Chapter Twenty-Three: Hide and Seek

Rule Number Twenty-Three: Never play hide-and-seek with the Akatsuki, it almost never goes as planned and someone ends up dead, severely mutilated, or worse…

Kate

Well, wonderful readers, I am terribly sorry to tell you that we missed Christmas. Dessie and Hannah were kidnapped during that weekend and by the time we returned to the hideout, no one was in the mood to celebrate. So, time went by without much event. Itachi and Kisame sold us to another brothel and Dessie beat the owner half-to-death before we fled back to the Akatsuki hideout. Then, the Akatsuki capture the Five and Six Tailed beasts, leaving the three of us alone for several hours to clean the hideout properly. The next interesting event did not occur until the 12th of January almost four months after our arrival in this world.

It was a ridiculously rainy day. Not one of those rain days because Leader caused it to, but a natural day where the sky was cloudy and gray and rain poured constantly and stubbornly so that even the almighty Leader-sama could not stop it.

So, because the outdoors was so flooded and messy and because Konan would throw a fit if anyone tracked mud into the hideout, we were all forced to spend the day inside.

"I'm bored!" (This was Hidan speaking)

"Don't you have anyone to sacrifice?" asked Dessie wearily.

"I spent the last month sacrificing all those sons-of-bitches that you brought for me, since you wouldn't let me kill those Konoha shinobi – I'm sick and tired of sacrifices."

"What is this!" exclaimed Dessie incredulously. "Hidan the Jashinist doesn't want to sacrifice someone! It's a miracle! I need a photo to commemorate this day!"

"Shut up, ho."

Unably to find the effort to annoy Hidan any further, Dessie lay back on the couch and closed her eyes drowsily. Five of us – Dessie, Hidan, Deidara, Tobi, and I – were slouched around the living room trying to find the will power to do something.

"Where's Hannah-Nunu?" asked Tobi. He was currently curled up on the floor at Dessie's feet, every so once in awhile nuzzling the side of his head against her calf. Dessie would then kick Tobi in the shoulder and he would give up for a little while.

"I don't know where Hannah is," said Dessie wearily. "Why don't you go snuggle with Kate for awhile?"

I glanced in Tobi's direction hopefully (my crush had not completely vanished), but he cowered away from me and said, "Kate scares Tobi."

Dessie rolled her eyes and went back to sleep.

"What's there to do?" asked Hidan.

"Blow things up," said Deidara hopefully.

"Konan will murder you." Hidan sounded half-hopeful. "Your death would provide some amusement."

Before Deidara could respond in any violent manner, I cried, "Let's play hide-and-go seek!"

Everyone stared for a moment. Silence fell about the room as everyone contemplated my suggestion. I think, however, it was Deidara who responded first.

"What is hide-and-seek?"

"It's a game," I explained. "Where everyone hides except one person – the seeker – and the seeker has to try and find everyone else. Whoever is found first is the seeker next."

"It sounds boring," said Deidara.

"Do we get to kill whoever we find first?" asked Hidan.

Dessie snorted. "We are not letting the Akatsuki play hide-and-seek, Kate. I am not going to die during a stupid child's game."

"Please!"

"No."

"Tobi wants to play hide-and-seek! Tobi wants to play a child's game with Dessie and Hannah Nunus!" Tobi sat up excitedly and (much to Dessie's relief) ran out of the living room screaming: "Hide-and-seek! Hide-and-seek! Let's all play hide-and-seek!"

"Dear Warg!" cried Dessie. "We're all going to die!"

Unfortunately for Dessie, Tobi somehow managed to assemble the entire Akatsuki (including Leader) in the living room. Apparently everyone was so bored that they were willing to play a child's game to pass the hours. Tobi hauled me to the front of the room and forced me to face the Akatsuki, Dessie, and Hannah, and explain the rules of hide-and-seek.

"Er…well…um…" I stammered rather uselessly. "Since we're all…er…bored out of our minds…I thought we could play a game of…hide-and-seek."

"What's that?" asked Leader.

"It's a game where everyone goes and hides except one person – the seeker – and the seeker has to go find everybody. And whoever is found first has to be the seeker next time."

"Sounds boring." (This was Kakuzu)

"Tobi wants to play!"

"Well guess what – only Tobi wants to play."

Tobi looked practically crest-fallen as he turned to Hannah and Dessie. "Will you play with Tobi, nunus?"

"No," snapped Dessie. "I don't want to play – especially with you!"

"Oh, burn," said Deidara sarcastically.

Hannah turned to stare at him disgustedly. "Don't ever say that again, blond fur ball."

Deidara grinned villainously. "Oh, burn, bitch."

Hannah scowled. "Dessie."

"Right on it." And with that Dessie kicked Deidara in his weak spot.

While Deidara was busy rolling on the floor in agonizing pain, Dessie and Hannah turned their attention back to me. A low murmur had risen around the Akatsuki and, when the chaos had ended, Kisame said, "Okay, non-nunu, we'll play hide-and-seek with you."

I had a very bad feeling about this.

After that, we decided to draw names out of Hannah's frying pan to see who the seeker was. Tobi wrote all the names down and held the frying pan above my head while I read them out.

I examined the piece slip of paper carefully and said, awkwardly. "Er…Day-dar-a….um, Tobi. Who is this?"

"Deidara!"

"His name is spelt D-e-i-d-a-r-a…"

"Oh…Tobi never passed first grade…"

I groaned. I should have gotten Itachi to write the names.

"Well, anyways," I said, turning to face the room of very bored Akatsuki members. "Deidara – you are not the seeker."

"Oh, good. Uhn. Being seeker would be dull. I don't want to have to chase after all you asses."

"Don't worry," Hannah reassured him. "We don't want you chasing after us either."

"I will now be pulling the next slip out of the frying pan!" I said loudly, hoping to break up the oncoming argument. I reached up on tip-toe and pulled out a white slip. Flipping it over I saw the name written in illegible handwriting. "Tobi."

"Yay! Tobi gets to hide!" He leapt across the room to grab Hannah by both hands. "Hannah-Nunu and Tobi should hide together in a closet."

Hannah's face turned a very vivid shade of green and she shoved Tobi away. "In your wildest dreams!"

"That's the whole point, Hannah," said Kisame with a malicious grin, "He wants his wildest dreams to become his wildest reality."

Hannah threw a shoe at Kisame's head and silence returned.

"Um…' I glanced around nervously. "Next are Ka-coo-zoo and then Hee-den."

"Hell, yeah," said Hidan, pumping his fist into the air joyously. Then he turned to Dessie and smile provocatively. "How about we find our own closet and make a wild reality."

Hidan took Deidara's spot rolling on the floor in agony.

Oh, Warg, I thought miserably. What have I done?

"Oh look," I said, examining the next two names. "They're me and Kisam-ay. And then Hann-uh and Konan…and Ee-tach-ee…"

"That leaves Zetsu, Dessie, and Leader…" said Tobi excitedly.

"Maybe Zetsu and Hannah should find a closet–" began Kisame but he was cut off by Dessie (things did not end well for poor Kisame).

"Dessie's not the seeker," I said, reading out the next slip.

"And now," began Tobi in a deep voice. "The moment of truth. Who will be the seeker…"

I drew out the slip and read the name carefully, trying to avoid the weird spelling. "Zet-soo."

We all turned to look at Leader. He looked extremely, extremely pissed off. Everyone backed away slightly, afraid that the fumes of rage oozing out of him would melt anyone who got too close.

"Er…" I stammered nervously. "So if you'll count to one-hundred… Leader… we'll go hide…"

"One…" His voice was murderous. "Two…"

Before he reached "three" everyone had fled the room,terrified that the one left behind would be put to death on the spot. Oh, the joy of hide-and-seek.

My hiding spot ended up being in the basement. I didn't even know the hideout had a basement, too be honest. So, I figured that Leader didn't know it was there either and the basement was a pretty safe bet.

I sat in the corner of the dark basement for a good, long hour. My knees were pulled up to my chest and I stared up at the crack of golden light streaming in through the gap between the door and the floor at the entrance of the basement. A whole hour had gone by since I had been hiding and still, no one had even passed by the basement.

"This must be a really good hiding spot," I murmured. "Does no one know about the basement at all?"

Another half hour passed by and still no one had come. Nervously, I began to wonder if anyone was going to find me.

And right as I was thinking that, the blue light came.

It was simple blue light, really – an orb about a foot in diameter that was crystal blue in color and emitting a pale blue light around the basement. I stared at it nervously for a moment, all sorts of theories of what it would be shifting through my mind.

Maybe it was a spirit, come back to haunt the Akatsuki that had murdered him. Or maybe it was some new jutsu…

"…you think of this place?"

I leapt at the sound of a woman's voice. Desperately, I looked around, trying to see who was there. But there was no one: just me and an empty basement and a glowing orb of blue light.

"I like…Cherry."

"Me, too. But…nasty rumors…Kate…"

I screamed and fled.

Desperately, I sprinted to the door and threw it open, racing down the hallways of the Akatsuki hideout, screeching my head off in fear. I ran all the way to the living room and hurled open the door – to see the entire Akatsuki, Hannah, and Dessie, lounging about in the chairs.

Dessie glanced up at me, grinned, and said, "One hour and forty two minutes. I win. Cough up, you lot."

I stared at them blankly, momentarily forgetting about the talking orb. "What? Why aren't you seeking me?"

"We decided it'd be more fun to let you hide and see how long it took you to realize we weren't seeking. We bet on it too. Thanks to your perfect timing I just won fifty bucks."

"Stupid, bitch," said Kakuzu, handing over the money.

Rule Number Twenty-Three: Don't ever play hide-and-seek with the Akatsuki – it has bad, and sometimes really, really weird consequences.

I would have cried. I would have if I had not just seen a talking light in the basement. So, instead of sitting down on the floor and bawling, I screamed at the talk of my lungs: "There's something creepy in the basement!"

Almost automatically the entire Akatsuki turned to Zetsu and said, "Were you 'experimenting' with you fellow plants again?"

"No…Not recently…"

"It was a blue light!" I wailed. "And it talked."

"I think you're hallucinating," said Hannah. "All this time spent with criminals has gone to you head."

"I'm not hallucinating! Come see for yourselves!"

So, begrudgingly, the everyone followed me down to the basement and, sure enough, there was a glow blue orb in the middle of the room, casting light upon the walls with an eerie shimmer.

"What is that?" gasped Konan in horror.

"I don't know!" I cried. "Maybe a spirit come back to haunt you!"

"Tobi wants to touch it."

"Don't!" screamed everyone all at one, but it was too late. Tobi reached out a hand and poked the glowing orb. There was a brilliant flash of light and suddenly, Tobi was gone.

"What the hell!" cried Hidan.

"Tobi!" I cried, racing forward. Dessie grabbed me by the back of the shirt and hauled me to her side.

"Are you crazy!" she yelled. "You could get sucked into the orb too!"

"But Tobi–"

Hannah spun around to face Deidara and cried, "You there. Go get Tobi back!"

"Make me."

Hannah pushed him. And, in a flash of light, Deidara disappeared. Then, she turned back to me with a smile. "See, problem solved."

Gratefully, Kisame threw his hands up in the air and cried, "Thank Warg! You go rid of that noisy pair! I don't think I could stand another minute with their constant arguments."

"Thank Jashin-sama," said Hidan irritably. "Warg is a fake god."

Kisame turned to Hannah and muttered, "How about we get rid of Hidan next."

And, with a stream of swear words, Hidan shoved Kisame into the blue orb. Unfortunately, Kisame grabbed Hidan by the forearm and dragged Hidan into the blue light as well. There was a flash, and both of them were gone.

Silence.

"Should we go after them?" I asked timidly.

"Hn." (Guess who this is!)

"I don't want to save that stupid Zombie Whore," said Dessie coldly.

So, Hannah shoved her into the orb as well (Warg, we're such nice people). The rest of us stood around awkwardly for a moment before, Leader said, "I think we should all go. There is no use of continuing the Akatsuki organization if everyone has been sucked into a blue orb of light."

Hannah pushed him in as well.

"See you, sucker," she said cheerfully seconds before Konan grabbed Hannah and jumped in after Leader. And, driven with devotion for his wife, Zetsu leapt in after them

Kakuzu, Itachi, and I remained standing in the basement awkwardly.

"What do you say we go upstairs and play some poker?" said Kakuzu, turning away.

However, Itachi grabbed Kakuzu shoulder and hauled him back to the orb. I followed nervously and, with a flash, we were gone.

A/N: Rule Number -: NEVER JUMP INTO A GLOWING BLUE ORB! BAD THINGS HAPPEN! Review! Or a glowing blue orb will find YOU!