I know it has been a long time since I last updated. But I thought I should try and finish this one as I was really enjoying the writing process. I am probably a little rusty but I hope you enjoy.
It had been two weeks since Steve was moved out of intensive care and into a ward. The daily routine of checks, doctors rounds, physical therapy, meetings with the psych and visits from the team had meant the days seemed to slowly melt into one. The team had been there as much as they could, sneaking in food and trying to be there in the evenings - but Five-0 had to continue. Still plenty of scumbags in the State of Hawaii to catch.
Cath had been around almost constantly for the two weeks of shore leave she had been granted. While he enjoyed having her around, Steve found it exhausting. Almost as if she was a reminder of a future that was now so uncertain and different. He just wasn't ready to deal with what had happened and how his future had suddenly changed. He could see it, feel it or not feel it more accurately, and was constantly aware of his current state, but some part of his brain still thought it was only temporary. Perhaps it was his self protection mechanism when it all became to real, like how he would go somewhere else when he was being held in North Korea just like they taught them on SERE training.
Like always Chin had charmed the head nurse who he was now calling "Auntie" and bringing in Liliha Bakery donuts for as treats. So the nursing staff looked the other way with the special meals and relaxed the visiting hours for the team. Tonight's dinner was poke bowls. The warm sushi rice with cool marinated fish and spicy sauce sounded perfect after bland homogenous hospital food. Even MREs tasted better than what he was eating most days. Steve had been permitted by the treatment team to sit up slightly from his previous flat position for short periods of time. While it still gave him head spins every time the bed head was raised, at least he could look at people and start learning how to feed himself. A hand splint was placed on his right hand with a spoon threaded through so that while his fingers still weren't functioning he could try and eat. Chin had placed the food on the roll away table as Steve stabbed away with the spoon to grab some rice and fish. But the rice wouldn't budge. Chin looked up from his bowl which he was holding in one hand, chopsticks in the other. "Can I give you a hand? The rice might be stuck after the drive over here from King St" he offered.
"I can do it" Steve growled and continued to stab at the bowl with his splinted hand. In his frustration he flicked a piece of ahi out of the bowl and across the room splatting on the lino. Chin, saying nothing, got up, put the stray piece of fish in the bin near the bed and then dragged his chair closer to Steve. Using the spare chopsticks he loosened the rice at the bottom placing some onto Steve's spoon with a piece of fish on top. The two men locked eyes, before Steve awkwardly moved the spoon from the bowl to his mouth and sighed. Chin piped up "So we are tracking this new crime syndicate, they have been importing fake alcohol and selling it to some of the night clubs" all the while placing more rice and poke on Steve's spoon for him to transfer to his mouth. "Normally this would be simple, but their packaging is really good and somehow they are getting the liquor import sticker for bottles so it is proving hard to identify".
"Who do you think they are working for" asked Steve, awkwardly moving the spoon back to his mouth catching it with his lips as he couldn't move his head to it.
"Dunno Brah, probably mainland Chinese, but this stuff could be coming from the Phillipines too. But its way better than the bathtub hooch we have seen before. We are going to have to wait for their next shipment and try to catch them at the docks".
The meal continued, Chin placing food on Steve's spoon with the chopsticks, Steve shakily bringing his splinted hand to his mouth and both men calmly discussing the case. Shortly after they were finished Kiani, one of the nurses, came in for the evening checks. Chin, having learnt what was coming up before, decided to head off.
"I am going to run Brah. Let you know how the docks go." Chin said, packing up the containers and chopsticks from dinner.
"Okay" Steve replied "and Chin, thanks". Again the two men locked eyes, no more needed to be said.
"Anytime Brah" Chin smiled, heading out the door.
Tonight's checks were "the long version" ie full change of dressings, checks for bed sores, change of the collection bag and, Steve could barely think about it, change of his adult diaper. The doctors had told him that at some point soon he would be on a three day routine where he wouldn't need them anymore. That day couldn't come soon enough - it was humiliating. He was just grateful the team didn't know about it or stay around for the evening checks.
Kiana was nice and had quickly figured out that Steve was not one for small talk. Like every other evening for the past two weeks Steve just went outside of himself and blanked it all out. He wasn't there and this wasn't happening to him. He just wasn't ready for his "new normal". The evening routine was done, but Steve felt the rigid splint still on his hand.
"Kiana" He called out for her "can you please take this off as well?".
"Oh thanks for reminding me, I completely forgot. How was the poke? Looked pretty good?" She asked undoing the velcro around Steve's wrist.
"Fine" Steve replied, probably too short for a friendly question. The recent memory of digging at the rice returning and was playing on loop in his head.
Taking the hint the he was not interested in talking Kiana quickly grabbed the cart with med supplies and left the room, dimming the lights on he way out.
Steve lay there in the dark, feeling embarrassed and ashamed. It was such a small thing, and he knew that his hands would regain their dexterity and he would get his strength back but at that point he was defeated. No "just pick your self up and carry on the mission" stuff. Just straight out defeat. This time he didn't know where to go from here, and if he was honest with himself, he didn't know if he could go on. He was hosting a full blown pity party for one.