Chapter Forty-Two: To Hold Council

Rule Number Forty-Two: When Leader calls for silence – shut up.

Hannah

"We've all gotten lazy recently."

I glanced around Kisame's hulking body to stare at Leader. He stood behind the desk at the head of the Meeting Room. Konan stood behind him, her hands clasped together neatly. The rest of the Akatsuki (and the rest of us) crowded around the desk, listening intently as Leader spoke.

"I know," continued Leader. "That we were busy travelling between different dimensions and rescuing people from Konoha and Team Hebi – but that's not excuse! We have been extremely lazy and now the Akatsuki is running low on cash! So, do you have any suggestions as to what we can do to earn some money?"

"We could go fetch some bounties," pointed out Kakuzu.

"Good," said Leader. "Anyone else?"

"Well," said Konan thoughtfully. "We haven't sold our fake-whores to a brothel recently."

"Oh yeah…" said Kakuzu thoughtfully. "That's why we keep them around."

"Great," muttered Dessie. "I just love being sold as a prostitute."

Kisame grinned. "You know you secretly like it."

"Shut up, Fish Fry," snapped Dessie and she threw her shoe at his head – hard.

"Anyways, distractions aside," said Leader. "I've decided what to do."

Everyone stopped arguing and turned to listen to Leader. Rule Number Forty-Two: When Leader makes a decision, listen. His violent nature stops for no man – or woman.

"Hidan and Kakuzu, you two will chase down a bounty of your choice. Itachi and Kisame, you will do the same. Tobi and Deidara, you two will take the girls to a brothel and sell them. And I expect you all to return with all the money you earned." He shot a warning glare in the direction of Kakuzu.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Kakuzu innocently.

After a long and tiring debate between Leader and Kakuzu that I didn't really bother paying attention to, we set off on our new missions. The journey was faster than I expected and, after only a day of travelling, we found ourselves halfway to the city where the targeted brothel was located. Deidara and Tobi made camp and sent Dessie, Kate, and I out to get firewood. The three of us wandered about the forest, searching for fallen bits of wood that would make good to burn.

"I don't want to be sold to another brothel…" said Kate.

"Quit whining," snapped Dessie. "Think of it as payment for staying with the Akatsuki. As Kakuzu would say – nothing is free in this world."

"But brothels are full of stinky, ugly, perverted old men!"

"As if we don't know that already," I muttered. "I've been sold to as many brothels as you have. You don't see Dessie or me complaining."

Kate scowled and picked up another piece of potential firewood. However, she did not speak another word of protest and she continued with her work. Dessie suddenly wandered off the path, her head of black hair disappearing behind the branches of many trees. Curiously, Kate and I chased after her and we found ourselves standing on the edge of a rushing river.

"Check this out!" cried Dessie. She stood out in the middle of the river, perched on the surface of a mossy rock. Her pile of firewood lay on the ground near the river, abandoned for more entertaining things.

"We're meant to be working," I said wearily.

"It's dangerous!" cried Kate.

Dessie rolled her eyes at the two of us and hopped to the next mossy rock on the river. "Come on! It's fun – a lot more fun that collecting firewood."

I scowled, but I placed my pile of firewood on the ground and followed Dessie out onto the river, jumping carefully from rock to rock, making sure I wouldn't fall. It was, actually, surprisingly fun – not that I'd ever admit that to Dessie.

"Are we done yet?" I asked her darkly.

"You're such a killjoy," said Dessie as she hopped further upstream. "Are you coming Kate?"

"But I could die!" wailed Kate. However, like I did, she fell under Dessie's lead and joined us on the river.

"This is stupid," I said grouchily. "Can we get back to work?"

Kate giggled. "You know you're having fun, Han–"

Kate's foot hit the wrong part of the rock and, with a gasp, she plunged beneath the surface of the rushing river, her blond head disappearing from my view.

"Kate!" Dessie and I cried, hopping rock by rock, back over to where she had fallen. "Kate!"

"What are Tobi's nunus doing?"

We both whipped around to see the orange mask of Tobi peeking out from his spot between the forest trees. The blond fur ball appeared too, standing on the beach beside our abandoned piles of firewood.

"Help Kate!" I screamed. "She slipped and fell!"

Deidara groaned and looked from the water back to me. "I'd better get something good out of this." And he dove beneath the surface.

Dessie and I stood on our rocks, peering at the river in search of Deidara or Kate's blond hair. Suddenly, a little ways down stream, they surface, Deidara carrying Kate over his shoulder. He swam across the river and dropped her on the shore, Dessie and I rushing to their sides.

"Is she okay?" asked Dessie.

"She's a failure of a human being," muttered Deidara. "Who would fall that easily?'

"Shut up," I snapped and pushed him out of the way.

"Is this all the thanks I get?" asked Deidara irritably. "I dive into a stupid river to save your friend and what do you do? Shove me out of the way like I'm so insignificant minor character!"

"Tobi wants to point out that Deidara is a minor character in Hannah-Nunu's life."

"No one asked your opinion, shithead!" shouted Deidara.

Kate opened her eyes and coughed weakly. "I'm still…alive?"

"Hell, yeah!" shouted Dessie. "If you ever die – or partially die – again, I will kill you!"

I sighed and sat back on the beach. "Dessie, there are so many things wrong with that statement."

"Does it look like I care?" asked Dessie angrily. "No. So shut up."

"She's as angelic as always," muttered Kate.

There was a loud splash as Deidara shoved Tobi into the river. Then, the blond fur ball marched over to the beach and sound down between Kate and me. "I saved her life, he declared. "I am allowed to sit by her."

"Whatever you say," I said and got to my feet. "I'm going to bring the firewood back to camp."

As I gathered up the firewood, I couldn't help but notice that Kate's face was a brilliant shade of red as she gazed at Deidara. Great… here we go again…

"Dessie!" I hissed, prodding the girl in the side.

She rolled up in her sleep and squinted at me, wearily. "What do you want, bitch?"

"We need to hold council. You, me, and Kate."

"Why? And why in the middle of the night?" asked Dessie, swatting my head irritably.

"Because that way Tobi and Deidara are both sleeping and we don't have to worry about being overheard," I snapped. However, Dessie showed no signs of getting up and I resorted to the last possible tactic. I grabbed her by the ankle and dragged her out of the blankets so that she was being hauled across the grass.

"I'm up, bitch!" Dessie hissed angrily. "I'm up!"

"Good, now I'll go get Kate."

Kate was, thankfully, much easier to wake. I prodded her once of twice and she sat up in bed, eyes wide in surprise. "What'd I miss?" she asked.

"At least you didn't call me 'bitch'," I muttered. "Come one, Kate, we're holding council."

I led my two friends away from camp. Not so far that we couldn't see the dimly burning fire, but far enough that if Deidara or Tobi were to wake up, they wouldn't be able to hear our conversation. I squatted on the ground and indicated that Dessie and Kate should do that same.

"Okay," said Dessie. "What's up? And talk quickly before I fall asleep again."

"So pleasant," I muttered. But I followed Dessie's commands and got straight to the point. "Kate, do you have another crush – this time on Deidara?"

Kate turned a vivid shade of red and Dessie looked around wildly, her eyes wide in surprise.

"Whoa!" cried Dessie, a little too loudly. "You're kidding right? I thought Deidara and Hannah always had a thing!"

"Shh!" hissed Kate. "Not so loudly."

I glared at Dessie, but decided to ignore her inappropriate comment. "Kate, what have I told you about falling in love with the Akatsuki – it can only have disastrous consequences."

"B-b-but," stammered Kate.

"No buts!" I cried.

"Ignore her," Dessie told Kate. "Hannah's just jealous because before now she didn't have any rivals for Deidara's love."

"Dessie…" I hissed, my tone low and deadly. "If you say one more thing about there being a relationship between Deidara and me, I swear I will do a Leader on you and you'll wake up with some important body parts missing."

Dessie snickered. "You know you love me."

Suddenly, there was the rustle of leaves and the three of us glanced around madly, trying to find the source of the sound. Something soft and light landed on top of my head and I spun around to find myself face-to-face with the orange mask of Tobi.

"Hannah-Nunu looks so pretty with her flower crown!" cried Tobi excitedly.

I grabbed hold of the daisy chain resting on top of my head and ripped it to shreds angrily. "Tobi! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

Tobi frowned. "Tobi is sorry, Hannah-Nunu… Tobi didn't mean to hurt Hannah-Nunu like that…"

"You didn't hurt me…"

"Well, bitches," said Dessie as she got to her feet. "I'm exhausted. I'm going back to bed. And the next asshole who decides to wake me up is going to be in a world of hurt." She made her way through the forest back to the campsite, where she collapsed back on her blankets and promptly fell back to sleep.

Deidara and Tobi sold the three of us for five thousand apiece (a number Kakuzu would have been very proud of). And then, with a solute farewell, Deidara and Tobi left the three of us to our own devices within the hell of perverted men. It was not as though a brothel was a stranger to us. We had been to more brothels than most perverted men and we knew how things went down in places like this.

The other prostitutes help us clean ourselves up and then we were to wait downstairs until some crazy old pervert decided we were pretty enough to pay for.

Dessie was bought first out of the three of us (no surprise there, but once she opened her mouth the old man would be regretting his decision). Dessie bounded off with an unusual amount of enthusiasm to find her customer. No doubt she was looking forward to the chance of beating someone up. Her violent urges had been subsided recently.

"She's a little bit too used to a brothel now," observed Kate stiffly.

"True," I said. "Most teenage girls go to a movie theater to hang out – we go to a brothel. What's more fun that hating perverted old men?"

"I don't know…" muttered Kate. "Everything else?"

"Hannah!" someone called out.

I looked up to see the head mistress standing in the doorway. I rose to my feet with a wave to Kate and made my way across the room.

"Someone has bought you for the night," declared the headmistress. "Come this way."

She led me upstairs into a plain room. I sat on the floor and waited for the customer to come up. Already, I was planning my escape and how I should torture him so that he would never think of returning to a brothel again.

The door opened and someone stepped inside.

I gawped.

I had been to my fair share of brothels, but never – and I mean never – have I seen a customer dressed so strangely. The man whore white riding gloves and chainmail with a heavy metal knight's helmet placed over his head.

"Who the hell are you?" I asked.

"You may no recognizeth me," said the man grandly. "But I recognizeth you."

"What the…"

"I," announced the knight-man. "am Sir."

"Sir?" I asked. "Sir what?"

"Just Sir."

"Oh… That's a lame name…"

Sir decided to ignore my comment and instead he stepped forward grandly, raising a heavy wooden club above his head. "And I am here to kidnap you!" And as the club came crashing down on my skull, all I could think was how pitiful it was that I was knocked unconscious and kidnapped by an idiot like that.