Ugly John Black was one busy man. He usually stayed with the 4077th M*A*S*H as a gas passer, but his specialty also had him running to other units as well. He was with evac hospitals at the rear, running to Tokyo for some back-office work (and maybe a vacation on the golf course, weather permitting) and sometimes braving the Front Lines. But no matter where he was, he tried to keep his head down. While he was fond of all of his friends, he didn't like attention on himself and keep quiet about his skills. It meant he was less of a target and the enemy might allow him freedom if he was captured.

But it meant a social life without meaning. He played poker and drank to his heart's content and that was about it. While he had no wife and family to answer to (just his parents and numerous brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews), Ugly John sure as hell wasn't going to pretend that he was as stiff as Frank Burns. Something was missing in his life though and it wasn't just the mindless activities. He just couldn't name it.

Drinking and playing poker were fun. It was nice to be out with the guys. But when the nurses showed up, he felt pretty awkward. Oh, it wasn't that their kindnesses weren't nice. He just…well, he didn't feel attracted to them. He'd eye them like they were unobtainable candy and pretended to joke around like the other guys. He'd even take a space in the Supply Room and fondle one in the dark. It was enough to satisfy them. Never him.

After one particular night at the 4077th, when the party lasted long after dawn, Ugly John had enough. His bleak mood set the stage for the time away from work. He didn't get as drunk as Hawkeye and Trapper had and declined so many offers to take a nurse that the others thought something was wrong. He waved them all away and kept to himself. He had recently been at the Front, he excused himself. Nothing more needed to be elaborated.

While he felt so angry inside, he knew that he had to leave. He had to get moving to his next duty station and heading out early was the best option. A jeep was readied for him the night before. It was still there when he arrived at the Motor Pool. Seeing no driver in sight, he chose to depart without one and forgo the farewells. It was best that way, to avoid the humiliation he felt. He couldn't hide behind the supposed agony of being in the middle of the action forever.

As he drove down the dirt roads alone, to the 121st Evac, Ugly John thought long and hard about what he wanted. Definitely, he had a bad case of dissatisfaction and soon realized that he had feelings for a man instead of a woman. Indeed, he couldn't continue to tolerate playacting anymore. He wanted to be loud and proud about who he was.

The problem was, he knew it will get him into serious trouble. Being somebody who loves the same gender will hound a man for the rest of his life. He will be dishonorably discharged. His civilian life will be considered criminal. Jail was a possibility. His family could disown him too. God knows that his family talked in whispers, in a disapproving manner, about those who were not like them!

Ugly John had to steady himself at the wheel at the realization of his inclinations. There was no way he could have a relationship with a man in the open. But in secret, it was another story. All he had to do was move in someplace where it was safe to talk about this sort of thing and work out the rest of the details. He surely can cover his ass well.

Some miles south, instead of the usual trees and brush, he saw a man walking with a pack on his back. Feeling brazen, Ugly John pulled over and asked the stranger if he needed a ride. He wasn't one for leaving anybody stranded, especially in the middle of Korea. While an area might be cleared, the enemy could still sneak in and pluck them off.

"Sure, partner," the man replied. "I'd love me a jeep, to get me back to base."

"Where to?" Ugly John inquired. "I'm heading to the 121st Evac."

"Say, that's my destination too! What's your name?"

"John Black. People call me Ugly John. And yours, mate?"

"Duke. Duke Forrest."

"Well, Duke, today is your lucky day. I'm glad I drove out when I did. How in blazes did you get stuck here?"

"Jeep got bombed." Duke stuck his thumb backwards as he hopped into the passenger side. "Heard some action and pulled over and ran for cover. It's easier to explain a bombed jeep than that and a missing surgeon."

Ugly John nodded his head, to indicate that he understood, and began the trek once more. But something inside of him changed. This was a highly attractive man. He was tall, with black hair and green eyes. The way he moved, with a flick of a finger to those dark locks, was slow and deliberate. It also inched a little closer than Ugly John anticipated. It was like Duke knew that Ugly John was smitten.

It was a wordless exchange through the empty conversation Duke spoke. As the man continued to ramble on about his home in America (somewhere in the Deep South, as Ugly John caught), his hands moved to other places. First, they rest on Ugly John's back in a friendly gesture. They urged him to get a move-on. It wasn't a pretty day out in the woods of Korea.

Next, Ugly John felt the massage as he drove. It was relaxing. It lulled him into such a sense of security that he almost lost control of the jeep a few times. However, Duke was quicker and took the wheel when it was necessary. Ugly John would then sweep his hands away and the gentleness will continue down his back. He chided himself to maintain control. Duke could not take advantage of him. Not in his state of mind!

Then, things got hairier. The touch went lower. Ugly John felt himself tingle with anticipation as it grew lighter and lighter. It soon became a distraction he could not bear. He swatted Duke away many times, trying to keep his eyes on the road. It was difficult to keep track of where Duke was and the condition of the tracks ahead.

Somehow though, the atmosphere changed and he knew it. Ugly John managed to get them in an area where nobody had cleared. He always thought there was supposed to be MPs around to stop him, but they might have missed them in the quest to keep Duke's hands off of him. He did not think to pay attention to anything else except his new infatuation. He was so stupid!

"Look out!" Duke yelled, pointing to the smoldering destruction ahead. But it was too late.

Ugly John couldn't remember anything else as lights flashed in his eyes. He did recall waking up though. He soon grasped that he wasn't dead. He was still alive, sleeping off of a drinking binge at the infamous 4077th Swamp. Most importantly (to him anyway), he didn't have homosexual tendencies. He met the man in his dream maybe once or twice and he most certainly was not inclined that way either!

Hawkeye and Trapper had been observing him for some time and did not know about the dream. While dawn was approaching, they held drinks in their hands. They offered Ugly John one. He got up and took it greedily.

"I think I'll have that nurse now," he announced eagerly as he slammed down the glass.

The pair exchanged glances. "We're all out," they simultaneously replied.

"Well, is Margaret Houlihan available?" Ugly John asked. He rubbed his hands in an effort to keep them warm. "I hear she'd like more lips."