Alternative Route Taken

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, A Deadly Game, what happened if Rick didn't return to the precinct after leaving and this was really their last case. What would each other's lives have looked like? The story starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.

Previously

"We already booked the Plaza; it's been good luck for us for the last three releases. Is there anyone you want to be sure is at the Launch Party, or leave the invite list to Paul, Alexis and I?" Gina asked hesitantly,

"Gina, if you're asking should you invite Beckett, the answer is no, send her the advanced copy of the book, but only Captain Montgomery and the ones that joined us in the Hampton should be invited, including LT." Rick actually smiled as he was talking,

"OK Smart Ass, you always knew when I was fishing so we'll take care of it." She laughed back

"Alexis, before you ask, yes I read Beckett's letter. It was nothing new or unexpected so I kept my promise to you" he laughed,

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Chapter 15

Beckett's Apartment

1 Week Earlier

Kate's POV

Kate had just made it home, another day in hell, she was being treated as if she had the plague by everyone at the precinct, including her boys. She would walk up on a conversation and they would instantly try to shift it to a different topic than what they had been discussing.

They weren't the smoothest, and it became even more obvious when she experienced the same thing with Roz and Ann. If they didn't change the conversation they just clammed up and she heard nothing but silence, just like, WAIT! Was this another repeat of the Memorial Day Party where she was singled out as not welcomed?

She dialed a number on her phone and as soon as she heard "hello" she started,

"Lanie, I want to know, and I want the truth, is everyone but me invited to the God Damn book launch next week? Yes, or No, it's a simple question and I know you know what's going on. Talk, now!"

"Not everyone Kate," Lanie tried to ease the blow, just all of the Homicide Detectives and those who were invited to the Hamptons. Look, Honey, I'm sorry, I don't know what when on between you and Castle, Deming and that fucking mess, but whatever you did, he's made it clear he wants nothing to do with you, especially at a party scene.

"Kate, think back, necking with Tom in the stairs, talking about what a stud he was in bed loud enough for the entire bullpen to hear, Castle wasn't deaf. How do you think that made him feel? All you had to do was tell him the truth when he asked you to the Hamptons, that you were working on something with Tom, he wouldn't have been this upset, but you lied.

"I know Javi tried to say something about you at the Memorial Day party and Rick almost had him tossed off the property. He said something to the effect, "Do you see her here Javi, what makes you think I give two cents about what or who she's screwing this weekend. I'm not interested in hearing any more lies from her, and if you're enjoying your stay, don't bring her up again, especially in front of Alexis or Gina, they will have you driven off the grounds."

"He actually said that he wouldn't have had Javi removed*"

"YES, he would Kate, you were a taboo topic, no one not even the Captain was allowed to mention your name. Girl, you fucked up bad, I overheard part of a conversation with Roy, something about he put up with a liar until he could get his child, but he had no ties to this liar, she could screw the entire precinct if she wished, he really didn't care.

"Roy tried to say something but I heard Rick raise his voice, and say, Roy, she's your favorite, that's fine, but the treatment she dished out, and allowed others to do the same, well, I lost respect for you and her. He let the Captain have it as well, about if it had been anyone else, he would have jumped all over them, but because Kate did it, it was OK.

"Roy apologized and said it was a long story, Rick replied, and it had a short ending, no more, understand Roy? He was about as angry as I have ever heard him, but when I saw him less than three minutes later, he was back to the old Rick."

Kate was quiet, so it was the Book Launch, another repeat of Memorial Day, she was the outcast. She remained speechless for a few minutes,

"Kate, I hope you're not upset that I'm going, I mean I tried to stay out of that mess when it was going down, I told you just tell him the truth, what was so hard about that?"

"No, Lanes, I'm not upset with anyone, well anyone other than myself. You guys have a good time, I'm sure you will. Talk to you later," her voice was sad and low and faded in volume as she hung up.

She turned to the counter where she had set the mail, the meal she had picked up from the bodega, and decided to trade the water for a glass of wine. Hell, now she knew the story, invite the entire department but her, he had to know that it would embarrass her, more than anything he could do. Everyone would know, the Muse, wasn't even invited to the launch of the next book. How screwed up was that.

She had shoveled her meal down, not even remembering what it was, some enchilada or taco, what did it matter, as she turned to her glass of wine. She had just enjoyed the first sip, when she saw it, there in the mail, his handwriting, Castles. The return address was that of Black Pawn, she knew that by heart, but the postal stamps indicated it had come from somewhere overseas, DPO Box and she couldn't make it out because of the smeared ink. What the hell was Castle doing at a Diplomatic Post, unless it was connected to the Mercy Flight?

With trembling hands, she held the letter like it was magic or some remedy that would make all of the bad times of late go away, and things return to when the coffee was there to greet her, as well as her author, wishful thinking she knew. Finally, she sat down, her glass of wine full and beside her as she slipped her finger under the flap to reveal what he had written. After this much time had passed, she wasn't holding out for anything good, civil would be acceptable at this point.

As the envelope opened, she noticed he had written on his yellow legal pad, not even bothering to transfer to his stationary as was his custom. Perhaps he wasn't in an area where he was able to do so, she thought, she knew that there was more, a hell of a lot more than his cover story. He was into something dangerous, and secretive.

She began to read the words on the first page, and as she read, she began to see, to feel the hurt, and some anger still in his words, starting with the opening, not even calling her by her name, rather using her title.

"Dear Detective Beckett,

"I know you are aware I received your letter during Memorial Day, and as you were told I was busy with my other project, thus the delay in my response, my apologies. If I'm being truthful, that was one reason for the delay, the other was I really didn't want to hear any more of what you had to say, and just read the letter a few weeks ago, and I was unable to respond or communicate.

Well, that was honest, even if a bit hurtful at least he told the truth, she thought. She knew that he was in a mood, no not a mood, rather a state of mind she had never seen from him before as he walked away the last time. He had never been more adamant and determined when he told her he was leaving, that they both needed it whether she knew it or not.

"I know you think Gina hates you, well you're pretty close, she hates what you did, BUT it was she and Alexis that more or less guilted me into responding to your letter, so don't read anything into it other than what I write. I was chastised for being rude by not reading and responding to something you went to a great deal of trouble to write and have delivered to me.

Well, she certainly misjudged Gina, and for that part Alexis as well, without them lobbying he may never have bothered to write back at all.

"I guess the best way to address this is, to begin with, your letter from the top, so here goes. I am not writing things to hurt you, but I won't hold back my feelings anymore, you are no longer someone I am concerned about how you will feel with the truth, or what I write. I'm sorry it is so blunt, but better to put it out there, no sugar coating, no subtext, like we lived in for two years.

Wow, she re-read the lines again, never had he ever been anywhere near as direct, and forward with her, not ever. The words spelled out his feelings, he wasn't holding back, so she better prepare for worse, much worse since he warned her about his lack of concern with her feelings.

"You're correct that your escapades with Detective Deming were the breaking point for me, it wasn't that you chose him over me, hell, I have been rejected by famous women, and had it published it in the daily papers, so rejection wasn't the breaking point, even though it hurt.

What did he mean by this line, he had been rejected by a better woman, what the hell did that mean? Was he putting down the importance of her in his life, comparing her to some starlet that had brushed him off? Then she read the next paragraph, the lie, that fucking lie was biting her in the ass again.

"I have never been lied to as much, as often, almost as if it came without a thought to you. The final case, or three-plus weeks you allowed, and then joined in at times with your boyfriend, and Espo's barbs.

When he said he was leaving for a break, was that really the first time I told him he was my partner, what kind of partner Detective. Remember Kate, he is honoring YOUR wishes, although you should have told him you changed your mind, you should have shown him.

"I have enough material to finish the series, so I didn't need, nor have the desire to be around you anymore. This project came out of the blue, and when it did, I knew it would offer me an opportunity to make a clean break, for me and you.

Espo had nailed it, he did have plenty of material he was just there to see me, to help me and to try to get me to see that he wasn't that person people thought he was. He was sincere, generous, and loving, why the hell did I wait till now to see that she thought, as tears streamed from her eyes.

"As I started to read your letter, I thought it was a nice touch to remind me that I owed you something because you listened to my apology for looking into your Mom's case. There are different points of view on that, but you know Detective, it doesn't matter anymore, you were right, I owe you.

"I think you knew when you wrote the line about hurting me so much exactly what you did. I left the precinct after hearing you telling me you didn't want me to go, the first and only time I ever heard anything remotely close to that. I remember, more of the other barbs, I won't repeat, but you know them, you said them often enough. You asked for forgiveness, so you're forgiven, no hard feelings.

The line, you asked for Forgiveness, so you're forgiven, no hard feelings really brought his feelings into scope for her. She was just someone he used to work with, nothing more, and the apology was accepted out of courtesy, rather than any interest in mending a relationship. Yeah Kate, relationship, you made sure there was never a chance of that she thought to herself. In fact, he skipped over the part of her letter trying to explain the relationship with Deming.

"I'm not sure how you couldn't see the feelings I had for you, everyone else in the precinct did, and I don't believe you when you said you had feelings for me and I shouldn't have told Deming there was nothing between us. Was there, Detective? If so, I missed it, please refresh my memory.

"If you had feelings, wouldn't it make more sense if you would have turned his invitations down, not make a fool of yourself in the stairwell, or talk about his sexual prowess deliberately loud enough to ensure I heard. Why was it my fault for telling the man the truth? If you had feelings, excuse me still have feelings, you picked a very odd way to demonstrate your feelings for me.

She felt like kicking herself in the ass for including that part in her letter, of course, it wasn't his role to lie to Deming, she would have killed him if he had done so. He was totally correct; it was up to her to define who and what relationships she had with whom.

"Your next lines really made me want to laugh, of course, you won't get any information from my family, why should you? Who are you to me? Just someone I worked with for almost two years and befriended as I did many others, nothing more.

"I'm glad you realized your status with the ladies because to say you're not welcome around them is an understatement. I assure you, Detective, I am not doing anything to punish you, I wouldn't know what pushed your buttons even if I wanted to. You asked for quiet, you asked for me to leave police work to the police, you asked me to go away, not once but several times, I did nothing more than to finally honor your wishes.

WOW, he wasn't kidding when he said no sugar coating, she had firm suspicions how the ladies felt, now she was positive, and who could blame them. And he had done what she had told him to do, repeatedly, leave her alone, leave the police work to the police. Be careful what you wish for, or say you want Kate, now you are feeling the pain he felt for so long.

She skimmed down the letter, feeling more and more embarrassed and ashamed, no wonder Doctor Burke had been so rough on her.

"You again explained the error of your ways for allowing behavior that even the vilest and disgusting criminals we interviewed were not subjected to by you or your team, yet you did, and allowed others to do so to me. I wonder if that made you feel more in charge, I'm not a shrink but I paid for enough sessions to know you would definitely benefit from them. You asked for forgiveness, you're forgiven, it's no big deal anymore. It just doesn't matter anymore, so go with a clean slate.

"The next few paragraphs of your letter told me exactly what I was looking for, you still blame others for your hurt or heartache. Of course, you wouldn't be invited to the Hamptons by my family if you were getting it on hot and heavy with Deming.

"If you want to feel humiliation, ask Esposito why he called me your fetch dog, because to everyone in the precinct, EXCEPT you, I put even my own self-respect on hold trying to please you somehow. Imagine me bringing a beautiful lady to a crime scene, not even trying to hide a heavy make-out session like teenagers, then brag about how good she was in bed loud enough for everyone to hear.

"You compared your humiliation for not being invited to my daily feelings? How dare you! You have no idea of what humiliation is Detective. You said if Paula and Alexis wanted you to cry, they got their wish, you cried a lot. WHO did you cry for Detective, I'm betting it was for YOUR hurt feelings, not because you hurt someone, intentionally, and then panicked when they walked away? You aren't used to hearing the word no, you always seem to get your way, in one manner or another.

"You asked for forgiveness, I think that was the main intent of your letter, so mission accomplished. I have mentioned it before but I hold nothing against you, nor do I harbor ill will against you. You're forgiven.

"You also said something about your partner and showing him how important he is, well that ship sailed, and it's sad because you never called me anything more than your assigned pain in the ass until I left. Please don't worry about me or my wellbeing, I'm doing just fine, in fact, I get better a little more each day I am away.

"I take it that you met the gentleman Gina and I saw you with at the club with you after you wrote the letter, so it was good to see you heal quickly, and get yourself out there. He seemed like a great guy, so good luck with him, maybe he can make you happy, God knows I tried and failed. I looked at you and all of the hurt, anger, and yes even deep desire, and what I thought was love was gone, killed by you Detective. I hope you don't repeat your mistakes with this gentleman,

"I guess there's nothing left to say but Good Luck, God Speed,

Goodbye

Castle"

Oh my God she thought, Castle saw me with Paul, after I confessed and told him I loved him, what message did that send? She was sure that was his message in the letter about healing quickly and good to see her back out there, God what an idiot.

Several lines of the letter hit her hard, none perhaps more devastating to her was his description of his feelings that she had killed, then he closed the letter with Goodbye, he never used that word, never.

The wine looked better, and even though she tried hard not to, she sat and read Ravishing Heat from cover to cover, he was right, he must have used cases from Roz or Ann to supplement the cases in his book, she was little more than a shadow in it.

TBC