Alternative Route Taken

by Castlefan6

Authors Note: Another What If based on the episode, A Deadly Game, what happened if Rick didn't return to the precinct after leaving and this was really their last case. What would each other's lives have looked like? The story starts with Canon dialog, courtesy of Dust Jackets Dot Com, then goes quickly and completely AU. The journey continues with a new Kate and Rick, hope you enjoy!

I don't own Castle; I use the characters for amusement purposes only, except the ones I create.

Previously

"We're not angry with you Rick, we just love you and want you to get home as soon as you can, Alexis said it much nicer than I was going to," Gina said as she sat on the edge of the bed, Kate couldn't help but notice it was Rick who reached for her hand, she took it and brought it to her lips kissing it gently,

"I'm sorry Genes, as usual, a lousy patient" he squeezed her hand.

"Well, speaking of that, I know you've asked questions about the time you spent at the NYPD, and with Kate, she's written you a letter she's going to read to you, and if you have any questions afterward, just ask, OK Sweetie?

"Sounds good Genes, so Kate when you're ready go ahead and begin, I'll stop you if I want more information." He said without much emotion,

"Sure Rick," she cleared her voice,

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Chapter 24

Later That Evening

Walter Reid Hospital

Rick's POV

Rick watched as Kate smoothed a few sheets of paper in front of her, and cleared her voice.

"Rick, I really didn't know how to explain my role in your life, except perhaps in a letter, it might make more sense to you, if I presented it in the structured manner you use for your books, and then leave it open for any questions you might have now or later, OK?" Kate asked,

"Sounds good to me, fire away when you're ready" his voice and words were directed at her, but his attention was on the hand he was holding, Gina's and he was he who took it to hold on to when she sat on the side of his bed. Alexis had excused herself to go check on her Grams, more so to allow the adults to discuss their next steps without worrying about her input.

Kate began to read the letter aloud, as she looked up and into his eyes for perhaps the first time since he had come out of the coma. They looked tired, sad, and his body looked like he had lost at least 15 more pounds, and was really on the skinny side now.

"Dear Rick,

"It's odd writing you a letter now, you're awake and doing so much better than when we all arrived here, but I promised the family I would outline the period of time you seemed to have successfully repressed, or have lost because of your injuries.

She wanted to tell him the truth, that she realized she had been a bitch to him, that every day since he walked out of the precinct, was another day of hell for her, and when she found out about his party how hurt she was.

She knew it was more of the poor Kate syndrome he had alluded to in his response to her letter, she wondered if he remembered reading it, answering it, what either of them said, even one line.

She wanted to crawl up in the bed and have him hold her, with the one good arm, or allow her to hold him all night long, just the two of them, to let her whisper and show just how sorry she truly was. She had made perhaps the biggest mistake in her life, and what hung in the balance now was would Rick even want to recapture that time, or let it go as just something that happened.

Perhaps he could live with that, but she was pretty sure she couldn't, she needed to apologize and have him understand the hurt she was apologizing for, and hear her promise to never put anyone, or anything in front of his love again, even her Mom's case. She had just come to that realization that she loved Rick more than she loved anything, including solving her Mom's case.

I don't know, and neither do the doctors which it is, repressed or lost memories, so this letter will just highlight activities, not try to recreate the entire two years we worked together.

"I know you get sick of hearing that Rick and I'm sorry to have to bring it up again, but as the doctors have outlined, you have recalled a great deal of the past, except for the period of time you spent working with me, and the other police officers.

"If it is a repressed memory and you wish to keep it that way I totally understand, I know the pain I put you through was far more than any one man should ever have to face. I want you to know, even if you don't recall why or for what I am apologizing, I am truly sincere."

"We met when I visited, unannounced, or invited to the last Desert Storm Book Launch party that Gina had put on for you. Your books were a central clue to two murder cases we were working on, and consequently, you joined me on a daily basis. You actually used your influence with Mayor Weldon to gain entry to my team, and I did treat you horribly at first.

"As time went on, you proved your worth, and our closure rate increased to become the highest not only in our precinct but in the city of New York, largely to your unconventional thoughts and forcing my team of detectives, Javier Esposito and Kevin Ryan to think out of the box. Captain Roy Montgomery was also very pleased and welcomed your presence.

"When you were in the coma Rick, I talked to you a lot about Roy Montgomery our Captain, Javier Esposito, and Kevin Ryan, the other members of our team, and even Roz Karpowski and Ann Hastings, two other female detectives whose case was solved because of your help. They have all asked frequently how you are doing, and Roy has the huge fish he caught over Memorial Day weekend off your boat mounted and hanging in his office."

Kate searched Rick's face for any clue, any type of reaction as she was talking, but he had spent two years with her in the interrogation room and knew how to control his breathing, and facial expressions to avoid anyone detecting any emotions. He sat playing with Gina's fingers as he stared out the window, listening to her every word, every breath, and every syllable she was saying.

"You spent the entire two years working with my team except for one case you assisted two other female detectives, Roz Karpowski, and Ann Hastings, again your out of the box style closed their case and you returned to my team.

"During this time Rick, you made no secret that you cared for me, in fact, you actually saved my life on multiple occasions, but I didn't treat you with the respect, and honor you deserved. I know you had feelings, and I played with them, because of my own personal demons, until finally you had enough when I lied, and you left the NYPD to work on the project that got you injured.

Rick turned and looked into her eyes when she finished speaking about, she knew about his feelings, and how she had allowed her demons to drive him from the precinct. At first, she thought she saw a glimmer of some recollection of a fact, even a barb, but he replied in a very business-like manner, not rude, but certainly not the tone she was used to discussing personal matters with him, he was one of if not her best friend at one time.

"How did you arrive at the conclusion I had feelings for you Detective, I'm not saying I did or I didn't since I can't remember. I'm just curious, as to how you arrived at your hypothesis" He asked, then turned to look at Gina,

"Well, you used to bring me a coffee, I like it a certain way, and you found out without ever asking me, along with a bear claw pastry every morning. You also paid a ransom of $100,000 to help capture the man who killed my Mother and saved me from my own apartment, when it was bombed by a madman.

"You and your family took me in and treated me like family, we talked a lot during the evenings, and although you never came out and said the words, you showed me in so many different ways that you cared about me."

"You see that's interesting Detective, Gina can tell you how many other people she's yelled at me for helping out in similar situations, both male and female, young and old, so I wouldn't read too much into my generosity, it's just what I do since I have been so blessed.

I can't say yes or no if those were actions of my affection, but I would caution you from forming your opinion about my feelings for you because of those materialistic things." Once again, not spoken cruelly, but more like a weather report on a small radio station somewhere, dry with no emotion in his voice at all.

She waited until he turned to her and nodded, "I'm sorry detective, please continue."

She cleared her throat once again, and began,

"I did write you a letter, I admitted I loved you in the letter, but I never told you to your face, well not until you were lying in a coma, and I whispered it to you as I took my turn sitting with you each early morning. Gina, Alexis, and your Mother put aside any ill will, they have a right to hate me, I know, just to be sure you would have everyone you cared about by your bed when you woke up.

"May I ask when you wrote this letter detective? Did I respond and when? I would be interested in knowing what I said if I replied. You mentioned you told me in your letter that you loved me; would I have been surprised to read those words? From everything you've told me so far, I was on Moon and you were on Mars when it came to emotional connections." His tone softened just a bit as Kate noticed Gina massaging his hand, gently rubbing it between her fingers to relax him.

"I can tell you the exact day I wrote the letter, it was Memorial Day because I paid a hefty sum to have the courier deliver it on a holiday to your beach house in the Hamptons. You asked if you would have been surprised to read that I loved you, I know you would have been knocked over with surprise, shock, and disbelief since I had done absolutely nothing to show you my feelings.

"In fact, I did just the opposite, I berated your skills, and paraded other men in front of you, until two days before you left the precinct for good. You had invited me to the Hamptons for your annual cookout, and I lied and told you I had to work. You found out the truth when the Robbery Detective I had started seeing came up to the homicide floor and let it out we were spending the weekend together; my lie was revealed.

"You asked if you responded to my letter, and the answer is yes, but it was over 5 months later, I had almost given up hope in ever hearing back from you. I asked for forgiveness in my letter, and you responded you are forgiven, don't worry about it anymore, water over the damn, and that you had forgiven me the day you left the precinct. There were other things as well, but Rick, I really don't want to get into that, until we know you want to go back and dig up those memories with therapy."

Kate took a moment, sipped on her bottle of water and cleared her throat, and continued on with the letter.

"The treatment the Doctors are talking about would allow you to regain the memories from the time we spent together, and I must warn you, there are hurtful times for you. I paraded other men in front of you trying to make you jealous, I didn't let you into my inner thoughts, I wasn't honest with you about my feelings, and the worst, I deliberately lied to you last Memorial Day. You caught me in the lie and decided you had enough and left the precinct for this project.

"I didn't want to go into too many details Rick, those are personal, between you and I, and this letter will be reviewed by your family before I read it to you, so think carefully, do you want to go back and relive that two year period, or do you want to try to get to know me as I am now, someone who is so sorry and truly does love you.

"From your letter detective it sounds like you were sending me a message to get lost and let you live your life, but I kept coming around like a stray dog, If you had feelings for me, I am curious how you could act in the manner you describe yourself, it certainly doesn't sound like actions of a woman in love with a man she is treating in such a fashion.

"I appreciate you being here for this time, and for all, you have done to help out, but for the word Love, well just my opinion using your own actions, I think you need to find out what that word means before you toss it out anymore" his eyes went from the window to Gina, to the window.

She started to read the remainder of the letter, but was stopped when Rick held his hand up in the universal stop position and uttered "Stop, I've heard enough"

"I appreciate the effort you put forth in that letter, and the truthfulness you wrote, I know it couldn't have been easy, but I've heard enough. Thanks for sharing that detective, now if you would excuse us for a few minutes, I need to discuss somethings with Gina." He said politely, but firmly, she was being dismissed, sent away like a child.

"Oh yes, sure, I hope you feel better Rick, Gina call me if you need anything, please," she said almost in tears as she knew he had heard more than enough to make his decision, he left for a reason and it probably was the right decision, she didn't deserve him.

Rick waited until Kate had made it onto the elevator before speaking,

"OK Genes, how much of that did you already know, and how much was new information?" He asked,

"I knew the high level of everything Rick, the part where she said I love you in the letter was new, and also some of the details she did to hurt you while you were working with her, I never knew. I'm sorry, so sorry you had to go through that." She hugged him to her breast and kissed his temple,

"Genes, it's OK, it gave me the answer I was looking for, I left New York to forget something or someone, well, I don't see any good reason to try to remember those events she just described in any more detail than I know already. I'm saying no to the memory therapy, let the past stay forgotten, I still have most of the memories of you and pumpkin, and that's what counts."

"Rick, are you sure this is what you want, I mean Alexis and I will be here to help you remember the good times, and maybe some of those old times will come back without all the pain. I have to tell you this was the decision I was hoping you would reach; I mean I don't want to see you hurt anymore" She said tears filling her eyes,

"I know, and it's coming back to me, the last goodbye we had was pretty special unless I am just suffering from delirium and wishful thinking." He blushed as he held, her hand a bit tighter, his head still nestled in her breasts, providing him a view of something he remembered or hoped he had. The perfume she was wearing was the fragrance he remembered smelling when he was asleep, so it was Gina who was the sexy lady in his thoughts.

"Sweetie, that was real, if you remember it the way I did, I held on to that night for so many nights when I wasn't sure if you would ever come back to us, I tried to be strong for Alexis, but truth is, sometimes, she kept me from falling completely apart. Just to answer your question, the bedroom was never our issue when we were married, you were and are the best lover I have ever had, or wanted" she pulled his head tighter into her breasts, then leaned down and kissed his deeply, the first romantic kiss since he had awakened.

"I have to confess, I remembered the fragrance of your perfume even when I was out, I didn't know who it belonged to, except I kept thinking of a sexy lady, and some flashes of attractive body parts," he said as he rolled his eyebrows, the first sign of the old Rick being back.

Gina grabbed him in a lip lock like she had the last night, "Rick do you know what you just did, besides make me blush like a girl back in school, she smiled, you rolled your eyebrows, you used to do that all the time when you were up to something or wanted to do something, shall we say past G rated." She giggled almost she was so happy,

His smile was back the genuine one, "I remember that Genes, we had some great times, and we even got out of bed some days" as they both laughed,

"Rick, as much as I would love to lay claim to you right here, right now, it wouldn't be fair to you. You need to take some time and let the memories come back, perhaps if we get home to New York it will help you, what do you think Sweetie?"

"I think you're an incredible woman who loves our daughter and loves me enough to allow me time to find out what the hell happened, not only the last two years or so but also the parts where I am still sketchy.

"I still don't believe the divorce was your fault, it couldn't have been. We'll spend some time together and see if the memories come back. I know I love you; I just don't know how much for sure; I think I do. I don't want to mess with your heart so that's all I'm going to say, for now, we'll figure it out." He said looking at her almost like a little boy,

Gina locked eyes on him, looking for the first time in a long time clear deep blue orbits, that seemed to be deeper than the ocean. "You're right, Rick I'm not going anywhere so let's take our time and figure it out for both of us. You've been through hell and back like you say, I KNOW how I feel, but sweetie, take your time, don't rush it, I'll be right with you no matter what, I promise you" this time he kissed her and for the first time since he left, her toes curled in her shoes, and she was breathless.

When they broke apart, he held her with his good arm and she placed her head on his good shoulder, till he finally said, "Do you want me to address the elephant in the room since I know you won't"

She never moved her head, clinging to him, so thankful he was there to hold, even for a moment. "What elephant in the room is that Rick?"

"When do we go back home, and the bigger question, what do we do with the Detective? I don't want to be rude or ungrateful, but I think I heard enough in her synopsis of what happened, I really don't want to live through the ordeal again"

"One thing at a time Rick, let's make the plans to get you home, line up whatever treatment you're going to need, by the way, I'm not moving out of the loft regardless of who you bring over, at least not yet. Once you're home and get back on your feet, well you'll feel like dealing with Kate. She does love you, but I really think, well you'll know what's right, you always do." She kissed him again, so happy that she had this moment, he trusted her more than anyone, and Alexis picked up on the fact quickly. This was one time Dad needed Mom to help him, now what to do with the Detective, indeed.

TBC