A/N: Ok, so it's been a very long time since I've posted anything to this, but I lost interest within this world after Snart was killed off. I love his character and nothing feels the same without him. I'm going to try and write this story and get it finished. There is one change within the characters, I'm going to make this a SnartXFlash fic. If that bothers you, sorry, but that is where I am going to take this story now.
Chapter Warnings: Sexual content, and swearing.
Chapter 4
Barry couldn't believe he was standing here. It had been a week since he had been cleared to go home, since Snart had visited him in his bedroom while he was breaking down. Not very superhero like, but there was something about Snart that made Barry feel like he didn't have to always be that superhero. That he could just be Barry and it didn't have anything to do with the Flash, he could just be a man again. It was nice and not something he thought he was missing. If you had told Barry a week prior or even a month prior that one day he would be standing on the front lawn of Captain Cold, about to go into his house he would have thought you were insane. Yet here he was looking up at quite possibly the nicest house he had ever seen in his life.
For the past week he had been at home resting up and healing from the multiple injuries and broken bones. His body had finally returned to normal five days ago when his speed kicked back into full gear. Barry was happy to have his speed back in the sense that his body was now free from the pain. At the same time though, getting his speed back felt like a curse now more than a gift. With his speed back he was supposed to go back to being the Flash, to go to work as a CSI and catch the bad guys. Everyone had been really good with him and understanding that he wanted to wait until he was healed and his speed was back. Joe, Iris, Eddie and the whole team were always around him it seemed like. They all told him to take his time that he could return when he was ready. That they were proud of him and there for him. He knew they meant well, but it was starting to feel suffocating. He knew they cared and he knew they wanted him to take his time to getting back, but they also didn't understand what he was feeling. They didn't go through anything like he had. Barry could also see it in their eyes every time there was a 9-1-1 call coming in. They wanted the Flash back.
The whole city wanted the Flash back. There were numerous articles and radio broadcastings all about how the Flash has been MIA for the past week. People were wondering where he was and asking about him. Everywhere Barry tried to go it was like the Flash was right there haunting him. When Cisco brought his new suit to him a couple of days ago Barry thought he was going to have a panic attack at just the sight of it. His whole body was tight and it was hard to breathe. He quickly thanked him and then tossed it into the back of his closet and he hasn't looked at it since. Barry was terrified that if he reacted that way to just looking at it, he had no idea how he was ever going to put it back on. This whole situation was crazy, so crazy that it led him to looking up Snart late at night.
He had gone into STAR Labs and searched for Snart's address, not surprised to not find one listed. He then looked up a cold signature from his gun and was able to find him easily enough. Now he was standing in front of a huge house, three floors that was easily eight thousand square feet. The house was beautiful and was sitting on a huge lot with no neighbors around. Barry found himself actually interested in seeing what the inside looked like. He also knew that this place would have easily cost a couple million and the only way Snart got money like that was from stolen goods. Barry should care, but right now he didn't. He just wanted to be around someone that he didn't have to nod and smile with and say he was fine. Snart understood what he was feeling and for a little while he just wanted to be around someone that understood and wouldn't judge him.
Barry headed over to the front door and he was hoping that Snart wouldn't be upset with him just showing up. He had offered for him to come by if he ever needed to talk, so he was hoping it would be ok. When Barry got to the front door he noticed that it wasn't closed all the way. Instantly dread settled into his stomach. He forced his body to open the door the rest of the way and walk into the house. He didn't even have a chance to take in the house as he was so focused on any threat that was lurking inside. He heard a bang upstairs and he made his way up the stairs and down the hallway towards the sound. He made his way down the hallway towards a door that was part way open. It was enough for him to be able to see inside the room, but they wouldn't notice him unless they looked right at him.
What he expected to see inside the room was not what he was seeing. There against the one wall to the left of the doorway, perfectly in his view was Snart. He was leaning against the wall with his clothes off and there in front of him on their knees was some naked guy giving Snart a blowjob. Barry was shocked at what was in front of him. He had no idea that Snart was gay, at the same time it also made sense. Him being gay actually fit with who Snart was. Barry knew he should be walking away, to go downstairs and make some noise or something to let his presence be known. Yet he couldn't seem to move. He couldn't take his eyes off of Snart and his body. He could see from here the light scars that he had on his body, but that didn't take away from the beauty that was this man. He had more muscles that Barry was expecting, including a six pack and defined arms. He could tell that Snart worked out, but didn't over do it. What Barry had never seen was the pure bliss on Snart's face. He looked at peace and loving what the man was doing. Snart had his hand in the guy's hair, but he wasn't guiding his head, just placing it there.
That was when Barry's eyes wandered down to Snart's dick. He was a man of science, he had seen plenty of naked men in his life from being in the gym or at work. It wasn't uncommon. Yet seeing Snart's dick was doing things to him. It was making him warm inside and Barry had no idea why that was happening. He was trying to force his eyes away, but they kept their focus on Snart's dick. It was long, easily ten inches and it was thick. Barry couldn't help but wonder how his partners felt about it being so big. Or maybe Snart was the one that was on the receiving end.
"Fuck, that's it." Snart moaned as the guy sucked on his tip.
Barry needed to walk away, but he found himself not wanting to. He couldn't stop looking at them. He saw Snart start to thrust his hips and then he snapped them forward and gave a deep moan and Barry knew he was cumming. The guy was all too happy to swallow everything Snart had for him, but he didn't stop. When Snart finished cumming the guy continued to suck him to get him hard all over again. Snart gave a hiss at how sensitive he was, but he thrusted his hips forward to get even deeper inside the guy's mouth. After a moment he pulled the guy off him as he spoke.
"Get on the bed, ass up."
"Hell ya." The guy moaned, as he went and did as he was told. "I'm good, just fuck me."
"As you wish." Snart purred as he lined himself up and then pushed his dick inside of the guy.
Barry had no idea what was wrong with him. He couldn't take his eyes off of the scene in front of him. He could even start to feel his body starting to react to the scene he was watching. He had no idea what was happening. He was a man of science and he knew that it was natural to be turned on by seeing sex. But he was straight, he shouldn't be hard watching two men having sex. He needed to move before he got caught, but he couldn't bring himself to. He stood there and watched as Snart continued to pound into the guy. He watched as they were both moaning and groaning. Barry couldn't believe how hard he was, he had never been this hard, this turned on before. He had no idea how long he stood there watching Snart having sex before the guy underneath him was cumming and Snart was giving a deep moan as he came hard inside of the guy.
Snart pulled out as the guy collapsed down onto the bed and Barry knew he needed to move or he was going to be caught. He quietly headed back down the hallway and down the stairs to the living room. He took this time to get his body back under control. He took a few calming breaths as he looked around the area he was in. The whole house was an open concept and it allowed him to see the kitchen, living room, dining room, and a pool table area with a bar for this floor. Barry could also see a couple of closed doors so he figured one is probably a bathroom and the other would be storage. The wall right in front of him was complete floor to ceiling windows that allowed him to see that there was a pool, a hot tube and an outdoor cooking area. It was lit up by different solar lights and it looked really nice and inviting.
Barry made his way over to the windows and looked out. He could imagine that this backyard would have been amazing to spend time in. Barry could see that there was a lot of land out back as well, plus a structure to the left. He wasn't too sure what it was being used for, but it was connected to the driveway so he figured it must be some type of garage maybe. The kitchen was all white cabinets, white tiles and white countertops. He had clear glass on the upper cabinets so you could see what was in them. He also had an island with it's own white ceramic farm sink in it. The living room held a sixty-five inch flat screen tv mounted on the one wall above a fireplace. The furniture was black leather and it was in very good shape. Barry could not believe this was Snart's house. He was expecting something much different.
He was taken out of his thoughts when he heard movement from upstairs. He turned around to see the guy and Snart coming down the stairs. Snart gave him a smirk as he came down the stairs and Barry could see that the guy was confused.
"Who's this?" The guy asked Snart.
"That's none of your business." Snart said with an edge.
The guy was smart enough not to push his luck and with a quick goodbye he was out the door. Snart then went over and locked it before he turned his attention to Barry. He was dressed, but that didn't stop Barry's mind from thinking about what he had just seen.
"And here I thought I was the thief." Snart said with a smirk.
"It's not like that. I found your address and just wanted to come by. When I got here the door was open a bit and I thought maybe something happened."
"And you calmly stood by my windows and waited for the intruder to kill me?" Snart teased, as he walked closer to Barry.
"No, I heard you upstairs and I knew you must have not noticed it wasn't closed."
"And what exactly did you hear upstairs?"
"You and your friend being occupied." Barry said slightly awkwardly.
"You heard us having sex. I wasn't aware our moans were that loud to travel all the way down here." Snart said, as he closed the distance between them.
"I um… I didn't know you were gay." Barry said, trying to avoid answering.
"Does it matter?" Snart challenged.
"No, no of course not. I'm all about people being true to themselves."
"That's interesting that you say that." Snart said as he placed his hands on Barry's hips and turned him around so he was facing the window.
"What are you doing?" Barry asked, doing his best to ignore how his body was reacting to having Snart so close to him.
Snart moved so he was pressed up against Barry's back. With their slight height difference Snart's crotch fit perfectly against Barry's ass, a fact that Barry was trying to ignore.
"You know Red, I have this sixth sense you could say. I can tell when a job is about to go sideways or when I'm being watched. Tell me Red, how did you feel watching as he sucked my dick? As I fucked him?" Snart said into Barry's ear as he kept his hands on his hips.
"I...um…" Barry had no idea what to say. He thought when Snart didn't look at him that he got away with it. That he would have more time to figure out what the hell was going on with him.
"Now there's no point in denying that you were there. You and I both know you were watching the whole thing. Just tell me one thing, were you hard while you watched us Red?" Snart said as he moved his hands from Barry's hips and ran them up his stomach underneath his shirt. Barry let out a shaky breath at the contact.
"Yes." Barry softly admitted.
Snart ran his hands back down Barry's stomach and reached the top of his sweats. Snart continued to move his hands down, pushing down Barry's pants and boxers as he went. Barry was already hard and with his pants now down he was fully exposed. Snart moved his hand and ran his hand lightly from the base of Barry's dick to his tip causing Barry to let out a shaky breath.
"Have you ever been touched by a man Red?" Snart said into Barry's ear.
"I'm straight." Barry answered as Snart started to slowly jerk him off.
"Your body is saying otherwise."
Snart moved his hand slightly faster and Barry couldn't help the small moan that escaped his lips.
"Don't think, just feel." Snart said, as he placed a kiss behind Barry's ear.
Barry didn't bother hiding the moan this time. He closed his eyes and just let his body's pleasure take over. He could freak out about this later, for now he was going to enjoy it. Snart picked up his pace and continued to kiss along Barry's neck, something that seemed to be a sweet spot for him, because it was sending more pleasure up his spine. Barry leaned his head back and he moved his hand to grip Snart's hip. Barry couldn't stop moaning, he couldn't believe how amazing this felt. Barry didn't think he had ever felt this good before. Snart picked up his pace once again and he could feel Barry start to tremble from the pleasure coursing through his body.
"Open your eyes. Watch as the pleasure takes over you." Snart said.
Barry opened his eyes, he didn't even remember closing them. He could see their reflection in the window and seeing what Snart was doing only turned him on more. He watched as Snart's hand moved up and down his dick, stroking him exactly how he liked it.
"You're close. Cum for me Red."
"Fuck." Barry moaned and a few more strokes of Snart's hand had Barry cumming hard. "Leo." Barry moaned as he continued to cum pulse after pulse.
Snart continued to stroke Barry until the pulsing stopped. All of Barry's cum was covering his hand and Snart gave one last kiss to Barry's neck before he moved back and headed over to his kitchen to wash his hand off. Barry took in a shaky breath and slowly pulled his clothes back into place. He couldn't believe that had just happened. He had never been attracted to men before, he had no idea why now he was suddenly finding Snart attractive. Snart walked back over as he spoke.
"Let the freak out begin." He lightly teased as he sat down on the arm of the couch.
"I'm not freaking out. Confused and not sure how that happened, but I'm not freaking out." Barry said, not sounding too sure of that himself as he turned around to face Snart.
"When I first figured out I was into guys and not girls like all the other boys, I freaked out. Now this was in the eighties and my father was, well my father, so I was adamant about keeping it hidden. I didn't even do anything with another guy until I was twenty and finally got the courage up to have some backroom hook up at a bar in another city. I had no idea anything could feel that good. Afterwards, I realised that it didn't matter what people thought, it didn't matter what my sexual orientation was. All that mattered was that it felt good. What just happened, it felt good to you. You don't need to over analyse it right now Red. Just focus on the fact that it felt good and if you ever wanted to do more experimenting, I'm happy to help." Snart said with a warm smile. The first real smile he had ever seen on Snart.
Barry gave a nod. He had to admit what Snart said was true. He could freak out tomorrow for tonight he was just going to enjoy the fact that he felt good. For the first time since what happened in the station, he felt good. Barry went and sat down on a couch across from Snart as he spoke.
"First time I've felt good in a while. And this place is amazing."
"It was a steal." Snart said with a smirk. And Barry groaned at his wording, but he knew Snart was only playing. "I'd imagine the past week hasn't been easy on you."
"It's been hard. Everyone has been really supportive and great with me. But it feels like they all want me to be ok, that they need me to be ok. And I'm not there yet. I'm not just Barry, I'm the Flash and the city is wondering where I am. Why I wasn't there to save people from a fire, or why I didn't stop someone from robbing a jewelery store. It's all over the news about how I'm nowhere to be found. Even some of the cops that don't know what happened to me or that I'm the Flash have been talking about it. Saying I must have got sick of being a hero and left the city. It's been one week and the crime rate has already gone up."
"That's not on you. The cops have gotten lazy with the Flash being around. They survived without you, they'll survive again. It's only been a week, people don't just get over being tortured. It takes time."
"Apparently I don't have time. I start work tomorrow back at the station and I have no idea how well that is gonna go over. Cisco brought me my new suit the other day and I felt like I couldn't breathe just looking at it. I have no idea how I'm ever going to be able to put it on." Barry admitted for the first time outloud.
"Then don't." Snart simply said.
"You know it's not that simple. There are metahumans out there looking to destroy this city. The CPD can't handle them."
"So you help them have the tech that they need to stop them. Are you telling me you don't ever plan on taking a break or going on a vacation again until the day you die? You're twenty-five Barry, you can't live your entire life chasing criminals and not having a break yourself. If the CPD can't handle it, then give them the tools they need so they can handle it. Take some of the load off your shoulders."
"I've never really thought about what a future would look like. I didn't think that far ahead I just focused on helping as many people as I could. Maybe I should be thinking about that. Trying to come up with a way to help the CPD stop metahumans without needing the Flash. Not just so I could have a night off, but in case I die and the Flash is gone. I'm not doing them any favors right now by always being there when they need help. I should talk to Cisco and figure something out. It might be nice to have a holiday and not feel guilty over it."
"You need a balance Barry. No one can be perfect and good all the time. You need to let yourself grow and live too. And stand the fuck up for yourself. If you aren't ready to be the Flash then say it. If they don't like it, then fuck em. You got tortured, you have every right to be a mess right now. It's ok to not be ok Red. If they actually care about you, they'll accept that and help you instead of pushing you to be better."
"I don't want to disappoint them." Barry softly admitted.
"So it's better to hurt yourself? You're smarter than that."
Barry let out a sigh, Snart was right. He wasn't going to be any good to anyone as the Flash until he was healed up from this. He wasn't ready yet and he just hoped the others understood that. He needed more time. He gave a nod before he spoke again.
"I was surprised to see you living in a place like this. For some reason I figured you would be in some abandoned factory or something."
"Now Barry, I steal millions of dollars. What would be the point in it if I didn't live in luxury?" Snart teased.
"I'm going to regret asking this, but how much have you stolen in your whole life?"
"I am approaching a billion dollar net worth."
Barry was instantly shocked and it was clear to Snart that he had no idea what to say to that. Before Barry could comment Snart spoke again. "Before you have a heart attack, I didn't steal that much. Close to half a billion over the years, but keep in mind I go after multi-million dollar items so it adds up. I also invest and run a business."
"You invest and run a business?" Barry asked, now even more shocked.
"I do. It's important to invest Red." Snart teased.
"I don't invest, I probably should. I'm more shocked that you do it. What business do you run?"
"Vehicle repairs."
"So you're a mechanic." Barry stated.
"No, a mechanic fixes cars and trucks. I work on cars, trucks, big rigs, planes, tanks and boats. If it's a vehicle I can restore and fix it up."
"Tanks? You've actually worked on a tank before?" Barry asked, amazed by all of this. He thought Snart was just a thief, he had no idea he was anything more than that.
"There's one in my shop right now that I'm restoring for a cool million. A 1942. M10 Gun Motor Carriage. I'm restoring it back to its former condition and fully functional."
"Holy shit. You're serious, you actually have a tank here."
"Come on." Snart said, as he got up and headed for the patio door.
Barry got up and followed behind Snart out into the backyard and over to the large building he could just make out from the house. Snart entered the code and walked in, turning on the lights as he did. Barry walked in and was instantly shocked at the sight. Not only was there in fact an old world war two tank in here, the place was massive. Along with the tank were supplies for the parts, but also a twenty foot yacht that was in need of some work. There was every repair tool you could ever imagine in this place along with several heavy duty lifts for parts. It was amazing in here.
"I don't get it, why steal if you can do all of this?" Barry asked.
He thought Snart stole because that's all he knew, but clearly he knew more than just stealing.
"I like a challenge. I'm a thief, but I'm also not stupid. I know I can't do it forever and I'd rather get out before hitting bad luck and being stuck in prison for the rest of my life. I started this business under a false name roughly ten years ago and it's grown from there. I have clients all over the world that ship their things to me to repair. I like the work and the challenge it can bring. I like being busy, it keeps the memories at bay. The price you pay for having an eidetic memory, but that same memory allows me to read any book I want and understand the contents. One day I'll have to stop stealing and just do this."
"Would you be happy with that? To no longer be stealing?"
Barry wasn't sure if Snart could ever stop stealing, it seemed like it was who Snart was. Yet standing here Barry wasn't so sure now.
"People have layers, Barry, what we show the world isn't always who we are. You run around wearing a mask as the Flash and as Barry Allen. I'm a thief, but I'm also more. My reputation though allows me to keep the ones I care about safe. No one dares to try anything against Mick or Lisa because they know it would be suicide. There are a couple more threats that need to be handled and then I'll retire from it. The biggest heist of my career will be getting out clean."
"I thought being a thief was all you wanted to be." Barry admitted.
"I started to steal when I was five when my father would bring me along with him on heists. I had little hands and could get into places he couldn't. Thieving was a way of life and it became the thing that allowed me to take care of Lisa. For the longest time I thought it was the only thing I would be any good at. It took a lot of years to recover from what happened growing up, to start to figure out who I am. Once I did though, I was able to build something more in my life. Don't get it wrong, I'm still a cold hearted bastard that has no issues with killing someone if it is needed. But it's not all that I am. Just like you being the Flash or a CSI is not all that you are. You need to figure out what your life is like outside of crime Red."
"But that's all I've ever wanted to do. To be a CSI and solve my mom's murder, get my dad out of jail. Now that I know it was another Speedster I have even more questions than answers. I don't know what there is though after that. I don't really have anything outside of the CPD. I've gone out with Cisco and Caitlin to the bar, but alcohol doesn't have an effect on me anymore so I don't really go out much. I mean, I love being the Flash, but I don't really have something outside of it. I've never really thought about it, I thought my life was perfect and I loved it. Now, I don't know."
"It's hard to know because of what you went through. Your mind is logically connecting the torture to you being the Flash. If you weren't the Flash, it wouldn't have happened. It's true, but it's also true that you've helped save a lot of lives as the Flash. You'll figure out the balance." Snart said confidently.
"You sound so confident about that."
"You're a genius Red, you'll figure it out."
Barry gave a nod and walked around a little bit. He finally settled for leaning against one of the work benches that were built into the wall.
"This place is really amazing. I could see why you'd want to spend hours here."
"And this is just my mechanic shop. I got a lab on my third floor where I work on making weapons to sell."
"You have a lab too? Man, your house is like a wet dream." Barry moaned with a real smile.
"I could think of something much better for a wet dream." Snart said with a sexy smirk as he walked over to Barry.
Barry couldn't help the slight blush that started to color his cheeks. "Do you um… do you always top?" Barry managed to ask.
Snart moved over to Barry and pushed him back so he was sitting on the workbench and stood between his legs as he spoke. "Most of the time, but sometimes I'm in the mood to bottom. As long as it feels good, I'm open to it. I've done three and foursomes, gone to sex clubs, it's all good fun."
"Wow, now I feel very vanilla." Barry said with a small smile.
"We all start off as vanilla Red and then with the right person we turn into all thirty-one flavors." Snart said, as he brought his mouth closer to Barry's. Barry took in a shaky breath as he fought with pressing his own lips against Snart's. "Care for a taste Red?"
"Yes." Barry said breathless.
Snart closed the small gap between them and pressed his lips against Barry's in a heated kiss. Barry didn't waste a second before he was kissing Snart back. He should have been freaked out that he was kissing a man, but he found that he didn't care. Snart's lips felt amazing against his own and he was one hell of a kisser. Snart deepened the kiss and placed his hand on the bottom side of Barry's jaw to pull him closer. Barry took this time to run his hands over Snart's torso underneath his shirt. When he felt Snart's tongue licking at his lips for entrance, Barry easily gave it to him. He couldn't stop the moan at the feel of Snart's tongue against his own. He didn't understand how he could be so turned on by one kiss, by one man. All before Barry's wishes Snart was pulling back from the kiss, leaving Barry breathing heavy and now very hard.
"You're one hell of a kisser Red." Snart said with a smirk as he reached over and picked up a pencil he had on the workbench and wrote his cell phone number down on a piece of paper as Barry spoke.
"So are you. That was the best kiss I've ever had."
"Could be plenty more." Snart said, as he held out the piece of paper to Barry. "For when you're ready to try another flavor."
Barry took the piece of paper and saw that it was Snart's cell phone number. "Maybe I want to try another flavor now."
"Tempting believe me, but it's three in the morning and only one of us actually has to be awake for work in four hours." Snart said with a smirk at Barry's shocked face.
He didn't even realise how much time had gone by. He wasn't even tired and he had been tired all week despite the amount of sleep he was getting.
"Crap, I didn't even realise. I really should get going. Are you a call or a text man?"
"Either one, but I'm more likely to answer a text before hearing a phone call." Snart answered as he moved back.
"Good to know." Barry said, as he got down and had to adjust for his very clear hard on.
Snart smirked at the sight, clearly proud of himself. "Get home safe Red."
"Always."
Snart headed out and Barry followed behind him. Barry was still trying to process everything that had happened tonight. It was not easy considering he could still taste Snart on his lips and he wanted more. Snart locked up his workshop before turning back to Barry. Before he walked off though, he turned back towards Barry and placed his hand on the side of his face and gently pulled him in for another kiss. This time though, it wasn't possessive and heated. It was soft and gentle, but still filled with passion. It made Barry's legs go weak and his whole body tingle. The kiss only lasted a minute before Snart was pulling back.
"There's a hide-a-key in the third brick to the right of the front door, fifth row. The code is five, eight, three. Don't be a stranger Red."
"I won't."
Snart pressed one last kiss to Barry's lips before he was stepping back and headed back towards his house. Barry gave one last look towards Snart before he too headed back towards the front of the house to head back home. He had a lot he needed to think about, but for tonight he was just hoping he would be able to sleep.
Barry was sitting in his lab doing everything he could to keep his eyes open. He wasn't able to fall asleep last night. The second he got home he was able to feel just how tired he was, but he couldn't fall asleep. Once he laid down his mind wouldn't stop thinking back to what had happened to him a week ago. The images of it played over and over again in his mind. It was like he was trapped there all over again and there was nothing he could do about it. He gave up trying to sleep around six this morning and decided to come into work today before everyone else would be here. This morning it was still the night shift and none of them knew what had happened to him. They heard what happened to the Flash, but they had no idea he was the Flash.
He had also been avoiding Joe right now. Joe had mentioned the return of the Flash yesterday and Barry had no idea how to tell him he wasn't ready yet. He had no idea how to look at the cops downstairs and tell them the Flash might never come back. He wasn't ready yet and as a result he had been hiding up in his lab working the whole day. He had enough work to do to keep him up here and so far everyone was leaving him alone, something he was very thankful for.
To go with everything else he was thinking about, he couldn't stop thinking about Snart and what happened last night. It would have been easier for him to just forget about it and just say that it happened and that was it. That it was this one time thing and just normal curiosity. Or that after everything that happened to him his mind was just seeking something that would make him feel good for a little while. The problem was, he was still thinking about it. He still wanted to be with Snart and see what else could happen and how it all felt. It made no sense to him because he never saw a man as attractive. Even on his way into work, the guys he walked by he felt nothing for. He couldn't understand why Snart was the one he was attracted to. It certainly didn't make anything easier. If he was attracted to a guy, Snart was not going to be a good one for it. Yes, he apparently was putting things into place to get out of the life, but that didn't mean he was going to be a good guy all of a sudden. Barry knew there was something more in Snart, but he never expected to actually see it. He figured Snart was a criminal and he was always going to be a criminal, something that would not go over well with Joe or any of his friends. The whole situation was a mess and Barry had no idea how he was ever going to get this figured out.
He was brought out of his thoughts by Eddie's voice.
"Hey Barry."
Barry looked up from the same report that he had started to read an hour ago to see Eddie standing there with a bag from Big Belly Burger and two drinks.
"Hey Eddie."
Over the last week the only person who hadn't been asking him how he was doing all the time or wondering when the Flash was going to return was Eddie. Something Barry was very thankful for. It was like Eddie just understood that he needed more time without him actually having to say it.
"Joe said you left early this morning, so I thought maybe you could use some lunch." Eddie said with a warm smile as he walked over and placed the items down.
"Ya I probably should. I didn't eat breakfast this morning."
"I thought you needed to eat more frequently?" Eddie asked, as he pulled out the burger and fries for Barry before getting his own out.
"When I run I burn through the sugar within my body so I need to eat more. I haven't really been using my speed for the past week so I haven't been burning through my sugar."
Eddie spoke as he sat down. "Ah, that makes sense."
Barry took a bite of his burger and he had to admit he was hungry. It tasted really good and exactly what his body needed. "Thanks for this Eddie, I didn't even realise what time it was."
"Hey no problem. I'm sure you have been up here buried in work from the past week."
"Ya, I do have work to do, but I can't seem to focus on any of it." Barry admitted.
He did like Eddie, there was just something about him that made him really likeable, easy to talk to.
"After what happened to you Barry, I'd imagine your mind has been pretty full. Hell, I don't even know how you're at work right now." Eddie said sympathetically.
"I'm supposed to get back into a normal routine, part of that is working." Barry said with a shrug.
"Look Barry, I know the others have given some not so subtle hints about you getting back to work and back to being the Flash. But it's ok for you to not be ok. Take all the time you need and if you need more time then tell people. Singh will understand if you aren't ready yet. Especially as the Flash Barry."
"Everyone is counting on the Flash coming back."
"But the Flash coming back before he is ready, will only get Barry Allen killed. The city will be ok Barry. It's better for you to take the time that you need, even if it's months, and then go back to being the Flash. Compared to going back too early and you get killed. You need to take the time. The city will be ok, the CPD will be ok. Take the time you need, and you have my full support behind you. So if someone is giving you a hard time about returning to the Flash, you tell me and I'll handle it." Eddie said seriously and it caused Barry to give him a small warm smile.
Eddie really was a good man, he could easily be a brother one day. Him and Iris were going strong and normally Barry would have an issue with it, but Barry knew Iris was happy and madly in love and that is what Barry wanted for her.
"You're a good man Eddie. Iris is lucky to have you." Barry said warmly.
"Thanks Barry. Have you heard anything from Felicity? You two seem like a perfect match." Eddie wanted Barry to find someone too, someone that could make him happy.
"Ya, she's in love with someone else who has no idea. We just don't have those feelings for each other, even though everything says we should."
"Hey, sometimes being the exact same is not a good thing in a relationship. It's true what they say, opposites attract. You'll find someone special."
Barry took the last bite of his burger and it gave him a moment to think. He really wanted to talk to someone about what happened last night, but he had no idea who he could talk to. He wasn't going to tell anyone that it was Snart, that would only cause more problems. But he wanted to talk this through with someone to try and understand it himself. Joe always said they could talk about anything, but this seemed a little awkward of a conversation to have with a guy you look to as a father. But maybe Eddie would be cool with it.
"Can I ah, talk something out with you?" Barry asked, slightly awkwardly.
"Of course Barry."
"Something happened last night and it's got me all confused and normally I would talk about it with Joe, but this is a little different. It's kinda hard to talk to your dad about something sexual."
"Ya I can see how that would be awkward. I still have nightmares about my sex talk with my dad. You can tell me anything Barry." Eddie said easily. He had no idea what Barry needed to talk out, but he was more than happy to help. He had been trying to get closer to Barry before all of this happened because of how close he was with Iris. they could easily be brothers one day and he wanted to have a strong relationship with Barry too.
"Last night I went to meet up with this guy friend of mine that doesn't know I'm the Flash or what happened. I just wanted to be around someone that didn't know any of it, just be normal ya know?"
"Ya." Eddie said with complete understanding.
"When I got there, the door was part way open and I thought maybe something happened so I went in. Only I found him in his bedroom with another guy. I didn't know he was gay, but I don't care about that. What was confusing was not being able to look away. When I finally did I went downstairs and hung out in his living room until he came down. The guy left and it turns out my friend knew I was there watching. We ended up kissing and fooling around a bit before I had to head home and now I can't stop thinking about it."
"You know I kinda always thought you weren't fully straight." Eddie said, not surprised at all.
"Up until last night I was fully straight. I mean I've never even looked at a guy and thought they were attractive before. Even now sitting here with you, someone that every woman in this city would say is attractive, and I don't see it. Yes, scientifically your facial and body features would be attractive to a woman, but that's all I see when I look at you. I don't look at you and think you're hot or any other guy. It's just my friend, it makes no sense." Barry said, completely confused and letting it show.
"Have you and your friend always been close or have you gone through something together that would create a bond in a sense?"
"Ya, I mean I've only really known Leo for about six months now but we've been through a lot together. I keep him out of the Flash's life, but we've been through some downs together. He's shared some of his past with me and it's a darker past from his childhood, a past that I could have easily had if it hadn't been for
Joe taking me in. There's a bond there I would say ya."
It was a weird bond of Snart and him playing a game of cat and mouse, but at some point they had reached a level of respect for the other. And then him showing up in Barry's room that first night he was released from the hospital had meant a lot to Barry. To know that someone understood how he was feeling and a person he could be around without having to pretend was a relief.
"Have you ever heard of demisexual?"
"No, what is that?" Barry asked confused.
"A person who is demisexual is like someone who is asexual, only they have sexual desires and attraction. Someone who is demisexual finds people attractive based on a strong or deep bond they share with that person. A lot have people who are demisexual have been straight or gay their whole life, but all of a sudden one person comes along and through that bond they develop a strong sexual attractive to them. I'm not an expert, but maybe you aren't straight, but demisexual and that is why you are finding your friend Leo to be so attractive." Eddie suggested.
That made sense to Barry. He didn't know that there was another sexual orientation group that he could fit into. It wasn't that he needed to have a label for himself, he didn't. He was just confused as to why he was attracted to Snart and not other men.
"That makes sense. I don't need a label for who I am, I just couldn't figure out why all of a sudden I was interested in a guy. But that makes sense. Thanks Eddie."
"Hey no problem. And you're right, you don't need to label it as long as you are comfortable with yourself and you are having some fun. I think you need more fun in your life."
"Ya, if there's one thing I've learned from all of this it's that I need more of a life outside of solving or fighting crime. I'm gonna talk to Cisco about some piece of tech that can help the CPD with catching metahumans so I don't always have to be the one to step in."
"I think that's a great idea. You need to be able to take a night off or go on a vacation in your life. It's not healthy for you to always be the one that has to sacrifice parts of yourself and your happiness for the city. I know it's a heavy hat that a hero wears, but you aren't alone in the fight. If you could make it where the CPD can help I think you should." Eddie easily agreed.
"Ya I'm gonna talk to Cisco about it and see what we can do."
"So, how was it?" Eddie asked with a big smile.
"How was what?"
"Come on Barry, you know what. What did you do? How did it feel?"
"With Leo? I'm not telling you that." Barry automatically said. It was one thing to talk about being attracted to a guy and another to get into the details. Eddie didn't really want to hear that.
"Why not? We've talked about girls before, what's the big deal with talking about this? I don't care if it's another guy or a girl, as long as you are happy. Come on, what happened?"
The honesty in Eddie's eyes made Barry see that he truly didn't care about it being with another man. Eddie was a good man, he just wanted to know so they could keep sharing and build their bond. Barry could understand that and it would be nice to have someone to talk to about all of this.
"We honestly didn't do much. We made out a little bit and went to second base."
"Did you go to second base or did he go?"
"He went on me. I didn't touch him, mostly because I was shocked and he was behind me."
"How did it feel? Was it different compared to a girl?"
"It was different and it felt amazing. Honestly, it was the best I've ever had including sex, which is crazy. It felt like my whole body was on fire just from one touch."
"Mmhm, that's how you know it's right. When it feels that good it can't be bad. Do you think you'll explore more with him?"
"I want to, he wants to. I'll take it slow and see what happens."
"That's the best thing you can do. Does he top or bottom do you know?"
"He likes both, but he said he's more of a top. I don't know how I feel about switching positions, but I'll see when the time comes. I'm not going to overthink things right now. For now it felt good and I want to see what else does."
"Good for you. Most people would be freaking out about it, but you are keeping it very simple. It felt good, so you should explore more of it." Eddie looked down at his watch before he spoke again. "Damn, I gotta go I'm supposed to go talk to a witness with Joe in five minutes."
"Thanks for lunch and the talk Eddie, it helped a lot." Barry said with a warm smile.
"Anytime." Eddie said with a smile back.
Eddie headed out to go meet up with Joe and Barry had to admit he did feel a lot better after speaking with Eddie. Now he wasn't so confused as to why he was all of a sudden attracted to Snart and he could now just enjoy his time with him, for however long it would last. And tonight he would be talking with Joe about not coming back as the Flash just yet. Barry was hoping that Joe would understand and be ok with it. For now, he had enough work to do to get him through the rest of the day.
It wasn't until nine that night when Joe finally came home from work. He had been working with Eddie on a robbery case and it seemed to be taking a completely different turn then they thought. It was different for Joe to be going back to doing everything the normal police way with Barry not being the Flash. Joe didn't realize how many criminals Barry actually caught for them. It made him wonder when Barry ever had time for himself. It was something he was planning on speaking about with Barry, he didn't like that Barry seemed to be doing a lot of the city and not much for himself.
Walking in he was surprised to see Barry was sitting on the couch. For the past week Barry had been in his room for the most part and he was gone this morning when he woke up. They hadn't really had much interaction with each other, Barry was keeping to himself and Joe was trying to respect his wishes to be alone. It was hard though, because he just wanted to hug him and keep him safe.
"Hey Bar, how are you?" Joe asked, as he put his things down.
"I'm tired. I um… I wanted to talk to you about something real quick."
"Ya Bar, you know you can tell me anything." Joe said, as he sat down on the couch with Barry.
"I know everyone is waiting for me to go back to being the Flash, but I'm not ready yet. It feels like I can't breathe when I look at my suit. I know the city is counting on me and I know the crime rate has already gone up." Barry said, but Joe held his hand up to stop him before he could continue.
"Barry, none of that matters. If you aren't ready, then you aren't ready. The city will survive, the CPD will survive. I won't survive if something were to happen to you. You can't go back out there until you feel ready, that's the most important thing. You have to be ready. If you aren't then that's ok and I will support your decision to not go back as the Flash until you are ready. I just want you healthy and happy Barry, that's all that matters to me."
"I just can't do it right now and I don't know when I'll be able to." Barry said sadly.
"And that's ok. You'll figure it out one day. You don't need to stress over it right now. It's only been a week Bar since you were tortured. Your mind needs more time to recover and heal from it. Don't push yourself. I love you no matter what, never forget that." Joe said with pure strength to his voice.
"I love you too." Barry said with a sad smile.
Joe pulled him in for a hug and Barry easily returned it. It always felt good to be hugged by Joe and it was something that Barry needed in this moment. After a little bit Barry pulled back and Joe gave him a warm smile.
"You look exhausted." Joe said.
"I didn't sleep last night. I think I'm gonna shower and then call it a night."
"You go do that. I'm gonna grab a bite to eat real quick before I head off to shower and sleep too. I'll see you in the morning."
They both got up and Barry spoke before he headed for the stairs.
"Good night Joe."
"Night Bar."
Barry headed up to his room to grab a change of clothes before he would take a shower. He felt better knowing that Joe wasn't upset with him for not being the Flash right now. It took a weight off his shoulders and it was one last thing he had to worry about. Now he just needed a good night sleep and maybe, just maybe, he would actually start to feel better too.
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Finding Cypris (Saving Cypris Series Book 1)
"I hated this world, but it was the world I belonged in. I was trapped in Hell and no one was going to be able to save my soul. I wasn't worth it."
Twenty-two-year old Cypris Salvatore knows what the devil's face looks like. He had seen it since he was three years old peering down at him. Being forced into a life where nightmares lived had become his normal and the thought of being free from it never even crossed his mind. He was alone in this world and there was no one that could save him. Could free him from his circle of hell. Only death could do that.
"Cypris was out there somewhere and I was determined to bring him home, even if it was only a body."
A hard life bouncing around from foster home to foster home has left scars on Jace Freeman both physically and mentally. As a muscle for hire he never expected to be taking a bullet for the Dominic Salvatore over protecting his employer. That bullet changed everything for him. In an instant he had a family that he would do anything to protect. For five years he had been looking all over the country for Dom's youngest brother Cypris, who had ranaway at sixteen. When he finally finds him it turns everyone's life upside down. Old family secrets start to come forth, putting a vulnerable Cypris in danger.