Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.
Harold of Konoha
Chapter thirty-three: Another go at the chunnin exams (AKA Harold, Inoichi and Tsume had Been There, Shaped History)
"Here's to my grandnephew Haru!" Harold Fisher exclaimed happily as he raised a glass of lager at a dinner party; Harold, along with his wife Sophia, met up with Harold's little sister Mebuki Haruno, Mebuki's husband Kizashi, Mebuki and Kizashi's adult daughter Sakura Uchiha, and Sakura's husband Sasuke over at the Uchiha residence to celebrate Haru, the twelve-year-old son of Sasuke and Sakura.
In very recent events, there had been a chunnin exams held in Konoha. This particular chunnin exam was the first multi-village chunnin exam in five years; Konoha's allies in the ongoing fifth great ninja war, Suna and Iwa, sent genin from their respective villages to take part in the chunnin exams in Konoha. Unfortunately, due to a certain exam proctor being unable to resist indulging in a favorite pastime of his, that exam had to be canceled abruptly when most of the genin that were participating freaked out; five of the genin were so freaked that all five of them even attempted to kill themselves.
Thankfully, Konoha was good at gaining control of the situation, managing to keep damage to a minimum. Even more fortunately, none of the genin who attempted suicide were successful. Harold, along with his good friends Inoichi Yamanaka and Tsume Inuzuka, plus Tsume's Ninkin Kuromaru, tried to help the exam proctor in question break away from his habit, even managing to convince Naruto Uzumaki, the sixth (and current) Hokage, to hold a make-up chunnin exam, giving the proctor in question another go.
Unfortunately, the proctor relapsed back to his habit, and the genin taking part in the make-up chunnin exam all freaked out. With the proctor retired on orders from Naruto, there came the issue of cleaning up the mess that had been made. When all was said and done, Haru had been promoted to chunnin, as he was the only one who took both the first exam and the make-up exam and didn't freak out in either of them. Haru being promoted to chunnin is why his family was cheering for him and congratulating him.
"So Haru, my boy," Harold began, "Now that you're a chunnin, what are you going to do?"
"Whatever missions Lord Sixth has my team and I take up, I guess?" Haru replied in a mildly confused tone, shrugging in a likewise confused manner.
"I just hope Haru doesn't end up getting sent to one of the battlefields of the fifth great ninja war," Sophia remarked to the family as a whole in a mildly worried tone, "Because chunnin or not, Haru is still just a child."
"Naruto told me that he would not send any Konoha shinobi seventeen years of age or younger to fight in the war," Sasuke said to his aunt-in-law (1), "Likewise, he would not send any genin. Even with Haru being a chunnin now, he's too young for Naruto to even consider sending out to fight in the war." With a quick glace to Sakura, who looked pissed at the idea that Haru would be sent out to fight in the war, Sasuke turned his eyes back to face everyone as a whole and added, "Also, I get the feeling that Naruto would never send Haru to fight in the war regardless."
"Well thank goodness for that," Mebuki said as she sighed in relief, "Twelve-years-old is far too young for someone to be a war veteran, if you ask me." (2)
"Putting aside all of those dark, nasty thoughts," Harold began as he got everyone's attention, "Haru being promoted to chunnin reminds me of the time Inoichi, Tsume and I were all promoted to chunnin. We all passed the chunnin exams on our first try, you know, and were likewise promoted after we passed."
"I could probably guess that," Sasuke replied, "I remember from when I was a young kid being told by my father how he was among your group to get promoted to chunnin back when all of you guys were twelve." (3)
"Ah yes, I know who you're talking about quite well," Harold said to the Uchiha man with a nod. After a few seconds, Harold continued, "Umm, your dad is Choza, right?"
"My father's name is Fugaku, and he was killed back when I was still an academy student," Sasuke pointed out.
"Oh yes, yes," Harold said, "Now I remember."
Facepalming, Sakura said in a mildly strained tone, "Uncle Harold, it never ceases to amaze me how you made it to jonin."
"It's true how the process of rising through the ranks is a long, hard road," Harold remarked, "But if you're made of awesome like the bros and myself, then anything is possible."
"That's not what I meant, but whatever," Sakura mumbled to herself.
The following afternoon, Harold was at his favorite bar in Konoha, knocking back a few cold ones with his friends Inoichi and Tsume. As per usual, Kuromaru sat on the floor next to the stool at the counter that Tsume sat on. "Natsu is making a good recovery, thank goodness," Inoichi remarked to his friends, "Why, I'd be absolutely frigg'en devastated if something bad happened to any of my grandchildren and they didn't make it."
"You didn't know Natsu was your grandchild up until a few weeks ago," Kuromaru pointed out to the Yamanaka patriarch.
"Which is one of the many reasons why I'm glad she's going to make it," Inoichi replied, "I have so much lost time to make up for when it comes to Natsu."
"Speaking of the little dudes," Harold started, "You guys know that Haru got promoted to chunnin, right?"
"Oh, hells yeah, that's frigg'en sweet, dude!" Inoichi cheered as he and Harold clanked their beer bottles together in a toast.
"Hey boys," Tsume said, "How long has it been since we went from genin to chunnin?"
"Pfft," Harold replied, "No clue, Tsume. Must have been at least fifty years or so." Shaking his head gently, Harold continued, "Time sure flies, huh?"
"You think we still have what it takes?" Inoichi asked, prompting his friends to regard him.
"What do you mean, my good man?" Harold asked as he regarded his best friend.
"Do either of you think that we have what it takes to go from genin to chunnin?" Inoichi clarified, "I mean, it's been a while, but do you guys think we can pull it off?"
"How the hell do you think you can try a stunt like that, Inoichi?" Kuromaru asked, "First off, you, Tsume and Harold are all jonin now. Second, I don't see how you intend to-" Stopping midsentence, Kuromaru's one visible eye widen out of shock and realization, showing that he had a pretty good idea what the Yamanaka patriarch had in mind. "…Don't you dare even frigg'en think about it, Inoichi," Kuromaru said, "Who knows what else you, Tsume and Harold will mess up if you use that blasted thing again?"
"What are you on about, Kuromaru?" Tsume asked as she looked down to where her Ninkin sat on the floor.
"He's guessing that I was going to suggest that we use the Well of Time to go back to when all of our kids were twelve-year-old genin, use the transformation jitsu to disguise ourselves as twelve-year-old genin, then take the chunnin exams alongside our kids," Inoichi said, "And yeah, he pretty much hit the nail right on the head."
"I wasn't thinking you'd go back to that specific date, but it's still an overall bad idea to use the Well of Time for anything ever again," Kuromaru pointed out.
"Well hey now, I think that Inoichi may be onto something," Harold defended, "Besides, I bet it'd be fun to take the chunnin exams alongside little Cherry Bug and Ino and Naruto and Kiba and all of their little friends."
Seeing as how he was not going to win this argument, Kuromaru said, "Do the three of you at the very least remember most of the big details from back then?" Seeing all three of the senior humans nodding in the affirmative, Kuromaru said, "Good. Try to stick to everything as closely as you can, okay? The closer you keep to how things went down back then, the better."
"Inoichi, Tsume and I know better than to do anything astronomically stupid," (4) Harold remarked with a dismissive wave of his hand, "Relax dude."
"Well then, have fun, I suppose," Kuromaru remarked, "And please try to be back by a reasonable time."
"Dude, this is the Well of Time we're talking about here," Tsume said, "Time is something that we have on our side."
(TWENTY PLUS YEARS AGO, WOODED AREA OUTSIDE OF KONOHAGAKURE)
Harold, Inoichi and Tsume popped out of the Well of Time on a fair enough morning while the sun was up. The three senior jonin all used the transformation jitsu to disguise themselves as twelve-year-old genin. The three friends all looked like twelve-year-old versions of themselves, aside from Tsume not having the red facial marks, Inoichi deciding to make his hair black, and Harold having black eyes. (5)
"Do you two dudes have names in mind to give to people if they ask for our names?" Tsume asked. After both Harold and Inoichi nodded in the affirmative, Tsume said, "Well alright, then! Now we're cooking with fire!" The three disguised jonin proceeded to make their way to the village proper of Konoha so that they could take a shot at the chunnin exams alongside their kids and whatever friends said kids have.
In a building somewhere in Konohagakure, the three disguised seniors from the future were standing around with a bunch of genin. "Dudes, we have this in the bag," Tsume whispered to Harold and Inoichi, "The three of us are all already jonin, so passing this should be a cakewalk for us."
"I know, dude," Harold whispered back, "None of these other kids even stand-"
"Hey, are you three Konoha genin?" a young female voice called out, getting the attention of the three disguised seniors. Turning to face whoever called out to them, Harold, Inoichi and Tsume all saw Sakura, Ino, Kiba and Akamaru, Naruto, Sasuke, Hinata, Shino, Choji and Shikamaru back when they were all twelve (and also when Akamaru was still alive). It had been Sakura who had called out to them.
"Yeah, those are Konoha headbands, alright," Sakura continued as she got a good look at the headbands worn by the three disguised seniors, "But I don't recognize you three. Who are you three genin?"
"Oh, I'm Natsu Dragneel," Harold said as he held his right hand up in a gesture of greeting, "Pleased to meetcha."
"My name's Kirigaya Kazuto," Inoichi said as he introduced himself, "But everyone calls me Kirito."
"I'm Tsukune Aono," Tsume said as she introduced herself.
"Hold on a minute," Ino said as she regarded the disguised jonin kunoichi, "Isn't Tsukune a boy's name?" As Tsume screamed the word 'frig' in her mind multiple times, Harold stepped forward and asked for the names of the nine genin because, despite knowing full well all nine names, Harold only recognized the faces of Sakura, Ino, Kiba and Naruto. (6)
"Now hang on," Inoichi said after all nine genin introduced themselves, "I heard of this one fellow named Sai. Where is he?"
"Sai? Who the hell is that?" Shikamaru asked as he regarded the disguised senior with a confused, questioning look.
Suddenly realizing that this is well before the genin ever meet the boy who Inoichi hated with a burning passion, the Yamanaka patriarch was then struck by what he considered to be a brilliant idea. "He's this real jerk of a genin who I hear lives in the Konoha area," Inoichi explained, "I was just asking because I was hoping to teach him a lesson."
"How bad is this Sai fellow, might I ask?" Shino asked as he regarded the disguised seniors.
Knowing full well what their friend was playing at, Harold and Tsume were all too eager to play along and help Inoichi out on this one. "Oh, that Sai bastard is the worst," the disguised Harold began, "Well first off, Sai is…umm…what's the term for people who really hates Jewish people simply because those people are Jewish?"
"…An asshole?" Naruto replied, clearly sounding like he was guessing.
"…Well, Sai's also an asshole, I'll give you that," Harold remarked as he pointed to the future sixth Hokage in a commending manner, "But I wanted the actual term for dudes who hate Jewish dudes because those dudes are Jewish."
"The term you're looking for is antisemitic," Sakura said to the disguised Fisher patriarch.
"Yeah, that's it!" Harold said as he pointed to Sakura, "Sai is antisemitic! I heard he once killed a person simply because that person was Jewish."
"Well if that's the case, then screw him," Naruto remarked as he scowled somewhat while pounding a fist into his hand, "If I ever run into that Sai asshole, I'll kick his ass." Off to the side, Hinata smiled somewhat while blushing.
"Also," Tsume said, "You guys know what people talk about when they mention someone being bad touched, right?" After the rookie nine all nodded in the affirmative, Tsume said, "Yeah, I heard that this Sai fellow bad touches dogs."
"What the frig?!" Kiba exclaimed, clearly sounding, and clearly looking, pissed. Turning to face Naruto, Kiba said, "Yo dude, if you ever need backup in kicking Sai's ass, feel free to give me a holler, alright?"
"Oh, and one more thing," Inoichi said as he was wrapping things up, "I heard that Sai said, and I'm just quoting the bastard on this one, that Sasuke Uchiha is totally gay."
"What?!" Sasuke exclaimed, going wide-eyed with shock. Sakura and Ino were both likewise pissed by what they were hearing.
"Again, I'm just quoting the dude on this one," Inoichi defended, "I barely know anything about anyone or anything having to do with the Uchiha name, so I clearly don't agree with the jerk."
"So yeah," the disguised Harold said to the rookie nine, "Just to give you ten a heads up about that Sai fellow in case any of you ever run into him."
"Thanks for the tip, Natsu dude," Kiba said as he shot the disguised Fisher patriarch a thumbs-up.
"Umm, there's only nine of us here," Hinata said somewhat timidly to the three disguised seniors from the future.
"Okay, wow," Kiba said as he turned to face his teammate, "I'm going to assume that Akamaru doesn't count then. Never took you to be a racist, Hinata."
"Do dogs even count?" Choji asked rhetorically.
"Of course, they f-" the disguised Tsume began, but she was cut off when Kabuto came up to them.
"Excuse me, but I couldn't help but overhear the lively conversation you all were having," Kabuto remarked, "A lot of other folks here could also hear all of you talk, so I would advise that you all refrain from being too lively, as it were. You don't want to get on the bad side of all of the other genin here, do you?"
"That Sai bastard got on my bad side already," Kiba grumbled in an annoyed tone.
"Who are you?" the disguised Harold asked as he regarded Kabuto.
"I'm Kabuto Yakushi," the bespectacled shinobi explained as he introduced himself, "I don't suppose any of you have any questions on the chunnin exams, do you?" Rubbing the back of his head in an embarrassed manner, Kabuto continued, "Admittedly, this isn't my first go at the chunnin exams. But I would like to think that my repeated attempts have given me experience that you can't get any other way."
"Nah, I'm good," the disguised Harold said, which elicited a likewise reaction from the other two disguised seniors.
"…Well are there any particular genin any of you want to know about?" Kabuto asked. Pulling out a deck of cards, Kabuto explained, "My ninja info cards here have basic summarizations on a lot of the genin competing in this exam. I may be able to provide you with info on certain genin, if you so want."
"Actually, yeah," Sasuke said as he stepped forward, "I'm interested in hearing anything you may have on Rock Lee, a genin from this village, and Gaara, a genin from Sunagakure."
"Rock Lee hero worships his jonin instructor, and Gaara is a redheaded little twat with breathtaking anger management issues," the disguised Tsume remarked, "There you go."
"…I was actually hoping for something more along the lines of what they're capable of in combat," Sasuke said to the disguised Inuzuka matriarch. Kabuto proceeded to supply Sasuke with the appropriate information.
"One more thing," Kabuto said to the disguised seniors and the rookie nine, "A lot of the genin from other villages here are rather tough. I'd be careful around them if I were you."
"Oh my," Hinata remarked in a worried tone.
"Pfft," Harold said as he waved his right hand in a dismissive manner, "They're just jelly that us Konoha folks know what the hell we're doing, unlike them. We got this in the bag." Turning to face his disguised friends, Harold said, "Isn't that right, boys?"
"Frig yeah, dude," Tsume said as she and the disguised Harold high-fived each other. After the high five, the trio of sound ninja known as Dosu, Kin and Zaku came walking over while giving Kabuto an annoyed look.
"So, you think Otogakure is a minor village, eh?" Zaku said in a snide, annoyed tone as he regarded the bespectacled shinobi.
"Who?" Harold said to Zaku in a confused tone.
"Oh, don't tell me you never heard of Otogakure," Kin said as she turned to regard the disguised jonin from the future.
"To be fair, this is the first time that I'm hearing about Otogakure as well," Hinata admitted as she timidly raised a hand.
Turning to regard the Hyuga kunoichi genin, Kin snapped, "Why you little bitch! I ought to slug you in the face for not knowing about Oto!"
"Oi, you leave her alone!" Naruto snapped back at the Oto kunoichi genin, "How is it her fault for not knowing about Oboe or Obese or whatever the hell your village is called?!" Once again, Hinata smiled while blushing. Not that anyone noticed this, of course.
Before anything else could go on, everyone's attention was called to the front of the room, where Ibiki Morino and a team led by him showed up. "Okay, you little brats, the chunnin exams are about to begin," Ibiki said, "I hope the lot of you are all are ready, because this is going to be the greatest challenge any of you have ever faced in your respective lives thus far."
"Here we go," the disguised Harold whispered to his fellows from the future, "This ought to be worth a few laughs."
"The main rule here is no asking questions," Ibiki said as he began to explain the first part of the exams, "You all will be taking a written exam, and the scores of your tests will be added up with that of your teammates scores to determine who passes. Also, various chunnin proctors will be placed throughout the room to keep an eye out for cheaters. You get caught five times and not only are you disqualified, but so are your teammates. Now then, any questions?"
"I thought you said no asking questions," the disguised Inoichi called out as he raised a hand.
"…Oh yeah," Ibiki replied in a mildly dumbfounded tone, but continued after regaining his composure, "Well, that's at least for when you take the actual exam. Speaking of which, you all will get started on the exam now."
Knowing about how this went down back when the kids were still kids, the disguised seniors from the future remained perfectly calm. None of them even bothered to try actually taking the written exam portion; they just sat at their respective seats pretending to focus on their tests. In reality, Harold and the others were answering the questions in their own unique way. (7)
After about forty-five minutes, Ibiki said, "Alright, you little brats. It's time for the tenth and final question. However, before I give it, I must say that the tenth question is rather unique compared to the other questions on the exam."
"How so?" one genin in the crowd asked.
"Answering the tenth question is actually optional," Ibiki explained, "However, if you don't answer it, you and your entire team will automatically fail. Also, if you do answer it but get it wrong, you'll be barred from ever taking the chunnin exams ever again."
"Umm, yeah, I got a question about that," the disguised Harold said as he raised a hand.
Giving the disguised jonin an annoyed look, Ibiki said, "I suppose you may want me to clarify something. Go ahead."
"Are the other villages aware of this?" Harold asked.
A mildly confused look on his face, Ibiki said, "Excuse me?"
"Are the other villages aware of this?" Harold repeated, "Are they aware of the fact that there's a chance that some of their genin may be forced to remain genin forever simply because some dude from Konoha said so? Because if not, then I would imagine that this wouldn't sit very well with the head honchos of the other villages."
"Hey yeah, that pink-haired Konoha kid has a point," Kankuro said as he stood up, "In fact, I bet that the Kazekage wouldn't like to hear it if my siblings and I were forced to remain genin forever simply because you said so. I would also imagine that the leaders of the other villages would feel the same way if the genin from their villages were forced into a similar situation."
"That's a good point," Kin said as she stood up, "So tell me, are the other villages aware of this little condition on the tenth question, yes or no? In fact, is this village aware of the condition you put on the tenth question?"
"That is not the point," Ibiki shot back at the genin as they started questioning the tenth question.
"Are Konoha and the other villages aware of this condition on the tenth question, yes or no?" Neji asked as he stood up.
"No, okay?!" Ibiki shot back, "Neither Konoha or any of the other villages are aware of the condition that I put on the tenth question!"
"Dude, you are in a whole heap of trouble," Kiba remarked as he pointed to Ibiki, "When word of this gets out, and trust me it will get out, Konoha and the other villages are-" Kiba was cut off midsentence when someone crashed through a window and set up a banner all in one go. Coming out of a crouching position, Anko Mitarashi stood up and faced all of the genin still taking the first portion of the exams.
"Congratulations for passing the first position of the chunnin exams, kiddies!" Anko proclaimed as she pointed dramatically at all of the remaining genin.
Sighing in relief, Ibiki said to himself quietly, "Never in all my life have I ever been so grateful for the fact that you're an overly excitable hyper idiot, Anko."
"Wait a minute, we all passed?!" Temari exclaimed in equal parts excitement and confusion.
Looking at all of the remaining genin, Anko then turned to face Ibiki. "She's got a point, Ibiki," Anko remarked to the scarred special jonin, "You passed this many genin?" (8)
"Well," Ibiki began to reply in a tone that carried a mild hint of embarrassment, "I ran into something of a minor issue concerning the tenth question."
"Minor issue my ass!" the disguised Tsume snapped from where she sat in the room.
While jerking a thumb at the disguised jonin kunoichi from the future, Anko whispered to Ibiki, "I like the cut of her jib. She reminds me of my idol and hero Tsume Inuzuka." (9)
Outside of the fenced-in forest of death, the disguised seniors from the future and all of the genin who passed the first portion were waiting around for the second portion of the exam to start. As everyone waited around, a square rock that was clearly actually a cardboard box painted (rather poorly, might I add) to look like it was made of rock, suddenly burst apart, revealing the trio of academy students known as Konohamaru, Udon and Moegi.
"Hey boys, look at this," Tsume whispered to Harold and Inoichi as she pointed to the trio of academy students, "This ought to be worth a laugh."
"Hey big bro," Konohamaru said to Naruto, "We're here to interview you on how the chunnin exams are, and how you're doing so far."
"A lot of people, including myself, all passed the first portion of the chunnin exams without much difficulty," Naruto admitted, "Although admittedly, I'm kind of getting the feeling that we were all passed mainly because the proctor of the exam's first portion was trying to sweep some sort of scandal under the rug. Also, I think the proctor for the chunnin exam's second portion might have eaten one sweet snack too many, because she seemed way too hyper and way too eager to kick off the second portion of the chunnin exams."
"You call her hyper?" Sakura said in an annoyed tone, "Uhh, mister kettle, mister pot called. He said that you're black."
"To be fair, I kind of have to agree with Naruto on this one, Sakura," Sasuke remarked, "Even Naruto isn't dumb enough to cause property damage just to make a flashy entrance. At worse, all he ever makes is a small mess that can easily be cleaned up. Besides, I also get the feeling that the proctor lady is a few sandwiches short of a picnic."
"Well that much is obvious, Sasuke-kun," Sakura replied, sounding like she agreed with every last word out of Sasuke's mouth simply because they came out of Sasuke's mouth, "Although in her defense, there's a certain trio of adults I can think of who are so dumb, even just one from their number is dumber than both Naruto and that proctor lady combined."
"Hey Sakura, what do you think about the chunnin exams so far?" Moegi asked while holding a small notepad and a pencil.
"Well the first portion of the exam was clearly testing one's abilities to gather information without being detected," Sakura said. Turning to face the fenced in forest of death, Sakura continued, "As for second portion, well…I'm going to have to wait for the proctor lady to come back to us on that one."
"What about you, Sasuke?" Udon asked, "Can we get your two Ryo on the subject?" (10)
"All I have so far is that I pretty much have the same opinion as Naruto when it comes to what took place during the chunnin exam's first portion," Sasuke replied. With a mildly confused-sounding sigh, Sasuke continued, "If what I believe is true, then Konoha was taking a rather big risk with allowing that Ibiki fellow to-"
"Okay kiddies, listen up!" Anko called out, getting everyone's attention. Looking to where Anko stood, the female proctor said, "Now that I'm here, we can begin the party." Holding up two scrolls of the same size yet with slightly different coloration between the two, Anko explained, "There are two kinds of scrolls. One is called the heaven scroll, and the other is called the earth scroll. Each team of genin will be given one of those two scrolls before they're thrown into the forest of death. While in there, you must make it to the tower in the center of the forest of death while also obtaining whatever scroll your team wasn't provided with."
"Wouldn't that eliminate at least half the teams?" Temari asked as she raised a hand.
Grinning, Anko said, "Well I got to do something to whittle down the number of genin that are remaining. I don't know what happened, but Ibiki sure did drop the ball by letting so many of you pass the first portion of the exams. But yeah, in order to advance, your team must make it to the tower in the center of the forest of death with both a heaven scroll and an earth scroll, meaning that you must take the appropriate scroll from another team. Any questions before we start this party?" After none of the genin (or the disguised seniors from the future) replied, Anko said, "Well alright! Let's hand out the scrolls so we can get this underway!"
Sometime later in the forest of death, the three disguised seniors from the future were walking around. "Wow, it's a good thing a few more extra teams all passed the first portion, huh?" Harold said, "We got an earth scroll to go along with the heaven scroll we were provided with before we went into the forest."
"Hopefully a few more teams will get eliminated," Inoichi said in a tone of agreement to Harold, "If even one extra person passes, then things will get thrown all out of whack."
"True that," Tsume remarked, "I think that-" Tsume stopped short when she heard something. Signaling for the boys to stop, Tsume looked on ahead. To her surprise, she saw the sound ninja, Zaku, Kin and Dosu. The three sound genin all looked very roughed up, as if they had just gotten out of a rather brutal confrontation with someone.
"Man, who knew that Uchiha was so powerful?" Zaku remarked. Hissing in pain, Zaku continued, "This broken arm is totally going to mess things up for me."
"Hopefully not too much," Kin began to say, "The last thing any of us needs are for-" Kin stopped midsentence as she slumped over while she and Zaku were being carried by Dosu. Upon seeing the kunai deep in the back of Kin's head, Dosu and Zaku both became alarmed. Dosu became even more alarmed when a crossbow bolt shot Zaku in the head, killing him.
"Who's there?!" Dosu said at a near exclamation, turning in alarm to see who had slain his teammates. It was then that he saw the disguised seniors from the future.
"You're…you're those three Konoha genin who were busting the chops of that proctor fellow from the exam's first portion," Dosu said, "What…What are you three-" Dosu never got to finish speaking as Tsume, who had used her hand-sized semiautomatic crossbow to shoot Zaku, also shot Dosu, killing him.
"Yeah, I remember how the sound genin were used as tribute fodder by Orochimaru to raise the first two Hokages with the Edo Tensei," Tsume remarked as she walked over to see if the sound genin had anything worthwhile, "Granted, I don't remember which ones were used, so that's why I killed all three." Retrieving her kunai and two crossbow bolts, Tsume said, "Hopefully this will make things easier for old Lord Third in the long run."
"Yeah, I don't think even Kuromaru can argue with that reasoning," Harold said, "Well anywho, we ought to make our way over to the tower in the center of the forest."
Later, the three seniors from the future were with all of the other genin who passed the second portion of the chunnin exams. Harold, Inoichi and Tsume were happy to note that team seven, team eight and team ten all passed, along with team Gai, the sand siblings, and the team that Kabuto belonged to. "Hey bros," Harold whispered to his friends, "The only change that I notice here that's different from what I remember Sakura telling me is that those sound genin aren't here. Seeing as how they aren't here but we are, does that mean we're taking their place?"
"I guess so," Inoichi whispered back as he shrugged.
After a brief talk from Lord Third, Hayate Gekko said, "Seeing as how there's an unusually large number of genin who passed, we're going to be having a preliminary tournament of one-on-one matches between all of the genin before we can proceed to the next part."
"Yeah, about that," Kabuto said as he raised a hand, "Sorry, but I'm going to have to drop out here. Sorry, but I sustain an injury earlier, and I don't think I'm in the best condition in the world to throw down against anyone."
"Are you sure you wish to drop out?" Hayate asked the bespectacled shinobi.
"Totally," Kabuto replied. Turning around, Kabuto said as he walked away, "Don't let me dropping out dampen the mood, alright?" After Kabuto was gone, Hayate turned to regard the remaining genin.
"Well with Kabuto dropping out," Hayate said to the remaining genin, "This means that there are exactly twenty genin left. That means that we can have ten even matches without an odd match out in this round." As things were getting started, the three disguised seniors noticed Sasuke wincing in pain. They also notice Sakura looking to him.
"Sasuke-kun, maybe you should drop out," Sakura remarked in a concerned tone, "I mean, after what happened, don't you think that-"
"I'll be fine, Sakura," Sasuke replied through gritted teeth, "This is nothing."
"Yeah, he's got some tough blood, that dude," the disguised Harold said as he and his fellows approached Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto, "Just give him a beer and he'll be good to go."
Regarding the three disguised seniors from the future with confusion, Sakura said, "Giving Sasuke a beer sounds like something that my Uncle Harold would recommend."
"Well this Uncle Harold of yours sounds like a right proper genius, then," Harold replied, "For beer is the elixir of life."
"Aren't you and your friends twelve?" Naruto asked, "What are you guys doing talking about beer like you have it on a regular basis?"
"You do realize that, due to Konoha law, those recognized as official shinobi of the village are legally considered adults, and therefore can drink beer and do various other quote unquote 'adult things'?" the disguised Inoichi asked. (11)
"Well yeah, I know that," Naruto replied, "But don't you think that twelve years old is a bit too young to drink beer?"
"Pfft, I started drinking when I was ten," the disguised Harold replied with a dismissive wave of his hand, "One of the best days of my life."
"That's when my uncle said he started drinking," Sakura remarked.
"Again, genius at its finest," the disguised Fisher patriarch said. After that bit of talking, everyone turned to face a giant monitor that was randomly going through names. When Sasuke's name appeared along with that of Yoroi, Sakura gasped in mild worry.
"Sasuke's up already?" the pink-haired genin remarked, clearly concerned for the boy that she had a major crush on, "This can't be good."
"Relax," the disguised Tsume said to Sakura, "If anything bad pops up, the senseis will step in. I mean, that's what they're for, right?"
After Sasuke ended up winning his match against Yoroi, the monitor displayed the next match. "Well alright then," Hayate said as he looked at the monitor, "Looks like it's Shino Aburame versus Kirigaya Kazuto."
"Oh yeah, about that bro," the disguised Inoichi called out as he raised a hand, "I'm afraid that I'm going to have to forfeit my match. Me and my team went through the wringer as we traveled through the forest, and I don't know about either of my teammates, but my chakra is a bit on the low side."
"Ae you sure?" Hayate asked, and after the disguised Yamanaka patriarch confirmed his decision, Hayate continued, "Very well. With Kirigaya Kazuto forfeiting, Shino Aburame automatically advances to the next round." Shino, for his part, remained silent while Hinata congratulated him on getting a win while Kiba bragged that everyone was too scared to face him or either of his teammates.
After that, Kankuro faced off against Misumi and, by using his puppets, Kankuro won his match. After Kankuro's win, Sakura and Ino were paired to fight each other. The two girls ended up eliminating each other, but not without putting on one hell of a show for everyone present. Tenten and Temari were the next to go, and Temari won the match rather handily. After the sand kunoichi won her match, the monitor displayed the next pair of genin slated to fight.
"The next match will be Shikamaru Nara versus Tsukune Aono," Hayate announced after the pair of names were displayed.
"Yeah, I'm going to have to drop out as well," the disguised Tsume remarked, "I was hoping my chakra had more time to build back up, but I'm not anywhere near close enough to ready for another brawl. Sorry, folks."
After Hayate was able to confirm that the disguised Tsume wanted to forfeit, he raised a hand and announced, "With Tsukune Aono forfeiting, the winner is Shikamaru Nara."
"Oh, thank goodness I don't have to fight," Shikamaru said under his breath with a sigh of relief, as if everything he said was one word. After Shikamaru's automatic win, the next match was Kiba versus Naruto. After a long and hard battle, Naruto emerged the winner. After a brief interlude to allow for time to remove Kiba and Akamaru, both rather badly exhausted and hurt, from the arena, the next match was announced.
"The next match is Neji Hyuga versus Hinata Hyuga," Hayate announced after the pair of names were shown on the monitor.
"Hey, this doesn't make a lot of sense," the disguised Harold remarked. When Naruto and Sakura, the later having regained consciousness after she and Ino KO'd each other, asked what he was talking about, the disguised Fisher patriarch explained, "Why do they have two Hyuga girls fighting each other? Would it have made more sense for one of the Hyuga girls to fight, oh I don't know, that Sasuke friend of yours? I bet that a Byakugan versus Sharingan fight would have given everyone here a good show."
"Sasuke is still in a rather shaky condition, so I wouldn't want him to go up against anyone the way he is," Sakura replied, "Also, I'm pretty sure that Neji is a boy."
"Pfft, no way dude," the disguised Harold replied. Of course, he knew full well that Neji was actually male, but that wasn't the point; Harold was hoping that by constantly throwing what gender Neji is into question, it would sap the Hyuga prodigy's focus, thus keeping him from causing the damage to Hinata that he ends up causing.
For the most part, Harold's gambit worked; due to bits from the peanut gallery that constantly mistook him as a girl, Neji became increasingly annoyed, and that kept his aim from being true. As such, while Neji intended to strike at Hinata's heart, he ended up striking her lungs instead. Even so, Hinata collapsed due to the damage her lungs took, the jonin minus Asuma still step in to keep Neji from trying to kill Hinata, Neji is declared the winner, and Naruto still vows to avenge Hinata.
After Hinata was rushed away, with one of the medic ninjas worried that Hinata might have a collapsed lung, the next matched was announced as Gaara versus Rock Lee. Despite a valiant attempt on Rock Lee's part, along with pulling of things that even broke through Gaara's almost always stoic emotionless expression, the youngest sand sibling ended up winning. Rock Lee also was hurt really badly, but the disguised seniors from the future weren't concerned about it. (12)
"It's now time for the final match," Hayate announced to everyone, "Choji Akimichi versus Natsu Dragneel."
"Yeah, Ima give it the ol' college try," Harold remarked.
"Bro, be careful about this," Inoichi whispered into his friend's ear, "We are here from the future, remember?"
"Dude, you know me," Harold replied to his best friend, "I'll be fine."
Down in the arena, the disguised Fisher patriarch squared off against his portly opponent. "Let the final match of this round of the chunnin exams begin!" Hayate announced as he raised a hand dramatically.
"Hey Tubby," Harold said before any fighting actually happened, "When you're running and you fart, do you go faster?"
"What?!" Choji snapped, clearly looking pissed. Up where everyone was watching, Asuma, Shikamaru and Ino all looked on with worry.
"Oh no," Shikamaru said with a clearly worried look of concern on his face, "Don't tell me that idiot Natsu is not only taunting Choji, but is poking fun at Choji's size while doing so."
"Is that bad?" Naruto asked as he and Sakura both turned to face Shikamaru, Ino and Asuma.
"Let me put it this way," Ino replied, "If Natsu doesn't win, he dies."
Down in the arena, the disguised Harold continued as he spoke to Choji, "I would figure that with a butt that big, when you fart, it'll give you enough of a push to move forward quickly. Gas powered ninjas, brought to you first by Konohagakure!"
His face morphing into a visage of rage, Choji said, "You better stop it."
"Hey, how many all-you-can-eat buffets have you single handedly put out of business?" Harold asked, "I'm going to guess that the number is somewhere well over one. Also, I bet the dumps you take are really big, but nowhere near as big as you, you know what I'm saying, fatass?"
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!" Choji exclaimed angrily as he turned into his Human Juggernaut form and proceeded to roll right at Harold, and with a surprisingly high amount of speed to boot.
"Wow, never expected a big guy like you to move with speed like that," Harold remarked as he jumped out of the way of Choji's path rather handily, resulting in Choji hitting the wall with such force that he got stuck. With the Akimichi genin helpless after his Human Juggernaut form came undone, Harold pulled out a kunai and pressed it against Choji's throat. "…Yeah, this means you're dead, dude," the disguised Harold said.
"Uggh, fine," Choji moaned in pain, "You win."
"Sweetness!" the disguised Fisher patriarch cheered as he pumped both fists into the air while Hayate announced that Natsu Dragneel won.
After various preparations were made for the next round of matches, Harold and the other disguised seniors made their way back to the village proper. "So yeah, I'm not going to bother with that whole triangle involving Shikamaru and what's her face," Harold remarked as he and the other disguised seniors made their way out of Konoha and into the wooded area beyond it, "Let those two slug each other in the face for all I care."
"Well gentlemen," Tsume said, "Do you think that the three of us still has what it takes to go through the chunnin exams?"
"Oh, hells yeah," Inoichi replied as he and the other disguised seniors all jumped into the Well of Time, to return to their own time.
…
Harold, Inoichi and Tsume all landed in the present of the time that they came from. Undoing their transformations, Harold said, "Hoo boy, that was certainly a hoot and a holler, wasn't it? I wonder why the three of us don't have more fun like that."
"Because the last time the three of us used the Well of Time before now, we almost got Konoha conquered by pirates?" Tsume replied rhetorically.
"…Oh yeah, now I remember," Harold replied with a shrug, "Well anywho, let's head back to Konoha. I could use a cold one."
"Same here, dude," Inoichi said as he and Tsume followed Harold back to Konoha.
The following morning, Naruto was sitting at his desk in his office at the Hokage office building, with Sasuke, Shikamaru and Shino helping out with various things. "Hey guys," Shikamaru began, "Remember when we all had our first go at the chunnin exams?"
"Yeesh, that was a mess, wasn't it?" Naruto replied, "In fact, I found out from Kakashi-sensei later after Orochimaru and his buddies came in and brought everything to a screeching halt that Orochimaru had kidnapped two random elderly men from outside of Konoha to serve as sacrifices for Orochimaru to bring back the first two Hokages via the Edo Tensei. At least neither of those two old men had any family to speak of, so at least no one lost anything." (13)
"Whatever happened to that Natsu Dragneel fellow anyway?" Shikamaru asked, "I found out after my own promotion to chunnin that Natsu was promoted to chunnin as well."
"I bet that Naruto wishes that a certain other Natsu was also promoted to chunnin," Shino remarked. Addressing the lord sixth, Shino said, "Isn't that right, Naruto?"
"Heh," Naruto chuckled, "You got me there, Shino."
"Say Naruto," Sasuke said, "Didn't you say that Neji caused a lot of damage to your wife's lungs back when they fought each other?"
"Yeah," Naruto replied, "But Neji later told me that he was actually aiming for Hinata's heart instead, but his focus was sapped due to people continuously mistaking him for a girl. I was able to use a bit of that myself to help me win against Neji. After all, why look a gift horse in the mouth when it's giving you something good?"
END, CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Author's notes:
1. Is 'aunt-in-law' even a thing?
2. Twelve-years-old is also far too young for someone to get killed in a war. But that's just my two cents.
3. Of all of the parents/other adult relatives of the 'rookie nine' ninja that are also ninja, the only one to not be promoted to chunnin alongside everyone else is Sasuke's mother Mikoto. This is because a leg injury (albeit a minor one) she suffered prior to the first chunnin exam that she had a shot at prevented her from taking part. Mikoto did make chunnin at the next exams, however.
4. No, they don't.
5. They're usually green, same as Sakura's.
6. Harold has a habit of mixing up names and faces, remember?
7. You don't wanna know how they answer the questions.
8. A lot more passed here than in the actual exams in this time in the series proper.
9. Given some of Anko's quirks from the anime, this might explain a lot.
10. 'Your two ryo' bing the equivalent of 'your two cents' in this story's setting.
11. This is something I've seen pop up in a few other Naruto fics that I've read/skimmed through. This is my way of playing around with that idea.
12. They know that Rock Lee ends up pulling a complete recovery.
13. In the actual timeline (the one where Harold and co. don't mess with anything), the two old men both end up dying during the three years Naruto spends training with Jiraiya.
Like I had said, one of the reasons why it took me so long to finally update this story is because I've been working on my other stories, particularly my Yugioh 5Ds story and my Yo-kai Watch story. Anywho, the next chapter will feature the surviving senseis, those being Kakashi, Kurenai and Gai, hanging out with Harold and co. for the day.