Summary of Events: Deidara, Tobi, Kate, Kisame, Hidan, and Dessie have jumped into the portal yet again leaving Wargonia far behind them - where will they end up?

Chapter Sixty: Warg's Revenge

Rule Number Sixty: Don't ever piss off a god

Hannah

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"What the hell…"

"This is stupid."

"Well… at least they managed to find Hidan, Dessie, and Kisame…"

"Hn."

Dessie gasped for breath between screams at turned to glare at Itachi. "Don't you 'hn' me, Mr.! I'm screaming my head off for a reason!"

Kakuzu leaned back in his chair and scowled in the direction of Dessie. "Do you ever have a reason for the things you do? Kate – come here. I need to change your bandages."

Kate complied and went to stand by Kakuzu as he played the role of doctor yet again. I slipped across the room to come help, while Dessie continued her rant about how she always has a reason for the things she does (which we all know is a lie).

Kakuzu probably would have ripped Dessie to pieces for being so loud and annoying, but, unfortunately, Leader walked into the living room moment before Kakuzu could finish with Kate's bandages and proceed to kill Dessie. So, with her life spared and an order from Leader, Dessie made her way to the Meeting Room and the rest of us followed.

"So what happened to you?" asked Itachi as we entered to Meeting Room.

I glanced sidelong at him, surprised to hear Itachi speak, and then said, "Leader will probably explain in a minute."

Itachi nodded. "Hn."

Everyone else gathered in a semi-circle around Leader's desk, chatting under their breaths. Kate was clinging to Kisame (as she always did nowadays – Kate is a very clingy person) while next to them Itachi stood silently, glowering at everything and everyone in the room. I was next to Itachi and then on my right stood Deidara, who was busying having an argument with Zetsu about whether Zetsu being a vegetarian meant e was cannibal. Next to Deidara was Tobi, who kept trying to hug Dessie, but she was in the middle of an intense arm wrestling competition with Hidan (don't ask) while Kakuzu tried to place bets.

Leader sat behind his desk and massaged his temples irritably. "You send them away for awhile to get some peace and quiet – then what do they do the moment they get back? They won't shut up. Why am I in the mood to decapitate something?"

The idea of Leader decapitating was enough to shut everyone up. We all turned to stare at Leader, shuffling awkwardly. He nodded appreciatively at the sudden silence.

"Dessie," said Leader, turning to address her. "Explain."

And so Dessie launched into her story. Since you have probably heard this story a hundred times over, I'll give you the edited and brief recap version: Dessie, Hidan, and Kisame jump through blue orb. End up desert. Find city. City belongs to Wargonians. Who worship Warg. A god made up by Dessie to spite Hidan. Hidan is Jashinist. Wargonians hate Jashinists. Hidan, Dessi,e Kisame are chased by Wargonians. Wargonians become super powered when red light glows brighter. Kisame is captured. Dessie and Hidan rescue Kisame and then run! They run into Deidara, Tobi, and Kate – and then run faster. They find blue orb. Then end.

Silence followed.

"That's the most ridiculous story I have ever heard," said Leader.

"You don't believe us!" asked Deidara incredulously. "I was there, uhn. It was insane."

"I believe you," muttered Leader. "But that doesn't make it any less ridiculous."

"Hn."

Well, after managing to convince everyone that Wargonia was no a joke, the meeting ended and for a day or two everything went back to "normal".

"I still think it's crazy," I said, lying back on my bed. "So Warg is real? I did not see that one coming."

"I didn't either," said Dessie.

"I'm just glad we're back," said Kate. "I missed Kisame so much… I was so worried about him – you know, when I discovered you three had left to go find us…"

"You were just worried about Kisame?" asked Dessie, faking horror. "I'm hurt. I was in danger just as much as he was. But no… Now that you've got yourself a boyfriend your true friends come second."

Kate looked mortified. "I would never! I was just as worried about you Dessie! Really!"

"I'm kidding," said Dessie, chucking a pillow at Kate's head.

We were sitting in our room, each one of us on our own bed with Konan, who Dessie had forced to join us for some "girl time". Konan had decided to sit on Kate's bed (since Kate is the least violent) and was trying to pretend that she was somewhere else so that she didn't have to listen t our pointless chatter.

"Well," I said. "At least you two got to have some fun adventures. Konan and I were stuck in the hideout the whole time."

"Really?" said Dessie slyly. "I heard you had quite the adventure in Zetsu's garden."

I groaned. "Tobi told you! That idiot…"

"So you rejected Zetsu," cried Kate, leaning forward eagerly. "I always knew you had a thing for Deidara."

Dessie sighed. "I was rooting for Zetsu."

"I don't like either of them," I said stiffly.

"I always thought there was something going on between her and Kakuzu," added Konan thoughtfully. "Or Itachi."

Dessie gasped. "Original Hottie is mine! Don't be a boyfriend stealer, Hannah!"

I smacked myself in the forehead. "You're the one who broke up with Itachi."

"You like him!" wailed Dessie.

"No."

"But you were making excuses! You must like him! Never! You two would make an awful couple!" Dessie threw her shoe at my head and it hit my forehead with a nasty thud.

"I don't like Itachi, Dessie!" I screamed. "I don't like Zetsu! I don't like Deidara! And I don't like Kakuzu! And Dessie! If I ever want love advice I will ask someone who actually knows what love is – not some girl who can't even recognize love when it stomps around in front of her shitless!"

Silence.

Dessie glared at me. "What are you implying here?"

"She's talking about how Hidan loves you and you love Hidan," supplied Konan.

"Hidan doesn't love me," said Dessie bluntly. "He only kissed me as a joke."

Everyone in the room froze and slowly turned to stare at Dessie. It was, surprisingly, Konan who spoke first – though she barely managed it.

"You and Hidan k-k-kissed?"

Dessie shrugged nonchalantly. "In Wargonia. He was joking though."

Kate sighed. "Is there no one in this world as romantically dense as Dessie?"

"Probably not," said Konan, nodding in agreement. "Why don't they just hurry up and date. I'm sick and tired of all their lovers' quarrels."

"They're both idiots," I said, tossing Dessie's shoe back at her.

"I kn–"

But Kate's words were cut off by a god-awful scream from the hallway. We all sat still for a moment, staring apprehensively at the door. Then, slowly, we got to or feet and made our way out into the hallway in search of the source of the scream. We found the source soon enough – Tobi. However, it was not the discovery that Tobi screams like a girl that horrified us, it was the fact that he stood in the middle of the hall face-to-face with several gray-skinned, white-haired, red-eyed Wargonian men.

I'm not sure who screamed first. It might have been Kate.

But who screamed first doesn't really matter. What matters is that there are several Wargonians standing in the Akatsuki hideout and that several more came to join them.

"What the… Why are you here!" Dessie pointed violently at each one of the Wargonians in turn.

One of them grinned. "We are here to conquer your world in the name of Warg."

The others nodded.

"Warg is very angry with you. You invaded the sacred temple and defiled his name. How dare Jashin-worshippers like you even go near Warg. And now – Warg is angry. He will bring down his revenge and divine punishment upon you all!"

Rule Number Sixty: Don't piss off a god.

"What's going on here? Who is shouting? I'm going to murder him – some people need to work. Unlike the rest of you lazy ass criminals…"

Leader froze. His head half sticking out of the doorway to his office, Leader stared blankly at Tobi, Konan, Dessie, and me and all the Wargonians in the hallway (there were now about thirty of them).

"Konan…" said Leader slowly.

"Yes?"

"Why are there Wargonians standing in my hallway?"

"I would assume they came through the portal, Leader," said Konan. "They're here to conquer the world."

"Right. Well then, kill them."

"Yes."

Killing Wargonians is not an easy task – especially when then have a near limitless supply coming out of a portal from another dimension. Konan and Tobi battled the Wargonians as best they could, but they were struggling. Kate, Dessie, and I raced down the corridor to call upon the rest of the Akatsuki. I found Kisame and Itachi and dragged them out to the hallway.

For a good half an hour the fight went on.

I helped in whatever ways I could – the frying pan is a deadly weapon indeed. However, the Wargonians are as strong as or, possibly, stronger than the Akatsuki and poor me, who is not even a ninja, was completely overwhelmed.

"Dessie!" I cried, as she punched a Wargonian in the nose.

"Yeah?"

"I can't keep up…"

Dessie nodded in understanding. She couldn't keep up either.

"What do we do?" wailed Kate, running over to cower behind Dessie (Dessie does make a good meat shield).

Dessie punched another Wargonian in the jaw and he grabbed her wrist. Just in time I managed to bring the frying pan crashing down on his arm and he was forced to release Dessie.

"Run!" she cried.

The three of us sprinted down the hallway, ducking and dodging whichever way we went. We had just reached the end of the hall where the door to the hideout lay when Leader's voice filled the room.

"Akatsuki retreat!"

Two words that have never been spoken before. And will probably never be spoken again. With those two words the Akatsuki fled and the three of us went with them. Those two words, spoken by Leader in a dire circumstance, meant one thing: We are in a big shitload of trouble.