Chapter Forty-Six: Hunt for the Kazekage

Rule Number Forty-Six: Don't infiltrate the Kazekage's offices – no matter how hot he is

Dessie

"You're insane, Dessie, you know that, right?" Hannah asked me.

The two of us stood outside the Kazekage's offices and gazed up the towering walls excitedly (or, at least, I was excited, Hannah seemed more irritable than excited).

"I know," I said cheerfully. "But you have to admit, you enjoy hanging around me with all my insanity."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah – you, me, and Kate: the criminally insane fake Akatsuki whores… we fit in so well with them that it frightens me…" Hannah muttered.

"Shh…" I said, holding a finger to my lips. "Now, here's the plan: We're going to march right into the Kazekage's offices like we belong. And when those stupid, ugly receptionists ask what we want, we're going to say that we need to see the Kazekage due to some extremely important and dire circumstances."

"What extremely important and dire circumstances?" Hannah asked.

"I don't know," I said, shrugging. "I'll think of that when the time comes."

Hannah groaned. "Why do I try?"

"Alright? Ready? Go."

The two of us turned and marched right up the front steps and into the lobby of the Kazekage's offices. There were a dozen or so politicians and shinobi wandering about carrying out murmured conversations. Hannah followed me as I strutted right up to the receptionists' desk, slammed my hands on the counter, and said, "I need to see the Kazekage!"

"Do you have an appointment?" the blond receptionist asked.

"No," I said. "But we are in the middle of extremely important and dire circumstances – we need to see the Kazekage!"

"Do you have an appointment?" the brown haired receptionist asked.

"You don't understand me," I said forcefully. "My friend and I were playing out in the streets when we ran into some extremely suspicious figures who resembled the Akatsuki! We have to report it to the Kazekage directly! Now!"

The receptionists stared at me. "Do you have an appointment?"

I glared at them. They glared back at me.

"No…" I said slowly and slunk back outside with Hannah trailing after me.

We stepped back out into the midday sun and sat down on the front steps of the Kazekage offices.

"So," said Hannah unnecessarily cheerful. "What do we do now?"

"New tactic," I said.

"And what's that?"

I thought for a moment, and then an idea of sheer brilliance came to me. I turned to Hannah, a slow and sly grin spread across my face. She stared at me suspiciously and then raised her hands in refusal.

"Absolutely no, Dessie. Stop thinking like that and come up with some new tactic. I will not – and I mean not – do a thing like that."

I just kept on grinning. "New tactic, Hannah. Seduction."

Despite Hannah's continuous refusal, I dragged her along with me to stand at the bottom of the steps and strike up the "Fake Akatsuki Whore Pose" that we had mastered so well over our past brothel trips. And, much to Hannah's surprise, we found a customer quickly.

A young man dressed in a black outfit with purple make-up on his face in the design that vaguely resembled a cat. After shooting us sideways glances for a minute while he conversed with some old politician, the cat-like man sidled over to us and said, "Hello, ladies."

"Why hello," I said in my most seductive tones. "I'm Dessie, and…" I giggled and shot Hannah an approving glance. "This is Hannah – what's your name?"

The guy grinned. "I'm Kankuro – the Kazekage's brother."

"Oh?" I smiled, slow and secretive. "That's a very big role to fill."

"But I do it well," said Kankuro proudly.

"I'm sure you do," I said and elbowed Hannah in the ribs again, this time warning her she had better say something.

"Oh. Yeah. I'm sure you're amazing," said Hannah bluntly (maybe it was better if she said nothing at all).

Kankuro, however, didn't seem to mind. He placed one arm around my shoulders and his other arm around Hannah's. He grinned at the two of us, winked and said, "Have you two ladies ever seen the inside of the Kazekage's offices?"

Behind his back, Hannah mouthed at me, "Is this guy for real?"

I giggled. "No, Kankuro, we've never been inside. Only important people go inside."

"Well," said Kankuro. "You're lucky you know an important guy like me."

Even Hannah managed a giggle this time as Kankuro led us inside the Kazekage offices and past those ugly receptionists. As we passed, I made sure to stick my tongue out triumphantly in their direction. They both glared at me, but could do nothing because the Kazekage's brother was my escort.

"So," I said. "What floor does the Kazekage work on?"

"The top one, of course," said Kankuro.

"And what floor do you work on?" I asked gleefully.

Kankuro smiled proudly. "The top floor, of course."

"Ohhh," I cooed with a knowing glance in Hannah's direction. "You are important."

I hit him in the back of the neck and he collapsed to the ground without a chance to fight back.

"But for an important shinobi," I said dryly. "You suck a defending yourself."

Hannah laughed. And we made our ways along the hallway to the stairs. We sprinted up the flights taking two at a time (going on missions with the Akatsuki had certainly whipped us into shape). Finally, after a goof ten minutes of climbing, we reached the top of the stairs and staggered into the highest floor of the Kazekage's offices.

"Why couldn't they install an elevator?" I asked between breaths.

"Probably because mostly Fitness-Freak shinobi use these stairs," panted Hannah. "And as we all know, stair climbing burns more calories per minute than jogging."

"Yay, for exercise…" I muttered. "Now let's go find the Hottie."

The Kazekage's personal office was pretty easy to find. It was the door at the farthest end of the hallway. The two of us slowly pushed open the heavy wooden doors and slipped inside. However, there was no need for the secrecy since no one was there. There was a big, round office with a heavy desk at the far end and a window opening out onto a balcony. Hannah and I hurried out onto the balcony and gazed at the view, which overlook the desert city of Suna.

"Dang," said Hannah appreciatively. "I'd become Kazekage for a view like this."

"I second that!" I cried. "It's gorgeous – but not as gorgeous as my Hotties!"

"Don't worry," said Hannah. "If you become Kazekage, you'll have Hotties from all around lining up to be the husband of such a powerful bitch."

"Oh right… I forgot about that…"

Hannah snorted. "You are the most simple-minded person I know."

"Is that a compliment or an insult?" I asked, leaning out over the balcony railing so that the wind licked my face.

"Figure it out for yourself," said Hannah, copying me.

"I don't feel like it," I said. "That requires too much brain power. Besides, I prefer this – Hottie chasing and relaxing in the Kazekage's personal office – to hanging out at the pool with a bunch of perverted Akatsuki…even if I would get to wear a new, sexy swimsuit."

"You're more perverted then all of them put together," Hannah chuckled.

"And proud of it!"

"Who the hell are you!"

Hannah and I paused. Slowly, we turned around from our sightseeing to find ourselves face to face with a red-haired, green-eyed Hottie who, if Matsuri's descriptions were accurate, could be none other than the Kazekage himself. Gaara – oh, that name suited him so perfectly. It rolled off my tongue like the burning Hottie that he was.

"Hello, Gaara," I said, stepped off the balcony back into his office with a delighted smile plastered all over my face. "My name is Desdemona Lee and this is my friend, Hannah."

Gaara stared. "How did you get in here?"

"We… found ourselves some VIP access," I said and plopped myself down in the squished armchair at the Kazekage's desk. "Oh, so comfortable…"

"So you're the ones who knocked Kankuro out at the bottom of the stairs," said Gaara stiffly. "And here I thought he had drunk himself unconscious again."

"At least this way is much more pleasurable," I said. "He got to have a look at my flawless face before he went lights out."

"Hn…"

Hannah laughed. "Oh dear Warg, it appears we have another Uchiha on our hands."

"He's not an Uchiha," I pointed out. "Are you?"

"No."

"Besides," I added. "Gaara is capable of full sentences."

"Oh yeah," said Hannah thoughtfully. "You're right. My mistake."

Gaara stared at us, the gears of his mind slowly turning as recognition crossed his face. "I know you… Konoha warned me about you. Hannah and Dessie… You're part of the Akatsuki."

"Correction," I said cheerfully. "We're not part of the Akatsuki – we're just their fake whores. I'm still a virgin. Though," I added smiling, "If you want to change that, you're welcome to."

I swear I saw Gaara back away from me. His whole body tensed, preparing to strike. I knew that looked well. After spending so much time with the Akatsuki, I knew the exact appearance a shinobi had before he – or she – was getting ready to fight.

However, before Gaara could do anything, I hopped up from my seat and, with Hannah following, we crossed the room towards the door. I paused beside Gaara and grinned.

"Don't worry, Red-Hottie, we only came to see if you were as hot as they say you are. You should be pleased to know that we weren't disappointed." And then I gave him a quick kiss on the lips before Hannah and I fled the Kazekage offices as fast as our feet would carry us.

"He's going to murder us!" screamed Hannah as we sprinted down the stairs.

"No he won't!" I cried. "He secretly enjoyed it!"

"Only you would enjoy something like that! Do you have to make out with every Hottie that we meet!"

"No!" I shouted.

"Who haven't you kissed!"

"Masked-Hottie, Ice-Hottie, Snow-Hottie…" I laughed aloud and kept on running as we reached the midway point of the stairs. "You think Gaara is actually chasing us!"

"Probably not!" Hannah hollered over her shoulder. "He doesn't seem like the type to run for such low and unworthy matters!"

"Or maybe he was just too stunned that a gorgeous and irresistible babe such as myself would kiss him!"

"I doubt it!" Hannah skipped the last two steps and sprinted out into the lobby. She came to a brief halt in front of the receptionists' desk. "He's probably in shock that a freakish and conceited girl like you kissed him."

"It's one of my finer qualities," I said, stopping beside her to catch my breath. I caught sight of the receptionists, stood upright and grinned at then, raising two fingers in the "V for Victory" sign. "I just kissed you Kazekage – and boy does he have soft lips!"

Hannah yelped in horror and the two of us sprinted right out of the building, leaving behind two angry and very confused receptionists. Rule Number Forty-Six: Don't infiltrate the Kazekage's person office – not matter how hot the rumors say he is!