A/N: I mean come on, you guys knew she'd be at the lighthouse, right? Didn't I say pay attention to their conversation in Gala weekend pt 2? ;)
I am elated by the responses from ch 31. You guys are awesome! It was one of my favorites to write as it was cute and funny (sorry for throwing you around like a punching bag, Ben!). I'm a sucker for grand gestures and that was the start of it - his chase. I think the rest of the chapters are going to be smooth sailing. It was hard to one up ch 31 so I figured fluffy chapters can make up for all the drama I put everyone through lol
Lastly, happy mother's day to any moms out there! I only ever grew up with one parent, my mom, and you ladies are the real MVP's!
Enjoy!
~XXXII. The Lighthouse~
Ben set off on his lone journey to find Rey. It wasn't easy for starters. He drove up PCH for nearly two hours, stopping at every lighthouse he knew of that could resemble the one in the photo and with what little information she's told him about it. When he reached another port, his gut instinct told him he was at the right place. He waited for the ferry to take him to a remote island. Stepping off the dock, he found a tall white structure ahead of him. He lifted the frame in his hands and sure enough, it was a match! It was nearing sunset, but Ben had found the right place. He just knew she was there. He felt it.
Growing up in foster care, often times the houses Rey lived in had their social workers put all the kids in one room to watch television and not really tend to kids individually. She watched many American films that took place in the city of angels with a backdrop of glamor of the entertainment business. But Rey had always been interested in the view. With gorgeous landscapes, miles of beaches, and a sunset draped across the blue Pacific Ocean, that was the only dream she had of this picturesque city. Which was why the first place she thought to go when she left London was Los Angeles.
It was the perfect day to be outdoors. The summer heat was simmering down to prepare for the coming fall, with a comfortable 80 degrees during the day and a nice cool breeze to chase the evening. Today was no exception.
After she spoke with Leia two days ago, Rey decided to take her advice and ease her mind. So the next morning she arranged to take a few vacation days, leaving her assistants in charge of her projects until she got back. She told Rose about her impromptu vacation after she came home from work that day and her friend had agreed it was the best thing to do. Though instead of staying at her place and more than likely moping around, Rey decided this needed to be a real vacation; A journey to clear her mind. So that Saturday morning she slipped a note on the kitchen counter and left quietly before Rose woke up. She needed to escape. She needed to find herself again. So, she went to the last place that made her truly happy: her lighthouse.
The sun was setting on a beautiful day. Rey spent a good six hours laying in the sun, picnicking alone with the lunch she packed herself, not caring what her next step would be. She wasn't sure if she was going to go back home just yet or find nearby lodging to stay for the night. She just knew that she needed the day for herself.
It was hard, she'll admit, to adjust back to her old routine. It was only six months, but she had almost forgotten what it was like doing her own thing without someone else. Without Ben.
The day was transitioning to night, and Rey knew that she would have to leave in about another hour to go back. She just wasn't sure to where. Her plan to come here was to clear her mind and feel like herself again. While it did it also helped her realize how much she still wanted to be with Ben. If they both weren't so stubborn, she would have gone back to him in a heartbeat. Instead she was alone at her lighthouse, missing him. The feeling he gave her, the warm sensation in her gut, the aching swell in her heart when they were around each other. She missed it all. She… felt it. Just now.
He saw her sitting at the edge of the rocks below the lighthouse. While many of the visitors there were following the trails and taking photos in scenic spots, there she was with not a care in the world sitting alone and enjoying the view. He knew she sensed his presence as he noticed her posture stiffen. Suddenly he regretted showing up, finding her. Ben didn't want to ruin Rey's lighthouse; he didn't want to be a reason for her heartbreak anymore.
Knowing he wasn't going to leave any time soon, she took a deep breath and prepared herself. She stood up slowly, dusting any debris from her grey leggings and turned to face him. It was the first time in two weeks they had seen each other. Not since their court date.
"You found me," she stated simply.
He looked down at his feet and let out a breath.
"You are hard to find, Rey."
"You're hard to get rid of," she softly smiled.
He looked back up and returned the gesture.
"Do you know how many lighthouses there are about an hour and a half north of Santa Monica?" he said.
"No, how many?"
"Three. In case you were wondering."
"Did you go to all three?" she was baffled at the thought of him doing so.
"Mhm," he nodded. "And of course, the one you liked had to be the one that you needed to take a ferry to get to," they both chuckled. "So I'm pretty sure that added about another hour to the trip. Just in case you share your story again."
"You remembered my story?"
"I remember everything you told me."
Her lips curled up for a brief second. She couldn't believe he was there in front of her saying that he heard her. He has always seen her, and it made Rey feel understood for the first time. She wasn't invisible. Not to Ben.
A small beat passed between them.
"So… did you come all this way just to tell me that?"
"No, I came here to give you your photo back," he offered her the object in his hand. "Poe didn't know it was yours and he left it on the shelf."
"Thank you," she grabbed it.
She didn't think she'd see it again. After Poe came back with her stuff, she realized he forgot it, but didn't have the heart to ask him to go back and fetch it.
"I guess it was good that he left it. Otherwise I wouldn't know the right place to find you."
"You were looking for me?"
"If you knew the day I had…" he deeply sighed.
He let out a small chuckle, thinking back at everything that happened that afternoon. All the yelling, the hitting, the confessions. It paid off though, he found her.
"Why are you here, Ben?" she suddenly grew serious.
"I just…" he began, but he stopped himself. "I wanted to know if you were ok."
He still couldn't find that courage to tell her. Even with all his momentum built up. Even when he found her. It was still nerve-wracking. She looked almost disappointed with what he said. He wasn't sure what to make of it.
If he was too timid to talk to her after all the effort to find her, then maybe it was a sign that she and Ben weren't supposed to be anything, Rey thought to herself. Maybe she should give up hope.
"I'm fine," she said softly, then turned back around to face the sunset.
"Is that a real 'I'm fine', or like when Phasma said it to Hux one time and he ended up sleeping on my couch for two days because he didn't catch the hint?" he was actually serious. Women and their codes, Ben was clueless just like every other man.
Rey looked over her shoulder and rolled her eyes at him, giggling at his words. Ben took it as probably the second answer was the appropriate thing in this situation. He walked up to the ledge and stood beside her, taking in the setting sun painting a cotton candy sky before them.
"Well even if you're not completely fine, I'm at least glad you're here."
"Is that so?" she said, not taking her eyes off the view in front of her.
"This is your happy place," he said.
"That is correct," the crooks of her lips slowly rose. He really did listen to everything she said.
A silent moment passed between them.
"Are you ok, Ben?" she asked softly.
He turned to her, but she still kept her gaze ahead. He thought about the question.
"I don't know, honestly," he admitted.
She heard him let out an aggravating sigh. Well, at least he was just as jumbled in the head as she was. It was oddly comforting.
"Well, maybe I'll share my happy place with you for just a little bit," she offered.
She gestured for him to sit on the ground with her, legs dangling off the edge of the rocks, settling comfortably as they watched the sun glow a fierce orange hue.
Rey was surprised at herself with how calm she was. She was sitting next to the man who was responsible for her heartache the past few weeks. And now she was sitting beside him, watching the sunset as if nothing happened. She knew in the back of her mind this perfect moment wouldn't last. But maybe, just maybe, she could have one last nice moment with him before they had to face the music again.
"Can I ask you a question?" he broke the silence.
"Sure."
"Was it so bad living with me?"
She turned to him and frowned at his question.
"I never said it was bad," she said. "Where'd you get that idea?"
"I don't know," he shrugged, picking at a nearby patch of grass. "But were you happy?"
She thought for a moment about that.
"I must admit, I was terrified when this whole thing started. Not the Vegas thing, the court thing. I don't regret the time we had in Vegas," she told him.
He glanced at her and smiled.
"Neither do I."
She looked down at her lap and fidgeted with her thumbs, trying not to blush at his response.
"Being told I had to do something that I couldn't fully control, it was like I was a foster kid again; being assigned to live somewhere unfamiliar, with other kids, with strangers, with guardians who didn't actually care about me."
"I never thought about it that way for you," he admitted. Ben felt horrible. He knew that he was part of the reason she had the court order.
"It's not your fault," she said. "We both did what we did and we both got the same orders."
"I guess. But go on," he motioned for her to continue.
"Right, so here I was locked in a cage with a guy I barely knew and just met. It wasn't easy that our friends were teasing us, but what was more of a struggle was learning to live with someone again. When I first moved in with Hobbie, it was an engagement high. We were 'in love'," she air-quoted, "so things felt natural. Little did I know it wasn't going to always be like that," she kidded.
"That prick," Ben scoffed, chuckling with her.
"But you know what? As you and I started to get to know one another and become more comfortable with this arrangement, I felt good. I didn't feel the restraints. You did your thing, and you let me do my thing. Whatever I wanted. Sometimes I even forgot it was a court order. That we were actually just roommates," she smirked at him.
He shook his head and laughed heartily. Ah that 'roommates' thing would never be lived down on either of them.
"I guess… being in this cage set me free," she smiled to herself, though Ben saw it.
"Is that a thank you?" he lightly bragged.
"Shut up," she rolled her eyes and laughed at his remark.
It felt so good to laugh with Ben. Rey missed it. She missed him.
The sun was almost halfway set. The painted sky would soon fade to black and light up with the stars.
"I can see why you like this place," he said to her.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "It's remote, in its own piece of land away from the noise. You don't have to worry about the next day. You don't have to think about it. You have your own little world here where you can escape to and just find peace."
"A part of me wants to be impressed," she said, "But I'm pretty sure I said half of those things when I first told you about this place," she eyed him playfully.
"Guilty," he said, prompting them to both laugh again.
He wanted to stay here and laugh with her all night if he could. He didn't want this moment to end. But he knew eventually it would.
Rey sighed, knowing that this almost perfect day had to end. She and Ben needed to go back to the noise, and most likely go their separate ways. This wasn't exactly how she pictured talking to him for the first time since the court date, but maybe this was all the closure they were ever going to get. At least it was amicable.
She got up and once again dusted herself off.
"Well as much as I'd love to stay here all night, the noise calls." She gestured behind her, where the port was.
"Do you really have to go?" Ben felt his desperation and longing creep up again. This was getting too real too fast. He wanted more time.
"No, WE really have to go," Rey said. "The last ferry leaves in about 30 minutes and if we start now, we'll make it to the dock."
They were at the far end of the island, the lighthouse sat atop the tallest rock. It was a good 15 minute walk back at a steady pace.
"Oh. Okay," Ben said.
Rey offered her hand and he grabbed it, missing the softness of her touch. With her help, he stood up in front of her. She let her hand linger for a moment in his. She missed the feel of his strong hold. But she needed to let go.
She turned and knelt back down to ready her backpack, tucking the photo frame safely inside. Looking around to make sure she wasn't leaving anything else behind, she zipped her bag shut. She was about to get up when she felt him standing directly in front of her. She looked up and met eyes with him. His face was so vulnerable, so naïve. She wasn't exactly paying attention to any of her surroundings.
"Rey," he spoke her name delicately.
Ben held his hand out. The same way he did when they first met; when he asked her to trust him.
Their annulment hurt her bad. She was still hurting. She was longing to be relieved of this pain, hoping if she distanced herself enough from him that she would be able to move on. But in this moment, she didn't think about him hurting her again. She didn't think about any of that. Whether it was right or wrong, she only wanted to take his hand.
So, she did.
He brought her up to stand and face him, the first real and intimate gaze they've shared in a long while. This time her expressions matched his and he found strength in this vulnerability between them to speak.
"Can I tell you something?"
"Sure."
He stared at her for a moment, preparing himself mentally. She waited for him to speak.
"I miss you," he confessed.
Tears were already starting to pool in her eyes, but she dared not let them fall.
"I miss you too," she said softly.
The grip on his hand tightened. He was pleased to hear that she missed him back. It made his heart swell.
"Alright, here it is," he took a deep breath and began. "When we were married, I have to admit too that I was scared. Sick. I didn't know what I was getting myself into and I feared I just ruined someone else's life."
She furrowed her brows, feeling the pain he felt when he spoke.
"But… Living with you was the best time I've ever had."
He grabbed her other hand for more support. This was it. Everything comes out now.
"You saw me for me, and you didn't belittle me like everyone else. You gave me a chance when I stopped giving myself any. I gave up on my dream to become a pilot, but you still saw the light in me and gave me hope to pursue it."
He brought their foreheads together, closed his eyes and continued.
"You found the good in me. And there's no one else I want to share it with but you."
He brought her knuckles to his lips and he lightly kissed them.
"You were the best thing to ever happen to me. You gave me a reason to believe I was good enough."
He looked into her eyes and showed her how much that meant to him. She understood.
"You bet on me, Rey. And you made me want to bet on myself again."
She smiled at his words and saw how much this meant to him that he found his inner-strength again. He smiled in relief. He finally felt confident.
"We can't go back and change the beginning, but we can start here and change the ending. So… don't think about anything or anyone else. Just answer this for yourself, please?"
She slowly nodded, waiting for him to continue.
He let go of both her hands and slowly propped himself on one knee before her.
"Do you want to be married to me… again?"
Her eyes widened. She did not expect this. Yeah sure, best case scenario they would reconcile and start a new relationship. But going back to marriage? Was that too fast? Oh who was she kidding, that was what she's always wanted with him!
Rey smiled tenderly as she tried to compose herself. After everything Ben just told her, it was her turn to speak from her heart.
"You know for so long I've always wondered if there was something wrong with me. Maybe that's why my parents left me alone. Why Hobbie dumped me. That maybe I wasn't good enough, and I'll never be happy."
She fidgeted with her feet, kicking the gravel on the ground. Her words, so solemn, hurt Ben more than herself. He looked crushed.
"I've always felt like I had to try to please everybody. But not with you."
She looked at him simply, ensuring she was alright. He let out a held breath, relieved that she wasn't going down a dark path thinking back on her abandonment.
"You saw my scars and you told me I was stronger for it, not weak. You even told me they were beautiful. I never thought any part of me was."
He gave her an obvious 'Are you kidding me? You're gorgeous!' look. Because she was. She playfully crinkled her nose at his expression, then continued.
"I made mistakes, but you always believed in me. I didn't need to try to be perfect or try to please you or try to be brave. I just… didn't need to try so hard."
She stared at him deep in the eyes.
"You let me be me… And I became myself again."
He gulped anxiously, holding in his emotions, waiting for her to answer him. She certainly had her answer and she was going to tell him. But there was one last thing she needed to say.
"I was a nobody…"
She looked down at her feet. He was nervous. He wanted to tell her she wasn't.
"But not to you."
She looked at him again and lovingly smiled.
"I do… want to be married to you again."
He smiled so brightly that he was ready to burst into tears. Actually, he did. Ben was so overwhelmed that he couldn't even get up, he got on both his knees and pulled Rey close, wrapping his arms around her midsection and burying his teary face on her stomach. She lightly giggled, tears streaming down her face as well and wrapped her arms around his head, kissing the top of his hair. He held her tight, making sure this was all real and she was real. And she was his.
She couldn't wait any longer to see his face and kiss his lips. She tugged his shoulders so he could stand up to her level.
Immediately, Ben got to his feet and stood tall, picking up Rey the same way he did in their kitchen and twirled her. She giggled again, telling him to put her down. When her feet touched the floor, he stared at her and she stared back. Their lips crashed against each other's, fiercely, passionately… finally. The only reason to break the connection seconds later was to come back for air. Ben touched his forehead to Rey's and they both chuckled. They were finally happy. They were finally together.
He broke their embrace and intertwined their hands. Picking up her backpack, the couple made their way down the hill to reach their boat.
"Thanks for giving me back my photo," she said to him.
"Well I figured it was important. After all, it gives you hope," he winked at her.
"It does… but I have another thing that gives me hope."
She had him twists his torso a bit so she could fish something out of her backpack. They paused in their tracks for a moment for her to reveal said object.
"You kept that?" he was genuinely surprised.
It was the bracelet he gave her the night of their bonfire.
"Of course I did. I kept every gift you gave me."
"I've only ever given you that one thing?" he was confused.
"Then my statement rings true," she giggled. "Well except for the rose you gave me. I tried my best to keep it alive as long as I could though!"
"Fair enough," he chuckled.
She stared at the trinket, he most prized possession and lightly traced the etchings.
"I've carried this with me everywhere I went ever since you gave it to me," she smiled at him. "It's my good luck charm. I think of you every time I look at it. Makes me smile."
"Good luck charm? Does that mean you're still looking for what you want?" his brows furrowed.
"No, I found you," she winked at him. "I was just holding on to this hoping you wanted me too."
"There's no one else I want but you, sweetheart."
She smiled into his kiss. This was right. Ben was hers. She was finally home.
"I love you, Rey. So much."
"I love you too, Ben."
They arrived at the dock in the nick of time and boarded the ferry. During the ride back to the mainland, they talked about how silly they had both been the past six months about being secretive and not talking about their true feelings when they had so many chances. How their friends teased them so much and how badly they wanted to say something, but they were just too silly to admit anything.
"Let's agree to tell each other everything. No more hiding. No more secrets," Rey said to Ben when they reached the port.
"Deal," he kissed her in agreement.
When they stepped off the ferry, Ben took Rey's hand and she followed him to his car. As they reached the passenger side, he was about ready to open it for her when he paused.
"Wait… there's one thing I'm hiding still."
"I mean," Rey pretended. "We were really happy for like forty five minutes. That's got to be a record, right?" she giggled.
He laughed, kissing her for being a tease.
"No, it's not huge. Well, it is but it's not bad. It's good. Well… I think it's good. I mean, I hope you think so too-"
"Love," she stopped him. "I was just messing with you," she couldn't help but giggle some more.
"You'll be the death of me, woman," he rolled his eyes, making her laugh even more.
"So, what is it?" she finally stopped teasing and let him finish.
For some reason, even if the news was good, Ben was nervous to share.
"Well you see… um… there was a page you and I forgot to fill out for our attorneys. So… our papers haven't been processed yet."
Her teasing stopped and she took in what he said, realizing what it meant.
"Wait. So… we're still married?"
He stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out the infamous wedding ring, slipping it on her finger.
"If you'll still have me."
She looked at the diamond crusted ring, the one that promised her to him six months ago. The one that felt like it had always belonged on her finger. Then she glanced up at him with a new set of tears in her eyes.
"Of course I will."
He wiped some rogue tears that fell down her cheeks and smiled at her answer. She kissed Ben for the umpteenth time that day. Oh yeah, he could get used to kissing Rey forever.
"Let's go home, Mrs. Solo," he said to her as he opened the car door.
"Home," she repeated with a smile on her lips. "Yes, let's go home, Mr. Solo."
A/N: The lighthouse I described briefly is a real place. Real talk, it reminds me of Ahch-To because of it's remoteness. It's off the coast near Santa Barbara called the Anacapa Island Lighthouse. It's one of my favorite places in California.
A/N: Preview of next chapter: As It Should Be
"If you two love birds are free tonight, we were all thinking of celebrating a bit with you guys."
"Let's do it, sweetheart. It'll be fun."
"Yeah sweetheart, it'll be fun," Poe mocked Ben with the nickname Rey gave him.
"Augh, fine. We'll go if it means we can end this conversation."