Summary of Events: Deidara, Tobi, and Kate headed for a dimension - whatever one will it be? In Wargonia, Dessie, Hidan, and Kisame are being chased by hordes of Wargonians.

Chapter Fifty-Nine: A Fashionable Farewell

Rule Number Fifty-Nine: Run

Kate

Sand. Why is there sand? I don't like sand. Even as a kid I would scream and throw a fit every time we went to the beach, complaining because sand had gotten into my underwear. Yep. I don't like sand.

"Look, Deidara-sempai, Tobi is building a sand castle!"

There was the sound of an explosion and Tobi let out a shriek. I had no doubt tat Deidara had just blown Tobi's sand castle into the next life. Poor Tobi, when would he ever learn?

Slowly, I got to my feet and tried not to gag on the sand in my mouth. It was dry and bristly – like sand paper – and tasted like dust. Yep, I most certainly hate sand. Tobi, on the other hand, seemed to like it, since he was currently making a "cake" for Deidara to eat.

"There is no way I am ever going to eat that pile of sand, uhn," said Deidara coldly.

Tobi looked disappointed as he put the "cake" into the "oven" to let it cook. "Why doesn't Deidara-sempai want to eat Tobi's cooking? Tobi is a good cook."

"You're not cooking!" screamed Deidara. "You're playing with sand! There's a very big difference between the two!"

"Er…" I said slowly, shuffling awkwardly. "Where are we?"

Both Tobi and Deidara turned to me, stared, and then shrugged.

"Like hell I know!" snapped Deidara. "I woke up in this shitty sand the same as you and I have no idea where we are the same as you! This is so stupid! How are we supposed to find Dessie, Hidan, and Kisame in a place like this?"

"Tobi thinks we should start looking for them. Tobi is worried about Dessie-Nunu in a place like this."

"You're sure we didn't end up in Suna or something?" I asked slowly.

Deidara snorted and shook his head.

"Tobi wonders if we're on Earth."

"We're not," I said, pointing up at the bright red sun burning brightly in the sky. "That is not Earth's sun. Er… I think we might be in a whole new dimension…"

"So," said Deidara slowly. "What are the odds that the others are here, uhn?"

"Slim…"

"Then why don't we go back to the blue orb and say we couldn't find them?" Deidara had already turned around and started making his way back in search of the blue orb.

"Wait! But what if they are here?" I asked desperately. "Kisame, Dessie, and Hidan! What if they are here and just behind those mountains over there or wandering alone in the desert! We need to make sure they aren't here! We need to be absolutely sure!"

"Tobi agrees with Kate."

Deidara groaned, but, surprisingly, he turned around and followed me as we wandered through the desert. We had only been plodding along for about five minutes when Tobi suddenly stopped and pointed. Deidara and I followed his gaze, trying to see what he was pointing at.

"What is it, Tobi?" I asked. "What do you see?"

"Someone made a really big sand castle."

"What?" Deidara looked as confused as I felt. We both stared blankly at Tobi, waiting for him to elaborate, and when Tobi didn't, Deidara asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Look…" Tobi pointed at the horizon, but I still didn't see anything.

"Wait a minute…" Deidara squinted. "There's a glowing red light over a city… Tobi, you idiot, that's not a sand castle – it's a whole city in the middle of the desert, uhn!"

Tobi stared. "Oh, you're right… So clever, Deidara-sempai!"

"I still don't see it…" I muttered, but neither Deidara or Tobi cared (they would have if I'd been Dessie or Hannah…)

"If they're here," said Deidara excitedly. "They're probably in that city somewhere."

Tobi was already running towards the city, Deidara started after Tobi, but I caught him by the sleeve and reminded him that I was not a ninja and therefore unable to run at the same speed as Tobi and him. So, Deidara picked me up and piggybacked me as he ran through the desert.

The city on the horizon drew closer until even I could see it. It's towers and buildings rose high in the red sky and a huge, red light glittered above the city as thought it were a halo that blessed the people below.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Deidara and Tobi came to a halt and I peered over Deidara's shoulder trying to see who was screaming.

Three people came sprinting past us, still shrieking at the top of their lungs as if hell were chasing after them.

"Kisame!" I screamed, hopping off Deidara's back. "Kisame! Wait for me!"

The three of them came to a halt and I saw that Hidan was carrying Dessie on his back while Kisame ran a little a head of them. They all turned and stared at Deidara, Tobi, and me, their eyes wide with the upmost horror.

"I'm insulted that you didn't see us, uhn," said Deidara. "You're running away like cowards–"

Without a word, Kisame sprinted back, plucked me up off the ground and screamed, "Run!" and then we were off again, running as fast as possible in the opposite direction. Rule Number Fifty-Nine: Run, run, run!

Behind us, I heard Deidara swear and chase after us. Soon, however, Deidara and Tobi caught up and the questions came like rapid fire. "Where the hell are we! Why are we running away! What is going on here!"

"Well…" said Dessie, looking over her shoulder as she clung to Hidan's back. "We're in a place called Wargonia where the people worship the god Warg."

Silence.

"I'm being serious here!" roared Deidara. "Now is not the time to joke around! Uhn!"

"I am being serious!" snapped back Dessie. "This place really is Wargonia!"

"She's serious," agreed Kisame and Hidan in unison.

"Right now," said Kisame. "We're kind of running away from the Wargonian army – we sort of pissed them off when Dessie kicked the Head Priest in the balls while trying to bail me out of prison."

"Oh, and Hidan's a Jashinist," added Dessie. "And Jashinists are the Wargonians' mortal enemy."

"This is exceedingly confusing…" said Deidara. He looked over his shoulder and, for a second, gawped. Then, he turned his head back to Kisame and, still running, he screamed, "Why the hell is there hoards of people chasing after us!"

"Like we said, Dessie kicked their leader and Hidan's a Jashinist, I'm the only real innocent one here."

"You're Jashinist by association, remember?" said Dessie.

"Tobi's head hurts."

Quickly, Kisame recited the whole story to us from the time of their arrival to the time they met us. When he was done, Deidara, Tobi, and I could only gawp at Kisame in horror. Then, suddenly, Deidara turned to Dessie and said, "You made up a god to spite Hidan and it turned out that god is real?"

"Yep."

"Damn. That's pretty awesome."

"I know."

They both laughed and Hidan flipped them off (an awkward gesture when one of them is riding on your back and the other is running behind you).

Tobi sped up a little until he was running along beside Hidan and Dessie. Tobi smiled real big and said, "Dessie-Nunu! Tobi missed you! A lot!"

"Hey, Tobi,' said Dessie. "You only missed me 'a lot'? I'm hurt – I expected much more from you."

Tobi let out a little shriek and shook his head. "Tobi missed you more than just a lot. Tobi missed you tons and mountains and Tobi missed you to the moon and back! The amount of Tobi's missing in immeasurable! Tobi is very, very missing!"

Dessie let out a bark of laughter. "Alright, Tobi, you're forgiven."

Hidan snorted and muttered something about Dessie being too nice under his breath to which Dessie slapped Hidan over the back of the head and made him stumble a bit.

"So," said Dessie, turning to the rest of us. "What did we miss while we were away? What happened on Earth? What took you so long to get back? Did you deal with the blue orb?"

"Well…" I said slowly. "When we first arrived, cops were surrounding the house and after a fight to get away, I ended up in jail…"

"Wait!" cried Dessie. "Out of Itachi, Kakuzu, Deidara, and you – you were the only one who ended up in jail? You went to jail!"

"Yes," I said, my face burning bright red. "Is that so unbelievable?'

Dessie snickered. "You're one up on me – even I've never been to jail – though I've come close to it several times…" She laughed harder. "Kate's got a criminal record!"

"It's not like it matters," said Deidara. "Since you guys will never go back anyway."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"We blew up the blue orb."

There was a pause as this information dawned on Dessie. She recovered from the shock rapidly and grinned. "That'll make Ms. Wendy happy. The money is all officially hers. I am never coming back again. They didn't arrest her or anything did they?"

"They tried after we left the first time," I said. "But there was no evidence. So she's fine. Ms. Wendy is smart."

"I know," said Dessie. "She did raise me, after all."

"So wait…" said Kisame slowly. "You, Dessie, and Hannah are never going back home?"

I shook my head. "It's impossible now. Which means we're stuck with you forever."

Hidan and Deidara groaned (though we all knew that it secretly made them very happy) while Kisame and Tobi celebrated. Tobi did his Happy Dance, which is extremely humiliating and I dare not recount it for fear of making you all die of embarrassment.

"So what happened at the hideout?" Dessie asked Tobi.

I had forgotten to ask Hannah about her time alone when we'd first gotten back from Earth – after all, we were busy worry about the missing Akatsuki members. Now, when Tobi told us what had happened, I listened intently.

"Leader worked the whole time and Konan helped. Leader didn't care about anything else. Tobi played with his dolls and wanted Hannah-Nunu to play House with him, but Hannah-Nunu refused. Then, Tobi tried to get her to play Hide-and-Go-Seek with him, but once again Hannah-Nunu refused. So, after that, Tobi tried to get her to play Freeze Tag with him, but Hannah-Nunu refused. Then, Tobi tried to get Hannah-Nunu to play Snakes-and-Ladders with him, but she refused…"

"Er… I regret asking him," muttered Dessie.

"Then Zetsu decided to show Hannah-Nunu and Tobi his garden, but after Hannah-Nunu told Zetsu she didn't love him and only saw him as a houseplant, Zetsu got upset and tried to eat Tobi."

"Hold on a second!"

Tobi stopped and turned to stare at Dessie. "Yes, Dessie-Nunu?"

"Hannah rejected Zetsu!"

Tobi nodded solemnly. "Zetsu said he'd make a good husband and Hannah-Nunu said she didn't see Zetsu as a husband and she had no romantic feelings for him whatsoever. Then, Zetsu tried to eat Tobi!"

Deidara was grinned. "I wish the houseplant was here so I can rub it in his face – rejected! Loser." Deidara laughed even harder and Dessie aimed a ferocious kick at his face, which Deidara barely dodged. "What was that for!"

"Don't laugh at poor Zetsu – his love was pure. Unlike a certain someone."

Deidara glared. "Zetsu's love is as pure as his stomach – which is, to say, not very, uhn."

"We shouldn't discuss this when Zetsu and Hannah aren't here…" I said.

"But when they're not here we can say what ever we want and not have to worry about it," said Deidara.

I shook my head and cuddled closer to Kisame's chest. He grinned broadly and then tried to hide it when he saw Dessie staring at him. I giggled – it's nice to have a boyfriend. Not only do I get my own personal snuggle, I also get to make Dessie jealous. It's a win-win situation.

"Where's the shitty blue orb!"

Hidan and Dessie were looking this way and that wildly as they searched for the blue orb. Everyone else joined in too. But not matter how hard we searched, the orb was no where in sight.

Finally tired and frustrated, Kisame rounded on Hidan and cried, "You're sure this is the right place!"

"Of course!" snapped Hidan and Dessie in unison.

Kisame was unconvinced.

I patted his arm lightly and said, "If Hidan and Dessie are actually agreeing on something that doesn't involve violence, I'd say it's true."

"The idiot couple…" muttered Kisame.

"Look who's talking!" snapped Hidan. He had stopped running and, with Dessie still clutching his back, he rounded on Kisame and me, ready for a fight.

"Tobi is still concerned about the Wargonians army chasing us."

Dessie groaned and smacked Hidan over the back of his head. "While you don't really have any brain cells to spare – get a move on, asshole, unless you want the Wargonians to be eating your ass for dinner tonight!"

That got Hidan's attention. Rubbing the back of his head and muttering something about "valuable brain cells", he looked around at the vast desert sands and finally said, "Where is the blue orb?'

"Why no try the mountains?" asked Dessie. "The blue orb – since we don't see it in the desert – must be hiding in the mountains. And even if it's not, it'll be easier to hide from the Wargonians in the mountains than in the wide open desert."

"Tobi likes Dessie-Nunu's idea."

And so, we raced across the desert, wind billowing through our hair as we made our way towards the towering mountain peaks. Kisame was carrying me bridal style and it had still not come across him to put me down and piggyback me the way Hidan did Dessie. But still, it made me happy. Having a boyfriend is so nice…

We reached the foot of the mountains and began to climb – or, in true ninja fashion, jump from boulder to boulder slowing gaining height as we aimed for the top of the mountains. We kept our eyes peeled in case we caught sight of the blue orb and, in fact, as we neared the top, it was Dessie who caught sight of the glowing blue.

"Over there!" she cried, pointing madly.

We followed her directions and sure enough, in a crevice between two large, oddly shaped boulders lay the warped, glimmering rays of blue light.

"So…" said Kisame slowly. "Who's going to jump down there first?"

Everyone shuffled awkwardly. It was a long jump down and even if the blue orb was there to catch us, there was still the overwhelming possibility that we might just fall to our deaths.

"I think Hidan should go first," said Deidara. "He is immortal after all."

"Yeah, yeah," muttered Hidan. "That's what they all say – Hidan's immortal so it's okay if he falls and breaks his neck!"

"Oh, we don't care if you're immortal," said Dessie. "We just wanted you to fall and break your neck."

"You little bitch!"

Hidan started to chase after Dessie, as if he were going to strangle her. It entertained the rest of us for a minute or two, but – just before Hidan could catch Dessie – a spear came flying out of no where and buried itself in the ground between them.

"What the hell!" screamed Dessie, leaping away. "This is not funny!"

"No one is laughing!" snapped Deidara.

"Tobi sees the Wargonian army behind us…"

"What do we do?" I cried, clinging on to Kisame.

Dessie turned on her heels and sprinted, as fast as she possibly could towards us. As she passed, she grabbed Hidan by the wrist and raced towards the crevice behind Kisame and me. Dragging Hidan by the arm, she jumped into the air and the two of them plummeted downwards.

There was a flash of blue.

Kisame and I peered over the edge of the crevice and, since we could not see and mangled corpses, the two of us jumped into the crevice after Hidan and Dessie. There was a flash of light and then…

A/N: Please review! Review! Review! please... the Wargonians look upon you with puppy dog eyes and beg you to...