A/N: So sorry I went MIA for a while there guys. This chapter gave me major writer's block.
Shoving the rest of the clothes that were laying on my bed into my suitcase, I zipped it up with a huff and flopped down on the bed next to Jared. "I think that's just about it." I sighed, turning towards him. "I don't want to go." I pouted with my lower lip out.
He smiled warmly at me, tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. "I don't want you to go either baby, but it's the best place for you right now. So let's go lug that thing downstairs. Besides, you'll only be gone for a week and don't you want to see your sister?"
"I guess you're right. But you promise you'll call me right after and let me know that you're safe? All of you?" I hated that I wasn't going to be there when the battle happened, but I trusted Sam to keep everyone I loved safe. When he nodded, I pressed my lips to his. "It just seems so weird, leaving. It's like my body is telling me that I'm not allowed to be away from you."
He gave me another one of his sweet smiles. "I can already feel your absence and you haven't even left yet. Don't worry sweetheart, I'm feeling the same way as you."
He lifted up my suitcase and I rambled on as we walked down the stairs. "But you know, if you really think about it from the bigger perspective, one week is nothing. I mean, we're soul mates. A few years down the road and we're going to be engaged, living together and starting a family. We basically have the rest of our lives to be together." I sighed, stopping as we reached the car where my brother was sitting in the front, waiting so he could drive me to the airport. "Even so, I'm going to miss you like crazy." I said, craning my neck to look up at him.
He seemed to hesitate for a second, but like it never happened, he kissed my lips and then my forehead gently. "Goodbye Kim." He said softly, before he turned away and started jogging. I climbed into the passenger seat and by the time I looked up, he was already out of sight. Just like that.
"Ready to go?" My brother asked, startling me from my thoughts. "Make sure you give them both my best and let Mom know I'm sorry we couldn't make it, but we will definitely see her for Christmas." And then he nudged me with his elbow. "So you and Jared are getting pretty cozy, eh?" He teased.
I flushed and looked at my hands that were placed in my lap and he laughed to himself, clearly not expecting an answer. Last year, I couldn't imagine us being in the same car together, let alone talking and joking like we used to. But a lot of things had changed since then.
My mother and sister met me on the other side of the airport. I had just gotten off the plane and was searching for them when someone screamed my name and I turned around just in time to catch Lakota, who had been barrelling towards me at full speed, in my arms. I quickly pressed my nose into her hair as she squeezed the life out of me and then pulled back. "If you kill me now, I won't be able to visit you anymore." I joked, putting her on her feet.
I gave my mom and hug and a kiss on the cheek in greeting and Lakota grabbed my hand and pulled me toward baggage, rambling on the entire time about her new preschool and our new cousin. By the time we had gotten back to the house, I had been filled in on every single second of Lakota's life that had happened from the last time I saw her.
She clapped excitedly when she saw our Aunt Jean, who was holding her five month son Jackson. I quickly embraced her for the first time in years and then held my cousin. "Adorable, isn't he?" She winked. "Pretty soon, Jeff and Callie will be popping one of these out. Or maybe you, considering the news of that new boyfriend I must hear all about."
I blushed, like I usually do when Jared is mentioned, but my smile lit up out of my control. "Where do I even begin?"
Two days later, on the day I knew things were going down I spent all day waiting nervously upstairs in the room I was staying in. When my phone finally rang and I head Jared's voice, my whole body slumped in relief. "I'm glad you're safe." I whispered, close to tears. "How is everyone else? Paul, Leah, Jake?"
He sounded a bit off, but I didn't chalk it up to anything major, considering he had just finished a fight. "Jake got crushed by a newborn and broke half the bones in his body. He's going to be fine although the Vamp doc just needs to break all the bones again so that's going to be a bitch. I have to go help though so I'll talk to you soon."
"Wait I…" The dial tone hit my ear before I got another word out. I put my phone down, relieved but also unable to shake the feeling that something else was wrong.
It got harder to relax and enjoy my stay over the week because I didn't talk to Jared at all. He didn't answer my calls and when I talked to Paul, he reassured me that he was just busy. I would normally have accepted that, if Paul didn't sound so un-Paul when I talked to him. I was getting anxious.
Needless to say, I was relieved when it was time for me to go back to La Push. I kissed my family goodbye and promised to come back before summer was over and then boarded the plane, anxious to get home.
When I did touch down, I was shocked and disappointed to see Paul waiting for me. I let him wrap me up in a hug for a moment, because it really was good to see him and then I raised my eyebrow. "Sorry, he got caught up in pack duty." He mumbled.
"You couldn't have covered? It would have been nice to see my boyfriend after a week." I teased him, a bit worried when he didn't tease me back at all. "Paul?"
He shook his head. "Just leave it alone Kim." He said harshly, but he placed his large, warm hand on my lower back and guided me away. The drive from Port Angeles to home was quiet, but Paul helped me carry my things into my empty house.
"So," I tried to keep my voice light. "Is everyone at Emily and Sam's? Are we heading over there now?"
He shook his head. "Sorry, everyone's pretty busy. Probably best you stay here." He pressed a kiss to my head. "I'll see you later."
I grasped his arm before he could walk out of reach. "Paul, you're my best friend. Please tell me what's going on."
I was shocked when I realized he was close to tears. "I can't." He choked out. "I literally… I can't. I'm sorry." And then he slammed the door shut as he left. I stood dumbfounded for a minute before I slowly went over to sit on the couch. With nothing else to do, I flicked aimlessly through the TV channels for hours before there was finally a knock at my door.
I swung it open and when I realized it was Jared, I threw myself at him and kissed him. His arms seemed to catch me and he kissed me on reflex, but he seemed stiff and unsure. "Hey stranger," I said lightly. "Come on in. Where have you been?" When he walked into the light, I noticed the dried blood and the pink puckering mark down his face. "Oh my god, what did you do?"
He wiped at it. "Oh, nothing I'm fine." He said.
"Okay… Well do you want to go upstairs? There's no one here and I'd love to lie around and cuddle while we fill each other in on our week. How does that sound? We haven't talked in days."
He grabbed my hand and led me back towards the sofa. "How about we talk down here?" He said and I sat down next to him.
"Okay, but we're not going to be able to cuddle very well. Oh well, anyway, how was your week? I know you were busy considering you couldn't talk to me at all but I'm just curious as to what you were doing…" I rambled on like I usually do when I get nervous. "I wasn't really busy at all. Lakota talked a mile a minute, kind of like how I'm talking now, only in that cute five year old voice of hers…"
"Kim I slept with someone else."
It took me a minute to realize that came from Jared's mouth before I laughed nervously. "Jared, you aren't exactly known for your clean record. I knew what I was getting into before we started this." When he didn't laugh with me or say anything, that's when the truth finally hit me. "When we were together."
He hung his head in his hands. "When you were gone this last week. The night before the battle."
"Why?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. I tried to sound mad, but I sounded so pitiful and so pathetic and I hated it.
"Right before you left, you were talking about marriage and soul mates and forever and the seriousness of everything really hit me and I never used to be this guy and then I got scared. It was a moment of weakness and I don't know why I did it. I've felt sick to my stomach ever since. My body is punishing me. Kim, can you ever forgive me."
My mouth had gone dry and I almost couldn't speak. "How can you say that to me when you dragged me into this too? I'm 17 years old and all of a sudden I'm supposed to believe that this guy is my soul mate? That's it? No playing the field, wondering if that Mr. Right is out there for me? You don't think that scared me? And do you see me running off and screwing other people?"
"Kim…"
"You're pathetic." I spit out.
His head still hung in his hands. "I know."
"You're a coward."
"I know."
My voice was toneless, emotionless. "Get out."
"Okay." He said quietly, getting up to leave. I watched him go, eyes wide and unblinking. He stopped at the door and turned to me. "Kim…"
That was the fourth time he had said my name since his confession and the sound of it racked my body with emotion. "Don't talk to me. Don't ever say my name again. You don't deserve to." I stood up and pushed what was left of his body out the door and then slammed it as hard as I could with shaking hands.
It took me a minute to realize that my hands were shaking and that some horrible, catlike sounds were strangling themselves out of my throat. In a rampage, I started throwing around all of the kitchen utensils against the stove and counter where we made pancakes. I chucked my favourite vans out the window upstairs and I broke the mirror in my bathroom before I curled up in bed.
After everything I gave up to be with him, how could he do this to me?
It took me a while to stem my tear flow enough to fall asleep, but eventually I did. I only awoke the next morning to a warm breeze floating through my window. Next to my bed, propped up against the lamp, was an envelope. I was hesitant to open it, thinking it might have been from Jared, but I remembered the long scar down Jared's face yesterday and I knew exactly who it was from.
Inside was a stack of money and a note from Paul.
I came to check on you last night and saw the mess. Here's some money from the damage fund. I think it applies. Lo-Paul.
He had started to write love and then scratched it out. I shook my head. Leave it to Paul to make me smile at this time. I stumbled into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth to shake my grogginess, and almost had a heart attack when I found Paul perched on my bed. "Jesus Christ." I exhaled in a low whisper, trying to get my heart working.
"I didn't mean to scare you." He said. "I just wanted to see if you were okay."
It was weird seeing him serious, and not in a mean way, so I gave him my best smile. "I'm fine, Paul." I murmured.
"No you're not. Come here." He patted the bed and I sat next to him. The minute he pulled me into his lap and started stroking my hair, I burst into tears. He didn't say anything for a minute as he continued to stroke my hair, but after a minute he said, "I beat him up, if that makes you feel any better." When I blubbered out a laugh, he added, "Twice."
"You don't have to be mad at him, Paul. He's your brother, you love him."
I could practically hear him roll his eyes. "Kim, I love you too. What he did was wrong."
"You do realize you just told me you loved me, right?" I teased. "I love you too, just like a brother. I even forgive you for breaking my wrist." I laughed when he flinched, but quickly sobered up. "Being here is just a reminder of everything I gave up for him. My best friend, my family, my future. I can't stay here anymore."
He smiled sadly. "I know, Kim. Pack your stuff okay? I'll be back in ten minutes."
"Wait, where are you going? And why am I packing?"
"I'm going to ask Sam if I can borrow his truck and I'm going to drive you back to Portland."
I looked at him with wide eyes. "Right now?"
"Yep, so you might want to call your mom and tell her you're coming. Ten minutes." And then he was gone out the window.
It only took me a split second to make my final decision, and then I was throwing my clothes back into my suitcase and packing up my things. It took me longer than ten, so Paul finished up for me when he got back as I went to say goodbye to Callie and Jeff quickly. I could tell they wanted to ask, but they left it alone for now, which I was thankful for, and then I was sitting in Sam's truck beside Paul, who was eating an extremely large piece of beef jerky.
He held out a second stick to me. "Want one? You can't have a road trip without beef jerky."
I shrugged. "Why not?" and then I ripped off a piece of popped it into my mouth, preparing myself for a seven hour road trip with Paul. As we broke the line between Forks and La Push, a pained howl ripped through the air. I wanted to pretend to ignore it, but my head shot up and I looked at Paul. "Will he follow us?"
"No. Sam gave him strict orders not to follow you or try to contact you unti- unless you made the first move." He caught himself before he said until, and I turned away.
"Tell him not to hold his breath. Or better yet, tell him to. Hold his breath until I come running back, and he'll be long, long dead." I muttered angrily, and that's when he knew to leave me in silence and let me be.
Eventually I dimmed the feelings that I was having and managed to talk to Paul basically the whole ride. However, half of it was to make fun of his absolutely horrible singing and the fact that his farts smelled like beef jerky, but it took my mind off of a lot of things.
As we got closer, he became serious. "Are you going to be okay?"
"I don't know." I shrugged. "Life goes on, I guess."
As we drove into the driveway and he started helping me with my stuff, I immediately introduced him in order to clear up any confusion. They were surprised, but thrilled to see me and I knew they all had a million questions. "I'm going to walk Paul out and then we can talk okay?" I told them, giving them the "look" that basically meant leave me alone and then I stepped outside and shut the door. "You're not going to cry on me, are you?" I joked as my own tears started to form.
He brushed them away and wrapped me up in a hug. "This isn't goodbye, Kim. It's far from it. I promise we will keep in touch and I promise I will visit you. I'm sure Quil and probably even Jake will join me sometimes."
"And you'll say goodbye for me right? To Emily and Sam… and everyone?"
"Of course." He hugged me again. "I'll be seeing you, Kim."
I smiled. "Count on it." And then I watched from the porch as he drove away and that sad feeling that had been hidden in his presence started to peek out.
I went back into the house where Lakota immediately raced into my arms. "Kimmie, are you back for good?" She asked excitedly.
"I guess I am."
Welcome to Portland, Oregon.