Chapter Twenty-Six: The Uchiha Evolution

Rule Number Twenty-Six: Don't let Tobi near fire

Kate

Dessie let Kisame have the front seat, and I sat in the back, glaring out the windows as I searched for the members of the Akatsuki. So far there had been no sight of them on the streets of downtown. Regular people were strolling about casually in the afternoon sun, chatting and smoking and having a good time (well, I thought they were).

Inside the car, however, a good time was not imaginable – not when the Akatsuki were on the loose. Dessie kept complaining that one of them would destroy "Roland" and poor "Bridgette" would be left boyfriendless with only the cheating hottie "Blake" to depend on.

"He's not trustworthy!" cried Dessie. "Blake is manly and wild – which attracts Maren the Mercedes and Bridgette the Porsche to him, but he's not the marriageable and dependable type – of course, that's what makes Blake so hot…"

"What are you talking about?" I asked Dessie.

"Blake!"

"Who's Blake?"

"My hottie red Ferrari!"

Kisame was confused. I, on the other hand, resisted the urge to slam my head against the back of Dessie's seat. Only she would come up with some TV show drama about her cars.

"Let's just find the Akatsuki," I murmured.

"Found them," said Kisame.

"Well that was fast." Dessie pulled over to the side of the road and we peered out the windows to see who Kisame had found. Amongst a large crowd (why do the Akatsuki always gather large crowds?) stood the orange-masked figure of Tobi. He was with a group of street performers, some of which were juggling fire. They had been teaching Tobi as well, and he held three flaming balls in his hands, ready to begin.

"Tobi!" I cried, and threw open the car door. I raced through the hoard of people saying over and over again: "Excuse me!" (A habit I really need to fix, according to Dessie).

Eventually, however, I reached the front of the crowd and raced forward towards Tobi, crying out his name.

"Kate!" exclaimed Tobi and he promptly dropped the fire-balls he had been juggling. Unfortunately, he dropped one of them right on my head.

Almost instantaneously, my hair caught on fire and bright orange flames danced about my blond hair. A thick gray smoke rose from my head and the peoples' noses wrinkled in disgust at the wretched smell. A couple women began to scream, trying to get someone to put the fire out and eventually some man dumped a cup of ginger beer over my head.

I stood there for am minute, completely in shock. Rule Number Twenty-Six: Don't let Tobi near fire – very bad things tend to occur, especially if you're Kate.

Kisame and Dessie came running up behind me. Kisame looked horrified while Dessie laughed her head off.

"Oh my Warg!" she cried. "You should see you face!"

"Are you alright, Kate!" cried Kisame, grabbing me by the shoulders. "You're not burned, are you?"

"Dessie-Nunu!"

And, completely ignoring my desperate situation, Tobi raced passed me and flung his arms around Dessie's neck. "Tobi is so glad to see you, Dessie-Nunu! Tobi was so worried he would never see Dessie-Nunu again! Tobi is so happy!"

"Get off me!" Dessie pushed him away and turned to me. She caught of my disappointed expression and grinned smugly. "Even in pain you come second to me. The face the facts, Kate – I am all around better than you are!" She burst out laughing. Then, after a good five minutes, she patted me on the shoulder and said, "I'm kidding… I'm kidding…"

"Yeah," I said sarcastically. "I can see you sympathy."

Dessie laughed harder. "We'll fix the burnt ends…I promise."

"Kate? Kate? Kate Collins? Is that you?"

At the sound of a young man's voice, I froze. Slowly, slowly, I turned to see who was speaking to me. The familiar face of a dark haired man of twenty with bright green eyes and casual smile stood in front of me. David Harminger…my ex-boyfriend… He was gawping at Dessie and me, unable to believe what was in front of him.

"Dessie Lee and Kate Collins?" he repeated slowly. "What happened to you!"

"Us?" asked Dessie, her laughing coming to an abrupt halt. "We took a little holiday before starting college."

"A four month long holiday!" cried David incredulously.

"Yep." Dessie slung an arm awkwardly around Kisame's shoulders. "And look what the cat dragged in. David, I'd like you to meet Kate's fiancé Kisame!"

"Eh!"

David gawped at Dessie. Then he turned to me and asked, "This blue guy!"

"No! No!" I cried, shaking my head. "Kisame and Tobi are just friends. They're… cosplayers we met on vacation and Dessie invited them for a stay at… her house… There's nothing between Kisame and me, I swear! You know Dessie… she's…like that…"

David glanced from Dessie, to Kisame, to me. Then he nodded slowly. "Whatever. We broke up. A long time ago. I'm over it."

Dessie snickered. "if by 'we broke up', you mean that Kate brutally dumped you and by 'a long time ago' you mean a week before we disappeared – then sure. You're over it."

David looked ready to murder Dessie on the spot. However, Tobi wrapped her arms around Dessie's shoulders possessively and cried, "Don't harm my nunu!" (A statement which caused David to forget his earlier rage and just gawped at Tobi)

"Nunu?"

"Nunu."

"What on Earth is a nunu?"

"A nunu."

Dessie placed a comforting hand on David's shoulder. "Don't try and understand Tobi. He's an escapee from the mental institution." She held a finger up to her lips. "But shhh. We're trying to keep this on the down low."

I lightly slapped Dessie on the arm. "Don't tease him!"

Of course, this only confused David more. "But Kate… where did you go on vacation? Your parents didn't even know where you'd gone!"

"Er…" I glanced around nervously.

"They eloped!" cried Dessie excitedly. "Kisame and Kate eloped."

Kisame snickered and then draped and arm casually over my shoulders. "What can I say? One day I was just walking casually down the street doing my little cosplay thins and then – bam! – it hit me… It was love at first sight, you know. Of course, Kate's parents would never let her be with an older guy, so we eloped – with Dessie's help of course. And now, after spending four months with Tobi, Kate, and I – Dessie and Tobi fell in love.'

David snorted. "Unless Tobi's hiding an extraordinary hot face behind that orange mask, Dessie would never fall for him."

For a moment, we stood there considering David's words. Then we all turned to face Tobi, evil grins spreading across Kisame and Dessie's faces.

"Come on, Tobi…" said Kisame, reaching out his hands and wiggling his fingers. "Let's show David your pretty, pretty face…"

"Tobi is afraid."

"Nunu wants to show off he boyfriend's pretty face!" said Dessie.

And, before Tobi could flee fast enough, Kisame and Dessie pounced on him, managing to yank the mask off. David and I leaned forward eagerly and beheld [description of face is omitted due to technical difficulties where Word document could not function under such a blinding description of such a beautiful face]

"Oh my Warg!" cried Dessie. "Madara! It's the evolution of the hotties!"

"What?"

"Masked Hottie to Original Hottie to Mini-Hottie! Ah! It's a whole family of hotties slowly evolving over many years! Ah! I could make a museum of it and spend all day in there, drooling over the priceless figurines of the Uchiha hotties…"

David groaned. "I didn't miss you at all, Dessie…"

"Shut up, ugly."

"By the way, Kate," said David, turning to me. "What happened to your hair?"

I glanced at the now very shot ends of my hair, which were blacked and covered in soot. A thick, pungent odor wafted around me, labeling me as the girl who set her hair on fire. I turned back to David and said, "Tobi is a klutz."

"But…it's all…short…"

Dessie finger the ends of my hair. "You'll look good even with short hair."

"Like you're some fashion expert," muttered David.

"And you're better?" asked Dessie. "Or we can ask Kisame to cut it – he tends to be good at this type of thing…"

Kisame glared at Dessie, but said nothing.

"L-l-let's get going," I murmured, noticing the tense atmosphere. "We have to go find… er… Tobi's cousins…"

"Right," said Dessie. "And Roland must be feeling lonely."

"Who is Roland?" asked Tobi curiously.

"My boyfriend," lied Dessie as she walked away, dragging Kisame and me with her.

Tobi skipped after us and soon he discovered that Roland was, in fact, Dessie's car. The four of us loaded in and were driving around downtown again, we had almost finished our rounds when suddenly I caught sight of a woman with blue hair. The car screeched to a halt and I saw that our beloved, angelic Konan was surrounded by five, large, bearded bikers in leather jackets.

"Oh no…" I whispered. "What are they doing to Konan?"

"Relax," said Kisame. "She can just beat the crap out of any of them–"

But Kisame had barely finished his sentence when Dessie sprinted past us and preformed a flying-kick where the heel of her boot slammed into the side of one of the biker's heads.

The man went sprawling to the ground, his face an image of perfect shock.

"What the h–" his companion started to say, but Dessie turned around and slugged the man in the face.

"Don't touch my Konan!" she shouted, before turning to the next victim.

The man threw his hands in front of his face and cried, "Wait! We were just trying to help! We were just trying to help! She looked lost!"

Dessie froze, mid-punch, and turned her head to face Konan. "Is he telling the truth?"

Konan, almost smiling, nodded. "Though I appreciate your defense on my part."

"No problem." Dessie lowered her hands and then proceeded to help up the fallen bikers. One of them had a swollen cheek and the other one had a dislocated jaw. Dessie inspected it carefully before saying, rather sheepishly, "You might want to get that checked out a hospital."

The biker's eyes widened in fear and he raced back to his motorcycle, hollering, "Crazy bitch! Stay the hell away from me!"

"I'll pay for the hospital fee!" shouted Dessie, but the man was already speeding away, his biker friends were on their bikes and close at his heels. "Oops."

"You really need to attend anger management classes," I told Dessie kindly. "It might possibly make you semi-likeable… maybe…"

"Not likely," added Kisame.

"Tobi likes Dessie-Nunu!" and with that, Tobi flung his arms around Dessie's neck in a suffocating hug. It was only after Dessie started turning purple that Kisame and Konan deemed it was time to rescue Dessie.

"So what do we do now?" asked Konan. "Where's the rest of the Akatsuki?"

"Deidara's with Hannah looking for everyone else and Hidan, Zetsu, and Itachi are at Dessie's house," I explained quickly. "It's getting kind of late in the afternoon, I think we should report back to the house and see when Hannah and Deidara got to…"

Konan stared at me. I felt a slight blush as she continued to stare for a good two minutes before, finally, she opened her mouth and asked: "What happened to you hair?"

"Tobi and fire don't go well together…"

"Oh."

And that was all that needed to be said on the matter.

A/N: Review! Or Tobi will set YOUR hair on fire...