Dear Diary,
I'm not a believer. People are born. They grow old and then they die. That's the world we live in. But how can I deny what's right in front of me? Someone who never grows old. Never gets hurt. Someone who changes in ways that can't be explained. Girls bitten. Bodies drained of blood.
I sat on the edge of my bed with my diary in my lap and a death grip on my pen as I stared out my bedroom window into the dark, stark night. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour and I was having trouble piecing bits of information together. Information about Stefan Salvatore. Tall, well-built with broad shoulders, sandy brown hair and deep, calming brown eyes with an infection smile. The new kid at school. Or so I thought he was new until I ran into one of the elders of Mystic Falls who swore up and down that he saw Stefan back in 1953. If that were true, then Stefan would have to be well over fifty years old, but he only looked to be seventeen years old. And at the football game when I could have sworn that I saw Stefan cut his palm but there wasn't even a scratch. Or the handful of times where I thought I saw his eyes darken to a black cherry color changing to purple around his eyes and within a second, they would go right back to his normal puppy brown eyes. Then, there were the bite marks that I found on my best friend, Caroline.
Human. Not animal teeth marks, but human. And finally, the numerous bodies that have been turning up, drained of blood. All this started when the Salvatore brothers rolled into town. As I pieced all this information together like a jigsaw puzzle, there was only one answer that kept coming to mind but the logical side of me refused to believe it. I looked to my right at my guard dog, Gunner. He was a Bluetick Coonhound. I had him for as long as I could remember. My father bought him for me as he wanted someone there to protect me. Gunner was a little judgmental of Stefan at first but as I warmed up to Stefan, Gunner relaxed though I couldn't say the same thing about Stefan's older brother, Damon.
My heart still skipped with nervousness every time Damon was in my presence and Gunner felt that. I tapped my pen furiously against my diary, trying to decide how I should respond to this conclusion rolling inside my mind. Acting on impulse, I threw my diary and pen onto my bed and grabbed my car keys from my vanity. Gunner's head shot up and he made a move to follow me as I headed to the door, but I turned on him.
"Maneat." I ordered in Latin for stay. He stopped and stared at me as I pondered if I was making the right decision for leaving him here. Whether or not my theory was true, I never felt in any danger when I was around Stefan. Leaving Gunner behind, I raced outside to my car and began driving to the Salvatore Boarding House just on the outer edges of Mystic Falls. I kept thinking repeatedly about whether I was making the right call, but before I could decide against my actions, I was already in the driveway. With a newfound confidence and my heart feeling like it was about to jump from my chest, I walked up to the front door and shook the rope that was tied to the little bell. Seconds that felt like hours passed and I turned to leave but the creaking of the opening door had me turning back around.
"What are you?" I demanded from Stefan who stood in the doorway, confusion and shock written all over his face. My eyes flicked down to his left hand where he held a wooden stake and for a split second, I wished I would have brought Gunner with me. When he did not answer me, I asked the question again, louder and more determined. "What are you?" A muscle twitched in his jaw as he swallowed hard before sighing deeply.
"You know." His voice was full of regret and disappointment as he never took his eyes off mine. I shook my head, still not wanting to accept the impossible.
"No, I don't."
"Yes, you do, or you wouldn't be here."
"It's not possible. It can't be." Stefan took one step across the threshold and I stiffened, my breath hitching in my throat. Aware that he was making me nervous, he slowly set his stake down on the ledge by the door. I watched his every move and instinctively took a step away from him.
"Everything you know. . . and every belief that you have is about to change. Are you ready for that?" Even though I had less confidence than what I did before I showed up here, I still asked the burning question one more time.
"What are you?"
"I'm a vampire." At the single word, at that impossibility, my thoughts and mind came crashing down at the realization of the danger that I was in. At the stupidity that I had come here alone without my guard dog.
"I shouldn't have come." I backed away from him and hurt flashed in Stefan's eyes.
"No. Please." He reached out to touch my arm, but I danced out of his reach as I made my way back to my car. Before I could reach it, Stefan appeared in front of me in a blur. I spun around looking from the doorway to where he was a second ago and back to the spot in front of me. My brain thrummed as it tried to come up with a logical explanation on how he got in front of me so quickly.
"How did you do that?"
"Please don't be afraid of me." I slowly moved around him, making my way to the driver's door.
"Let me go." He stepped into my path once more and took my arms in his firm grasp and I shrieked away from him, frighten of what he might do to me.
"No. Elena, there's things that you have to know and understand."
"Let me go!" I yanked myself from his grip and pushed past him and raced to the safety of my car.
"Elena, please." I could not hear another word as I got in and started the engine. My breath was shallow and quick, my chest and throat tight with anxiety and panic as I raced back home. Not bothering with the perfection of parking straight, I shut off my car and bolted into my house, slamming the door behind me and taking the steps two at a time to my bedroom. Gunner was there to greet me, circling around my legs and looking up at me as he sensed my distress.
"Motus." I breathed to Gunner and he moved out of my way so I could pace the length of my bedroom. My heart was racing, and I was beginning to feel lightheaded from the lack of air that was entering my lungs. I had to calm down before I passed out. I stood still in the middle of the room, letting the cool, autumn breeze from my open window wash over me. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. As my heart began to slow down, Gunner's growl sped it back up as a voice called out my name.
"Elena." I gasped and spun around to see Stefan standing by my open window. Gunner's teeth were bared and a soft growl was rumbling in his chest as he took a protective stance. I made a move to run to my bedroom door but before I could open it, a hand appeared by my head, pushing it back shut. Gunner let out a warning bark, his growling growing louder as he waited for a command. I knew with one Latin word, Gunner would not hesitate to attack. As frightened as I was as I buried my face into my bedroom door, I did not give that command. I kept my back to Stefan as he kept pressure on the door. "I would never hurt you. You're safe with me." My breathing was back to being shallow and uneven as I tried to speak.
"All those animal attacks, those people who died. . ." I finally spun around to face him, his face a couple inches away from mine. A sob wrecked through me as tears streamed down my face. His eyes were full of sorrow and regret as he watched me.
"No. That was Damon."
"Damon?"
"Yes. I don't drink human blood. That's not how I choose to survive, but Damon does. I'll explain everything to you, but I beg you, Elena, do not tell anybody."
"How can you ask me that?"
"Because you knowing this is dangerous for so many reasons. You can hate me, but I need you to trust me." I inhaled a shaky breath.
"Just go. Just go, please. Go. If you mean me no harm, then you'll go." He gazed at me with sad eyes.
"I never wanted this, Elena." He pushed off from the door and straightened up but continued to stand there until I realized that he wasn't moving because of Gunner who was still growling, ready for a fight.
"Paco." I whispered to Gunner and his lips dropped back down over his teeth. "Veni." Gunner walked over to my side as I turned back around to open my bedroom door again and when I looked over my shoulder, Stefan was nowhere to be seen. I sprinted to my bedroom window and sealed it shut before anymore unwanted visitors could come through.
TVD
Falling into an uneasy sleep with Gunner at my back, I woke up the next morning mentally exhausted. I took my diary and pen over to my window seat to soak up the morning light, hoping that would perk me up. I watched the neighbors smile and wave at each other. I watched them walk their dogs up and down the sidewalks and all I could think about was how clueless they were about the dangers that lurked in this small town. Unable to put my thoughts into words, I tossed my diary and pen onto my bed and dragged my feet into the bathroom that connected mine and my little brother's bedrooms. I ran my hand through my thin brunette hair and sighed. My uneasy sleep and word block were caused by missing answers. That I knew. My mother always taught me that if I didn't know the answer to something, then research until you find what you are looking for. Googling vampires gave me nothing, so my next stop was to go straight to the source which meant facing Stefan again.
After sending him a text asking him to meet me at a very public cafe, I gazed absently at my reflection as I brushed my teeth and hair and threw on the first outfit I grabbed from my closet. I loaded Gunner into the car and drove slowly to the cafe, my hands shaking with anticipation. Pulling up, I could already see Stefan sitting at one of the tables outside the cafe. He was wearing a blue button up shirt with the top button undone and blue jeans. I shut off the engine and got out with Gunner beside me. I reluctantly made my way over to Stefan and sat down across from him. Gunner laid down on my right side, eyes fixed on Stefan. Last night, I didn't take the time to admire his appearance like I normally did at school but now that I was in a calmer state of mind, I took a second to glance him over. Stefan was handsome and athletically built. He had a pale complexion with a broad forehead and an angular jawline with deep-set, forest green eyes, a straight nose and a well-formed mouth. He had straight, short, dark blond hair which was brushed back. Stefan also had straight teeth, his canines unnaturally pointed but when he smiled, it was heartwarming. He stood around five foot eleven inches and was lean and flat-muscled. He also wore casual clothing.
"You said you would explain everything." I said. "That's why I asked you to meet me here. When you google vampire, you get a world of fiction. What's the reality?"
"I can tell you whatever you want to know." Stefan said calmly.
"I know you eat garlic."
"Yes."
"And somehow, sunlight's not an issue." Stefan paused before answering as a waitress came up to our table and set down two mugs of hot beverages that Stefan must have ordered before I got here. Once she left, Stefan looked back at me.
"We have rings to protect us." Stefan held up his right hand to show me that ring that was on his ring finger. I looked closely at it. It was silver with a blue stone in the middle of it and a chrome crest shaped in the form of an S on top of it. I pondered on the thought of whether the S stood for Stefan or Salvatore.
"Crucifixes?"
"Decorative."
"Holy water?"
"Drinkable."
"Mirrors?"
"Myth."
"You said you don't kill to survive."
"Animal blood keeps me alive, but not as strong as Damon. He can be very powerful."
"And yet you let him get involved with Caroline?"
"Forcing Damon not to do something is much more dangerous. Believe me." Anger flared up inside me.
"He was hurting her."
"He was feeding on her. He was able to take away her memories of being bitten using a form of mind compulsion. She never knew what was happening to her. If he wanted to kill her, he would have." I narrowed my eyes at him as he leaned forward.
"Is that supposed to make it ok?"
"No. No, none of this is ok, Elena. I know that." I lowered my eyes to the table as I thought about any more questions that I might have. Stefan sat back in his chair and glanced down at Gunner. "Ever wonder why he disliked me and Damon?" My eyes flicked from Gunner to Stefan, waiting for an answer. "Your guard dog is a Guardian. His bloodline was specifically bred to detect vampires and protect their masters from them. Trained properly, a Guardian would have no issue tearing a vampire apart. Each founding family of Mystic Falls had their own bloodline of Guardians but last I knew the Gilbert family was the last one with any Guardians." My eyebrows furrowed at I gazed down at Gunner, letting this new information sink in. So, not only was the boy I liked a vampire, but my childhood dog was a vampire hunting Guardian. I became lightheaded with information overload. I chewed on my bottom lip as I looked back up at Stefan.
"Are there any others, aside from you and Damon?"
"Not in Mystic Falls, not anymore." I looked at him in confusion.
"Not anymore?"
"There was a time when this town was. . . very much aware of vampires, the whole reason they started the Guardian bloodline, and it didn't end well for anybody. That's why it's important that you don't tell anyone."
"I can't promise that."
"Elena. . . give me today. I will answer any questions that you have, and when it's over, you can decide for yourself what you want to do with what you know. It'll be your choice." I stared into his eyes, searching for any signs of dishonesty or malice but I found none. So, I nodded my head in agreement.
TVD
I drove through the woods that surrounded Mystic Falls, following Stefan's directions. Vines covered every tree in sight and the autumn sun tried to make its way through the canopy above.
"Stop here." Stefan said. I eased the car to a stop and put it in park. Ordering Gunner to stay, I followed Stefan out of the car and into a clearing in front of us. Looking closely around the clearing, I noticed rubble of cobblestone and bricks.
"What are we doing here?" I asked.
"I want to show you something."
"In the middle of nowhere?"
"This. . . didn't used to be nowhere." He looked around the clearing, his eyes gazing absently as if he was looking back into the past. "Used to be my home."
"It looks so. . ."
"Old? It's because they are." A thought occurred to me that I can't believe I haven't thought about before.
"Wait. How long have you. . ." He looked at the ground and back at me before answering.
"I've been seventeen years old since 1864." My eyes widened and my jaw dropped as I stared at him in astonishment. One hundred and forty-five years old?!
"Oh, my God."
"You said you wanted to know. I'm not gonna hold anything back. Half century before the boarding house was even built, this was my family's home. Damon and I... we were both born here. The Salvatore brothers, best of friends." He told me the story about how Damon and him first met Katherine. A woman that Damon once brought up to me. Said that she was a woman that Stefan once loved who died in a fire. The more Damon talked about her, the more I realized that it wasn't just Stefan who had loved her. She was staying with the Salvatore family back in 1864.
"You knew Katherine in 1864? Damon made it seem like-"
"Damon was trying to make you think that. . . I was still heartbroken. He saw that I was happy with you, and he wanted to ruin it."
"All because you loved the same woman 145 years ago?" Stefan smiled sadly.
"She wasn't just any girl. She chose me to escort her to the founder's ball at the original Lockwood Mansion." I walked further through the ruins of what looked to be a beautiful home at some point. I turned back to Stefan.
"The First Founder's Party. . . where you signed the registry." Stefan nodded.
"I didn't care that I had gotten something that my brother wanted. I didn't even care if it hurt him. I only knew that I wanted her." I chewed on my lip and pondered the information that he had given me so far.
"So, he was upset." I sat down on a concrete bench that was slowly being taken over my vines and moss. Stefan continued to stand in front of me with his hands in his front pockets, his weight pushed onto his right hip.
"That's the thing about Damon. He doesn't get mad. He just gets even. What Damon wants, Damon usually gets. I didn't know it at the time, but. . . turns out that night. . . Katherine was with him, too." I pursed my lips at the thought of this woman going between the two brothers. How diabolical of her to play off the feelings of the two men. To lead them on and never quite choosing one or the other.
"So, he stole her from you, not the other way around?" Stefan smirked and cocked his head to the side.
"Turns out. . . she wasn't ours to steal. She fed on me and compelled me not to tell anyone. She could control my mind and Damon's. She compelled each of us to keep the secret from the other. She wanted all of us to be together forever." I stood and walked over to a pillar that had ivy crawling around it and placed my hand on the cool leaves, letting it sink through my sink to wash away the heat that came from the disgust that I was feeling. "Didn't work out that way, but. . ." Stefan bent down and reached beneath a fallen statue and pulled out a cloth. He unfolded it to reveal a ring, like the one he was currently wearing except the chrome crest was in the shape of D. That meant the S was for Stefan and D for Damon. "Damon and I, looks like we're stuck with each other. . . like it or not."
"Is that Damon's ring?" Stefan nodded.
"I took it from him, but I have to give it back."
"No. Don't, Stefan. Keep it hidden."
"Elena, if I don't give it to him, he'll retaliate in the only way that he knows he can hurt me." I rolled my eyes.
"And how is that?" A muscle flickered in his jaw as he clenched his teeth.
"By hurting you." Stefan slowly walked past me and guided me back to my car where he opened the driver's door for me and stepped aside. I looked up at him.
"The mind control. . . you said Katherine used. Do you ever do that to me?" He shook his head.
"No." He looked down at my chest and pointed to the necklace that hung there. I glanced down at the silver pendant that he had given me, not too long after we had started talking to each other. "That necklace, it contains an herb called vervain. It protects you from being compelled. I wanted to protect you from Damon's influence. But I also wanted to. . . protect you from me. Elena, you should never take that necklace off. . . because no matter what happens after today, no matter how you feel about me, you'll know that you were free to make your own choice."
TVD
I walked up the steps to my front door with Gunner on my left side and Stefan behind me. Opening the door, I saw my ex-boyfriend, Matt, his sister, Vicki and my little brother, Jeremy, standing in the threshold of the kitchen and den. Walking down the entryway to them, I spotted the kitchen to be a mess. Leftovers were scattered across the counter. The floor was sticky and had crumbs all over. I looked back at Matt, Vicki and Jeremy.
"What's going on?" I asked.
"She's really messed up." Matt informed me. I knew exactly what that meant. Vicki was a known drug addict. She loved to take anything she could get her hands on. Currently, she was swaying unsteadily, tears rolling down her cheeks as quiet sobs shook her chest. Stefan stepped up to my side and pulled me back a couple steps away from Vicki. Vicki looked wildly at Stefan, eyes wide with fear and confusion.
"Elena, back up." Stefan murmured as he stepped up to Vicki and peered deeply into her eyes. He gingerly cupped her cheek in his palm, coaxing her to keep her eyes focused on him. "Vicki, look at me. Focus. You're gonna be fine." She stopped sobbing and continued to keep her eyes on Stefan. "Everything's gonna be fine." Stefan looked to Matt and Jeremy. "Guys, take her up to bed. Shut the blinds. She's gonna be ok. Come on." After making sure that Jeremy and Matt guided the intoxicated teenager up the stairs, Stefan turned back to me.
"You know what's wrong with her?" I inquired.
"Yeah."
"What is it?" He let out a heavy sigh of exasperation.
"She's transitioning."
"Transitioning to what?"
"A vampire." I looked at him in disbelief as it settled in my gut.
"What?"
"Damon must have gotten to her. She's new. She hasn't completed her transformation yet."
"H-How does she do that?"
"She has to feed on human blood."
"And what if she doesn't?"
"She'll die." And my gut sank lower.
TVD
"She may only have a few hours." Stefan informed as I paced my kitchen floor, running my hands through my hair as I tried to process this information. It has been a very trying twenty-four hours and it wasn't getting any better.
"She's upstairs with him right now." I snapped, my thoughts going to what might happen to Jeremy.
"It's ok. She doesn't know what's happening to her yet."
"So, when is she going to know?"
"Right now, she doesn't remember anything. A part of her is still human, but slowly the deeper she gets into the transition, the memories will start to come back, and then she'll know she has to make the choice." I leaned against the island and rested my elbows on the cold countertop, leaning down so I could rub my temples to try to help the inevitable headache that I was getting. I straightened up and turned back to Stefan, my eyes hard with judgement and disgust.
"The same choice you made?" Stefan was quiet and moved his hazel eyes away from mine in shame and guilt. When I assumed he wasn't going to respond, I turned back to the mess that Vicki had created and began cleaning it up if only to help keep me distracted and put the rising adrenaline in my veins to use. As I was about to wipe down the table, the slapping of barefoot on wood floor sounded on the staircase and I turned to see Vicki rushing down, shoes in hand. Matt got up off the couch in the den and rushed into the foyer to try to stop her, but she pushed past him and ran out the front door.
"Vick." He called to her sister, but she didn't stop. "Vicki!" Stefan and I followed Matt outside as Jeremy came down the steps. Looking around as we stood in the front yard, Vicki was nowhere to be seen.
"She was fine, and then she just-she just freaked out." Jeremy explained.
"I'm gonna go look for her. Call me if you hear anything." Matt didn't wait for an answer as he raced to his truck, tires peeling as he drove frantically down the street.
"I can track her." Stefan whispered, leaning into me.
"Go." I breathed and Stefan took off in the opposite direction as Matt leaving Jeremy and me alone at the house. I steered Jeremy back inside and sighed, hoping that this alone time away from vampires would help me clear my mind.
TVD
The sun quickly set as I busied myself with finishing up the kitchen before Jenna got home. Jeremy leaned against the counter, tapping his foot impatiently as he waited to hear anything from Stefan or Matt. Despite his better judgement, Jeremy cared deeply about Vicki. Vicki didn't deserve my brother's love, but I haven't seen him this happy since our parents died four months ago. If anything were to happen to Vicki. . . Well, something did happen to her and I didn't know how I was going to explain any of it to Jeremy.
"Maybe we should check in with Matt." Jeremy suggested as I handed him some dishes to be washed.
"He'll call when he finds her." I reassured him for the tenth time as I turned back to the destruction.
"Well, what are we supposed to do?"
"We wait. We're supposed to wait."
"I don't know what's wrong with her." I turned to look deep into his eyes. He had the same eyes as me. Deep brown, a shade that you could find warmth and comfort in. I wanted to tell him everything that Stefan had told me today, but I couldn't bear to burden him with all that.
"She'll be fine. It'll all be fine." Before I could grab the broom from the closet, the doorbell rang. I walked down the hallway with Jeremy behind me. Gunner was standing in the threshold of the den, head down and ears back as if something was throwing him off but he couldn't tell what it was. Making a note of his behavior, I still reached out to open the door and instantly regretted it. Gunner let out a snarl as I tried to close the door back in Damon's face but with impeccable strength, he forced it back open with little effort. My biceps strained and barked at me as I put in all my strength to try to close the door but when I realized that it was pointless, I let go and the door swung open. "Jeremy, go upstairs." Damon leaned against the doorway with a smirk plastered on his face as he watched my little brother go up the steps.
If he wasn't a raging psychopath, I might have considered him to be extremely handsome. He was five ten with a well-built, toned physique. He looked to be around twenty-five years old but if he was turned at the same time Stefan was then that would make him one hundred seventy years old. He had a light complexion with olive undertones and high cheekbones with a solid jawline. His dark brown hair appeared to be raven black in the night, and it hung just over his ears in a casual disarray. With all that said, it was his eyes that could pull any woman in. They were intense, fierce, bright blue eyes that stood out from his darkened lashes and eyebrows. He wore a black button up shirt with the top couple of buttons undone revealing his toned, athletic chest. He had on darkened jeans with a leather jacket. Damon's eyes fixed on me, not even acknowledging the snarling Guardian at my back. I fought hard not to freeze up under his intense gaze or look away as I took a step away from the door. That only made his smirk grow.
"You're afraid of me." Damon sneered, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess. Stefan finally fessed up."
"Stay away from me." I demanded, trying to keep my voice from wavering but failed.
"Hey, hey, hey. There's no need to be rude. I'm just looking for Stefan. May I come in? Oh, wait. Of course, I can. I've been invited." I internally groaned as I regretted inviting him when I hosted that dinner for Bonnie and Stefan to get to know each other. As Damon stepped into the house and closed the door behind him, I took a few more steps back.
"Protego." I called to Gunner and he instantly took up residence in front of me, keeping himself between me and Damon as the latter looked around at the decor before settling his eyes back on me.
"We can cut to the chase right now. I'm not gonna kill you right now. That wouldn't serve my greater agenda. So, you can call off your precious little Guardian." Damon crossed his arms over his chest and waited but when it was clear that Gunner wasn't going anywhere, the corner of Damon's mouth twitched upwards. "So... where's Stefan?"
"He's out looking for Vicki." My voice sounded slightly steadier now that I felt comfort in Gunner being near me. Damon rolled his eyes.
"Don't look at me with those judgey little eyes." Damon took another step towards me and when I went to take one step back, I bumped into the railing of the staircase. "Girl's gonna thank me for what I did to her." Damon closed the space between us and although Gunner let out a warning growl as Damon bent down so he was eye level with, Damon ignored him. Either to prove that he wasn't afraid of my Guardian or because he didn't realize that with one word, I could have Gunner's teeth around his throat. I held my palm out to Gunner to signal him to calm down. I wasn't going to hide behind my dog. Though it was most likely already written all over me, I wasn't going to show fear because Damon was right. I was afraid of him. Afraid of what he might do but I had to face that fear. With a newfound determination, I raised my eyes to his, mud brown meeting blue ice.
"Did you thank Katherine?" That smirk on his face faltered for just a second at the mention of her name. He let out a humming sound before he turned his back on me and walked away and I reluctantly relaxed my body, not knowing how tense I was.
"Got the whole life story, huh?"
"I got enough."
"Oh, I doubt that." I waited for him to elaborate but instead he headed to the door. "Tell my brother I'm looking for him. He opened the door and stepped back out into the night but before the door could full close behind him, his head popped back in. "Oh, tip for later. Be careful who you invite in the house." He smiled at me once more before closing the door behind him and I sank to the floor, Gunner pressing himself up to me to give me any comfort that he could provide.
TVD
I sat on the porch swing on the front porch, the night growing colder with each hour that passed by, but it didn't bother me. My core was so heated, I could sleep out here. Which was what I was about to do. I had my elbow propped up on the armrest of the swing as I rested my head in my hand. The adrenaline from the confrontation with Damon was beginning to leave my body and I was starting to feel incredibly tired and overwhelmed. I thought about everything Stefan had told me today and processed each bit of information, piece by piece. I thought about whether I wanted this in my life. I just lost my parents. I broke up with my boyfriend that I've known since childhood. I found out that my current boyfriend is a vampire and his brother is a psychopath. I needed to get my life back on track before I fall over a cliff. My eyes were beginning to droop shut when Gunner let out a soft warning growl from his spot by the steps. I straightened to see Stefan trudging slowly up the walkway. Alone. A dark spot stained his pale shirt and I recognized it as blood.
"You're bleeding." I breathed, getting up from the swing and walking over to him to meet him at the top of the steps.
"No, it's okay." He assured me. "I'm okay. I'm okay." I raised my eyes to his and searched for an explanation. "I couldn't stop her. I tried."
"What does that mean?"
"She fed, and then I lost her." My throat tightened and my heart pounded wildly as I took a step back from him.
"Oh, my God."
"I'll take care of it. I'll find her, and I will show her that she can live like I do. I will make sure that she does not hurt anybody, Elena. I promise you."
"What do I tell my brother and-and Matt?"
"We'll come up with a story." I looked at him in disbelief.
"You mean we'll come up with a lie." He sighed and nodded his head once, his eyes full of sorrow and grief.
"I'm so sorry." I took a deep breath and centered myself, preparing to speak what has been going through my head for the past hour.
"I gave you today just like you asked." Stefan's brows knitted together in confusion as he watched me closely. "And I understand that you would never do anything to hurt me, and I promise I will keep your secret, but. . . I can't be with you, Stefan." Hurt flashed through his eyes and stayed there, driving out whatever he was feeling before this conversation. "I'm sorry. I-I just can't." Stefan pursed his lips and swallowed hard, trying to find words to say. I continued to look at him for a moment, memorizing his facial features, his canines and remembering what his smile looked like and how his eyes shined when he laughed. I turned my back to him before I could change my mind. "Gunner, veni."
Gunner followed me as I opened the door to the house and walked in, closing it behind me and leaving Stefan on the porch by himself. I leaned my back against the door and rested my head against before my legs gave out and I crumbled to the floor sobbing as sorrow and grief and confusion wrecked through me. Tears streamed down my cheeks as my chest shook with each cry. Gunner slowly climbed into my lap and I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face into his neck and we sat there for hours until my body could not let out one more tear.