Chapter Forty-Seven: Flight from Suna

Rule Number Forty-Seven: Don't mess with Itachi's vacation time

Kate

Konan and I returned to the hotel safe and sound. We changed into our swimsuits that Dessie so expertly bought for us and headed up to the pool. There was no one there besides the Akatsuki and – let's face it – what sane person would want to go swimming in a pool with a cannibalistic Venus flytrap?

As soon as Konan and I walked out onto the roof, Kisame let out a deep, low whistle. I blushed (as always) and Konan walked by without as much as a glance in Kisame's direction. She joined Leader in the hot tub and the two relaxed together, completely oblivious to what was going on around them.

"You're looking fine," said Kisame, admiring my new bikini. "Where's Dessie? I need to congratulate her on fulfilling her promise."

"She ran off with Hannah to go see if the Kazekage was as hot at Matsuri said he is."

"And you didn't go?" asked Kakuzu.

"They wouldn't let me," I said grouchily. "Since I have a boyfriend now."

Kisame laughed and, without a word, he got up from his lawn chair and picked me up like I weighed nothing at all. I shrieked and struggled but, of course, I could do nothing to a shinobi like Kisame.

"So," he said triumphantly. "Now that you've gotten a completely stunning swimsuit – will you join me in the pool?"

"Yes! Yes!" I squealed, kicking and hitting him lightly. "Put me down though!"

Kisame pretended to think about this for a moment. "No can do." And he promptly dropped me into the pool.

When I resurface, gasping for air and laughing, Kisame and Kakuzu were having an argument.

"I do not appreciate public displays of affection," Kakuzu was saying waspishly. "Kisame, I know you like to brag that – unlike the rest of us stuck up and romantically challenged Akatsuki – you have a girlfriend, but please spare us the blinding image of you flirtations."

Kisame grinned showing all of his pointy teeth. "Aw, you're just jealous Kakuzu."

"No. But I do want to keep my eyes in mint condition. While Itachi is lucky his limited vision keeps him from seeing hideous scenes like that, I do not want to go blind for the rest of my life."

"Hn…"

Kisame flipped Kakuzu off and then leapt into the pool, spraying my face with water. I coughed and clung to the side of the pool, since the bottom was too deep of me to reach.

"Dun-dun…dun-dun…duh-duh-duh–"

I shrieked as I saw Kisame swimming through the water making the jaws theme song (apparently Dessie had taught it to him). I yelped and them screamed as Kakuzu threw ne of the lawn chairs at my head.

"Shut up!"

Kisame stood up in the water (curse his ninja powers) and glared at Kakuzu. "Do you mind?"

"Do you mind?" snapped Kakuzu. "Some of us wanted a nice, peaceful vacation from our hardworking lives as criminals – and what do we get instead? A vacation of watch as the new couple acts as ridiculously couplish as possible! I think I'm going to puke…"

"No one else cares but you!" shouted Kisame angrily.

Itachi: Hn…

Zetsu: Where's Hannah?

Konan: (ignores the entire scene completely)

Leader: (also ignores the entire scene completely)

Tobi: Tobi wants to play with the couple too!

And, much to Kisame's and my horror, Tobi jumped into the pool and swam to the deep end to join us.

"Tobi wants to play tag! Tobi wants to play tag!"

Kisame growled angrily. "Kisame does not want to play tag! Kisame does not want to play tag!"

Tobi pouted. "But tag is fun. Then can Tobi play the New Couple Game with you?"

I swear Kisame almost screamed and ran out of the room as fast as he could. Instead, Kisame contained himself and said, "Okay, tag is fine."

"Yay!" cried Tobi excitedly. "Tobi is not it!"

"I think," said Kisame slowly. "That Tobi should be it – since he suggested the game."

"You know," I said thoughtfully. "We could play Marco Polo?"

"Marco what!"

"Marco Polo," I explained. "It's like tag, but it's made for the pool. So the person who is 'it' closes his or her eyes and swims around the pool. When he or she calls out "Marco" everyone playing has to respond "Polo". And when the person who is 'it' touches someone, that that someone is now 'it'!"

"Oh! Oh! Tobi wants to play! Tobi wants to play!"

Kisame glanced at Tobi and then at me, a devious smile crossing his face. "Okay, I'll play too – but only if Tobi is it first."

"Okay! Okay!" shrieked Tobi. "Tobi will close his eyes and count to thirty! One… Two… Three… Four… Five… Seven… Eight… Nine…"

Kisame quickly swam across the pool and hopped out of the water. He grabbed my by the arm to pull me out as well, but I shook my head furiously. "I actually want to play Marco Polo," I told him, pouting slightly.

"Thirteen… Fourteen… Fifteen… Seventeen… Eighteen…"

"But it's stupid," grumbled Kisame irritably. "You can play without me."

"But Marco Polo needs more than two players," I said sadly.

"Oh!" cried Kakuzu from the protection of his lawn chair. "The couple is having their first fight – maybe they'll break up!"

"Twenty-three… Twenty-four… Twenty-five… Twenty-Seven…"

"Excuse me," said Kisame as he got to his feet, walking across the pool deck to pick Kakuzu up from his lawn chair and carry the struggling Kakuzu to the pool and drop him into the water.

Kakuzu came up spluttering a coughing and glaring at Kisame with a deadly hatred. "You asshole!" shouted Kakuzu. "I'm going to murder you!"

"Tag! Tobi got you without even saying "Marco"! Does Tobi get bonus points for that!"

Kakuzu whirled around in the middle of the pool a glowered at Tobi as if he were trying to bore a hole into Tobi's forehead. With a low and deadly voice, Kakuzu said, "I am not playing your pathetic game, Tobi. Shut up and count to thirty – and this time don't skip numbers!"

"Tobi didn't skip any numbers. Tobi knows how to count to thirty!"

"What about six!" shouted Kakuzu. "You forgot about six!"

"Oh… Oopsie." Tobi giggled. "Tobi won't forget next time."

Kisame hopped into the pool beside me and grinned villainously at Kakuzu. "Come on! Now that you're wet, you might as well play with us for awhile."

Kakuzu glared.

Suddenly there was a splash and everyone turned to see Zetsu getting in slowly at the steps. He smiled at everyone and grinned, showing every single one of his cannibalistic teeth. "We want to play too!"

And with that, everyone clambered out of the pool as fast as they could. Suddenly, we all decided that it was time to do some serious sunbathing.

"Maybe when Hannah comes back!" I added over my shoulder, feeling a bit sorry for Zetsu. "Hannah will play with you!"

"I most certainly will not!"

We all turned to see Hannah and Dessie standing by the doorway to the pool deck. They were fully clothed (a blasphemous thing for Dessie) and gasping for breath. We all stared at them confusedly for a moment and, finally, Leader had the sense to ask, "What's going on?'

"Time to go!" cried Dessie, sprinting over to the hot tub to try and pull Leader and Konan out of the water by their arms.

"Why do we have to go?" asked Zetsu.

Tobi sprinted across the pool deck and flung his arms around Hannah's neck. "Hannah-Nunu! Tobi missed you! Will Hannah-Nunu and Dessie-Nunu play with Tobi!"

"Nope," said Hannah. "We have to go – now."

"Why?" asked Kisame impatiently.

"Because!" wailed Hannah. "Dessie came up with the brilliant idea of breaking into the Kazekage's personal office by seducing the Kazekage's brother and then knocking him out in the elevator and then – when we finally do meet the Hottie Kazekage – Dessie decides to kiss him! And now, all the Suna shinobi are chasing us around the city!"

Dessie grinned innocently. "It was worth it."

Kakuzu snickered. "Good thing Hidan isn't here."

"Hannah thought the Kazekage is hot…" said Zetsu rather disappointedly.

"Not the point!" shouted Hannah. "The point it – we have to go!"

Leader sighed and slowly climbed out of the hot tub. "Why can't I take any of you on vacation? I expected this much from the Akatsuki but… Actually, never mind, I actually did expect this much from you two…"

"FREEZE!"

Suna shinobi poured on to the pool deck, holding their weapons at the ready and their Suna headband glinting in the afternoon sunlight. The Akatsuki remained completely still and stared, wearily, at the shinobi attackers.

"Why," asked Itachi, rising from his bed on the lawn chair. "Why can I never get a moment's rest from this idiotic S-ranked criminal status? All I wanted was one peaceful, relaxing vacation – but can I get one? Nooooooo. Because everyone here is a moron!"

I glanced at Kisame and he glanced at me.

"Is it just me, or does Itachi have some seriously pent up rage?"

Kisame shrugged. "Whatever it is – it's good for us."

"Why?" I asked.

"Just wait and see…"

Itachi rounded on the Suna shinobi, his red eyes flashing angrily. "I am going to send you all – every, stinking one of you – into a hundred days of hell for disturbing my vacation!"

And it happened, in a flash. Itachi's eyes burned red and all the Suna shinobi were cast into their own mental hell by Itachi's all powerful sharingan. The Akatsuki quickly ran down to their rooms, packed up and returned to the roof in the time it took Itachi to complete the jutsu. The Suna shinobi all knelt on the ground, gasping for breath and wincing in pain.

"Itachi," said Kisame. "You know using you sharingan too much will damage your eyes permanently."

Itachi snorted. "This is worth it." And then he walked away, ready to head back to the hideout at the end of our brief vacation.

Rule Number Forty-Seven: Don't mess with Itachi's vacation time – he is willing to risk eternal blindness for revenge.

"Well," Dessie said, dropping her vacation bag in the door as she stepped into the hideout. "That was fun."

"For you," grumbled Leader as he stormed past Dessie back to his office where mountains of paperwork awaited him. "And pick up your bags – I will not have this place be a dump!"

"I can't believe," said Kakuzu as he examined the hideout. "That Deidara and Hidan actually cleaned this place."

"Maybe they're that afraid of Leader," said Hannah.

"Tobi thinks that there's more than meets the eye."

We all nodded in unison, glancing around the hideout suspiciously. I followed Kisame deeper into the hideout, looking around for any sign of Hidan and Deidara. We found them lounging about in the completely spotless living room playing a game of Double Solitaire.

"You cleaned this place?" asked Kisame.

"Yep," said Deidara. "You back from vacation soon."

Kisame snorted. "Long story. Hannah and Dessie decided to go see if the Kazekage was as hot as people say. So, they seduced the Kazekage's perverted good-for-nothing brother and – after knocking the good-for-nothing out – they broke into the Kazekage's office and, after the Kazekage discovered them, Dessie kissed him and then flaunted it to the receptionist. Then, after that, Itachi went crazy and wiped them all out with his sharingan. So yeah, we sort of ran out are welcome."

"Dessie made out with the Kazekage!" exclaimed Hidan.

"Hannah thought the Kazekage was hot!" shouted Deidara.

Kisame slapped himself on the forehead and I patted his shoulder comfortingly. "Is that all you got out of that story?" asked Kisame irritably.

Deidara and Hidan shrugged. "Yeah. Was there more we shoulder get out of it?"

"Never mind," muttered Kisame.

"HIDAN!"

We turned around to see Kakuzu storming into the living room with Hannah and Dessie hot on his heels. Kakuzu walked right up to Hidan and Deidara and thrust his blood-stained hands into their faces.

"Hidan! Why is there the body of several maids in our bath tub!"

Hidan shrugged sheepishly. "They were sacrificed to Jashin-sama…"

"You cheated!" exclaimed Hannah angrily. "You mean you hired maids to clean the hideout! You know inviting non-Akatsuki members here is forbidden!"

"But it doesn't matter," said Hidan with a shrug. "We sacrificed them to Jashin-sama so they couldn't tell anyone."

Dessie kicked Hidan in his weak spot and then proceeded to do the same to Deidara. She scowled at the two of them as they rolled around on the floor in agony. "You two were meant to clean the hideout on your own so that you could learn you lesson – not have fun killing maids!"

"And we actually thought they had cleaned the hideout on their own for a minute…" muttered Hannah.

"Well," I said, smiling cheerfully. "That's criminals for you!"

A/N: I have some good news: THIS STORY IS ACTUALLY ABOUT TO GET SOME PLOT!