TRIS POV
We are all in a sleepy, silent mood as we finish our breakfast. Uriah shovels the last of his meal in; Zeke and Shauna lean on each other and doze; Christina keeps her eyes trained on her plate meekly and tries to suppress her jerky movements that suggest injury.
And I lean my face into my palm, in a dream-like state. Ever since Tobias and I established our footing yesterday, I have settled into a calm that I can only hope lasts. My nightmares, which have been dissipating, have vanished completely. I am less agitated now, though I wish Tobias were here—he had to work in the control room today.
Peace is difficult to come by these days, so I savor the lull and find myself thankful that out of everyone we have lost, at least we can say that we have this many friends left.
Uriah eventually can't stand holding back on his talking. He clears his throat to break the quiet in our little group, though the rest of the dining hall is lively, and we all glance over at him.
"There's something you guys should know," he says.
I sit up straight in my seat because the severity of this conversation is evident with that sentence. "What is it, Uriah?" I ask.
"I've decided to volunteer to be a guard. You know, around the city and stuff." Stunned, we don't respond for a moment. Then he adds, "It's only a matter of time before the people who aren't guards start getting drafted anyway. They're stretched thin everywhere, and I thought I could be of use instead of sitting around here."
He winks at me, but I can't find it in me to return a smile. Uriah is one of the only friends I have left, and he wants to put his life on the line. Sorry, but I can't get on board with this.
"Please say something. I know this isn't exactly good news, but I need your guys' support on this."
We all hesitate. Zeke can't even find the words to confront his brother with.
"Look, I'll just say what we're all thinking, Uriah," Christina says bluntly. There, that feels like my best friend. "There's no need to put yourself at risk."
Uriah, who is usually jocular about everything, isn't thrilled with our lack of enthusiasm. He shakes his head in disappointment, and that is when I realize that this isn't about some heroic move. Since I have come home, I noticed the absence of light in his face, the mood swings. The truth is, he isn't happy. He is miserable beneath the handsome, bubbly facade.
This is about Marlene. This is because he hasn't been the same since her, and he wants to be with her.
I can't blame him; if something were to happen to Tobias, I am sure that I would lose my mind. But Uriah is my friend, and he doesn't have the right to put his life on the line.
He looks around the table at all of us, at our concerned faces. Dropping his fork on the table, he stands. I don't think I have ever seen him this solemn. "All right, don't support me. You guys may feel like you have paid your dues, but I haven't. And if this is what I want, you have no right to stop me."
We watch in awe as he stalks away from the table and out of the cafeteria. My eyes flick to Zeke, who sighs and takes a drink from his cup.
"How can you act so calm about this?" I demand. Shauna seems taken aback too, and watches him for an answer.
He shrugs. "My brother may be upset, and he may want to go out and fight," he says. "But they're not going to send him anywhere outside the compound."
"How do you know that though?" Christina asks. "They could easily—"
"No, the biggest shortage of Dauntless soldiers right now is here. Not around the city. They just sent extra guards to Erudite, so obviously we're running much lower on manpower here."
I relax a little. He does have a point.
But then the words set in, and I gasp and cover my mouth in shock at my realization.
Dauntless soldiers are being spread out around the city. They already don't have enough guarding any one faction, let alone ours. Now extra have been drawn out to go protect the Erudite, who have just suffered from a coordinated attack by the factionless, leaving us with the least amount.
This was on purpose. The factionless wanted us unprotected. They didn't toss out their plan of attacking Dauntless like we thought; they were waiting for the other part of their plan to go through so they could strike.
We need to pull everyone back. Now.
"What's wrong, Tris?" Christina questions, confused by my reaction.
"They wanted our soldiers to leave. They wanted us to be unguarded so they would have an advantage when they attacked us," I rush out, not caring if anyone understands me. I shake my head and jump out of my seat. "I have to go tell Four."
Urgently, I jog out of the room and down the hallway because there is no time to waste. Pulling back our guards from around the city could take longer than a day, and the factionless could attack during that timespan with no problem. They have already had two days to prepare.
It is the worst coincidence in the world: not a second after I arrive at the Pit, a shrieking alarm goes off. Lights flash in every corner, and the compound shifts into a state of emergency.
They're here.
People begin panicking and rushing around, looking for the danger. Some of them are sensible enough to stay sharp and tell people to get to cover or to their apartments until we can figure out what is going on. Others scramble for their guns, glad to have them on hand. Maybe I would be one of those people, but then I look up.
There is smoke coming from the Pire. The control room is within the Pire. Tobias is in the control room.
My eyes widen, and my heart stops.
But my legs don't. Frantically, I shove through the thin crowd of people, weaving in between the runners. I sprint across the Pit and begin climbing the stairways on the side like I never have before, almost tripping several times because my short legs don't handle taking two steps at a time well.
When I am at the top, I run up the steep pathway without a railing, just in time to see guards running into the smoke. Curiously, the smoke is a light blue, like periwinkle, and it doesn't smell like a fire.
Is this the factionless weapon?
Gunshots sound in the murky hallway, and I dive to the side and press myself up against the stone wall so I won't be collateral damage. Everything in me pulses at the familiar sound, each bang somehow predictable because of my experiences yet menacing all the same. A part of me suddenly wants to cry as I sit there hyperventilating like a coward, with my face cradled in my palms.
Tobias is in there, I think as more bangs echo through the hallway. Tobias is in there.
And in this exact spot, I can't help but be transported back to the time when I came up to shut down the control computer that was controlling the Dauntless. All I can see is my father, slumped against the wall with hollow eyes as I carried on without him. I can't tell, am I suffocating?
With scattered thoughts, I try to run through the current situation. I am unarmed; I don't know what that gas is. I cannot go in there, and that makes this situation ten times worse. What was I even thinking coming up here? Tobias would call it reckless and unnecessary.
Some kind of horrified moan leaves my mouth when I hear a yell of pain.
Please. Please, be okay.
What feels like hours is probably minutes as I stare up at the bright morning sky through the glass that lines the top of the Pit and dig my fingers into the grout of the stone. The gunshots become less sporadic until I can actually think through this situation without resorting to panicking.
The control room is closer to the other side of the Pit; right now I am nearer to the leaders' offices, if I recall correctly. I will have better luck finding out if Tobias is safe if he is in hearing range, though there is no guarantee with that screeching alarm still sounding.
So I work my way along the path that juts out precariously above the Pit. It may not be the smartest idea when I am wobbly on my feet, but the last thing I care about is my wellbeing. I follow the walkway as it wraps around a corner and leads down a hallway embedded in the stone. This one is absent of the gas, though it is wafting out of the connecting hallways.
Before I can do more than try to peer into the clouded tunnels, the sound of hurried footsteps bounces against the walls. Immediately I drop to the floor as naturally as possible to play dead before they approach.
"Hurry, this way," someone says. "Let's go, let's go!"
My face presses into the cool stone until the steps fade into silence—when did the alarm stop, anyway? My guess is that the factionless escaped through the doors that stand before the train tracks. They will be gone before anyone can think about retaliating.
Pushing myself up, I make an educated guess that the coast is clear. With no more shots being fired, I stand before the obscured hallway without worry that a stray bullet will come my way.
"Four?" I call.
No response. I pray that he locked himself in the control room, or that he wasn't involved in any fighting at least. If I was brave enough—or stupid, like I used to be—maybe I could feel my way through the smoke to get to the control room. That isn't very wise though because I still don't know what it does.
"Four," I say again, somewhat quietly. It is eerily noiseless in the compound now.
"Tris," I hear. It is faint and he must be a ways down the hall, but it is there and he is alive.
My eyes well with tears of relief. "Tobias, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm just..." He coughs because of the thick gas. "I can't see anything. Hold on, I'm almost out."
A few seconds pass before he emerges from the mist, completely unharmed. The nerves from the last while—who knows how long that ordeal lasted—return, and I throw my arms around his neck. My frail body shakes against his warm one, and he tucks me under his chin unbelievably close.
"It's okay," he murmurs, wiping away my pooling tears. "We're okay."
His heartbeat pounds beneath my ear, and I let it soothe me for a moment. Then I remember that we aren't out of the woods yet.
"Is anyone in there?" I ask, peering over his shoulder.
"There are a few in the control room. We sealed the door and set off the alarm as soon as we saw the smoke," he narrates. "We didn't have to fight anyone. We waited until it quieted down, and then I came out because I heard you, and I assumed that I would be immune to whatever the gas is. I suppose I am."
Once again I am reminded of how stable, how strong he is. Theoretically I didn't have to worry about him taking care of himself, but I love him, so I do anyway.
"So nothing is wrong?" I ask, frowning suspiciously. "Maybe you are immune, but if not then what's the point of the gas? It can't have no effect, they trusted it too much..."
"It doesn't make sense," he says slowly, still in his own head.
"What?" I breathe.
"The factionless don't have guns, that we know of. And I saw a few bodies, all Dauntless members. They died from shots to the head."
My mind comes up with unlikely explanations. I stare into the smoke and brainstorm more in depth.
How could the only people with guns end up shot?
When I figure it out, my jaw drops open. I can't even comprehend how this weapon will affect the rest of the city's population yet because Tobias was just exposed to it, and in my experience, being Divergent doesn't matter when it comes to this particular serum.
"Tobias," I say carefully. He seems unfazed at the moment, but that could easily change once it sets in. "Give me your gun."
"Why?" At my serious, demanding expression, he says, "I-sure, okay."
A deep breath leaves me when he no longer has control over his gun.
"What is it?" he demands, his eyebrows pulled taut.
I shiver as I tuck the gun into the back of my waistband. "This is their weapon," I state, motioning to the gas. "It is the suicide serum in aerosol form."
"You know, whenever I pictured you tying me up, it wasn't like this," Tobias huffs.
My face heats up at the suggestive comment. Double-checking the only security measure I can give him, I pull on his wrist to confirm that he can't free himself of the zip tie tightened on the bedpost.
"Well, I'm not even half as strong as you," I state with certainty. "You could easily get away if I tried to hold you down like you did to me."
He yanks on the restraint in agitation and sighs. "How do we even know that I'm suicidal?"
"It's the only logical explanation." I set the gun I stole from him earlier on the kitchen counter. "Besides," I say. "I'm not taking any chances."
If the way I felt with the suicide serum flowing through my veins is any indication, he is going to feel crushing guilt beyond his capacity. It could set in at any time and claim his life if we aren't cautious. It has been about an hour since the factionless attacked, and he hasn't shown any sign of depression; in fact, he seems to be handling this situation better than I am.
My PTSD has settled in, causing my body to be rattled with every movement. The whole way that we rushed back home, I eyed everyone suspiciously and flinched away from shouts. I am glad to be confined in the safety of our apartment for now because otherwise I wouldn't be able to function.
"I don't understand," Tobias comments suddenly, "how we can fight off all the other serums but not this one."
It is an interesting concept, and it serves as a momentary distraction from the turmoil. As Divergents, we can fight off serums and are aware in instances where normal people aren't. Shouldn't that rule apply to this serum? Maybe Jeanine finally found a way to affect Divergents.
I run through a mental list of all the serums I've been susceptible to: the Aptitude Test, the fear landscape, the simulation serum, the peace serum, the truth serum, the suicide serum, and the fear serum that Jeanine tortured me with. Out of those, I have had the most trouble resisting the peace serum, the fear serum, and the suicide serum. It is then that I realize the connection.
"I think the serums that prey on our emotions affect us the most," I answer. "It's like how I couldn't fight off the peace serum. A part of me wanted to be happy, so I succumbed to it."
Tobias shifts his gaze to the ceiling, and it hints to me that he might have a major problem with the serum flowing through his veins like I did.
But my words give me an idea.
"I might know how to stop it."
He sighs, indicating a downturn in his mood. "How?" he asks softly.
"Peace serum. It should counteract it, right?" I reason with him. My frazzled mind finds hope in a possible cure. The majority of the population who aren't Divergent could be saved with from the suicide serum when the factionless undoubtedly use it again.
"How are you going to get some?"
"I'm sure the infirmary has some." After all, how many agitated, injured Dauntless do they need cooperation from every day? I sit on the edge of the bed and pull my boots back on. "Stay right there, all right?" I say. "I'll be right back, hopefully before it kicks in."
He raises his eyebrows. "I can't exactly go anywhere," he deadpans.
I hurry out the door and down the deserted hall. As pinned as he is, I don't want to leave him alone for any longer than I have to.
I expected at least some Dauntless to be milling around after the attack, what with their curiosity getting the better of them, but the compound is near empty. It is so quiet in the Pit that I can only hear my footsteps and the distant roaring water of the chasm. Before I get to the infirmary, I look up at the Pire and make out the bright yellow tape that is sectioning off the whole area.
It was not a smart idea to come to the infirmary.
There are body bags in plain sight lined up against the back wall—the ones they have yet to take to the morgue. Nurses are quietly tending to already existing patients, since there are no new ones. None of the people who were involved survived, and that statistic alone makes my head swim with dread.
"Can I help you?"
I shake myself out of my daze and meet eyes with a doctor. He is one of the cleanest Dauntless I've ever seen, with only a tattoo on his hand in sight.
"I..." I clear my dry throat. "I was wondering if I could get some peace serum? It's an emergency."
He hums in the affirmative and waves me along to follow him. "Normally I wouldn't have that dispensed to you without probable cause, but given the circumstances, I'm sure I can make an exception for you, Tris Prior."
"I understand, thank you," I say, somewhat bothered about my war fame again.
We stop in front of the pharmacy area of the infirmary, where he tells a worker to prepare a peace serum syringe. Glancing over at the body bags again now that we are closer, I can't help but ask, "What happened exactly?" There has been no news released in the last hour, and besides the basics of what I know, I have been left in the dark. Also, I wonder if he knows what poison is in the bodies.
He lets out an extremely long sigh. "Eleven soldiers were killed in the Pire, along with all three leaders," he states.
"Woah, what?!"
I try to keep my voice down, but how can I? Hunter is dead. Our leaders are dead.
Where do we go from here?
"It is a tragedy." He nods. "Not only that, but I've heard the officers talking about another attack. While that was distracting everyone, the training room was raided too. There was one casualty."
"Why?" I ask, still trying to recover from the other news.
"I don't know. That's all I've heard."
The pharmacy worker hands me a bag, and I take it, thanking her.
"Thanks for the help," I add to the doctor.
"Of course. Please feel better." He flashes a smile as I turn away. It reminds me that I am not the one who needs the peace serum.
Completely stunned, I walk in a stiffened state across the Pit. When we needed unity and leadership the most, our leaders were murdered, along with twelve other members. I can only imagine how enraged the faction is going to be when they find out.
My hand tightens around the paper bag when I pass the Pire. Flashbacks hit me again and again, pummeling me with memories of bullets and terror until I start jogging to escape. I have to get out of here. When I close my eyes briefly, I see the body bags again, and I start running faster.
Next thing I know, I am outside of the apartment, fumbling with the keys to get somewhere where I can be safe. Then I open the door, and I remember where my priorities should be right now.
Tobias lies on the bed with his eyes closed—more like clamped shut. Tears are trailing from the corners of his eyes as his chest hiccups ever so slightly. It is uncharacteristic for him to cry, even in trying times, but right now he can't hide the pain like he usually can.
"Tobias," I say sympathetically as I approach the bed. Somehow him being influenced by the suicide serum is worse to me than when I was.
A low growl escapes him as he shoves away his tears with his free hand. "I'm fine," he declares. "I'm not crying."
The fact that he would be trying to protect his manly dignity in a moment when he doesn't need to is almost humorous. I sit on the bed next to him and begin unwrapping the peace serum syringe.
"It's okay to cry," I tell him. My chest aches when I watch more tears leave wet tracks behind on his face. "Even when you don't have suicide serum in you, it's okay to cry. It's not embarrassing."
Labored breaths leave him as I scoot over next to him with the syringe in my hand. The red in his eyes sharpens the blue, and the frown imprinted in his face deepens. Despite the horrors we have endured, I can count how many times I have seen him cry on one hand, and every time stirs something inside of me.
I lean down and kiss his forehead before saying, "I think you're beautiful when you cry."
To put him out of his misery, I press the needle into his neck, releasing the serum. A calm settles over him instantly, and I pull him into a hug as his sniffling subsides. His heightened emotions may have been washed away, but that doesn't mean they're ever really gone, and I still want to take care of him like he took care of me.
Then does the magnitude of what happened today settle in, when I am cradling Tobias's head against my shoulder. Before my sentiments can get in the way, I pull my knife out of my back pocket and cut the zip tie to release him.
"Tris..." he says without a waver in his voice. And I know that he is back to normal, reveling in the momentary tranquility that peace serum provides. But there are tears on my cheeks now as I set the knife aside on the nightstand.
"I could've lost you today. Twice," I whimper. I lower myself into his arms.
Always the logical one, he reminds me, "But you didn't."
An unbelieving chuckle leaves me. "Does that change the fact that we're both in danger every time we leave these walls?" I ask. "Tobias, if I lost you one day, I would never be okay again."
The prospect alone is enough to make me choke on the air I breathe in. He tilts my head so that I will look at him, and it only makes things worse to see his features soften and to see the remnants of his own crying; it reminds me of the night he was shot.
"I know," he says gravely. "We'll just have to be careful from now on."
I close my eyes and pretend like his kiss will erase the last few hours. It doesn't, but it does soothe my nerves.
"And for the record, I would be mental without you."
"Today, Dauntless lost fifteen people of the bravest people to ever live in this city," Tori announces.
The somber crowd is silenced completely, not even whispers filling the void. Some tip their heads back to swallow a long drink, like Uriah, and others stare at the floor, like Zeke. Tobias tightens his grip on my waist and bows his head in respect next to me.
"They rushed straight into the unknown to defend our extraordinary leaders, and as you know, nobody, not even the leaders, made it out alive." She takes a deep breath. "We honor them all today as they explore new places beyond our capacity to imagine. We also offer the grieving families our love because this is an attack on the whole faction, not just the courageous lives that were lost."
"Who attacked us?" someone in the crowd demands. I knew the Dauntless couldn't stay reverent for long.
"The factionless," Tori replies. Obviously. I'm surprised that wasn't already common knowledge around the compound.
"We should hit back harder!" a man shouts heatedly. Others join in with an agreeing, "Yeah!" And just like that, the hush of the dining hall is replaced with outraged cries of the members who have been wronged too many times in the history of this city. It doesn't matter that this is the military faction; these people are exhausted from war, and they don't want to lose another family member or friend.
But sometimes they must make sacrifices to achieve that.
"I know that we're all upset," Tori yells into the microphone, and people's loud conversations start to trickle out. "But if we want to get anything done in a unified manner, then we first need to elect temporary leaders."
My eyes dart around the room briefly before I realize that there is nobody that I am interested in nominating. I haven't lived here long enough to actually meet new people.
Uriah jokingly cups his hands around his mouth and whisper-shouts, "Tris and Four!" to the table.
"Don't you dare," I say. Shauna snickers.
Someone bursts out Tori's name, and she is elected leader when people shout their widespread agreement. I tune out. It doesn't matter who becomes leader because as much as I appreciate this faction, much of it is still corrupt. Chances are that nobody with an actual brain will be nominated.
"Something is wrong here," Tobias points out.
"What is it?" I ask quietly.
He scratches the back of his neck. "I don't know. Seems like that speech was rushed. She didn't say many facts or give us insight on what happened."
I stay quiet. It did seem strange, but I don't think Tori or any official for that matter knows much. From the sound of it, they believe that the suicide gas was simply to distract. They haven't even given thought to the leaders being killed, just assumed that it was to throw us off track without any guidance.
"Where else did you say the factionless attacked?"
"The training room," I answer.
Tobias ponders it for a moments before I feel his body go rigid.
"Tobias?" I whisper.
He ducks his head to speak into my ear. "That's what she isn't telling us; that's why they broke into the training room."
I shake my head, not understanding his meaning.
He backs up to look me dead in the eyes. "For guns, Tris. They stole our guns."
Oof, so many revelations this chapter.
Sorry that I kind of keep forgetting to update every other day lmao, I will try to be better about that!