Alternative Route Taken
by Castlefan6
Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, A Deadly Game, what happened if Rick didn't return to the precinct after leaving and this was really their last case. What would each other's lives have looked like? The story starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!
I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.
A/N This may or may not end up as a Caskett fic, if that bothers you, please wait for updates to see which direction the story goes. Respectful comments are always welcome, trolls will be deleted.
Also, we may take liberties with the timeline from Canon and use events to make this a more believable fiction, thanks.
Previously
He breezed through the remainder of the letter, his anger still boiling almost to the tipping point. He knew he needed to calm down before he responded IF he responded at all. It had been only a few days since he had spotted her dancing with the good-looking gentleman, I guess that's one way to wait for forgiveness from someone who you love. It was almost laughable, but not in a funny way.
Did she know the meaning of the word Love? Had she ever loved anyone other than herself? How fucked up was she coming out of High School to not be able to establish and hold any relationships past that of the FBI agent, which was more of convenience than of feelings, she had admitted.
She settled, well, the letter did nothing to help her, in fact, if anything it gave him resolve to see the mission through and come back Beckett Cleansed, ready to start back on a search for a true relationship.
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Chapter 13
NYPD 12th Precinct
6 Days Later
Kate's POV
Kate had been feeling a deep sense of worry and dread for the last week, no matter how hard she tried to push it off, it still haunted her. She tried exercise, more runs, reading, she even contacted her psychologist Doctor Carter Burke and scheduled a visit to him.
At work she was quiet, and withdrawn, doing her job, actually throwing herself into her job to lose that sense of dread for just a few hours. The moment she stepped out of the precinct; it came rushing back to her like a wave of heat from a blast furnace. She knew deep inside what it was, it was a fear that Castle was either injured, in danger or God forbid worse, she just couldn't get over the feeling no matter what she did.
She was working at her desk early in the morning when she looked up to see Captain Montgomery standing by her desk,
"Something wrong Kate, you haven't been yourself for the last few weeks, anything I can do to help?" Roy asked in his kind fatherly way,
"No Sir, I mean I'm fine Sir." She stumbled,
"You want to try that again with someone who doesn't know you so well?" Roy asked,
She didn't say anything tears pooled in her eyes as they had so often the last several weeks, it seemed to happen every time she looked over at a beat-up old chair that no one dared move or touch, in fear of their lives.
"Kate, come to my office, I have something to show you," Roy said as he went to the breakroom, to get his coffee.
When he returned, he set the coffee down and opened his drawer to reveal his flask, "Do you need a jolt of this Kate?"
"Eh, no sir, I've been steering clear of that, well all alcohol, I made an appointment with Dr. Burke Sir, just so you know. I've had a sense of worry and doom that I just can't shake for several weeks, I can usually work my way out of it but this time it's got a deep hold and won't let go." She said quietly
"Well, good choice on Doctor Burke over booze, it doesn't solve anything just numbs it for a while. This feeling of gloom and doom, could it be worrying about one writer and former partner of yours?" Roy looked over his glasses, already knowing the answer but forcing her to commit.
"Actually, Sir, it's all about him, I told him I didn't want him to go the last time he was here, I apologized, I pleaded, I even begged Sir, he just looked at me and told me it was far too little and way too late.
"I know he's in danger, I don't know how, but there were three days last week I didn't sleep at all. I'd close my eyes and hear Rick yelling for help, with bright flashes of light all around him and huge booming noises, it was so real, that's what made me make an appointment with Doctor Burke."
"Well, I can't share any information, mainly because I received the same bull shit cover story you did, he's working for Mercy Flights. That might be his cover but I know something more is going on, but Mayor Weldon told me to drop it, and never ask again. That's when I knew something was up."
"You aren't lying to me Sir, you really don't know anything more than I?" she asked quietly, it wasn't a question as much as confirmation,
"Kate, this is the only thing Weldon sent me, and he swore me to secrecy. It should be out in today or tomorrow's papers but still keep it under your hat, especially around Esposito." He handed her an advance copy of what looked like a newspaper article, it was about Rick and New York's favorite author flying missions of mercy.
"Sir, what makes you think there is more to the story than this?" Kate asked,
"Look at him carefully Kate, see his uniform, that's not what Mercy Flight Pilots wear, compare it for yourself. I don't know what the hell he's doing but it's a lot more involved than he or the press want anyone of us to know." Roy said sadly
"He looks tired Sir, almost like he had been going for days without sleep or rest" Kate added,
"Yeah, that too, but when Bob shut me down so quickly, he knows more but either won't or can't say, hard to tell with him," Roy added
"Sir, do you think Paula or Gina would know, I mean I know Gina moved back in with him before he left, I saw the moving truck Memorial Day weekend when everyone was in the Hamptons." She said meekly,
"Kate if you're asking me if Gina and Rick are together again, the answer is not as of when we left the Hamptons. Believe me, it's not because Gina doesn't want it or would agree to it in a minute but Rick is messed up and needed to get his head straight, or so he said the last night at the bond fire. Gina was standing right next to him, when he said, "Right now, I'm not ready to be in a relationship, that might change once I work somethings out of my system, but for now, no."
Kate looked at the floor, both knowing what or rather the who Rick was talking about. She looked up and said
"Thank you, Sir, it was good to see this, at least I know he's alive or was a few days ago," Kate said as she left his office,
She was sitting in the break room, drinking her coffee, trying to organize her thoughts when Ann Hastings and Roz Karpowski entered, and acknowledged her with a slight wave of the hand. She had never been friends with the two, but Rick leaving had also left a bigger divide between them since they blamed, and rightfully so, Kate for Rick's departure. She must have really looked pitiful because as they left Ann dropped off the full article Roy had let her see earlier.
"He's alive Kate, or he was a few days ago," was all Ann said as she dropped the paper and continued out with Roz.
"Thanks, Ann," was all she replied, but she searched the paper for any additional details and the color photo pointed out what Roy had mentioned earlier, his uniform didn't match Mercy Flight personnel. He looked even more tired in the color photo, and his hair, always kept without a hair out of place was unruly from him wearing his flight helmet. All she could hang on to was what both Roy and Ann had said, he was alive.
Xx
Undisclosed Location
3 Days Earlier
Rick's POV
Rick had a couple of days R&R before he had to fly back to New York in two weeks, it was getting close to the release date of the next Heat Novel, Raging Heat. Gina was handling the arrangements for the Launch Party along with Paula, and Alexis. All he had to do was show up, the signs should be going any day now and he was sure people would be shocked that he had continued the series.
What the hell, he had the two books almost written, why not cash in, not that he was a money whore like James Patterson, but there was no such thing as having too much money. He had caught up on his correspondence with Alexi, Gina, and even got a quick hello and goodbye from his Mother as she was rushing off to another party. Somethings never changed he smiled.
FLASHBACK TO CALL HOME
"Hi Daddy, we saw the article in the paper, remember you promised to be safe" Alexis chided him,
"I was, sweetie, I promise, the supplies were badly needed by those on the ground, so at least we got them some help."
"Rick, can we schedule the release of Raging Heat, I mean are you still coming home for two weeks, perhaps three in 15 days, and three hours, but who's counting?" Gina asked,
"Yeah Genes, it's going to be 10 calendar days, and I'll be home in 15 days, so if you could schedule it for the first Saturday, I'm home, I don't want it to take away time from the end of my visit home, OK?" Rick asked,
"We already booked the Plaza; it's been good luck for us for the last three releases. Is there anyone you want to be sure is at the Launch Party, or leave the invite list to Paul, Alexis and I?" Gina asked hesitantly,
"Gina, if you're asking should you invite Beckett, the answer is no, send her the advanced copy of the book, but only Captain Montgomery and the ones that joined us in the Hampton should be invited, including LT." Rick actually smiled as he was talking,
"OK Smart Ass, you always knew when I was fishing so we'll take care of it." She laughed back
"Alexis, before you ask, yes I read Beckett's letter. It was nothing new or unexpected so I kept my promise to you" he laughed,
"Not entirely Dad, I bet you didn't answer it, which if I recall from 7th grade you made me answer the letter from David Hinkemeyer when he apologized for pulling my hair, and me hitting him and pushing him down the stairs. Did you?" Alexis had that look,
"No, I didn't answer her Alexis, and that's diff*"
"Calling BS Dad, you taught me, it's the right thing to do when you're 7 or 70 so are you going to practice what you preached? Look, I'm not a fan of hers, but she deserves to hear your thoughts, good or bad, two wrongs never make a right. Don't play her games Dad, you're bigger than that," Alexis was passionate and Rick knew he was wrong,
"OK, you're right, I have a few hours, I'll drop her a few lines today, I promise. OK?" He asked as Gina smiled in the background
"She's right Rick, no matter how bad she screwed up, she made an effort, it's just rude to ignore it, and it shows you're as childish as she was if you don't. Answer it, and PLEASE be nice Rick, we both know how sarcastic you can get" she said,
"OK, OK, I promise, Look I have to get going but I'll be home soon, so Thank you for taking care of everything, I miss you all, yes Genes, especially you," as he blew a kiss and hung up, as Gina started to blush,
Xx
Well, he had promised and one thing he and his daughter never did was lie or break promises to each other, he wasn't going to start now, no matter how distasteful it was.
He found a quiet spot and pulled out his writing tablet, Kate's letter, and collected a cold beer and began.
"Dear Detective Beckett,
"I know you are aware I received your letter during Memorial Day, and as you were told I was busy with my other project, thus the delay in my response, my apologies. If I'm being truthful, that was one reason for the delay, the other was I really didn't want to hear any more of what you had to say, and just read the letter a few weeks ago, and I was unable to communicate. That's all that will be said about that, so please don't ask.
"I know you think Gina hates you, well you're pretty close, she hates what you did, BUT it was she and Alexis that more or less guilted me into responding to the letter, so don't read anything into it other than what I write. I was chastised for being rude by not reading and responding to something you went to a great deal of trouble to write and have delivered to me. It is true when I said, your timing was terrible since I was very busy and this is the first opportunity to respond.
"I guess the best way to address this is, to begin with, your letter from the top, so here goes. I am not writing things to hurt you, but I won't hold back my feelings anymore, you are no longer someone I am concerned about how you will feel with the truth, or what I write. I'm sorry it is so blunt, but better to put it out there, no sugar coating, no subtext, like we lived in for two years.
"You're correct that your escapades with Detective Deming were the breaking point for me, it wasn't that you chose him over me, hell, I have been rejected by many women who are famous, so rejection wasn't the breaking point, even though it hurt.
"I have never been lied to as much, as often, almost as if it came without a thought to you. The final case we worked, or three-plus weeks you allowed, and then joined in at times with your boyfriend, and Espo's barbs. What I offered suddenly became the work of a "just a writer" and how many times did I hear, "you're not a cop Castle" until I got the hint. You're right, I'm not, so after I knew the young man got his justice, I decided to leave police work to the police.
"I have enough material to finish the series, so I didn't need, nor have the desire to be around you anymore. This project came out of the blue, and when it did, I knew it would offer me an opportunity to make a clean break, for me and you.
"As I started to read your letter, I thought it was a nice touch to remind me that I owed you something because you listened to my apology for looking into your Mom's case. There are different points of view on this, but you know Detective, it doesn't matter, you were right, I owe you.
"I think you knew when you wrote the line about hurting me so much exactly what you did. I left the precinct after hearing you telling me you didn't want me to go, the first and only time I ever heard anything remotely close to that. I remember, more of the other barbs, I won't repeat, but you know them, you said them often enough. You asked for forgiveness, so you're forgiven, no hard feelings.
"You went on to describe why you pulled the stunts with Deming which made no sense to me, my daughter grew out of that behavior when she was ten years old. I'm not sure I believe that excuse, but it doesn't matter, not now, not anymore.
"I'm not sure how you couldn't see the feelings I had for you, everyone else in the precinct did, and I don't believe you when you said you had feelings for me and I shouldn't have told Deming there was nothing between us. Were there feelings between us Detective? If so, I missed it, please refresh my memory.
"If you had feelings, wouldn't it make more sense if you would have turned his invitations down, not make a fool of yourself in the stairwell, or talk about his sexual prowess deliberately loud enough to ensure I heard. Why was it my fault for telling the man the truth? If you had feelings, excuse me still have feelings, you picked a very odd way to demonstrate your feelings for me.
"Your next lines really made me want to laugh, of course, you won't get any information from my family, why should you? Who are you to me? Just someone I worked with for almost two years and befriended as I did many others, nothing more.
"I'm glad you realized your status with my three ladies, because to say you're not welcome around them is an understatement. I assure you, Detective, I am not doing anything to punish you, I wouldn't know what pushed your buttons even if I wanted to. You asked for quiet, you asked for me to leave police work to the police, you asked me to go away, not once but several times, I did nothing more than to finally honor your wishes.
"You again explained the error of your ways for allowing behavior that even the vilest and disgusting criminals we interviewed were not subjected to by you or your team, yet you did, and allowed others to do so to me. I wonder if that made you feel more in charge, I'm not a shrink but I paid for enough sessions to know you would definitely benefit from them. You asked for forgiveness, you're forgiven, it's no big deal anymore. It just doesn't matter anymore, so go with a clean slate.
"The next few paragraphs of your letter told me exactly what I was looking for, you still blame others for your hurt or heartache. Of course, you wouldn't be invited to the Hamptons by my three ladies if you were getting it on hot and heavy with Deming.
"If you want to fell humiliation, ask Esposito why he called me your fetch dog, because to everyone in the precinct, EXCEPT you, I put even my own self-respect on hold trying to please you somehow. Imagine me bringing a beautiful lady to a crime scene, not even trying to hide a heavy make-out session like teenagers, then brag about how good she was in bed loud enough for everyone to hear.
"You compared your humiliation for not being invited to my daily feelings? How dare you! You have no idea of what humiliation is Detective. You said if Paula and Alexis wanted you to cry, they got their wish, you cried a lot. WHO did you cry for Detective, I'm betting it was for YOUR hurt feelings, not because you hurt someone, intentionally, and then panicked when they walked away? You aren't used to hearing the word no from anyone, you always seem to get your way, in one manner or another.
"You asked for forgiveness, I think that was the main intent of your letter, so mission accomplished. I have mentioned it before but I hold nothing against you, nor do I harbor ill will against you. You're forgiven.
"You also said something about your partner and showing him how important he is, well that ship sailed, and it's sad because you never called me anything more than your assigned pain in the ass until I left. Please don't worry about me or my wellbeing, I'm doing just fine, in fact, I get better a little more each day I am away.
"I take it that you met the gentleman Gina and I saw at the club with you after you wrote the letter, so it was good to see you heal quickly, and get yourself out there. He seemed like a great guy, so good luck with him, maybe he can make you happy, God knows I tried and failed. I looked at you and all of the hurt, anger, and yes even deep desire, was gone. I thought for a moment when you still hadn't recognized me, WHY? It was killed by you Detective. I hope you don't repeat your mistakes with this gentleman,
"I guess there's nothing left to say but Good Luck, God Speed,
Goodbye
Castle"
TBC