Finduilas deals with her unexpected semi-widowhood. She is young for an elf and she hasn't really had the time and maturity to get to know and love Gwindor.
Finduilas Faelivrin
Year 473
I am still mad at Atto about Gwindor and the fact that when I came with an urgent letter from my aunt in Falas, he had his guards turn me away at doors of the Council hall. It is true that I am sad Nana has passed into Mandos after falling out of a tree, but I see I cannot expect much by the way of sympathy from Atto. I pray that the Doomsman will look kindly on Nana. On hindsight, I think it may be for the best Nana's passing does not become common knowledge, lest I wind up with a stepmother like so many Avari elves are prone to. Also, nanny used to tell me elves fade after losing their spouses, but from what I observe with Atto, it doesn't really seem to have any effect on him. Feeling a bit of a fool sitting about waiting to fade like Luthien after they brought news of Gwindor's demise.
I suppose I should start mourning Gwindor all the same. Ugh, I suppose I should dress in sombre black like Mannish widows for three years and hide my hair under a veil. No fancy dresses or jewels. At least I do not need to shave my head like some tribes. I would prefer observing the Haladin version of honouring their dead but I am little pressed having to raise an army of skilled horsewomen to exact my vengeance. Where can I find that many horses in Nargothrond? I might be able to write to Uncle Maedhros, but they do say he is mad. Does Uncle Maglor have any more horsemen left?
Gwindor – you idiot. Why did you let them send you out to battle? Hearing of your valour from assorted warriors do not make up for not having you at my side.
Year 475
I think I am also so done with this entire mourning thing. Black was never my colour. Atto did not make it easy tossing gifts of gowns and trinkets my way. Now it is ellyn that pale immensely in comparison to my darling. Personally, I prefer the gowns and jewels. My ladies are welcome to the lot of them (the ellyn, I mean). I do wonder if my love for Gwindor could hold a candle against that of Luthien and her Man. It does not bode well that I did not fade like proper ellyth are said to do. Perhaps it has to do with the fact she is part-Maia and he is a Man. Haven't met many Secondborn about after that debacle with Uncle Finrod and Cousin Luthien's man. Wonder what she saw in him. Uncle Finrod's taste was always questionable, so no surprise he agreed so readily to that quest.
I do wonder what it will take to convince the Valar to return my sweetheart to me. I can't sing like Luthien before Mandos. Well, I tried singing once but Huan and Celegorm thought it was some creature in distress.
I do wonder if my ladies do have a point – I am young, and perhaps Gwindor was not the One for me as destined by Eru. I do hope my One is not that boorish A or that wimp C. Is it too much for an elleth to ask for a warrior one can hold a reasonable conversation with – just like my Gwindor? Easy on the eyes too.
Year 483
Atto ruined my new dress by stepping on the hem and ripping the skirt. Argh! I really feel like running off to Balar sometimes. Perhaps I can find Cousin Tyelpe there. Hopefully he will teach me how to smith as this sitting about acting pretty thing is really starting to wear thin. I am sick of calligraphy, music, embroidery and other so-called pastimes fit for a princess. I think I'd like to forge a shield or blade – you know, something that can be of use instead of tapestries with insipid words of praises to the Valar. I do wonder if the High King's daughter Idril has to deal with all this princess crap. Perhaps we should start a correspondence except we haven't a clue where our current High King's court is holed up at. Should I write to Aunt Galadriel instead? But Atto always claims she is scarier than a Balrog, so we better not risk it.
Year 488
I really think I should start re-considering my silent war with Atto. Perhaps he will allow me to choose an ellon of my choice instead of trying to get me wedded off to random nobles. Or maybe I should rebel by finding a handsome Man or Dwarf to start a friendship with. Failing which, I can look around for an Avari. Been reading up on Uncle Finrod's journals on his sojourns into the wilds and I must say the notion of dancing under the moon clad in nothing but wildflowers has some appeal to me. I do wonder how Uncle Finrod learnt about this secretive fertility rite to Ladies Yavanna and Vana conducted only by the maidens of an obscure Silvan tribe away from their menfolk? If it weren't for the wargs and orcs, I might be tempted to run off into the wilds myself.
Bucket list
Burn my formal gowns
Get an Avarin tattoo
Swim in the Narog
Dance under the moon naked
Start a scandalous liaison with a totally unsuitable person, Uncle Finrod-style
Author's Notes:
Turgon is the High King but no one outside Gondolin knows where he is at and how to reach him.
About Finrod and those Silvan maidens, let's just say he is too charming for his own good. And it is a fertility rite…