Summary of Events: After jumping into the blue orb, Deidara blew the orb on Earth to smithereens and Deidara, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Kate are headed to a dimension. No one knows that Kakuzu, Hidan, and Dessie ended up in a whole new dimension called Wargonia.

Chapter Fifty-Seven: Here We Go Again

Rule Number Fifty-Seven:

Hannah

It has only been two days since Dessie left for Earth and already I'm as bored as hell. I've rejected Zetsu, gotten Tobi chased around the hideout for half the day, and bother Leader and Konan to death – and I'm still bored. So, I resolved to spend a few hours trying to nap as I lay on my bed. This ended up being a failure of an attempt to sleep since I was only reminded of the absences of Dessie and Kate.

"Urg…" I groaned. "Why does this suck so bad?"

Of course, there was no reply.

There came the sound of the bedroom door creaking open. I sat up in the bed, hoping – faintly – that Dessie and Kate had returned. However, I was disappointed to see the Venus flytrap head of Zetsu sticking through the doorway.

"Oh," I said, slumping back down on the bed. "It's just you."

Zetsu hiccupped.

I smirked. "I don't think I have ever heard you make that sound before. What the hell is wrong with you?"

Another hiccup.

I sat up in bed and turned to glare at Zetsu, who was now stood in the middle of the room towering over me. I folded my arms and glared at him. "What do you want?"

"We – hic – miss you, Hannah…"

"A-are you drunk?"

A slow smile spread across Zetsu's face and he let out a girlish giggle. "We were very unhappy and sad – hic – especially sad. Then, when we asked Leader to cure the pain, Leader told us he doesn't care and recommended alcohol. So, we tried some wine – hic – wine is very good to us."

"Crazy son-of-a-bitch," I muttered, getting to my feet. "Get out of my room."

"But we want to talk to our wife."

"Well, your wife doesn't want to talk to you!"

And then Zetsu tried to kiss me.

So I punched him in the nose.

I think I might have broken it – hard to be sure.

"Shut the hell up and get out!" I snapped. "I am not and never will kiss you and I am not your wife. No matter what that stupid marriage certificate says!"

"ART IS A BANG!"

I froze. Zetsu slowly raised his head; the alcohol disappeared slightly at the sound of an all-too-familiar voice. There were footsteps downstairs and some loud noises. I stood completely still in the middle of the room, unable to register clearly what I was hearing.

"They're back…" I whispered. "They're back!"

Leaving Zetsu with his bleeding nose, I sprinted out the door of the room, screaming over my shoulder, "If you bleed on the carpet I'm going to kill you!"

I never heard Zetsu's reply, because I slammed the door closed behind me and sprinted down the hallway towards the basement. I didn't even need to go down into the basement. Kakuzu, Itachi, Deidara, and Kate stood in the middle of the hallway laughing and talking. They stopped when they saw me and, with a hesitant glance in Kate's direction, they turned to me and said, "We blew up the orb on Earth's side."

I blinked – once, twice, three times – just to make sure this wasn't all a dream. I would never see my family again… Then, after a brief moment of sorrow, I smiled and said, "That's great! So the problem is solved?"

"We blew your old house from here to the sky!" cried Deidara excitedly.

I allowed myself to grin, but then, my eyes fell upon Kate's shoulder where blood dripped down her arm in long, spider-web streaks. My heart skipped a beat as I realized she was leaning on Deidara's shoulder for a reason.

"Kate!" I cried. "What happened to you?"

"A bullet grazed me," she said with an airy smile. "No big deal."

"I can stitch it back up again in a heart beat," said Kakuzu. And, right then and there, he turned to Kate and used his thin black tentacles as thread and began stitching her wound back up. I watched in horror the pale grimness on Kate's face, but soon Kakuzu's work was done and he severed the thread. Kate smiled.

"You should wash up," I said. "You know where the bathroom is…" I trailed off suddenly, looking around wildly. "Where's Dessie?"

There was a pause and everyone looked around confusedly.

"Wasn't she here with you?" asked Kakuzu.

"Hn."

"She was…" I said slowly. "But then she, Hidan, and Kisame all decided they wanted to go to Earth too and jumped into the blue orb…" My eyes widened. "Don't tell me you blew up the blue orb with them still on Earth!"

"We didn't know," snapped Kakuzu.

Kate covered her mouth with her hands and sat there gasping for air. "Kisame… Dessie… and Hidan… They're still… on Earth?"

I turned on my heels and practically sprinted down the hallway. The other followed me, knowing exactly where I was heading in this time of trouble. I threw open the door of the office and screamed, "LEADER!"

"I don't care."

"Leader! We have a problem!" I cried, running straight up to his desk and slamming my hands on the wooden surface.

Konan rose from out behind her desk and approached me, her brown furrowed in concern. Leader, however, seemed quite oblivious to the panic going on around him as the rest of the Akatsuki filed into the small office.

"I don't care," repeated Leader.

"Itachi, Kakuzu, Deidara, and Kate have returned from Earth having blown up the blue orb on Earth's side, but they left Kisame, Hidan, and Dessie there!"

How many times do I have to tell you that I don't – and never will c–" Leader blinked. Then, slowly raised his head so that his eyes met mine. "WHAT!"

"Oh," I said irritably. "Now you care."

"Meeting Room!" shouted Leader, getting to his feet. "Now! Anyone who takes more than five minutes to get there will find that he's missing limbs! Now get the hell out of my way!"

Well, all of us with brain did exactly what Leader told us and scampered off to the meeting room. Kakuzu brought Kate a bucket of water and I helped her clean her arm of blood. However, Kate looked distracted the entire time I cleaned her arm and in the end I had to ask her, "Are you worried about Kisame or Dessie?"

"Both," said Kate. "And Hidan too."

I grinned. "The only one who would ever worry about Hidan is Dessie. You don't have to pretend. Besides, Hidan is an immortal – what harm could come of him?"

"Someone could chop of his head…" whispered Kate.

"And then Dessie will pick it up and shove it back on his body. Don't underestimate Dessie and Hidan as a team – they're a psychopathic duo. And Kisame – have you seen his sword! That's thing is twice as big as you! And I don't mean that in the perverted sense."

Kate stared at me for a second and then, slowly, a deep blush crossed her face as she began to understand them meaning behind my words. "Hannah!" she wailed, burying her face in her hands (hand considering one of them was being washed). "I wasn't even thing like that! You pervert!"

I snickered and splashed some of the water at her face. Kate shrieked and pushed me away.

"Don't do that!"

"Two little girls playing water – can I join you?"

I looked over my shoulder at Deidara and saw that he was standing less than a meter away from me, grinning triumphantly.

"Could you have sounded any creepier?" I asked him. "And no, you can't join. The meeting is going to start soon."

Deidara shrugged and helped himself to a seat on the ground beside me. "It hasn't started yet. Leader is trying to sober up Zetsu. That plant is a drunk as a skunk – I didn't even know plants could get drunk!"

"You're right…" I said slowly. "Can plants get drunk…?"

I was saved from this in-depth conversation by the arrival of Tobi, who threw his arms around my neck and gave me a warm hug. "Hannah-Nunu! Tobi is glad to see Hannah-Nunu! Is Hannah-Nunu much happier now that she gets to see Kate."

"Dessie-Nunu is missing, remember?' I said.

Tobi squealed in horror. "Dessie-Nunu! Tobi wants to see Dessie-Nunu again too! Tobi misses her terribly…" And then he burst into tears and buried his masked-face in my shoulder. Thankfully, Deidara swatted Tobi away and I could return to my work of washing Kate's arm.

"Most of the blood is gone…" I said, examining her arm. "And you can move it fine…"

Kate wiggled her fingers. "I'm fine. It was either this or my h-h-head."

"Brave girl," I said, ruffling her hair fondly.

Leader, Konan, and Zetsu entered the meeting room. Zetsu looked slightly more alert, though still slightly drunk. Every once in awhile, Konan would prod Zetsu in the side and he would jerk up right before dozing off again a couple minutes later.

"Poor guy," said Kate. "I wonder what happened to him."

"Oh – er – um…"

Suddenly, Zetsu caught sight of Deidara who was standing next to me. Sloppily, Zetsu walked across the room to stand right in front of Deidara, the Venus flytrap towering over Deidara's head. "You!" said Zetsu.

"Er, yeah, me…uhn."

I smacked myself in the forehead. "Why is everyone here a complete moron?"

"We're going to chew you up into little bitty pieces and feed you to our himonohirohitoamunahah flower! And it will open its might poisonous jaws and go, nom-nom-nom! On your head!" Zetsu laughed maniacally. "Then Hannah will love no one but us!" More insane laughter.

"Zetsu…" I said slowly. "Get some sleep. Come threaten Deidara when your sober. I prefer it when you try to eat him yourself than when you try and feed him to your himonohirohitoamunahah flower."

"Himorablahblahblah?" asked Kate confusedly. "What is that?"

"Himo – no – hiro – hito – amun –ah – ah," I sounded out. "It's the name of one of the poisonous flowers in Zetsu's garden. Think of it like the Humuhumunukunukuapua'a – the state fish ofHawaii."

"How do you know this?" asked Kate.

"Family trip toHawaii. My mom bought me that shirt with a picture of the fish and the word humuhumunukunukuapua'a written across it."

"Oh yeah… I remember that."

"So many big words…" groaned Deidara. "My head is spinning, uhn."

Leader reached the front of the room and sat behind the desk. He surveyed the arguments going on in front of him and sighed heavily. "All of you shut up – I don't care about your petty squabbles. We have a bigger issue at hand – where the hell are Kisame, Hidan, and Dessie!"

"They're supposed to be on Earth…" I said slowly.

"Tobi hopes Dessie-Nunu is safe!"

"We didn't see them on Earth though," said Kakuzu. "Maybe they wound up somewhere else."

"Or maybe they were on Earth and we missed them and now we have accidentally left them there forever," snapped Leader irritably. "Hannah – this is all your fault."

"My fault!" I wailed. "Why is this all my fault!"

"You're the one who let them go to Earth," Konan pointed out. "We expected you to be the responsible one and instead you disappointed us."

I groaned. "You expected me to be responsible?"

"More responsible than Hidan or Dessie or Kisame."

"Yeah…" I muttered. "You have a point there… They aren't exactly the most trustworthy Akatsuki members…"

"I resent that!" cried Kate. "You shouldn't put Kisame in the same category as them…"

Kakuzu snickered and thumped Kate on the back. "There's a good girlfriend, always defending her man – even when he is at their level." Kakuzu pretended to wipe a tear from his eye. "It's inspirational."

"Ignore him," I told Kate, pulling her away from Kakuzu's reach. "Kisame is not as low as them but he is not the most responsible Akatsuki member."

"Tobi is confused. Who is 'them'?"

There was a pause where everyone on exchanged silent glances, exasperated at the slowness of Tobi. It was Deidara, however, who took on the responsibility of explaining them to Tobi.

"They are the dreaded pair. Like blood-soaked monsters of the night they besiege you, uhn." Deidara took on his horror-story voice, low and slow as he spoke. "They're loud – like the roaring of a drum before the battle, and they swear – like sailors of the mast. And they're violent – they'll rip you to shred before you even knew they were capable of it. Hold on to you privates, because 'they' are the dreaded Dessie and Hidan."

Tobi shrieked.

"It's not that scary," muttered Leader irritably.

"Tobi was just following the mood."

"This is stupid," declared Leader. "Can we get back to the real purpose of this meeting? What do we do about Kisame, Hidan, and Dessie's disappearance!"

Konan nodded in wholesome agreement with Leader's words. Rule Number Fifty-Seven: "Blowing up a glowing blue orb does have disastrous consequences. We should remember than next time."

"Well…" said Itachi. "We don't know for sure if the blue orb was destroyed. We're assuming it was. So maybe we could send people back and see if they can get to Earth."

There was a chorus of agreement amongst the Akatsuki members and I had to nod my head too – at least Itachi had a brain. After Leader and Konan had decided that Itachi's plan was suitable, we set ourselves to a new task, one of deciding who was to go back through the blue orb.

Deidara should go – obviously – since he was the one who blew up the blue orb, so he should be the one to see if his handiwork paid off. Then, Leader decided to send Tobi, for whatever reason I didn't know (probably because Tobi had been so annoying lately). And finally, Kate was going. I had wanted to go in her place, but Kate insisted that, even if she was injured, she had to jump through that blue orb. After all, it was her boyfriend on the other side.

And so, I stood stiffly in the basement as, once again, Deidara, Tobi, and Kate disappeared in the flash of blue light as I remained in the hideout watching.

"Damn…" I muttered. "Why does she get to have all the fun?"