Summary of Events: After jumping into the blue orb with the goal of preventing other from traveling to "the Fence", Kate, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Deidara are in another dimension. The Akatsuki have not heard from them for over a week...

Chapter Fifty-Three: Escape in Style

Rule Number Fifty-Three: The Akatsuki can be devoted lovers when they want to be – it's the women they love that you have to look out for.

Kate

In all my twenty years of life I have been a good citizen. Never so much a broke a window or gotten a parking ticket – I was the model citizen. So why am I sitting in a jail cell being interrogated by two ugly cops!

Deidara, Kakuzu, Itachi, and I were thrown head first into the floor of Hannah's old kitchen. We sat up and looked around, glad to see that we had made the journey in one piece, and then next thing we know, the house is full of cops trying to put cuffs on all of us. Well, being the S-ranked criminals that they were, Deidara, Itachi, and Kakuzu made it out of the house, no problem. However, in the process they left me behind. A fact that I do not appreciate.

The cops nabbed me, threw me in a cell, and have been interrogating me on and off for the past week.

"How many times to I have to tell you!" I wailed miserable, fat tears threatening to fall down my cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

The bad cop (Officer Thomas) slammed his fist on the metal table that separated us and glowered at me. A bead of sweat trickled down the side of his deformed face as he cried, "To hell you don't! We found you inside that house – a house where wanted criminals are known to be hiding in! You're one of them!"

"What are you talking about!" I asked, sniffling a little. "That was my friend's house. Desdemona Lee… She owns that place…"

"Desdemona Lee is suspected of hiding fugitives. It would be a wise decision not to claim her as a friend right now," said the Good Cop (Officer Brown).

"She's probably helping the fugitives as well," roared Officer Thomas.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" I wailed and buried my face in my arms. "I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Tell us!" and with that, Officer Thomas grabbed me by the wrist and twisted my whole arm. I let out a yelp of pain and screamed, "I'll tell you everything! I'll tell you everything! Please don't hurt me! Whatever you do please don't hurt me!"

Officer Thomas released my wrist and, with a huge grin, he turned to his partner and said, "See? A little pain and these pathetic criminals will tell you anything and everything they know. They're pathetic."

"I'm not a criminal," I stammered.

"You're helping wanted fugitives," said Officer Brown gently. "You are a criminal. But we can help you redeem yourself, if you'll just tell us everything you know about these people."

"I'm not a criminal," I said stubbornly.

"Yes you are!" began Officer Thomas, but Officer Brown raised his hand to cut off Officer Thomas.

"Then what are you, Kate?" he asked. "If you're not a criminal?"

I thought about this for a second. "I'm a fake whore."

Well, you can imagine the stares I got from the two cops for that line. Office Brown choked on some invisible substance and it took him several minutes to regain himself and Officer Thomas' eyes sort of bulged out of his head as he stared to me, trying to read my mind (to no success, of course).

"Don't lie to us!" roared Officer Thomas.

"I think she's telling the truth," said Officer Brown. "I mean, why tell us if she wasn't? Telling us she's a whore wouldn't do her any good."

"Fake-whore," I corrected him, not that either cop cared.

"There's no way she's a whore," snapped Officer Thomas. "Just look at her. She isn't capable of being a whore."

"No one expected you to become a cop," said Officer Brown. "But look where you are now. Kate here is just as capable of being a whore as you are of being a cop."

"Don't compare cops to whores!" shouted Officer Thomas, his face turning a distinct shade of purple.

I sighed. "Why aren't there any normal people in this story?"

BANG!

Everyone froze. Slowly, Officer Thomas and Officer Brown turned to stare at the door of the interrogation room, their eyes wide in shock and fear. I was a little less surprised (you don't hang around the Akatsuki for nearly a year and not learn a thing or two).

BANG!

"What was that?" asked Officer Brown nervously, his voice trembling a little at he stared fearfully at the doorway. "Who's there?"

"Don't be such a scary cat," Officer Thomas practically yelled. "Let's go check it out."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," I warned him.

"Why?" snarled Officer Thomas. "Are you plotting something?"

"How could she?" asked Officer Brown. "She's been in here with us the whole time."

Officer Thomas seemed to choke on his own words for a minute and then he rounded on me again, this time practically spitting hellfire in my direction. "Perhaps I have no proof now, but when I do, I will lock you away for the rest of your miserable born life!"

His threats were nothing compared to Leader's.

"I really wouldn't go out there," I told the cops again. "You probably won't survive…"

Officer Thomas ignored me and, suddenly, he threw open the door of the interrogation room. Gun aloft; he slipped into the hallway, looking around for any signs of the enemy. There came a soft thump and Officer Thomas stopped making any noises.

Still in the interrogation room with me, Officer Brown started to tremble fearfully. "Do you think Thomas is okay?" he asked me.

"Er… sorry," I muttered. "But no, I don't think he is…"

Officer Brown turned to me, his eyes wide in shock. "How do you–?" But before Officer Brown could finish his sentence, someone struck him over the back of his head and Officer Brown collapsed to the ground unconscious.

The dark-haired, red-eyed Itachi stood behind Officer Brown and, if I am truly honest, I have to admit that Itachi looked frightfully bored with the whole affair.

"Hey, Itachi," I said, forcing a smile. "Have you come to break me out of here?"

"Hn…"

"Er – yeah, um, thank you?"

Itachi walked over to wear I sat and yanked the metal chair out from under the table. Before I could regain myself, Itachi picked me up, right out of the seat, and carried me, slung over his shoulder, out of the interrogation room.

I couldn't see a lot of what was going on since my back was facing all the action, but I saw a trail of bodies behind Itachi as he ran through the police station and I had the suspicious feeling that I did not want to see what was going on around me. Instead, I closed my eyes and tried to imagine myHappy Place(which contained a lot of fairy princesses, prince charmings, and really pretty clothes) – unfortunately, my happy place was being renovated and I wasn't allowed in. So I was forced to endure the violence around me.

Finally – after a long, hard fought battle – Itachi dumped me onto the sidewalk outside the police station.

"Hey, Kate! How was your little run-in with the law, uhn?"

I looked over my shoulder to see Deidara grinning at me. He held a piece of clay in his hand which was partially shaped into a little bird.

"Thanks you abandoning me," I muttered, slowly getting to my feet. I glanced at the police station, which was going up in smoke as Deidara bombed it continuously. I shuddered. "Do you really have to blow up everything?"

"Art is a bang, uhn!"

"Hn…"

Itachi walked past both of us and made his way through the parking lot towards an old, beat up SUV. A woman with short blond and blue eyes poked her head out of the window and waved. Inwardly, I groaned.

"Hello, Katie, honey!" cried my mom. "Did you have a fun little escape from jail?"

My face turned a vivid shade of red as I glanced at Itachi and Deidara. "You got my mom to drive you here?"

Deidara shrugged. "Ms. Wendy said she'd kill us if we got her involved with criminal matters and your mother said she always wanted to be part of a jailbreak."

I hurried after Itachi towards the SUV and slid into the backseat beside Deidara. My mother stepped on the gas and the four of us raced away from the police station, which was still burning brilliantly as Deidara's explosions went off one-by-one.

"So," said my mother. "Did you have a good trip?"

"Er… Aren't you concerned at all?" I asked. "I am hanging out with highly dangerous criminals?"

"Concerned?" My mother let out a tinkling laugh. "They seem like lovely people. Deidara – while being a little bit violent – certainly has a unique sense of artwork. Itachi – isn't he a dear? Is he still dating Dessie?"

"Um…" I glanced at Itachi who sat in the front seat. He seemed unaffected by my mother's words, but I still felt obliged to whisper, "They broke up."

"Oh…" gasped my mother, covering her mouth and looking pityingly at Itachi. "I'm so sorry. It must have been horrible."

"Hn."

"Oh, a suppressed memory, I see…"

Deidara was nodding in agreement. "And now Dessie has a thing with Hidan – Itachi practically dies of jealously every time Dessie speaks to Hidan."

"Hn…" (I though this 'hn' somewhat resembled a laugh… it was hard to tell with Itachi.

"Where is Kakuzu?" I asked, determined to change the subjected before Itachi went on yet another of his rampages. "Why didn't he come along to save me?"

"He decided wooing his beloved was far more important than you," said Deidara cheerfully. "He's at Dessie's mansion talking to Ms. Wendy – but Itachi and I were more than capable of rescuing you without him."

"And you did a fine job of it," added my mother.

She pulled the SUV into the driveway and we hopped out of the car outside of Dessie's fabulous and expensive mansion. Itachi walked right inside, not even bothering to spare a glance for anyone. Deidara, however, decided to linger around for a little longer, telling my mother more wild stories of his art. Then, he headed inside to see if Kakuzu had made any progress with Ms. Wendy, which left my mother and me standing outside next to the old SUV.

"I'm glad you've made so many new friends, Kate," my mother cried. "It's nice to keep your company diverse!"

"Um…yeah…" I murmured.

"And Deidara says you have a boyfriend now!"

I almost choked on air. "Er… Um… yeah, I guess I do…" I laughed awkwardly.

"That's great, honey!" exclaimed my mother, clapping her hands excitedly. "It's the big blue guy who Dessie refers to as Fish Fry, right? He sounds so lovely! I really wish I could meet him, but Deidara says that he's in his home dimension right now… oh so sad…"

"Um…yeah…"

"I'm so proud of you!" she wailed. "Katie has her first boyfriend – and an older man too – I always knew you had the capability."

"Mom!" I cried, covering my face in my hands. "Don't!"

She laughed and gave me a quick hug. "I've got to go home a cook for the boys. You be a good girl now, and don't cause that boyfriend of yours any trouble!"

"Bye…" I murmured and gave her a quick hug back. "Love you…"

"Me too, honey, me too."

And with that, she was gone, driving off down the road in the old SUV. And I turned away and made my way into Dessie's gigantic mansion.

The first words the greeted me were: "You son-of-a-bitch! I will never marry you even if you were the last man on Earth! Go to hell!" (And here I thought we had left Dessie back in the other dimension).

I followed the sound of Ms. Wendy's shouts to one of the many living rooms and found myself standing in the doorway beside Itachi and Deidara watching a very, very interesting scene. Ms. Wendy was sitting on the sofa attempting to watch one of her TV dramas while Kakuzu kept trying to flirt with her. It was rather entertaining to see him put his arm around her shoulder and having her sock him in the stomach.

"Please marry me!" cried Kakuzu for the umpteenth time.

"You just want my money, asshole!"

"But it's the money that makes the woman!" Kakuzu explained. "And you are a fine woman!"

Ms. Wendy elbowed him in the jaw. "You're in the way of my TV drama."

Kakuzu clutched his jaw and groaned. "I think you broke it…"

"Good," said Ms. Wendy. "Then you'll shut up."

Deidara leaned over and muttered in my ear, "I think I see where Dessie gets her violent personality from…"

I sighed. "Try living with just the two of them… it's torture…"

Ms. Wendy was now trying to wrestle Kakuzu to the ground while she watched her drama. Rule Number Fifty-Three: The Akatsuki can be devoted lovers when they want to be – it's the women they love that you have to look out for.