Summary of Events: After kidnapping three Wargnians, the Akatsuki have divided up into teams in order to convince Team Hebi, Konoha, and Suna to join in an alliance with in Akatsuki against the Wargonian threat. Hannah, Deidara, Kakuzu, and Tobi confront Team Hebi.

Chapter Sixty-Three: A Chat with Hebi

Rule Number Sixty-Three: Don't provoke Juugo.

Hannah

"Now, Kakuzu," I said slowly and clearly so that he could not miss a single word. "Remember not to kill the Wargonian captive this time."

"I know, I know – it was an easy mistake to make." Kakuzu's black tentacle that rose from his back shifted the Wargonian into a more comfortable position. Then, Kakuzu turned his attention back to me and said, "Leader already threatened to rip me to shreds if I killed the Wargonian again – and you know how scary-as-shit Leader's threats are."

I shuddered. "Extremely scary."

Kakuzu had not dismantled his entire body in order to let his black tentacle carry the Wargonian body. According to Kate, the image of Kakuzu in full-on monster form was as frightening as hell. As we travelled through the forest in the direction of Team Hebi, I was repeatedly glad that only Kakuzu's back was been opened to release the nightmarish tentacles and that his face was still intact.

"I'm bored!" groaned Deidara. "Are we there yet?"

"No, Deidara,: I said through gritted teeth. "We are not there yet. If you ask one more time I will unleash Tobi on you."

Tobi giggled delightedly at my use of his name and tried – yet again – to place his flower crown on my head. I swatted away the flower crown and Tobi picked it up and began trying to repair it again.

"What if Hebi doesn't even want to talk to us, uhn?" asked Deidara.

"Then we'll just make them talk to us," muttered Kakuzu.

"I did not come all this way with a complaining Deidara, a deformed Kakuzu, and a hyperactive Tobi to get turned away by Team Hebi," I said grimly. "Don't mess with me."

"Bitchy Hannah is back in action," said Kakuzu cheerfully. "Maybe she's PMSing."

"I didn't even think you knew what that meant," I muttered.

"Of course we do," scoffed Deidara. He laughed. "The joys of whore houses."

"Tobi doesn't know what PMSing means."

"Good, "I said. "Let's keep it that way."

"We haven't brought the girls to a brothel any time recently," said Kakuzu thoughtfully. "The Akatsuki is probably running low on money… We should probably do something about that…"

"May I point out that we're in the middle of a bigger crisis than just a financial one," I said. "And yes, Wargonians invading our beloved hideout is considered a crisis."

There was a pause, as we all mourned the loss of our home. Then, suddenly, out of the blue Deidara asked, "Where the hell is Team Hebi? They said – when we contacted them to organize this shitty meetings – that we would meet in this forest! So where are they!"

"Calm down…" I said dully. "Yelling and screaming like a five-year-old brat won't get us anywhere."

"At least one of you has some sense."

I glanced up and saw black duck-ass hair. In my life, I have only ever met Sasuke once. And it had been before the formation of Team Hebi when Dessie was being kidnapped by Orochimaru. If I remember correctly, Deidara blew Sasuke and Kabuto from here to the other side of the Fence. Heh, heh… This is probably not the best reunion time…

"Hey, Sasuke," said Kakuzu, completely calm despite the appearance of an extremely powerful adversary. "Long time no see."

Sasuke nodded grimly. "The Stalker-Bitch isn't with you?"

"Nah. She's going to Konoha. We figure it's time they got their share of the Dessie-horror, uhn," said Deidara. "Instead you get to see the wondrously sensible and calm Hannah."

"Great…" I muttered.

Sasuke squinted at the four of us (plus the unconscious Wargonian) and, after some deep deliberations, he decided that since Dessie was not in the vicinity and it was alright to bring the rest of us to Team Hebi's camp.

Without a word, he turned and led us through the maze of trees towards camp. The trees reached out their scraggy arms and tried to gash open my skin, but I swatted them away irritably and kept my focus on following Sasuke. Soon, we found ourselves stumbling into a clearing where the three other Hebi members lay in wait. The first one I saw was the hulking Juugo (if Dessie's descriptions were accurate). He had the sort of big-brother look with a solid face and messy-orange hair. His smile was nice, however, and I was willing to forgive his gigantic figure. Of course, when a sparrow cam to rest on his shoulder and he fed it with his hands, I was sure if I should be impressed of repulsed (badass criminals should not feed the birds). Juugo was also missing an arm from the time Zetsu apparently bit it off and ate it. I wonder if Juugo still holds grudge…

"Dessie isn't with them?" asked Suigetsu. He sounded almost disappointed.

"That bitch," said Karin, though she seemed a little regretful too. "She can't try and steal my Sasuke now!"

"You're just jealous because she's kissed Sasuke more times than you," said Suigetsu. "Which isn't hard to do since you've never kissed Sasuke."

"Shut up, asshole!"

Suigetsu was, as Dessie called him, a Snow-Hottie. He had short, straight snow-white hair with glowing purple eyes that stood out vividly in my mind. With pointed white teeth and a nice build, I could see, perfectly, Dessie's attraction to him. Like Kisame, Suigetsu had a gigantic sword strapped to his back, though Suigetsu's looked more like an over-grown butcher's knife than a sword.

Karin was exactly the whorish bitch Dessie had described. Long pink hair and a whore's outfit, she belonged in a brothel far more than Kate, Dessie, or I. Looking at Karin, I could see exactly how she and Dessie could get along so well.

"So what do they want to talk about?" asked Juugo.

Sasuke stepped past Suigetsu and took as seat beside Juugo (the most reasonable looking for the four team members). When he was settled, Sasuke gazed up at the Akatsuki in front of him and said, "I don't know. They're about to tell us."

"Great…" I muttered. "No pressure at all."

"You're Dessie's friend, huh?" said Karin darkly.

I nodded, and decided not to say anything to her.

"Tell Dessie to keep her paws off my Sasuke – you hear me, bitch?" Karin looked murderous.

I chose to ignore her and kept my eyes pinned on Sasuke instead. Deidara, however, stepped between Karin and me and said, in deadly tones, "What do you think you're talking about, whore?"

"Are you defending that Crazy Stalker Bitch?" asked Karin angrily.

"About Dessie getting her paws all over Sasuke," said Deidara. "Dessie has higher standards than that. She's got a thing for Hidan – and don't drag Hannah into your and Dessie's catfight, uhn."

"Hidan?" asked Juugo.

"Isn't Hidan the loudmouthed immortal guy who swore a lot?" asked Suigetsu.

"Er, yeah, that's him…" I said slowly.

Karin snorted. "His IQ fits that of Dessie."

"Unfortunately I have to argue with that because Dessie is quite intelligent…" I sighed heavily and added in monotone, "Dessie's not even here – why do we have to talk about her? I get one moment of freedom from her and what do we do? Talk about Dessie…"

Juugo nodded in agreement. "I want to know why the Akatsuki is here."

Tobi clapped him hands excitedly and cried, "Tobi captured the Wargonian man for this purpose! Tobi wants to show Team Hebi is captive!"

Complying with Tobi's orders, Kakuzu slowly lowered the unconscious Wargonian man to the ground. The Wargonian lay there quietly and Kakuzu's black tentacles submerged back into Kakuzu's body until he was back to normal. Team Hebi stared at the Wargonian in shock. Then, slowly, Sasuke raised his head until his eyes met Kakuzu's and he said, "Explain."

And so we did. We explained about the orbs and about how Dessie, Kate, and I had come from Earth. And, after various trips through the glowing blue orbs – and blowing up the orb on Earth – Kisame, Hidan, and Dessie had somehow ended up in Wargonia.

"Wait a second! Wait a second!" said Suigetsu, raising a hand to stop Kakuzu mid-story.

"Yeah?"

"Dessie made-up a god – Warg – to spite Hidan and that god turned out to be real?"

"Yeah."

Suigetsu laughed. "That's pretty badass."

"Can I get on with the story?" asked Kakuzu irritably. He finished explaining about Kisame's kidnapping and the threats of Urkakuk the Head Priest of Warg. Then, the Wargonians invaded the Akatsuki hideout and are planning to take over the Fence (we had to explain the name 'the Fence' to Team Hebi as well). And when Kakuzu was finished explaining, Team Hebi could only gawp at us in horror.

"He's lying," declared Karin.

"Tobi didn't capture the Wargonian soldiers for nothing."

Karin glanced sidelong at the unconscious gray-skinned man. There was no denying the unmistakable presence of the foreigner.

Tobi stepped towards the unconscious Wargonian and, with a couple of hand signs, the Wargonian's eyes flew open and he leapt to his feet, looking around wildly. Karin jumped at little, and waddled away while Sasuke gazed upon the Wargonian with the upmost fascination.

"Sit down," commanded Kakuzu.

The Wargonian rounded on Kakuzu, his red eyes flashing dangerously. "I will kill you. Warg will punish you. You will die, screaming in agony."

Kakuzu smiled and stepped forward, no doubt about to show the Wargonian what screaming in agony really meant, but I beat Kakuzu to it. I stood in front of the Wargonian, my hands on my hips, and said, "You and your puny god Warg mean nothing to me."

The Wargonian laughed. "What do you know about the might of Warg?"

"A lot more than you can imagine." I tipped my head to the side. "What's your name?"

"You can't make me tell you."

I smiled.

One moment I was standing, smiling at the Wargonian, and the next I was standing on tiptoe, inched away from him, whispering in his ear. I made sure to speak in low tones so that neither Team Hebi nor the Akatsuki could hear me. Then, when I had finished, I stepped away from the Wargonian to see what effect my words had upon him.

…Let's just say they worked.

His face turned a pale shade and his hands started to tremble. The Wargonian stared at me in horror and, with a quivering voice, he said, "My n-n-name is Arnun."

I smiled kindly. "Nice to meet you, Arnun. I am Hannah."

"I'll tell you anything!" wailed Arnun, falling to his knees in desperation. "Anything you want to know about the Wargonians! Our source of power! Our fighting techniques! Our god! Our goals! Our motives! Anything and everything! Just please! Please! Please keep her away from me!"

…

Slowly, Team Hebi turned to stare at me.

"Where did you find her?" asked Sasuke incredulously.

I shrugged. "It's a natural born talent."

Kakuzu, however, did not feel like bragging about my ability to scare the shit out of random strangers. Instead, he leant over Arnun and asked, "Your source of power?"

Arnun glanced at me and whimpered. "Upon our creation Warg gave the Wargonians a light, which, when lit, gives the Wargonians endless power and strength. Then the Wargonians are undefeatable."

"Where is this light?"

"On top of the temple… it glows red during usually and when it's lit, it glows black."

"Didn't Dessie mention that…?" I said softly. "One moment the Wargonians were beatable and then the light changed to black and they grew stronger…"

Slowly, Kakuzu nodded. Then, he turned back to Arnun. "Is there any way to destroy this light?"

Arnun shrugged and then shrieked at the sight of me. "I don't know! I don't know! High powered explosives maybe! Normal weapons can't destroy it! But bombs – I don't know! Wargonians don't use bombs! We use glaives and knives!"

"Glaives?" asked Suigetsu.

"Long sticks with knives at the end," I explained. "A type of weapon."

"Oh…"

For a moment, we all the stared at Arnun. Then, Sasuke rose to his feet and turned to Kakuzu.

"While your story seems likely to be true, I cannot take the risk that this is all just a ploy to destroy Team Hebi. I would like to send one of my members to make sure that the Akatsuki's story is true. If he sees for his own eyes the Wargonians, Team Hebi will join forces with the Akatsuki – and whoever else is willing to join the cause. However–" Sasuke glared at us all warningly. "–If you are lying. Team Hebi will not hesitate to take you out one-by-one."

"Yeah, yeah…" Deidara said, waving away Sasuke threats. "You say that to Itachi every time you meet him – and, if I may point out, Itachi is still alive."

"Deidara…" I said warningly.

"We would like a promise," said Kakuzu, ignoring Sasuke's spitting rage as he contemplated murdering Deidara on the spot.

"What kind of promise?" asked Sasuke darkly.

"If you join us in our war against the Wargonians – don't kill Itachi. At least not while we're fighting. Once all the Wargonians are gone and the threat entirely eliminated you can get back to hating Itachi and plotting to kill him same as always – but while we are on the same side, I expect Itachi to be alive at all times."

Sasuke scowled. Undoubtedly he planned to join our war with the intentions of killing Itachi first chance he got and making it look like an accident.

Sasuke gritted his teeth. "I promise."

There was a flash of orange light.

A pause.

"What did you just do!" cried Sasuke, rounding on Kakuzu. "What did you do, you son-of-a-bitch traitorous Akatsuki!"

"Don't look at me," said Kakuzu. "Tobi did it."

Sasuke rounded on Tobi, his eyes practically spitting rage. "What did you do!"

"Tobi just made sure that Sasuke couldn't kill any of the Akatsuki during the war," said Tobi cheerfully. "If Sasuke breaks his promise than he will die. Very, very, very painfully." Tobi giggled. "Itachi-senpai, Leader-sama, and Tobi made up the jutsu together."

Sasuke looked livid and, to be honest, I didn't blame him. However, it is always funny to watch people be outsmarted by Tobi of all people and my amusement overwhelmed my sympathy, so instead, I just laughed.

"Well," said Kakuzu, gathering up Arnun in his black tentacles again. "We'd best be off. You're welcome to see the army of Wargonians for yourself – the hideout is in theRainVillage."

Tobi used some unknown jutsu to put the Wargonian back to sleep. Then, Deidara, Kakuzu, Tobi, and I turned out backs on Team Hebi and made our way back through the forest, trying to hide the fact that all four of us were shaking with laughter as we replayed the image of Sasuke's outrage over and over again.

We had almost left Team Hebi behind when Kakuzu stopped, turned around, and called out, "Hey, Juugo! How's your arm doing! Zetsu apologizes for losing it!"

Rule Number Sixty-Three: Don't provoke Juugo. After Kakuzu's comment, Juugo went into monster form and chased the four of us all the way out of the forest. Needless to say, Sasuke was not inclined to help us at all.