Summary of Events: With everyone else gone off into another dimension, Hannah, Zetsu, Tobi, Leader, and Konan are left at the hideout with nothing to do.

Chapter Fifty-Four: Flowers for Hannah

Rule Number Fifty-Four: Leader really does not care

Hannah

"I'm bored."

"Tobi is bored too. Maybe if Tobi and Hannah-Nunu have fun together, Tobi and Hannah-Nunu won't be bored anymore."

I rolled my eyes. "Tobi, think before you speak."

For a second, Tobi thought about this. Then, he said, slowly, "Tobi thought very long and hard before he said this: Tobi doesn't understand what Hannah-Nunu is trying to say."

"Tobi is an idiot," muttered Zetsu's black half.

The three of us (four of us if you count Zetsu's split personality) were lying around the living room as bored as hell. Leader and Konan were busy working – as always – and everyone else was off in another dimension having fun. It was sort of dull, just having Tobi and Zetsu to hang out with. Zetsu just tried to please me all the time and Tobi just wanted to play House where he was the daddy and I was the mommy. My response to this was always the same: When hell freezes over.

"Tobi wonders how Dessie-Nunu is getting along."

"Don't we all," I said grimly. "And Kate… I wonder if they've found a solution yet…"

"Or maybe they're all dead," said Zetsu's black half grimly.

I groaned. "You sound like Dessie. That is not an option I am willing to think of."

"Tobi can't imagine life without Dessie-Nunu!"

I considered this for a moment. "Hey Tobi, why do you like Dessie and me, but not Kate?"

Tobi didn't say anything. Instead, it was Zetsu's white half that felt obliged to answer: "Maybe it is because Tobi is a masochist and Hannah and Dessie are sadists, so they make a good pair. But Kate is a masochist as well and, as we all know, masochist plus masochist is no fun."

We stared at Zetsu for a moment.

Then, Tobi covered his ears and wailed, "Tobi does not think of such ugly things! Why would Zetsu bring up such ugly things?"

"I'm not a sadist," I said dully. "Besides, Zetsu, aren't you a sadist as well, so we'd make an awful couple."

Zetsu looked at his feet and stammered, "Well… maybe Hannah isn't a sadist…"

I smiled. "I think Tobi doesn't like Kate because Madara sees Kate as being weak and therefore not useful at all towards Madara's plan for world domination."

"Oh…" said Zetsu thoughtfully. "That's a much better explanation…"

"Tobi thinks Zetsu is trying to get back on Hannah-Nunu's good side."

There was a moment's silence at Zetsu contemplated devouring Tobi whole, but, since I was there and Zetsu was under the belief that I liked vegetarian men (thank you for that, Dessie) Zetsu decided to wait until I couldn't see before he ate Tobi.

Suddenly, out of the blue, Zetsu said, "Would Hannah like to come and see our garden?"

"You have a garden?" I asked, though, really, I shouldn't be surprised.

Zetsu nodded. "We care for it every day. We want to show it to Hannah, because Hannah is very precious to us."

"Tobi wants to come too! Is Tobi precious to Zetsu too?"

"No."

Tobi looked crestfallen, but as I got to my feet and followed Zetsu out of the living room and down the hallways of the hideout, Tobi trailed after us like a wounded puppy. Zetsu led me to a part of the hideout I had never visited before and, after opened in a heavy metal door, we stepped into a large, glass green house with various types of colorful plants growing in every corner of the place.

I examined the nearest one carefully, which was, I admit, a very stunning shade of lilac with purple-blue leaves the size of my head sprouting just below the head of the flower.

"What is this?" I asked Zetsu, reaching out a hand to touch it.

"Don't!" exclaimed Zetsu. "It's the himonohirohitoamunahah flower – very, very poisonous."

I stared at him. "You actually remember that name?"

"What about this one?" asked Tobi, pointing to a bright red flower with yellow streaks running along the petals.

"That is the EnEn flower."

"Can he touch it?" I asked as Tobi started to stroke the petals.

"No," said Zetsu, already walking away. "But we don't really care."

"Um… right…" I said, quickly following Zetsu (I figured the best way to stay alive in this greenhouse of horrors was to stick close to the gardener).

"This is, um, all very impressive," I told Zetsu.

He smiled proudly as he led me towards the center of the greenhouse. He would point out the prettiest flowers and the most poisonous ones to me as we passed. I noticed that Tobi was following close behind and, when he saw a little patch of daisies, Tobi hurried away, leaving Zetsu and me alone.

"Do you like our garden?" asked Zetsu eagerly as we came to rest beside a bright red Venus-flytrap.

"It's…um…very pretty and poisonous…"

Zetsu nodded approvingly. "We worked very hard to make it deadly."

"Well," I said. "You're hard work paid off. Now I know who to come to if I need to, er, poison anyone."

A broad grin spread across Zetsu's face and he nodded his head enthusiastically. "We're more than happy to poison people for you!"

"Great…" I muttered. "I have an army of psychopathic killers at my disposal…"

"What was that?" asked Zetsu. "We couldn't hear you…"

"Nothing…" I said, trailing off into silence.

The two of us stood there awkwardly, glancing at the plants around us and fidgeting slightly, trying to find a subject to fill the silence. Luckily, in my opinion, we were saved from the awkwardness by the arrival of Tobi who attempted to place a crown of daisies on my head.

"What the hell are you doing!" I cried, swatting the crown away.

"Tobi wanted to give Hannah-Nunu a pretty crown…" explained Tobi. He picked up the crown again and tried to place it atop my head.

"Absolutely not!" I snapped, snatching the crown from him and throwing it on the floor. "I hate flower chains. Go give it to Dessie…" I stopped and remembered that Dessie wasn't here.

"Tobi is sad…" said Tobi, looking crestfallen. "Tobi wanted to make Hannah-Nunu happy, but Hannah-Nunu won't let Tobi cheer her up."

I didn't really care about whether I had made Tobi unhappy or not. Honestly, if I wanted to cheer him up, all I had to do was had him a piece of candy and he would be all smiles again and declare undying love for his Nunus (I have been around Tobi far too much).

"Do you miss your friends?" asked Zetsu gravely.

I glanced at him sidelong and shrugged. "Yeah… It's boring without them around."

"Are you worried about your friends?" asked Zetsu with equal seriousness.

"Yeah…"

"Don't worry," said Zetsu, stepping towards me. "We vow to always take care of you, Hannah, and to always make you happy. As your husband, we will never make you worry – we promise."

I stared.

And stared.

And then, a small crooked smile crossed my face and I grinned at Zetsu. "Thank you, for that avid confession, but…"

"But what?" asked Zetsu nervously.

"But you know I don't think of you as a husband…"

"Then how do you think of me?"

Zetsu looked like a child who was being tormented with a secret. I reached out a hand and patted his shoulder (or what I thought was his shoulder) awkwardly.

"Zetsu… I think of you as a house plant or maybe some kind of exotic tree that grows in my backyard. You're nice… and you make me smile every once in awhile. You're a slightly frightening house plant that I like…but I don't have any romantic feelings for…"

I might have possibly regretted saying that since Zetsu looked ready to cry – or, maybe, eat something to quench his hunger. I always imagined Zetsu to be the sort who would sit on the sofa watched TV dramas and eating tubs of ice cream after a break-up. Of course, in Zetsu's case it would be tubs of human body parts instead of ice cream.

"Tobi thinks that Zetsu just got rejected."

Tobi skipped in between the two of us, waving his arms above his head and giggling maniacally. Zetsu's eyes twitched slightly as he turned to regard Tobi darkly.

"Hannah-Nunu is a smart Nunu!" cried Tobi. "She has good taste in men, yes, Hannah-Nunu does. Tobi is proud of Hannah-Nunu. She rejected Z – AH!"

At that moment, Zetsu leapt towards Tobi, with his Venus flytrap wide and his jaws sprung, ready to bite. Tobi managed to dodge Zetsu at the last possible moment and went sprinting away while Zetsu chased after him, trying to take a bite out of Tobi's arm.

"Why is Zetsu so mad!" wailed Tobi.

"We're going to eat you!" screamed Zetsu, still running after Tobi. "We'll munch on your bones and chew on you muscles – until you're nothing more than a bloody heap!"

Tobi squealed and ran faster.

"Erm…" I said awkwardly as Tobi leapt over one of the poisonous plants and did a cartwheel as he landed. I edged towards the door and made sure that neither one of them noticed my exit. "I'll just be leaving now…" And with that, I slipped out of the greenhouse, closing the door behind me as Zetsu and Tobi continued to play the Hunter and the Prey.

I made my way along the corridors of the hideout, unable to shake of the slightly guilty conscious I had. I had dumped many guys in the past (as Dessie would say, my incredible good-looks were so overwhelming that I had to kick the asses of all the twerps who wanted me and single out the best looking ones to capture the heart of). However, I felt a little bit guilty about dumping Zetsu. After all, he has been the most sensitive guy who has ever wanted me. Mostly I just attract the weirdoes… Oh, wait a second…

I pushed on the door of Leader's office and stepped inside. As always, Leader was working away and not acknowledging the existence of anything apart from himself and the work in front of him.

Konan, on the other hand, glanced up and smiled grimly at me, before returning to her duties. I smiled back, but far too late and ended up just looking stupid.

"Um… Leader…" I said slowly.

"I don't care."

"Zetsu is in the greenhouse trying to eat Tobi…"

"I don't care."

"I just thought that maybe you might want to go down there and make sure that we're not going to be eating Roast Tobi Soup for dinner tonight… Unless you're interested in cannibalism, I mean."

"I don't care."

Rule Number Fifty-Four: Leader really does not care.