Chapter Forty-Five: A Much Need Vacation

Rule Number Forty-Five: Don't leave Hidan and Deidara alone

Hannah

The three of us, Kate, Dessie, and I sat on the ends of our beds and stared at one another. Dessie looked extremely angry, while I honestly didn't care one way or another. And Kate, of course, was in a cloud of happiness.

"Can you believe it?" she asked.

"No," snapped Dessie grouchily.

"Not really," I said honestly. "I really didn't expect you to get a boyfriend until you were at least thirty."

"But that's not true," said Kate happily, hugging her pillow in happiness. "Because I have a boyfriend! And you and Dessie don't!"

"I know," muttered Dessie. "I always thought I'd be married to some Hottie before you even had a guy confess to you or Hannah. And now look at it! Hannah's married and you're dating Kisame – why am I the only one left boyfriendless!"

"You dated Itachi for awhile," I muttered.

"Yeah," said Dessie, cheering up a little. "But he wasn't very committed to our relationship."

"That's–"

My reply was cut short by the sound of a very loud, very obnoxious explosion. The three of us sat still of the beds, staring at the door from which the sound had come from. Then, there was a series of swearing (that could only belong to one person) and then the sound of yet another explosion.

"That's Deidara…" I said slowly.

"And Hidan…" added Kate.

"What are they up to so early in the morning," said Dessie slowly. "It sounds violent… Why didn't they invite me to join!"

She leapt off the bed and sprinted across the room to find out what violent thing was going on. Kate and I exchanged weary glances and Kate said, "I think the Akatsuki is a bad influence on her."

"Nah," I said. "She's always been like that. They're just an outlet for her violent nature."

"Yay…" muttered Kate. And then the two of us followed Dessie out the room.

As it turned out, Deidara and Hidan had woken up extra early this Saturday and, with nothing better to do, they decided to have a little showdown to see who the better shinobi was. Of course, their "little showdown" had resulted in half the hideout (which we had just cleaned) was destroyed. Rule Number Forty-Five: Don't leave Hidan and Deidara alone in the morning, it leads to an extremely big mess that no one likes to clean up.

The entire Akatsuki gathered in the Meeting Room and Leader glowered at Hidan and Deidara, his eyes flashing with a dangerous rage.

"And," said Leader, his voice low and venomous, "Did it ever occur to you that if you were going to fight, you should take it outside so would wouldn't demolish our newly cleaned hideout?"

Hidan and Deidara exchanged sheepish glances. "No."

Konan smacked herself in the forehead. "They're all idiots."

"Hear, hear!" shouted Dessie.

"Shut up," snapped Leader. Then, he turned to regard Deidara and Hidan once again. "As punishment so that you two boneheads don't decide to do something like this again, I am forcing the two of you to clean this hideout together – with absolutely no help from anyone."

"Oh!" cried Tobi, raising his hand high into the air and waving it around. "Pick Tobi! Pick Tobi!"

Leader sighed and rubbed his temples. "What is it, Tobi?"

"Tobi thinks everyone else should go on vacation while Hidan and Deidara clean out the hideout!"

Leader blinked – once, twice, three times – and then said, "Amazingly enough, that might actually be a good idea." He thought about it longer. "Even S-ranked criminals such as ourselves need a holiday now and then… You know… I kind of want to go swimming… lie out the sun in my new bathing suit and get a wonderful tan…"

We all stared blankly at Leader as he daydreamed. Itachi cleared his throat loudly and brought Leader back to reality.

"Right, right," said Leader. "Well, I second Tobi's decision. Everyone except Deidara and Hidan will go on a much needed vacation… But where should we go?"

"Oh! Oh!" cried Tobi, raising his hand again.

"Yes, Tobi?"

"Suna! Tobi wants to go to Suna!"

"Don't they hate us there?" asked Kakuzu. "Because we kidnapped and killed their Kazekage or something like that."

"Eh," said Leader with a shrug. "They brought him back to life, so no one cares about the details."

"Oh," said Kakuzu, somewhat disappointed. "Then no one cares. Alright, let's go to Suna."

"Yay!" cried Dessie gleefully. "Plus, Zetsu and Hannah still have to go on their honeymoon."

"That's not fair!" shouted Deidara, cutting into Dessie's comment. "I deserve a vacation too – besides it was Hidan who started the fight!"

"And you're the one who blew up half the hideout," snapped Leader. "If you wanted to go one vacation you should have thought of that before you two got into a gigantic fight and desecrated our hideout!"

Deidara scowled, but Leader refused to listen to any more of his and Hidan's protest. So, the rest of us packed our bags and, with an exceedingly cheerful (and somewhat taunting on Dessie's part) farewell to Hidan and Deidara, we all left for our much needed vacation in Suna.

Leader, at least, had the sense not to let anyone bring their Akatsuki robes on vacation. We showed up at the hotel and rented some rooms (rather expensive rooms much to Kakuzu's horror) and then, after dropping our bags off in our rooms, we found the pool.

Almost immediately, Leader and Kisame collapsed into the lawn chairs and let out identical sighs of relief.

"Now this is the life," said Kisame. "Relaxed. Relaxed. Relaxed."

"And now Hidan or Deidara screaming in my ears the whole time," added Leader.

"Wonderful thinking on your part," said Kisame.

Dessie put her hands on her hips and squinted at the pool. "I don't have a decent swimsuit," she announced to the world. "Konan, Kate, Hannah!"

"I don't like where this is going," I muttered.

Dessie ignored me and turned to us girls with a huge grin spread across her face. "We're going swimsuit shopping!"

"No," Konan and I said bluntly.

Kisame's eyes practically bugged out of their sockets and he rolled over to grin at Dessie. "Are you girls shopping for bikinis?"

Dessie smirked. "Who do you take me for, Kisame?"

"That's right," he said thoughtfully. "A girl as vain as you wouldn't think of wearing anything other than a bikini." He motions for Dessie to come closer, and, when she did, he whispered loudly in her ear, "Make sure you bring my girl back dressed in a smokin' hot bikini!"

Dessie laughed villainously while Kate's face turned a brilliant shade of scarlet.

"I won't let you down," said Dessie with a solute to Kisame.

"Good girl," said Kisame.

"Don't buy anything too expensive!" Kakuzu warned us. "Any excessive spending will be punished!"

"It's about style, not price!" Dessie called back over her shoulder. "And don't worry, Zetsu! I'll make sure to bring back a bombshell Hannah – and then you can brag about it to Deidara!"

And, with those miserable words, Dessie dragged Konan, Kate, and me down through the streets of Suna in search of a decent swimsuit store. Dessie found one rather quickly and dragged us inside. Almost immediately, she began pulling the most scandalous swimsuits off the racks and handing them to us. Konan refused to wear anything that didn't cover her stomach and, in the end, the two of them settled with a tankini. Unfortunately, Kate and I weren't so lucky.

"You look so hot in that one!" cried Dessie, clapping her hands excitedly as Kate came out of the dressing room in a new, blue bikini. "Kisame will be pleased."

Kate turned bright red. "You think so?"

"Of course!"

Kat squealed with pleasure and announced she was buying it (the traitor) and, unfortunately for me, Dessie refused to buy me anything that wasn't an ugly bikini.

"Come out of the dressing room, Hannah," coaxed Dessie. "It can't be that bad."

"Oh yes it can, bitch," I snapped. "Now give me my clothes back!"

"Not until you come out of the dressing room and show me the bikini," said Dessie smugly. She waved my clothes in front of me and waltzed away from the dressing room, laughing maniacally.

"Evil!" I shrieked. "Ogre! I hate you, Dessie! I hate you!"

"Why don't you buy one?" asked Kate. "They're not too bad…"

"I have no desire to show off my less-than-impressive body to those perverts in the Akatsuki," I snapped. "And unlike you, I don't have a boyfriend to show off for."

"You have a husband," pointed out Konan.

"That doesn't mean I have any attraction to him," I snapped.

"Isn't that was marriage is supposed to do…" muttered Kate. "Tie you to the guy you love."

"Kate…" I said slowly. "We got married when we were drunk."

"Oh right…"

"Are you ever going to come out of there?"

A pretty customer with short brown hair and big black eyes smiled at me. She was introduced herself as Matsuri and she seemed nice enough, so I decided not to sound too angry when I snapped, "I'll come out when Dessie gives me why clothes back!"

Matsuri glanced at Dessie (who was busy squealing with delight over every cute swimsuit she found). "I don't think that's any time soon."

"Neither do I…"

"So," said Matsuri. "You guys aren't locals, are you?"

"No, we're here on vacation with some – er – friends…" I said. "And Dessie thought it'd be fun to go shopping for swimsuits." I made a face of disgust.

"Ah," said Matsuri. "Well, I'm trying to find a swimsuit to impress the Kazekage."

"The Kazekage?" asked Dessie, practically melting to Matsuri's side. "Why are you trying to impress the Kazekage?"

"Well," said Matsuri smugly. "I'm friends with the Kazekage's sister and she invited me to go swimming. So, I'm picking out the hottest swimsuit I can find just in case the Kazekage shows up and decides to come swimming with us." Matsuri giggled delightedly.

"But this Kazekage…" said Dessie slowly. "Isn't he a bit old for you?"

"Not at all!" cried Matsuri. "He's our age and extremely handsome. With red hair and sea-green eyes… He's absolutely adorable and kind-hearted and perfect…"

"A Hottie?" asked Dessie, her eyes lighting up in excitement. "The Kazekage is a Hottie?"

Matsuri nodded. "A yummy-yummy Hottie!"

Without warning, Dessie whipped around and hurled my clothes in my face. "Come on, Hannah!" she cried. "What are you standing around in the dressing rooms for – we have a mission to complete!"

I grabbed my clothes and quickly changed into my clothes. "I wonder why I'm standing around in the changing rooms…"

"What mission do you have to complete?" asked Matsuri confusedly.

Dessie grinned. "Mission: catch sight of the deliciously hot Kazekage!"

"Can I come?" asked Kate.

"You have a boyfriend," pointed out Dessie. "You shouldn't come Hottie chasing with me. Besides, it's rude to leave Konan on her own."

"Hannah's married," replied Kate. "But she gets to go Hottie chasing…"

"Hannah doesn't love her husband thought," said Dessie. "There's a difference."

"But!" wailed Matsuri. "Gaara's mine!"

"Gaara?" asked Dessie.

"The Kazekage…"

"Oh, that's his name!" said Dessie as I stepped out of the dressing room. "Don't worry – Gaara won't fall for me… probably… I can't guarantee anything!"

And with that, Dessie grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me out of the store without buying anything. As we reached the door I heard Kate comforting Matsuri gently.

"It's okay," said Kate. "Dessie's made out with lots of guys and none of them have ever fallen in love with her."