A/N: This is an old one-shot that I don't think I ever posted on ffnet. It used to be on Twilighted, I think. *Shrugs* I have no idea. I'm old and my memory ain't what it used to be. What I can tell you is that this is a "missing scene" canon fic that I wrote for a gift exchange back in 2009. It was a gift for paraxwhorextwerd. The story is set during the early chapters of Breaking Dawn.

Disclaimer: I own nothing from Twilight except for some Edward & Bella action figures and hardcopies of the books... but I have no idea where the books are. Anything that looks familiar (and since it's a theoretical "missing scene" from Twilight, there should be at least something familiar here) belongs to S. Meyer.

Prayer of the Damned

I pulled my wife tighter against my chest, careful not to hurt her any further, but close enough so that I could feel her warmth radiate into my cold chest in an attempt to thaw my forever frozen heart.

At this point, I didn't know whether I was comforting her or myself.

My fault. Her pain, her heartache, her suffering all rested entirely on my shoulders. I had failed her in the worst way possible, and now we were both going to pay the price.

I brushed my fingers through her hair. "Do you need anything?" I asked her for what I knew to be the forty-third time since we'd left the island.

"No. I'm fine," she whispered quietly—also for the forty-third time.

It was the same every time I asked. My Bella was ever the strong, suffer in silence type of girl. All I wanted to do was help her, and right now she wasn't allowing me to do that. I just had to get her home to Carlisle. With everything I was, I hoped that he would be able to fix this mess I had created.

During the flight, I tried to encourage Bella to sleep, but she refused. It reminded me heavily of when we'd flown home from Italy last spring. At that time, she'd said that she didn't want to fall asleep because she was afraid of the nightmares that she'd known she would have. Although, later on I had learned that it wasn't the nightmares so much as the fact that she was afraid of losing me.

As if I could ever leave her again, but I also wouldn't blame her if she hated me now. I had endangered her in a way that neither of us had been prepared for. I had to be ready for whatever it was she wanted—for whatever she needed from me.

"I'm here, love," I crooned softly into her ear. "I'm not going anywhere. Please get some rest." Her tears were falling again. I could smell them, her essence of lavender and freesia on a warm spring day mixed with a salty rain. I felt another twist of the knife that had been embedded in my stomach since she'd first uttered those horrifying words in the bedroom on Isle Esme. I leaned my head down and kissed the top of Bella's head as I allowed the images to wash over me again.

Pregnant.

I had to fight off a shudder. Not a shudder caused by the cold, but one caused by fear: pure, unadulterated terror. I had somehow managed to find yet another way to harm my beloved. After all of the things that I'd done in an attempt to protect her, it was me who would be responsible for killing her—and not in the way I'd envisioned.

The Ticuna Indian woman's words fell upon me, unbidden.

The monster needed to be destroyed immediately, otherwise my Bella would die.

Die.

I could feel my own heart begin to shatter at the very idea of such a thing. Our lives were so completely entwined that my own fate now rested with hers. If my Bella died, I would have no choice but to follow. There was no life for me without her. I doubted that my family would let me run off to Italy again, however. They would be on their guard.

After all, I'd already done that once.

No, I'd have to find another method.

Find another willing individual who could destroy me.

Jacob Black, a small voice in the back of my head whispered.

He would do it. I didn't need to be Alice to know that. And, of course, there was the added benefit that Alice couldn't even see things that involved the dogs.

Just like she couldn't see Bella now. That was what had prompted her phone call. Bella's future had disappeared. Erased. Wiped clean. The images that Alice had seen since the night I'd saved Bella from Tyler's van in the school parking lot—they were the very images that had haunted me. Visions of Bella standing side-by-side with Alice, her skin just as pale, and the brown in Bella's eyes replaced with red.

I'd always been afraid that once she realized what it truly meant to be damned to this life, she'd hate me for being the one responsible.

And now…

And now…

My chest actually ached knowing the pain that I was causing her now.

My fault. All of this was my fault. She was going to die. I'd been in existence for over one hundred years, and from experience, I knew that legends and fables all had a hint of truth in them. According to the cleaner, the Ticuna legends spoke of half-breeds that were born from human females who had mated with the Libishomen. The end had always resulted in death for the mother.

Why hadn't I heard these stories before? Why hadn't I looked and researched the moment that Bella first mentioned her desires?

My fault.

Oh, God, what have I done?

I had known it was wrong. My instincts rarely failed me, and they had told me that making love to my wife as a human would be a mistake. But I'd given in to her demands, and worse yet, I'd given in to my own desires.

This wasn't the same as Kate, Tanya, and Irina and their thousands of human partners. By the time they'd decided not to drink the blood of their conquests, they had been so practiced, so experienced, that it had no longer been a question of them killing their lovers.

But when I'd told Bella that I thought that things were different for us, I'd meant it. Yes, tasting her blood… I had thought there could be nothing better on this side of heaven. But the sharing of our bodies… I could almost swear that I could glimpse the Gates of Heaven. And now, I was paying the price by forever residing in my own personal hell.

Of course, there was the small matter that all of those men the succubus sisters had sex with… well… none of them could get pregnant. My body may be trapped in stone—forever frozen at seventeen—but Bella's wasn't. It was ever changing.

I was to blame. I had made deal with the devil… she would marry me if I promised to make love to her and change her. But, no, Bella wasn't the devil. She was my own delicate angel; it was simply my demon body that had soiled her, and now she's being forced to carry the burden. I just simply prayed that I could get her home in time.

Her silent tears had stopped, her breathing now regulated in the slow, measured pattern that told me she had finally succumbed to sleep. Stroking my hands through her hair, I held her to me, selfishly taking every last moment I still had.

I owed her everything. She had brought back my humanity. When I was with her, I remembered what it meant to truly live rather than merely exist. For years, I had envied my family. Carlisle had always been a compassionate man. He'd always managed to hold on to his humanity. It was what made him an excellent doctor, as well as the being who I considered to be my father. I knew much of this from my ability to see his thoughts, witness his memories in a way that most people could not. Then, when he'd bitten Esme, condemning her to this life as he'd condemned me, Carlisle had said that she put him in touch with his humanity even more. She was his other half, and he had finally felt a greater purpose to his existence. They loved and cared for one another in ways that I could never fully understand. It had been one of a handful of reasons I'd gone out on my own for a time, existing as I thought creatures of my kind should exist. It had been anger, jealousy, rage… but much of it stemmed from my inability to understand Carlisle and Esme's connection. When I'd returned, it had been due to the guilt and angst I'd felt while hunting my prey. Sensing their thoughts, seeing their horror, seeing myself through my victim's eyes… it had become maddening and I hadn't been able to handle existing that way any longer. Carlisle and Esme had eagerly welcomed me back into their fold, but I still could not relate to them the same way that they could relate to one another.

I'd been an outsider. That had only escalated with the bringing into our family of Rosalie, followed by Emmett. And then Alice and Jasper. Their love for each other and for the family as a unit was what made all of them more human and able to live the life that we did. I loved my family, but my life had greatly been lacking, and I hadn't thought that I'd ever find anything remotely close to what they had.

But now I understood. Bella completed me in a way that no one else had ever been able to, and I knew that no one else would ever be able to take her place.

God, please, just please keep her alive.

A voice through the cabin pulled me from my silent prayer as the captain announced we were beginning our descent, and I thanked God for getting her home without further incident.

I had tried to charter a private jet home, but I could only get us as far as Texas that way. The only option had been to wait another six hours or board the next United Airlines flight. To me it had been no option and now I was on a plane with exactly 272 other people. The sound of their heartbeats, their breathing, of the blood running through their veins… each sound reminding me of how precious and precarious human life was.

God, I would do anything if you would save my wife.

It wasn't the first time I'd uttered the silent prayer. Even though I knew that the chances of God answering the prayers of a demon were beyond slim, I still had to try. I had to do anything and everything that I could for her.

Every detail of my life since meeting Bella began to play through my mind in perfect detail. I cherished all of it. Every touch. Every smell. Every single breath and every beat of her heart.

She let out a soft sigh, and I saw a small smile play upon her lips. Bella was beautiful. But as I brushed the hair over her cheek, gently tucking it behind her ear, I noticed the paleness of her complexion—even paler than she'd been this spring when she'd traveled to Italy—and the light bruising under her eyes. My fingers softly traced her cheekbones, and I could feel the small variations in the thickness and the texture.

We'd only learned of this abomination hours earlier, and already her body was behaving as if she'd not eaten in days. What was this thing doing to her?

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry," I whispered so quietly that there was no chance that anyone had heard me. "I had wanted… I had wished…" I couldn't finish my statement. It was true; I had wished that she could carry our child. Was this God's idea of a joke?

But this wasn't the same as what I'd wanted. My living dream would have been to marry my wife and several months later for her belly to begin to swell as her body nurtured and supported our baby. My child. Not this half-demon that was presently growing at a monstrous rate.

No, this mutation was nothing like the child I had foolishly allowed myself to envision: a small girl with wavy brown hair that hung just below her shoulders with deep brown eyes to match. I had pictured a beautiful child, who was the spitting image of her mother. For one more brief moment, I allowed the image to wash over me, to take shape. Then, all too soon, I forced myself to banish it to the farthest recesses of my mind, never to be considered again.

God, please don't punish her for my sins.

If I had my way, if Jacob Black or one of the other members of the Quileute Pack would do as I asked, and then I wouldn't have to suffer through these horrible thoughts much longer anyway.

Bella has to survive, the tiny voice in my head told me. I agreed wholeheartedly, but I also knew that our love had always been a cursed one. This was just one more way that Fate had decided to remind me that Bella's number truly had come up the moment I'd first met her. She never had been destined to live any longer than her first day at Forks High School, and that fact had been proven over and over again throughout the last year and a half.

The jarring of the plane as the wheels began to bounce and skid across the tarmac woke her. I was thankful to see her eyes again, but at the same time, she appeared even more exhausted than she had before.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

"You can sleep in the car," I told her, and she nodded in reply.

As the plane taxied down the runway to our terminal, Bella gradually became more alert. The moment it stopped, I reached up to grab our things. There was only one thing on my mind. Time was still of the essence. The sooner I got her to Carlisle and home, the sooner we could help her.

The other passengers were starting to gather their bags and stand so they could depart, but as I looked down, I saw Bella's hand on my arm. "Please, can we wait just a minute?" she asked.

"Are you okay? Are you feeling sick again?" That was a foolish question. Of course she wasn't feeling all right. My stomach twisted in self-disgust.

"I just need to sit for a moment longer. Please?"

"Of course, Bella," I said as I sat back down next to her.

She leaned into my side and placed her hand over my chest. "I love you," she whispered. "Please, just know that no matter what, I love you."

My frozen heart shattered. She was telling me goodbye already, and I felt the desire to shed tears. "You're going to be okay, love. I promise. Carlisle is out there waiting for us, and he'll take us home where he'll take care of everything. You're going to be all right." It was apparent to me that I was trying to convince myself almost more than her.

Bella nodded her head and then looked up at me, her dark brown eyes glistening with tears. "Promise that you'll still love me no matter what."

Dropping the carryon bag I'd been holding to the floor, I brought my hands up to her face and gently held her face. "My love for you is eternal—it will never change and it will never waver. We will get through this."

She nodded her head, and her tears trailed down her cheeks as I leaned in and kissed her soft, warm lips. "I love you, my Bella, always and forever," I said softly against her mouth.

We were the last to disembark from the plane, and as I tried to walk quickly through the terminal, Bella held her hand in the crook of my arm and kept us at a slow and measured pace.

God, please let Carlisle be able to help her, I prayed.

As we neared the security point, Bella's heart began to race, and she slowly slipped her hand from my arm. I heard her mumble one last, "I love you," as she sped up her strides. It was then that I allowed my focus to shift from my own thoughts to the hundreds of people milling around the airport, and then my thoughts zeroed in on my family who were standing directly in front of us.

I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't know, I couldn't see. Of course Alice was feeling guilty about her lapse in Sight. But it was me who was to blame, not her.

Stay calm, Edward. Jasper was always about staying calm, especially when we were among so many humans.

Edward, I'm sorry, I tried to reason with her. We'll discuss it as a family as soon as we're home. Carlisle… it wasn't his fault either, but I wanted to know what needed discussing. There was nothing to talk about. We needed to focus on fixing the problem, not talk about how badly I had screwed things up.

There is no way you're getting your hands on either of them. At the last thought, my eyes snapped to Rosalie, her cold steely gaze on me.

That was when it happened, Bella's ever quickening steps broke into a flat out run as she flung herself into Rosalie's waiting arms. Emmett quickly standing in front of them, his arms crossed in front of his chest, while Esme flanked Bella and Rosalie's side.

Emmett's thoughts were clear. Stay back, Edward.

The remaining shards of my heart were crushed into dust as the picture finally became clear. My love, my life, my Bella… she wasn't going to allow us to remove the mutation. She was going to sacrifice herself, and I was going to lose her. The last of my hope washed away.

Oh, God, what have I done?