Chapter Fifty-One: Into the Blue

Rule Number Fifty-One: Leader doesn't care

Hannah

Exactly one week to the day has passed since Kakuzu, Deidara, Itachi, and Kate left the Akatsuki hideout via the blue orb to go find a way of stopping humans from Earth from accidently wandering into this dimension (I successfully managed to sum up the last chapter in one sentence – yay!). It has been one week and none of us have heard from any of them.

"Do you think they're dead?"

"Dessie…" I groaned, leaning back against the recliner and rolling my eyes.

"Well do you?" Dessie shuffled her deck of cards again and started to deal out a game of solitaire. "I mean, it is a possibility."

"It's the Akatsuki," I pointed out. "They wouldn't die so easily."

"Well what if the cops just shot the Akatsuki to death as they arrived on Earth." Dessie formed a gun with her fingers and pointed it at me. "You know… Bang-bang-bang! Oops! They're all dead. Bye-bye, Kate."

"Dessie!"

"What? I'm being realistic here."

"You're giving me a headache, bitch," I snapped. "Now shut up!"

"Fine…" Dessie continued playing her game of solitaire in silence, flipping the cards up three at a time. "This sucks. Not only am I worried, but I'm as bored as hell – which gives me more time to think and more time to worry."

"Put the red-nine on the black-ten," I told her, gesturing at the solitaire game. Dessie did as I told her.

"Okay," said Dessie. "Suppose that they're not dead. What's taking them so long? Maybe the police put them in jail or something and now they're awaiting a court trail with some crap lawyer appointed by the courts…"

"Yeah, yeah," I muttered. "And what if they're sitting around in your mansion trying to find a solution to the problem sipping delicious Earl Grey tea that Ms. Wendy made for them over Kakuzu's proposal to her? Did you ever think of that?"

"Of course I did," said Dessie. "But I can't ignore the overwhelming possibility that they're all dead."

"I thought I was supposed to be the pessimist…" I muttered.

"You are," said Dessie. "This is kind of weird. Why am I the pessimistic one and you are being the optimist? The world is going to the dogs, I swear! First Kate and the others die and now you're being optimistic?"

"Shut up," I groaned. "What if Kisame hears you?"

"That Fish Fry has been moping about for too long…" muttered Dessie. "He should hear the truth."

"I'll pretend you didn't say that," I said grimly. "And you forgot to put the ace up."

Dessie glanced at her game of solitaire and then put the ace of diamonds up and the two with it, "You're distracting me – that's why I'm not doing well."

"Or maybe," I muttered. "It's because you're awful at solitaire."

"It's a game of luck – how can I be awful at it?'

There was a pause and we both sat there in silence. Dessie was playing her game of solitaire while I watched her intently. Both of our minds, however, were on bigger things than a useless card game.

"This is stupid, declared Dessie suddenly.

"I know," I said. "We should just–"

"Why does Kate have a boyfriend and I don't?" asked Dessie angrily. "It's just wrong! Like I said, the world bitching world is going to the dogs!"

I smiled. "And here I thought you were going to say waiting around to find out if Kate and the others are dead or not is stupid, we should go find them and help them."

"What?" asked Dessie. "Why would I be so self-sacrificing?"

"I know – stupid of me, right?"

"Very stupid." Dessie gather up the cards and began shuffling the deck again. "But what I was saying is – why don't I have a boyfriend? I want a boyfriend!"

"If you want a boyfriend so badly," I muttered. "Then get one. You know where to find one."

"No everyone is like you, Hannah," snapped Dessie. "We don't all have Zetsu and Deidara fighting for our love."

"Yeah… And not everyone has Hidan..."

"What about that bastard?" asked Dessie darkly. "Why did you mention that bastard?"

"I have a question," I said, ignoring Dessie's comment. "Why do you think Itachi is the Original Hottie and Sasuke is the Mini Hottie and Suigetsu is the Snow Hottie and Kakashi is the Masked Hottie… But you don't think Hidan is a Hottie at all? I mean, Hidan is as good-looking as the rest of them…"

"What are you talking about?" asked Dessie.

"Why don't you think Hidan is hot?" I said bluntly. "Why is he not a Hottie?"

Dessie stopped shuffling the cards and looked at me. Her gaze was dead serious, strong and unwavering. And then, in a slow, steady voice, she said, "With the Hottie you must part."

"What the hell?"

She let out a shriek of laughter. "Hannah! You should have seen your face! You bitch! You were all excited and then – you were all – What? I don't get this? Dessie you ho, what are you rattling on about?" Dessie doubled over with droves of laughter and clutched her stomach. "You… you… You looked so stupid!"

I rolled my eyes and leaned back in the recliner-chair. "I was stupid to expect a straight answer out of you."

"Why are we trying to get a straight answer out of Dessie?"

I glanced up at the doorway of the Living Room and saw Kisame, dressed in his Akatsuki uniform with his gigantic sward strapped to his back, staring at us curiously.

"Dessie, being an idiot," I said. "She can't admit that she's attracted to Hidan."

That sobered Dessie up. She stopped laughing and sat up straight, slowly turning to stare at me. Then, she pulled her tennis shoe off her foot and hurled it at my head. And, unfortunately, Dessie has perfect aim. The show bounced off the left side of my forehead and hit the wall beside me with a heavy thud.

"Ow, bitch!" I screamed, clutching my forehead. "What was that for!"

"I am not attracted to that violent, cursing Jashinist."

"Anger management issues much?' asked Kisame, coming to sit on the couch behind Dessie.

"I'm going to have a bruise the size of Mount Rushmore!" I groaned, rubbing my forehead. "You'd better apologize – or I'll set Zetsu on you! And you know he'll listen to me!"

Dessie sighed heavily and, stiffly, she said, "I'm terribly sorry, Hannah, that I caused you pain – now please don't kill me."

"Good girl," I said before turning to Kisame. "So, Fish Fry, what brings you too our midst?"

"I miss Kate…"

"Warg…" muttered Dessie. "You sound like a love-sick puppy."

"I think that's because he is a love sick puppy," I reminded her.

Kisame grinned and stretched out on the couch. "I thought I reminded you of a love-sick shark? Puppies don't really suit me at all."

"You're right," said Dessie. "You remind me of a love-sick rotten piece of tuna… Hmm… Kate really has bad taste in men, don't you think?"

"She has not taste," I corrected Dessie. "Kate falls in love for whatever guy saves her life – which, when you think about it, is pretty good taste in men – far better than your taste anyways…"

"What's wrong with my taste in men?" asked Dessie. "I like Hotties. End of story."

"That's exactly what's wrong with it."

"Me no comprehend."

Kisame and I exchanged exasperated glances, but neither of us could be bothered to explain to Dessie exactly what was wrong in her taste in men. So, instead, we decided to crowd around the coffee table and play a game of Spades. However, we needed four people, so Kisame hurried off to go find a fourth player. Unfortunately, the fourth player that Kisame found just so happened to be Hidan.

"This is a shitty game," said Hidan, sitting opposite Dessie as her partner.

"Why do I have to play with this son-of-a-bitch?" asked Dessie angrily. "Hannah! Switch places with me!"

"Over my dead body," I muttered.

We placed our bids and then started to play which, as it turned out, Dessie and Hidan were actually pretty good Spades partners (albeit their constant arguing and swearing).

Suddenly, out of the blue, Dessie said, "I miss Blake."

"Who is that?" asked Hidan waspishly.

"Her boyfriend," I said sappily. "Before Dessie left Earth last time, the two of them declared undying love for one another and Dessie promised to return to him after all this was over and they would marry and have little violent babies together…"

Dessie snorted and played down her card. "I wish. Blake is my red hot Ferrari."

"Oh yeah…" said Hidan thoughtfully. "Wasn't me married to your Porsche… Mary of Merry or something…"

"Blake the Ferrari," Dessie explained exasperatedly. "Is married to Maren the Mercedes, but Blake is having an affair with Bridgette the Porsche even though Bridgette is dating Roland the Rolls-Royce and Ajay the Aston Martin is Roland's brother, who knows about Bridgette's affair and is using this information to blackmail Blake."

"Blake's a bit of an ass," said Kisame as he played his card down.

"But that's what makes him so hot," explained Dessie.

"You're attracted to your car?" asked Hidan confusedly. "Isn't that sort of perverted?"

"He's my boy-toy."

"Don't come between Dessie and her cars," I said, gathering up the cards from the trick I had won. "She would choose Blake over any Hottie."

Dessie grinned. "That's because Blake is the Ultimate Hottie."

"He's a shitty car…" muttered Hidan.

"Last trick is ours," said Dessie. "And that makes the score eighty-one to negative fifty. Team Dessie-Hidan is winning. And, Hidan, don't call Blake 'shitty' if you want to see the sunshine again."

I gather up the cards and started to shuffle the deck.

"I want to see Kate," said Kisame. "And you want to see Blake… and they're both on Earth…"

"I don't like where your mind is headed," I said and began dealing out the cards.

"Really?" asked Dessie. "Because I like exactly where his mind is headed! All we have to do is jump into the blue orb go say 'hi' to Kate, Blake, and the others and make sure they're alright. Then we hop back into the blue orb before Leader even knows we're missing! What could go wrong?"

"A lot of things," I said dully, but the idea was already catching on.

"Let's go!" said Kisame, jumping up from his seat.

"You just want to leave because you're losing to the might of Dessie and me," said Hidan, but he followed Kisame and Dessie out of the room in the direction of the basement.

With a sigh, I threw down the deck of cards and hurried after them. We practically sprinted through the hallways and down the stone steps into the basement where the blue orb glowed brilliantly. The four of us crowded around the orb apprehensively, careful to keep a safe distance.

"Well," said Kisame. "I want to see my little bunny…"

Dessie snorted. "And I'm sure your little bunny misses you."

"Bunny?" asked Hidan confusedly. "What bunny? I thought we were talking about Kate…"

"Idiot!" snapped Dessie, punching Hidan on the shoulder. "Kate is the bunny!"

"Oh…"

Kisame laughed and stepped into the orb and Dessie followed him quickly. Hidan and I stood there, staring at the molten blue surface of the orb. I glanced at Hidan, shrugged, and then pushed him into the orb after Kisame and Dessie. There was a flash of light and Hidan had disappeared as well.

"Well," I said, making my way backup the stone steps. "We'll see if there's any love development when they get back."

And with that, I went back through the halls to Leader's office. I opened the door and stepped inside. Leader sat at his gigantic oaken desk flipping through papers while Konan sat at a small desk beside him, with her own files to examine. Konan looked up when I entered the room, but Leader didn't even spare me a glance.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"Kisame went through the blue orb because he missed Kate."

"I don't care."

"Dessie went with him because she missed her car."

"I don't care."

"Oh, and I pushed Hidan in after her because I thought there might be some love development if they spent more time together."

"I don't care."

I shrugged and left the office to go find some other mildly entertaining activity to participate in. "I just thought you might want to know."

Rule Number Fifty-One: Leader doesn't care.