Disclaimer: I do not own Deadpool or anything else you may recognize
It's what the title and summary say, except I'm gonna call him Fuckrod in the entire story, not the name he uses. This sick, pathetic fuck is desperate for attention.
Now I'm gonna give 'em some.
Wade Wilson and Aragorn II Elessar the author stood together in a room as Wade asked Aragorn in a dangerously low tone. "So you wanna do the roast?"
"Y-Yes", Aragorn stuttered.
"Do it correctly moron, everyone should have a laugh", Wade said threateningly as he raised a finger, making Aragorn back off. "When it's all over, we need to sort out all the details."
Aragorn simply nodded.
Later
Aragorn the author sat on a chair, looking at the camera in front of him, a Yoda doll kept on a chair behind him.
"So how are you people?" Aragorn asked. "Today, I'm gonna talk about a really pathetic loser, who doesn't care if his sentences look sensible or not, he whines. He doesn't care to check statistics, but he whines. He doesn't care if he tastes sour or sweet, he whines."
And then Aragorn spoke his name. "Fuckrod."
Looking around, he repeated it twice. "Fuckrod. Fuckrod."
Looking pissed off, Aragorn said. "Fuckrod is that insect in my nose, which no matter how many times I shoo it away, it doesn't learn. I have to use my finger to pull it out."
Looking serious, Aragorn said. "Look, this is a strange time. Everyone is locked up at home, and the world is pissing its pants. But even at a time like this, there are some pathetic losers, who will never learn. I'm not the kind of guy who bangs his forehead on the ground all the time, but if some pathetic loser offers himself up to me, then I'm not so innocent myself."
Aragorn then clicked on the reviews for his friend Stand with Ward and Queen's story 'United we stand' and looked at the review of a Guest who called himself 'Coolrod.'
"Meet him, this is a professional harasser Coolrod, though his actual name is Fuckrod", Aragorn said. "He has a lot of stuff to say about those who write MCU/Arrowverse crossovers and pair Barry with Wanda."
Aragorn started reading the topmost review out loud- "Oh damn this is a crap! What is this obsession with barry and wanda?"
Aragorn took off his glasses and said. "Okay, 'a crap?' What the fuck is this shit? And why the hell are names of people said in small words? In case you don't know, I'm messing up my college life, but this shithead writes like he failed in 4th standard."
Aragorn then remembered something and said. "And this Fuckrod once said how we people are obsessed with writing crossovers about roasting fanatics. What kind of fucked up logic is this?"
Shaking his head, Aragorn said. "So if you're a sick fuck, I call you out, I'm obsessed with you. A head of a ruling party of a nation says something about the Opposition, the head is obsessed with the Opposition. A police officer catches a criminal, the police officer is obsessed with the criminal. Did you disintegrate your brain, or whatever you had in its place, into nothingness during the lockdown?"
Aragorn read some more of the review- "There are way better characters pairings then those. Unfortunately this site writers have a obsession with the arrowverse/avengers."
"Okay, repetitive moron, what is this obsession with the word 'obsession?'" Aragorn wondered before opening a private conversation with Stand where Stand had shared another review of Fuckrod which Aragorn read out loud- "Well there's definitely no originality here as always. Just another arrowverse/avengers story for the millionth time."
"And when you shit, it forms a rainbow, isn't that right?" Aragorn asked. "All right fine, none of this is original and has been done before. I am happy. At least we don't waste time writing pathetic shit which you need to read 10 times to even understand."
Aragorn then remembered something else Fuckrod had said. "He also once said that I am an asshole to him because I delete his reviews."
Laughing hysterically, Aragorn said. "Okay, so next time someone harasses me, I won't call 'em out, I will offer them my head on a platter, and give them the script of my next story to criticize. Oh, you stupid brainless twerp, if you don't remember, you harassed me over Smallville too, so if I don't call out, how is improvement gonna come? But no! I should be happy about the fact that I have one more supporter, even though I know this guy is more two-faced than Cersei Lannister. That's why nobody respects you, Fuckrod."
Aragorn then read some more of Fuckrod's other review- "What about smallville angel buffy the vampire slayer lost."
"Oh God! Everyone has different priorities, moron", Aragorn said before reading more of it- "Its pretty annoying I hope that one day some writers on this site will the courage to give other shows something else."
Shaking his head, Aragorn wondered. "Why do you need courage exactly to give a show some respect? It's not hard. But no Fuckrod, this is actually a film going on. I'm not Aragorn the author, I am Aragorn II Elessar the character", he pointed at the Yoda doll behind him. "This isn't Yoda, this is fucking Gollum!"
Glaring at the screen, Aragorn said. "Moron, life isn't Looney Tunes that you're gonna see stuff as good as the day it is, or that you're gonna get everything you want. Life used to disappoint, life disappoints, and life will continue to disappoint. Go take this strawberry world of yours somewhere else. And I'm gonna show soon who is the obsessed one."
Aragorn then found a deleted review of Fuckrod from 'Of Speedsters and Forces'- "Interesting story even though I'm not a fan of the whole same heroes meeting heroes just different personalities thing it was a good. I hope that wonda have a crush on smallville Clark I think that would be the most interesting paring. Loved Logan giving advice to both jean and scott. Oliver bullet timing is cool to thanks to smallville as cheesey as it is. Nice seeing Charles and Erick come to a understanding and being friends. Seeing at the heroes comes together was cool with the smallville gang was involved in the infinity war/endgame battle."
"You're full of shit as always, people like you are sold in bundles", Aragorn said. "Not a fan of heroes meeting heroes? As long as it's not Smallville that is, right? And wait! Wanda being paired Barry is an obsession, but being paired with Clark is interesting? Even though Clark is happily married to the best version of Lois Lane ever? Seriously, it's obvious you are obsessed with Smallville, so to deflect attention from yourself, you're making bullshit about how others are obsessed with Barry/Wanda. Man, if I take you to a sweet shop, you will be sold in less than 5 cents."
Then Aragorn remembered something and showed a review of Fuckrod from Raptor2216's 'Fall of Cicada'- "This is the real coolrod look here you crazy motherfucker get a life fine something else to do you don't like my comments that's fine just don't go pretending to be me. And that goes to the rest of these crazy ass people like the one's telling me to commit suicide. It's just fucking story. Good bad or indifferent you don't have to like my opinions or comments nor do I give a shit."
"If you didn't give a shit, your stupid reviews won't be showing up on Stand's story, Mr. Shitrod. Wait, Whinerod! What was his name again?" Aragorn wondered.
Then he focused on another part of the review. "'motherfucker get a life fine something else to do-'
"' 'motherfucker get a life fine something else to do'", Aragorn repeated before saying. "Fuckrod, you're interchanging your words, you idiot. So many years of education, all your parents' money wasted!"
Aragorn then said. "You don't study for exams, all your answers are wrong, then you hide your paper."
He read another comment of Fuckrod- "Again this is the real coolrod I did not write that bullshit about iris nor do I care less there is someone on this site pretending to be me i have not written a review in months."
Aragorn clapped sarcastically. "Very good, kiddo, very good. This isn't trial baseball, such excuses don't work. We all know who said the crap about Iris, and it was you, not an imposter."
Aragorn then said. "And in case you don't know, the Buffy/Avengers crossover on this site number more than Arrow/Avengers or Flash/Avengers, but you don't read them, you read these stories to whine. Still, anyone is free to read what they want but-" Aragorn pulled a flower out of his ass. "Just because I pulled a flower from my ass doesn't mean I'm a magician."
"Good thing you didn't pull out a ring!" Wade called out and Aragorn paled.
"Now I'm gonna teach you in your language", Aragorn said. "Imagine I'm a dancer."
He shook one shoulder at a time. "Now doing it like this", he shook both shoulders simultaneously. "And this, is different, right? Same way the actual plot line of these 'recycled' stories is different. Man, you have spent so much time typing this shit, tearing others down, that you've forgotten to look into a mirror."
Shaking his head, Aragorn said. "But again, you don't care if Smallville is written about or not, isn't that right? Same way Sasha Grey is still a virgin!"
Aragorn then said. "His name alone makes me pity him, as someone calling themselves 'cool' must be really insecure, but when I read his reviews, I get so angry I wanna go into the sky and explode! You hate seeing stories like these, but there are stories like the one you want, and you say you'll write 'em when you learn to. But do you? My ass! Like seriously, all you have to do is type, upload the document, and post the chapter. It's that simple. Like who the fuck gave a kid access to this site?"
Shaking his head, Aragorn said in a mock tone. "'Smallville doesn't get enough love' my ass. I've never seen someone this pathetic in my life."
With a smirk, Aragorn said. "So I'll conclude it by saying corona and Fuckrod are sprouted from the same seed, going around, trying to tear down people, only corona is more honest about it. See Fuckrod, the true obsessed moron here is you. Your whiny reviews number more than Barry/Wanda stories which people are 'obsessed' with."
Getting up, Aragorn said. "So all I can say is that you need a reality check, which you have just gotten. Clearly, you wanted to be roasted, so I shouldn't even hear an 'ABC' about this from you."
He then called out. "Wade!"
"Yes!" Wade said.
"If Fuckrod comments on this story, get Imperfect Cell to absorb him", Aragorn said.
"Oh that will be so awesome!" Wade laughed hysterically.
"To the rest, thank you so much for the love and support guys and girls, all of you, I can never go on without people like you behind me" Aragorn smiled. "We need to come together and support each other during times like this over good things. So thank you everyone, stay safe from the coronavirus, and keep reading and reviewing what you like on these sites, and never hesitate to unleash your own imagination."
And done. Hope all enjoyed.