Chapter Fifty-Two: Out of the Blue

Rule Number Fifty-Three: When Hidan says "over my dead body" he means it to the extreme

Dessie

I awoke to find myself lying on top of sand. Lots and lots of sand. It wasn't like the soft, squishy beach sand that's fun to run through while holding hands with a Hottie with the sun setting on the horizon… (allow me a moment a happiness while I envision this scene)… No, I was lying on top of the same kind of harsh, cruel sand that was found on a desert floor. It was not a comfortable feeling.

Slowly, I sat up right, and looked around. Let me tell you now, it was not a happy picture. With Kisame and Hidan lying unconscious on either side of me, I was in the middle of a long, vast desert with a few mountains reaching up towards the blood-red sky to my right and nothing but flat lands to my left. Straight ahead, towards the horizon, a city rose out of the sands, but it was so far away that I had to squint to see it and from here I couldn't be sure that it wasn't a mirage.

The thing, however, that stood out the most to me was the gigantic red sun that floated high in the sky as if suspended by the thin, fragile thread. As I gazed up at the burning red sun, only one thought drifted through my head: This was not my world.

Somehow, by some miracle, I had ended up in yet another dimension that was not Earth, but nor was it in the world where the Akatsuki lived. This was somewhere entirely new.

"What the hell?" Hidan rubbed his head wearily and sat upright on the desert ground. Like me, he looked around dumbfounded and unable to believe his eyes. "Is this… Earth?" he asked incredulously. "Because if it is, this place has gone to the dumps."

"It's not Earth…" I told him softly. "We're in a whole different dimension now…"

"Well damn," said Hidan. "This place is built like crap."

I nodded. "Big crap."

"What's crap?" Kisame sat up and rubbed his head wearily. Squinted through his dark eyes, Kisame looked around and slowly his face transformed from tired to horrified. "Have we, um, been here before?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

"Well this sucks. And here I was hoping to see Kate – instead I end up in some wasteland."

"Some crappy wasteland," Hidan corrected.

"Well," I said, looking around. "Should we head towards the city and see where we ended up."

"Can't we just go home?" asked Hidan. "I don't want to spend another minute in this shitty place."

"But I want to see where we are," I said stubbornly. "Shouldn't we go see."

"Where is this city, anyways?" asked Kisame.

I pointed in the distance where a bright light glowed over dark shadows of buildings and houses. Kisame raised a hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun and he stared towards the horizon.

"Well," he said softly. "Would you imagine that. A city…" He hopped to his feet and grinned over his shoulder at Hidan and me. "Shall we go see what hell of a place we ended up in?"

"Yeah, yeah…" muttered Hidan. "I'm going to regret this."

And with that, the three of us set off across the desert. Step by step we made our way through the sand towards the city in the distance. It was a difficult enough journey without adding in Hidan's constant complaining and cursing everything about this world.

"It all sucks," he said grimly. "The sand. The city. The sky. The wind. The sun. It all sucks like rotten eggs."

"You're not making any sense," I muttered irritably. "Now shut up."

"Make me."

I aimed a ferocious kick at Hidan's behind, but he dodged it with ease and turned to me with a devilish grin.

"Ah-ha!" he cried. "I have now gained enough experience to dodge you blows, bitch! Now what are you going to do?"

I rolled my eyes. "Took you long enough. Are you really that slow?"

"Slow?" asked Hidan. "Did you just call me slow?"

"Warg," I groaned "He gets even slower by the second."

"Quit saying Warg," snapped Hidan. "Warg is a god you made up on the spot just to spite me. Warg is not real! And now you have the whole Akatsuki saying Warg-Warg-Warg-Warg all the time! So freaking annoying!"

"Warg," said Kisame helpfully.

"Shut the hell up!"

"And how do we know that Jashin isn't a fake god that you made up?" I asked. "I mean, there's no proof that he exists."

"I'm immortal, aren't I!" screamed Hidan, punching me on the shoulder rather painfully. "How else could I be immortal if it weren't for the great and mighty Jashin-sama!"

"I don't know," I muttered. "I'm sure there is some sort of jutsu that allows you to become immortal that has nothing to do with Jashin. Maybe Jashin's just a lie to cover up the unreasonableness behind your blood lust."

"Jashin-sama is real!"

"You sound like a little kid talking about Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny."

"Who the hell are they!"

"Jashin-sama's siblings," I muttered.

Kisame walked on beside us, listening to our conversation but not really caring. Every once in awhile he would pat us on the shoulders and say: "There, there children. Both of your gods are real. Now stop fighting and agree to disagree." At which point both Hidan and I would hit him and continuing arguing about who would win in a battle to the death – Jashin or Warg?

"Where do you think we are?" asked Kisame, after a good half-an-hour of arguing.

I shrugged, looked around, and then said, "We're not in Kansas anymore."

"What?"

"I'm joking," I muttered. "I guess the Akatsuki from a different dimension wouldn't understand jokes from Earth… You know what!"

"What?" asked Kisame, yet again.

"We need to name your dimension," I announced. "I am sick of referring to it as 'the Akatsuki's Home Dimension' – it's a friggin' ridiculously long name! How about we name your dimension… Jane."

"We are not naming it fucking Jane," said Hidan firmly. He opened his mouth to suggest his own name, but Kisame cut across Hidan with a firm, "We are not naming it Jashinland… or Jashinonia or anything that relates to the god Jashin."

"Not even Bloodonia?" asked Hidan.

"No!" Kisame massaged his temples wearily and the sighed. "How about we just name it Waterworld."

"Over my dead body," snapped Hidan (Rule Number Fifty-Two: When Hidan says 'over my dead body' he means it to the extreme, because, when you think about it, is impossible since Hidan cannot die – so Hidan is saying 'no' to the maximum potential). "Why don't we name it Akatsuki?"

"But that will be confusing," I pointed out. "We won't know if we're talking about the dimension or the criminal organization. We should name it something totally whacky just to avoid any confusion."

"Why don't we name it Didame?" asked Kisame. "A mixture of Dessie, Hidan, and Kisame?"

"That's even more confusing…" muttered Hidan.

"I still like Jane," I added.

"Let's just call it 'Hell'," suggested Kisame. "Though, I guess it doesn't work if we're trying to curse the place to hell and back…"

"Nope," I said. "I refuse to name the dimension something that will get in the way of my constant cursing. You do realize that will diminish my role in this story by quite a bit."

"Shit!" cried Hidan suddenly. "Dessie! You do realize that almost half of our role in this story is having gigantic cursing fights!"

I nodded grimly. "And this means that if we use a curse word to name the dimension, this story will be overloaded with curse words and the author will have to cut back on swearing frenzies and would role in this story will be halved!"

"NO!" screamed Hidan. "I will not budge from my role as shitty as it is!"

"Fighting!" I yelled, pumping my fist into the air. "We will not budge! You hear that author? We will never budge from our roles in this story – over our dead bodies- which, in Hidan's case, means – NO FOR ALL ETERNITY!"

Kisame slapped himself in the forehead and sighed. "Of all the people I had to be stuck in a new dimension with, it had to be you two…"

"You learn to love us," I said cheerfully.

"We're getting sidetracked," added Kisame thoughtfully. "What should we name our dimension?"

"Let's just name it the Fence," I said suddenly.

"Why?" asked Kisame.

"Because we can," I snapped. "Anyone got any issues with the name 'the Fence'?"

Kisame and Hidan glanced at one another and shrugged. "Nah, not really…"

"Good," I said. "So, we're not on Earth and we're not in the Fence – so where the fuck are we!"

"No idea…"

The city drew closer to us and, as I looked ahead, I realized that it was no longer a shadow-image on the horizon, but now a fully fledged city looming before us. The buildings took shape and, somewhere in the middle of a city, a glowing red light lit up the sky. I squinted at it, but could not distinguish a figure from the blazing lights. The three of us continued to walk towards the city. And, after another hour of walking and wandering, we arrived in the city.

It was a completely iron city. The streets, the buildings, and the vehicles were all made out of iron. The windows – instead of glass – were made out of a transparent form of metal and the clothing was formed from strands of iron woven together tightly. It was a ridiculous and yet incredible metal city.

But, that was not what made it so incredible. No, it was the people who lived there who caught our eyes and held our gaze. The natives of this city were all six foot or seven foot tall with leathery gray skin and coal black eyes. Their hair was snow white and all of them – even the males – had hair that fell down to their waists.

The natives walked about with a confident strut, glancing at Kisame, Hidan, and me curiously, as if they had never seen foreigners before. However, the three of us walked straight ahead determinedly, not wanting to show any signs of weakness towards the natives.

We made our way to the center of the city and, as we drew closer, the glowing red lights that had once been a mystery were made clear. The lights formed an image on top of a gigantic pyramid-shaped temple. It was the image of an equilateral triangle with a circle inscribed inside.

"Isn't that the symbol of Jashinism?" asked Kisame in an undertone.

"Hell no!" snapped Hidan. "Jashinism's symbol is a triangle inscribed within a circle – not the other way around!"

"Congratulations, Hidan," I muttered. "You didn't flunk geometry…"

"Shut up!" said Hidan, his voice rising to a roar. Several natives in the vicinity turned to stare, but Hidan ignored them. "Geometry happened to be my second-best subject in school, bitch!"

"What was your best?" I asked. "Wait! Don't tell me! Was it biology?"

Hidan's face turned bright red. "How'd you guess?"

"Because you like cutting things up, so obviously you'd be good at the dissecting part of biology class."

"Bitch!" Hidan tried to strangle me, ignoring the suspicious eyes of the natives.

Kisame coughed loudly and broke up Hidan's and my fight. We glanced at him and he jerked his head awkwardly in the direction of the glowing, red symbol. "I still think it resembles Jashinism…" he said.

"Like I said!" screamed Hidan angrily. "It does not resemble Jashinism! Jashinism is a triangle inside a circle not a circle inside of a triangle!"

I rubbed my ears tiredly. "We heard you the first time…"

"Jashinism? This is most certainly not the symbol for Jashinism, foreigners."

The three of us turned around quickly to see one of the natives staring at us. He was the one who had spoke and we stared back at him curiously for a minute before Kisame had the guts to ask, "What are you talking about? Where are we?"

"Do you not know?" asked the native. "You are in Wargonia! And the red symbol you are gazing upon is that of our god – the almighty Warg!"

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EH!