Chapter Forty-One: Whips and Leather

Rule Number Forty-One: Don't mess with Leader. He kicks ass on a regular basis.

Kate

Fear. Yes, fear has been my most constant companion throughout these many years. Like the time when the seven-year-old Hannah, Dessie, and I were playing at the park and a gigantic, angry dog appeared. Fear controlled me. Hannah and Dessie fought the dog – I ran away. So now, with no Dessie and no Hannah to protect me, fear was all I had.

"I'll tell you anything I know!" I wailed. "Just please don't hurt me!"

"Er…I haven't done anything yet."

Even if Ibiki had only just stepped into the room and already I was screaming as if I ad been tortured – hey, you have to admit the guy is terrifying to look at… especially when you're chained to a metal chair in the middle of an empty, stone room.

"You know," said Ibiki. 'For an Akatsuki member, you certainly are willing to give up information easily. Your partner – the blue guy – refuses to say a word."

"Oh, you've got that wrong," I said. "I'm not an Akatsuki member."

"Then who are you?" asked Ibiki curiously.

"I'm something more like a fake-Akatsuki whore… or at least, that's what Dessie calls us."

"Whore? For the Akatsuki? You sleep with them? I hate to say it, but with some of them…how do you do that?"

My face turned a brilliant shade of red and I shook my head from side to side wildly. "Not like that! We're fake whores. We're sold to a brothel and then we run away – so that Akatsuki gets to keep the money and they can sell us to another brothel."

Ibiki glanced at me suspiciously. "Whatever you say."

"I'm telling the truth!"

The door to the interrogation room opened and a Konoha shinobi stepped inside. Ibiki crossed the room and the two carried out a whispered conversation. Then, the two left and I was alone. Of course, my loneliness was not for long. The door opened again, about two minutes later, and a blond woman with huge knockers entered.

"Dessie would hate you," I said.

"Excuse me?" The woman stared at me in surprise.

"Your chest is bigger than hers," I explained. "Dessie is very proud of her chest."

The woman snorted. "Your name is…?"

"Katherine – Kate – Ann Marie Collins… And you are?"

"Tsunade, the fifth Hokage. I'm here to ask you a few questions."

"I'll tell you anything," I said. "Just don't hurt me."

Tsunade stared at me curiously. She walked across the room so that she was standing right in front of me and I had to look directly upwards to see her face. She frowned slightly and said, "You're a bit of a failure as a shinobi."

"I'm not a shinobi," I said.

"That's right… You called yourself a fake Akatsuki whore… Whatever that means."

"I explained it to Ibiki already… Did you not get the memo?"

"I find it hard to believe that a girl your age would willingly be a prostitute – especially one for the Akatsuki."

"I'm not. I'm a fake whore – why doesn't anyone understand this?" I asked irritably. "I'm still a virgin, you know. And I plan to be one until I get married. So sorry to burst your bubble, but I am not a whore."

Tsunade glared at me for a second and then sighed. "Okay, you're not a whore. So why are you staying with the Akatsuki. Surely they should have killed you by now."

"They surely should have," I said. "But I don't know why they haven't. You'll have to ask them that. But, of course, Kisame probably won't tell you anything – he's very loyal to the Akatsuki. Unlike me…" I shrugged.

"Do you know Kisame's weakness? Something to get him to talk?"

I thought about it for a second. "I don't know…force feed him shark?"

Once again, the door to the interrogation room opened and this time it was Ibiki who slipped inside. I smiled and greeted him as he entered, but Ibiki ignored me and instead muttered something in Tsunade's ear. The two of them left again, and I was alone.

The chains that tied me to the metal chair hurt. I shifted around uncomfortably and they rattled about. It made a sort of cool sound, and I started to jangle the chains to a rhythm. They clanged and clinked making an entertaining song that sounded like a cross between "Barney is a Dinosaur" and "Dora the Explorer".

BANG!

I looked up to see the door of the interrogation room flying open and a familiar blond fur ball came running inside, followed by a less enthusiastic Hannah.

"Hey, Kate." She greeted me with a little head nod.

Deidara started attaching some clay to the metal chains that bound me. I glanced at the clay nervously and then asked Hannah, "Are you sure this is safe?"

She shrugged. "Probably not. Especially since Deidara's doing the exploding."

"Thanks, Hannah, that's really reassuring…"

Deidara finished attaching the clay and stepped back, raising two fingers. "Katsu!"

The clay exploded and there was a sudden amount a heat around my wrists. Then, as soon as it had come, the pain was gone and the feel of metal around my wrists and ankles had disappeared. I leapt to my feet, kicking the chains away and then flung my arms around Hannah's neck.

"Thank you for rescuing me!"

"She did forget you in the first place, uhn," muttered Deidara.

Hannah detached herself from me and glared at Deidara. "You don't have to remind her of that fact, asshole."

"It's the truth."

Hannah rolled her eyes. "You wouldn't know the truth if it dressed in a Big Bird outfit and did the Macarena in front of you. Now can we get moving? I don't want to run into anyone. And we still have to find Kisame."

The three of us hurried out of the interrogation room and sprinted down the hallway. We didn't get far, however, and soon we found ourselves standing face to face with an annoying pinkette (who reminded me of Sonia) and a boy with black hair and a pale face (who was sort of cute).

"You again!" cried Sakura, pointing at us all in turn.

"You know," said Hannah. "It's rude to point."

"Hey," said Sai suddenly. "It's Cutie and Donkey Girl."

Hannah looked ready to murder while Deidara practically fell on the floor trembling with laughter. I, on the other hand, turned a brilliant shade of red and stammered, "Well… I mean… I'm not that cute…"

"Shut up," said Hannah as she hit Deidara on the shoulder (of course, this only made him laugh harder).

"Donkey Girl!" he exclaimed. "It describes you so perfectly, Little Miss Negativity. Hee-haw! Hee-haw!" He doubled over with fits of laughter.

"I'm just going to pretend I don't know any of you," decided Sakura.

"Can we get moving already," snapped Hannah. She turned to Sakura and Sai and asked, "Do you know where the blue guy is being held captive."

"Like hell I'll tell you!" shouted Sakura as she raised her fists.

Hannah sighed. "You make things unnecessarily difficult. I guess I could unleash the Deidara on you."

"The Deidara?" I asked. "You're upgrading him to be worthy of a 'the'?"

"Only in extreme circumstances," explained Hannah. "Deidara!"

"Yeah?" Deidara turned to her with a smile slowly spreading across his face. He knew what she was going to ask of him.

"Sick 'em, boy."

Deidara reached into his pouch and pulled out some clay. He was already grinning at Sakura and Sai as he formed several little birds with his hands. "Get ready to see the world in different colors!" cried Deidara. "Because art is a BANG!"

Sai leapt out of the way as one of Deidara's birds flew towards him. It exploded in a whirlwind of flame and Sai only just managed to dodge the blast.

"Wait!" I cried, grabbing hold of Deidara's arm. "Don't hurt him!"

"What?" Deidara stared at me incredulously. "The guy would kill you without a second though!"

"It's because he called her cute," explained Hannah irritably. "Kate, just because a guy calls you 'cute' he does not necessarily mean it."

"But…"

I never got to finish my protest, since, at that very moment, Sakura decided that would be a good time to punch Hannah in the face. Her fist came out of know where, drawing closer as it prepared to smack the life out of Hannah. Luckily, at the last second, Deidara deflected the punch and it hit one of the stone walls of corridor. The stone cracked into a thousand pieces and I cowered behind Hannah as I imagined getting it by that punch.

Deidara drew back his fist and before Sakura knew what was going on, Deidara punched her in the nose.

Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she collapsed to the ground, unmoving. The four of us – Hannah, Deidara, Sai, and me – stood over her body, staring at her in surprise.

"I don't think I've ever seen you punch someone before, Deidara," said Hannah in awe.

"It turns you on, doesn't it?" said Sai as he bent over to pick up Sakura's fallen body.

Hannah scowled at Sai. "I don't think I can ever come to like you, asshole."

"That's okay," said Sai. "I don't think I can ever come to like you either."

"Then we have an agreement," said Hannah. "Good."

Sai picked up Sakura and placed her on his shoulders. With one glance back in our direction, he fled down the hallway, leaving the three of us alone to go find Kisame.

"He's so cute," I wailed as we wander down the corridor. "You wouldn't complain, Hannah, if I married him?"

"You sound just like Dessie," grumbled Hannah.

"Dessie's intentions are only perverted. Mine are thought with the purest of hearts."

"You're a closet pervert and you know it," said Hannah.

"And you aren't?" asked Deidara cheerfully. "I bet you're the type of girl who secretly has a whip and dresses up in leather. Then, when night comes along you go out partying and get it on."

My face turned bright red and I buried it in my hands. "What are you talking about, Deidara?"

"He's not even talking about you, Kate, and you still get embarrassed?" asked Hannah incredulously. "How do you handle being around Kisame so much? He's the biggest pervert of them all."

"Kisame doesn't talk about leather and whips though."

"Nah," said Deidara. "I'm the type of the badass girl with a whip – Kisame like the innocent bunny types."

"A girl with a whip?" asked Hannah, smirking. "Didn't you just say I'm the type to secretly own a whip? Is this a love confession?"

Deidara scowled and pulled a piece of clay out of his side bag. "I blow you to smithereens if you ever so much as mention the word 'love' around me again, you understand, bitch!"

Hannah shrugged. "You couldn't blow me up if you tried."

"Oh yeah?"

Deidara and Hannah had a cute little flirtation scene where they ran down the hallway while Deidara kept trying to shove a piece of clay into Hannah's mouth and make it explode – aw, the things we do for love…

Suddenly, during her flight from Deidara, Hannah ran – smack! – into the chest of Ibiki. She looked around and caught sight of his mangled face, her eyes rounding slightly. Deidara caught up to her and stopped, glaring at Ibiki suspiciously as I approached behind him.

"Hey, Ibiki!" I cried, waving at him enthusiastically. "Nice to see you again! I'm escaping!"

Ibiki glanced from me to Deidara to Hannah and then said, "Is she stupid or what?"

"Just stupid," replied Hannah. "You wouldn't happen to know where Kisame is, would you? The big blue guy who resembles a shark?"

Ibiki just glared.

Hannah sighed and stood up on tip-toe so that she could whisper something in Ibiki's ear. Deidara and I watched in fascination as Ibiki's expression changed from stubbornly confident, to horrified, and finally, to terrified.

"You wouldn't dare!" he cried as Hannah stepped away smirking.

"Wouldn't I?" asked Hannah. "You don't know what I'm capable of."

Ibiki swallowed. "He's in the room…third door to your left."

"Thanks," said Hannah and she patted him on the shoulder and walked past Ibiki to go find Kisame's room.

Deidara and I trailed after her, glancing pitifully in Ibiki's direction as we passed. I leaned over and muttered to Deidara, "You know, I really do think she'd be the type to own a whip and dress in skimpy leather clothes."

"I heard you," Hannah called back over her shoulder.

"Heard what?" I asked.

We found Kisame's room easy enough. It was similar to mine with four stone walls and only one door. Unlike me, however, Kisame was hanging upside down, by chains descending from the ceiling and cuffed about the ankles. As all the blood rushed to his face, Kisame was turning a brilliant shade of purple. He smiled when he caught sight of us and tried to wave, but his hands were chained down too.

"I think we should leave him there," said Deidara. "And take bets on how long he lasts."

"I say twelve hours," said Hannah.

"You guys!" I cried. "That's rude! Hurry up and get him down from there, Deidara!"

With a sigh, Deidara set to the task of attaching clay to the chains and then blowing them up. Kisame fell to the ground with a nasty thud and, as Kisame got to his feet, Deidara added, "You're lucky Kate was here to help you."

Kisame laughed and – rather clumsily – threw his arms around me in a big bear hug. "That's because Kate's my little cutie-pie!"

My face turned bright red and I covered it with my hands.

"Remember," said Hannah as she made her way towards the exit. "Just because a guy calls you cute, he doesn't necessarily mean it."

"That's right, Hannah," said Deidara. "Just because I say I think you're cute, for all you know I could be lying."

Kisame scowled at the both of them. "Don't brainwash Kate!"

"I can't help it that she's easily manipulated," said Hannah.

The four of us hurried down the corridors of the prison, laughing and teasing one another the whole way. Eventually, we found the exit and stepped outside into the cool breeze of Konoha. Of course, this peace only lasted us a brief moment, as a gigantic explosion sounded from the other side of Konoha.

"What now?" Kisame asked irritably.

"That's probably Leader," said Hannah. "His job was to distract the Konoha shinobi while we came and found you. Konan's with him, I think."

We made our way through the streets of Konoha (the ones that haven't been blown up yet) until we found ourselves gazing upon Leader and Naruto. The two were fighting amidst the rubble and ruins of Konoha. Konan stood a little to the side, watching with wary eyes.

"Hey, Leader!" shouted Deidara, waving his arms above his head. "Look who we found!" He pointed at Kisame and me and we awkwardly waved at Leader.

"Oh good," said Leader as he walked away from his fight with Naruto. "Can we leave now?"

"Yep. We found everyone again," said Deidara. "Now let's get out of this place. I swear if I have to spend another minute here, I'll blow the whole place into little tiny pieces."

"Like you haven't done that already," muttered Hannah.

Leader and Konan made their way through the rubble to where the rest of us waited. However, Naruto came sprinting after them, his eyes narrowed with anger.

"What are you doing!" shouted Naruto. "We have a fight to finish!"

Leader rolled his eyes and turned to Naruto. "Be glad I'm leaving now, Blondie. Or I will rip the rest of your pathetic little village into tiny shreds and you'll have no where to live except in little huts in the forest. I got what I came for and you're village is saved – partially – I think that's a pretty good bargain."

Naruto gawped at Leader. "How is that a good bargain!"

Hannah patted Naruto on the shoulder. Rule Number Forty-One: "Don't mess with Leader. He kicks ass on a regular basis."

"Let's go!" shouted Deidara.

And, leaving a very confused Naruto behind, we all up and left Konoha and returned to the hideout for the umpteenth time.

"Hannah! Kate! You're alive!"

Dessie sprinted across the room and flung her arms around our necks delightedly. "How was your adventure?"

"Okay," I mumbled. "Hannah regained her memory and I was captured by Konoha after the Akatsuki forgot Kisame and me in a pile of rubble."

Dessie laughed. "Nice! I wish I'd thought of that – of didn't think of that… whichever one it is. We ran into Sasuke and Team Hebi." She smiled at the memory. "Hotties in every direction! It was heaven!"

Hidan scoffed and scowled at Dessie, apparently he was not to pleased with her Hottie Heaven.

"Well," I said. "I'm glad we're all back in one piece."

"Except Juugo," added Kakuzu. "He's missing an arm."

Dessie rolled her eyes. "He has Zetsu to thank for that. Hannah – you really ought to control you husband better."

"Where's Sonia?" asked Damon as he made his way across the living room to give Hannah and me hugs.

"We sent her back home," said Leader stiffly. "I'm sure her – um – parents were missing her terribly."

"Basically he means that he couldn't stand another minute listening to her loud screechy voice and he threw her into the blue orb," explained Deidara as he returned from a trip to the kitchen.

"Fair enough," said Damon. "I should probably head home too then."

"At least someone goes home willingly," muttered Leader.

"Well," said Damon turning to face the Akatsuki. "It was nice knowing you. Hidan, good luck – I admire your ability to love that thing."

Hidan scowled at Damon and waved his scythe at Damon irritably. "I'm going to sacrifice you to Jashin-sama if I ever see you again."

Damon laughed and completely ignored Hidan's threats. "Deidara, try not to blow Hannah up – she's much more fun in one piece. And Leader, Konan – when you get married can you please invite me to your wedding."

All three of them looked ready to murder Damon where he stood.

"Zetsu," Damon continued. "I wish you the very best of luck with your wife – I know she can be a bit difficult to manage, but you seem to do a pretty good job of it. Also, try not to eat Deidara."

Zetsu nodded once and smiled in the direction of Hannah, who shifted awkwardly.

"Tobi," added Damon. "Say away from Kate. Also, you have very good taste in nunus."

With a giggle, Tobi sprinted across the room and buried Damon in a hug. "Damon is a good boy!"

'Yeah, yeah," said Damon, managing to wiggle free of Tobi's grasp. "I know. Kakuzu, you should practice poker a little more and maybe you can beat Dessie one day. Oh! And Itachi, you should smile more."

Itachi glared at Damon. "Hn…"

"And finally, last but not least," said Damon, turning to face Kisame with a smile. "Stay – away – from – Kate."

Kisame grinned. "Can't promise nothing."

I turned bright red and grabbed Damon by the sleeve. "Let's go!" I cried and practically dragged him down to the basement with Hannah and Dessie following.

"You shouldn't say such things!" I wailed.

"I thought it was funny," said Hannah with a shrug.

Dessie nodded. "Only you actually care, Kate – and maybe the Akatsuki…"

"Well," said Damon, giving each one of us a final hug. "I'll see you soon, I hope. Are you ever coming back to our world?"

"Maybe," said Dessie with a shrug. "I kind of like it here."

"Me too," I said, shuffling about nervously. "Even if it is really scary…"

"You're scared of everything," pointed out Damon. "So I guess it's a miracle that you can stay here so long. Well, I've got to go!" And with that, he stepped into the blue orb. There was a flash of blue light and when we regained our vision Damon was gone.