alfie and his safe, warm arms again like she did.
"We can't have any of that, now can we?"