Chapter Twenty-Seven: High School

Rule Number Twenty-Seven: avoid high school reunions – the Akatsuki don't like teachers or education very much.

Hannah

Dessie's Aston Martin was an easy drive, I will admit that. It flowed nicely and I felt powerful just sitting behind the wheel. Of course, the whole experience was ruined by the fact that Deidara was sitting next to me, prattling on about how everything in this city needs to blow up. I will kill him one day.

"So where do you live?" asked Deidara.

"Why do you want to know?" I glanced at him suspiciously. Deidara was never interested in other people – unless it had something to do with a very artistic death.

"Because I wonder if your house is as big as Dessie's?"

I snorted. "No one's house is as big as Dessie's. She's a rich-ass bitch."

"Then where do you live?"

"Well…" I hesitated. "I used to live in this suburban house – where Kate, Dessie, and I were transported to you world from… But I think my parents are selling it…"

"Oh. Where do they live now, uhn?"

I shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't know."

We were driving through the suburbs right now – thankfully no where near my old neighborhood. The houses were all two-story with white walls and neat-trimmed lawns. It was rather boring, in my opinion, but Deidara looked fascinated.

"Where are we now?" he asked.

"Somewhere near my old high school."

"School, uhn?"

I nodded and, on sudden impulse, turned at the next street and started making my way in the direction of the school. I glanced at the car clock and sighed. "It's too late in the afternoon. No one will be there except a few teachers and some cleaning ladies. But we might as well check it out."

"Can I blow it up?"

"No, Deidara," I said impatiently. "You cannot blow up the school."

"Please?"

"No."

"You're now fun," he said. He folded his arms crossly against his chest and scowled, sulking as he watched as the scenery passed by.

"Immature," I muttered.

Suddenly, there came the distinctive sound of my cell phone ring and I answered it with a "Hello?"

"Hannah-Nunu! Tobi missed you! Dessie-Nunu said all I had to do was talk into this little box and Hannah-Nunu would hear me! I didn't believe Dessie-Nunu, but I was wrong! What kind of jutsu is this? Tobi wants to know!"

I held the cell phone a foot away from my ear and glared at it reproachfully.

"What happened, uhn?" asked Deidara.

"They found Tobi."

"Oh."

There was the sound of a struggle on the other side of the head piece with a couple of "ow"s and "what was that for?" But when it was all over, Kate's trembling voice came out of the headpiece: "Hannah?"

"Yeah?"

"Oh good, you're still there. I thought you would have hung up the moment you heard Tobi's voice…" She sounded desperate.

"I was about to," I told her, pressing the phone's speakers back to my ear. "What are you calling for?"

"Dessie and I are back at the house. Itachi and Zetsu are working on Dessie's garden – much to the horror of Mr. Birchen…you know, the gardener?" She paused, as if waiting for me to reply. Then, realizing I wasn't, she continued. "Kisame is trying to stop Dessie from killing Tobi and Konan is watching amusedly…and Hidan is busy trying to sacrifice Mrs. Wendy…" She turned away from the phone to call out to Dessie: "Stop Hidan before he kills your maid!"

There came the sound of a foot hitting flesh and a scream of agony from Hidan.

"Okay," said Kate, turning back to me. "Problem taken care of…"

"I'm sure Hidan is thrilled with your solution," I muttered sarcastically.

"Anyways, we wanted to know if you'd found anyone yet?"

The car pulled into the school parking lot and I turned off the engine. Deidara was peering out the front window at the large, redbrick school that extended in front of us. No one was mulling about the yard and there were only a few scattered cars in the parking lot.

"Nah," I said. "We haven't found any–"

"YEAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

I nearly dropped the phone. Horrified, I looked around, trying to locate the source of the noise. Deidara turned to me and pointed to the school building where my ex-Physics teacher, Mr. Ferguson, was being dangled out the window by an orange-haired punk with lots of piercings and a brown-gray colored man covered in stitches.

"Do people normally do that at schools?" asked Deidara.

I slowly pressed the phone to my ear to that Kate could hear me and said, "Never mind. We just found the missing ones."

"Oh good," said Kate cheerfully. "Bring Leader and Kakuzu back in one piece."

"It's Mr. Ferguson I'm more worried about…"

For the background I could hear Dessie yelling: "You leave that old coot where he is – he gave me a zero on the exam because he thought I was too violent!"

"You were throwing pencils at his head after you finished the exam," I reminded her.

"Old coot…"

I hung up. "Well, Deidara… you ready to for a high school reunion?"

"Can I blow it up?"

"For the last time – no!"

Kakuzu and Leader were in my old physics' classroom. Even after a good six months without seeing the room, it still haunted the edges of my memories. Ah! The horrors that went on in physics class – like the time Eli Rome set his pants on fire, or the time when Gretchen Favalo "accidentally" jfired a catapult at Ray's head, or the time when Dessie electrocuted herself.

After these past six months the physics classroom had not changed much. It was still a torture chamber – especially with Kakuzu and Leader in the room. Deidara and I crouched by the door of the classroom and peaked inside. The two Akatsuki members had somehow managed to tie Mr. Ferguson to the ceiling by his ankles and were now interrogating the poor man.

"Where are we?" demanded Leader.

"In East Fell High School…" wailed Mr. Ferguson.

"He lies," declared Leader, turning to Kakuzu. "Show him what we do to liars."

I winced as Kakuzu's tentacle whipped out, preparing to put Mr. Ferguson through an agonizingly terrifying experience. As much as Mr. Ferguson had been an irritating teacher, he didn't deserve this. And before Kakuzu or Leader could go any further, I stepped into the room and called out their names.

"Hannah," said Leader, his face relaxing slightly at the sight of me. "Deidara. You found us."

"Yes, Leader," I said. "Er… Can you let Mr. Ferguson down from the ceiling? His face is turning blue…"

Kakuzu whipped out a kunai and sliced the roped that held up Mr. Ferguson to pieces. With a deafening crash Mr. Ferguson fell flat on his face and lay on the floor unmoving.

"Um…is he alive?" I asked.

"He should be," said Leader carelessly. "Anyone who dies from that can of fall does not deserve to live."

"Well, we can't all be super powerful shinobi like you," I muttered. Then, in a louder voice, I asked, "What are you doing here anyways?"

"Where is 'here' exactly?" asked Leader.

"East Fell High School in Fell, Texas in the United Sates of America in North America on Earth in the Milky Way in the Universe," I told him bluntly. "Basically, you're in my hometown."

"Your hometown," repeated Leader slowly.

"Yep. The place where I was born and raised and live in…"

"Up until four months ago," corrected Deidara cheerfully.

"What?" I stopped, stared, and then a slow grin started to toy at my lips. I forced it down and turned to scowl at Deidara. "Like hell I'll ever live with you lot."

"You were going to smile," said Deidara proudly.

"Lies."

"You're a rotten liar." He crept closer to me, an evil grin spreading across his face. "Just admit that you like living with us and being our fake whores and–"

"Only Dessie likes being your fake whore – and maybe Kate. I have absolutely no desire of selling myself to the Akatsuki for anything." And with that I crossed my arms and turned back to Leader with a determined expression on my face. "Everyone is gathered at Dessie'…home…" I glanced at Kakuzu. "We'll take you there. Though, I may warn you, if Dessie's car gets so much as a scratch, she will kill you."

"Car?" asked Kakuzu.

"Vehicle with four wheels that people here use to get around," explained Deidara expertly. "That's why they're all so fat."

Leader squinted at me curiously. "Hannah's not fat. Just unfit."

I rolled my eyes. "Let's go."

Everything was peaceful right then. We all headed towards the door and were arguing about who got the front seat (Leader, of course, wanted to drive, which was an absolute no). We were all so absorbed in our arguments that we forgot about Mr. Ferguson who was lying on the floor.

He leapt up and grabbed a beaker off the counter and hurled it with all his strength at the back of Deidara's head.

Of course, being Deidara, he simply dodged it. But, being Deidara, he also got extremely pissed off. Rearing with rage, Deidara grabbed a piece of clay and turned to face Mr. Ferguson and screamed, "What the hell are you throwing you talentless freak!"

Mr. Ferguson ducked behind one of the counters in the lab, but only a second later Deidara threw a clay spider at it and the entire counter exploded.

Mr. Ferguson screamed and backed away, flames dancing up his arm.

"Oh shit…" I muttered. Then, I raced to Mr. Ferguson's side and began beating the flames out. When the fire had died, I sntached up the nearest too I could find (which happened to be a Bunsen burner) and whacked Deidara over the head with it.

"Ow!" he cried, rubbing his forehead. "What was that for?"

"Don't – kill – my – ex – teacher!" I screamed, smacking him violently over the head with each word. A trickle of blood fell down his temple as I broke open the skin.

Deidara grabbed my wrist, his face contorted with rage. "Don't hit me, bitch!"

Another beaker came flying past, inches from my head. There was the sound of breaking glass and Mr. Ferguson screamed, "Run, Hannah! Run!"

"Asshole…" hissed Deidara as he pushed me away. I stumbled to the ground and fell down uselessly. Deidara sauntered towards Mr. Ferguson, his eyes flashing dangerously.

Kakuzu had enough sense to try and restrain Deidara, while Leader helped me to my feet. Mr. Ferguson sprinted to the window of the classroom and hollered at the top of his lungs: "Terrorists in the school! Terrorists in the school!"

"Oh shit..." I muttered.

And then, a second later, a shrill, ear-piercing alarm sounded through the school's hallways. Kakuzu, Deidara, and Leader looked around confusedly, unsure what was going on. Mr. Ferguson, on the other hand, looked triumphant. Someone had heard his shouts and, now, the police would be on their way.

"Leader…" I whispered. "We're going to get caught. And I would prefer it if that did not happen."

He considered this. "Kakuzu. Get the teacher. Don't kill him. Deidara. Destroy the evidence. I'll get the car – the blue, shiny one, right?"

"Wait!" I began, but before I could stop him, Leader jumped out the third story window. I rushed to the ledge and saw that he had landed safely. Kakuzu bent down and grabbed Mr. Ferguson. Slinging the middle-aged man over his shoulder, Kakuzu leapt out the window after Leader and the two made their way out to Dessie's Aston Martin, Mr. Ferguson screaming the whole way.

"Dessie's going to kill me…" I groaned.

Deidara grinned and began forming a bird out of his clay. He then expanded the bird so that it filled up half the physics lab. Then, Deidara turned to me and said, "Do you want to be carried or get on my back?"

I scowled. "Neither."

"Carried it is." He couched down to pick me up in his arms (bridal style, to my horror) but I screamed and decided that getting on his back was, indeed, the better option. So, I clambered up onto his back and wrapped my arms around his neck while Deidara moved to the window. He raised to hands and grinned maniacally.

"Katsu!"

And then he jumped out the window.

Behind us, there came a deafening explosion. Fire and heat rippled around me as the two of us plummeted to the ground. I couldn't scream. My voice wasn't there. Then, suddenly, there was the force of the impact and Deidara and I were back on the ground. He was running across the school ground now to where Kakuzu and Leader were sitting in the car.

"I'm driving!" I screamed, as Deidara and I reached the Aston Martin.

"No," said Leader stubbornly.

"Dessie will kill me!"

"Get in the passenger seat then."

Unable to protest as the police sirens grew near, I slipped into the passengers' seat and Deidara hopped into the back with Kakuzu, the terrified and gagged Mr. Ferguson sitting between them.

"How do I drive?" asked Leader.

"Press on the pedal!" I screeched.

Leader pressed the brake. "Not working."

"The other one and take your foot off that one!"

Leader slammed on it. The engine roared, but the car didn't go forward. I grabbed the gear shift and suddenly the car lurched forward and we were flying across the parking lot.

"Turn left! Turn left! Turn left!" I screamed.

Leader twisted the steering wheel left. The car twisted off its wheels and – for a second – I thought we were going to flip. Then, the car touched back down and we were driving away. Leader still trying to figure out how to operate the car.

"Change places!" I yelled, slamming my fists on the dashboard. "Change places!"

"How do I stop this thing?"

I leaned over and slammed my foot on the brakes. The car came to an abrupt halt, sending everyone flying forward. Mr. Ferguson slammed the back of his head against the shoulder-part of the drivers' seat. He slouched down in the back, unconscious. Unable to do anything about that, Leader and I awkwardly changed places. Now in control of the steering-wheel with sirens in the background, I slammed on the gas pedal and left East Fell High School far behind.

Rule Number Twenty-Seven: avoid high school reunion. The Akatsuki are not welcome guests, especially when they blow up half the school and kidnap your ex-physics teacher.