Hi this is my AU fanfiction of The Dick Show. In this universe
He sat up sharply with a groan as the alarm blared at a mind-shattering frequency. "Go Go Gadget alarm zapper!" he shouted, and the front half of his left eye swung upwards on a hinge, exposing a tiny gun that fired a bolt of light, instantly shutting his alarm down. He scooted over to the edge of the bed groggily, and grumbled "Go go gadget slippers." The system, not being equipped to produce slippers, instead opted to ejaculate an arm out of the top of his head, which homed in on his slippers like an eagle on a field mouse. Snatching them up, it took only one deft movement to hurl the slippers towards him, landing a direct hit on his subpar face. He scooped them up and grabbed his cane and attempted to stand up, being stopped by a sharp pain in his lower back. "Go go gadget wheelchair, he sighed." In a manner that can best be described as Lynchian, his body began to horribly deform. His bones broke apart and reshaped, piercing the skin all over his body as they did. Seemingly endless tentacles shot out from under his flesh, doing loop-the-loops around the room. When all was said and done, he was more wheelchair than man. He instinctively reached for the control stick, only to find it absent. He grunted angrily and shut his eyes tightly, before taking a deep breath. "Go go gadget electric wheelchair," he said slowly and deliberately, emphasizing the word "electric". A piece of flesh burst out his left knee and onto the top of his left arm cushion, where it formed a pulsating purple joystick. He wheeled himself downstairs and began taking in a liquid breakfast of Jack Daniels' and stale pizza.
That evening, on his modest balcony, he sat reminiscing. He remembered his days on the force, where he became so known for his resourcefulness and cunning that he was called "Inspector Gadget". He remembered the accident. He remembered Penny and Brain. Most of all he remembered Claw, and the joy of finally bringing him in. Then his mind drifted to other, kinder people.
As he often did, he began to use his Gadget Radar to check in on his old friends and enemies. "Go go gadget Vito," he spoke, an arrow appearing to point towards Vito's Pizzeria and Winery which was secretly a mafia front. It was exactly where he expected it to be. They all were. Always. But it was reassuring. "Go go gadget Riley," at the pot dispensary. "Go go gadget Rackets," a pair of tennis rackets extended from his knees. "Go go gadget Nick Rekei- Nick Rekietu- NICKY RACKETS GODDAMMIT!" It pointed towards the local Youtube-Subsidized courthouse. Not thinking in his frustration, he instinctively barked "Go go gadget cuck." A holographic projection appeared of Maddox's massive megamansion on the top of Beverly Hills.
It was shaped like a giant sherrif's star and blared video from his hit multimedia franchise Sheriff Oxmadd's Barn-nanza" as well as a live feed of his constant legendary orgies. Dick angrily averted his eyes one degree, the maximum of their range of movement and shouted "Go go Gadget 80s Girl!" The display changed to a picture of the hot young barely legal pop model Kierstanley, born in 2080. He breathed a whiskey-scented breath of relief and, with a wavering voice, corrected himself. "Go go gadget 1980s girl." The display of Maddox's megamansion reappeared, showing a closeup of some weird polyamorous thing between Oxmadd and 1980s girl, featuring a beautfiul African-American woman." Tears welled up in his eyes, having grown used to this scene. Seeking to cheer himself up, he said "Go go Gadget Sean," expecting it to display his neighbour and bestest friend Sean's home.
Beloved by fans and critics alike, he was known as Rodney Dangerfield Junior. Instead, a list of directions to the local cemetery popped up. Confused, Dick rolled himself out of his tiny mountain apartment into the street. He made his way to the cemetery, thinking Sean was visiting his (Dick's, not Sean's) mother again. Instead, his autocart stopped by a new headstone. It was adorned with flowers, loving notes, and freshly-warn in horror, he stared at his friend's grave, the tears even too shcoked to come out.
He charted a course for the Pacific Dining Car, where he ordered a nice $250 steak, because yes there is a fucking difference in quality you bald idiot. Hours later, staring into the remains of his feast over his fat latina milkers, she thought back on her time as this machine, remembering when he was told how commands were interpreted. He was expressly warned not to ask it anything deep, like why no Epstein names ever surfaced or why Joe Biden got away with fingerblasting that 3 year old boy or why we exist.
Rolling to a park-ing spot in the park and backing in with a beep beep beep. Fatass. He did the one thing he was told never to do. He said "Go go gadget...meaning."
He saw terrible things. He saw the beginning and the end. The alpha and the omega. He saw horrible eldritch beings emerging and dying. He saw empires birth and fade and decay. He saw a man with an impossibly small face screaming in rage.
Finally, he saw weapons of doom. He saw them used, and the last thing he saw was total universal extinction.
He snapped back to reality, his mind reeling with horror from the revelations. He stared for what felt like hours. His voice strained, every word taking an impossible amount of effort. "Go go gadget GUN." His hand shook as he turned the barrel to point at himself.
Bang.