Summary of Events: After the War Council, the Akatsuki are splitting ways. Hannah, Zetsu, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Tobi are staying in Suna. Leader, Kisame, Kate, Hidan, and Konan are going to Konoha. Dessie, Deidara, Suigetsu, Sakura, and Gai arrived in Wargonia.

Chapter Seventy-Four: Arrival at Konoha

Rule Number Seventy-Four: Never forget that normal people cannot understand that you like and are attracted to the Akatsuki.

Kate

Konoha was completely different from the last time I had been her. Last time, Konoha had been a peaceful place, protected by devoted shinobi. Now the village was flooded with shinobi, all preparing for a bitter war against the Wargonians. At our arrival, the shinobi paused in what they were doing and stared – as the Most Unlikely Allies we turned heads.

As we walked along, familiar faces cropped up amongst the crowd. Hinata… Ino… Shikamaru… Naruto… Sai…

My eyes made contact with Sai's and a deep red blush crossed my face. He caught sight of me and smiled, calling out, "Hello, Cutie."

My face turned and even brighter shade of red and behind me, Kisame drew his sword. He stepped in front of me, as if to shield me from any threats and said, "Who the hell do you think you're calling a cutie, bastard?"

"Wait!" I cried grabbing hold of Kisame's wrist (of course, I did nothing to counteract his strength).

Sai ducked behind Naruto and grinned back at Kisame. "Whoa. Is she your lover?"

I buried my face in my hands and turned away. Kisame, on the other hand, grinned confidently. "Yeah, asshole. She's my girl. Don't go hitting on another guy's girl – or I will rip you to shreds and feed the shreds to my shark friends."

Hidan laughed. "Kisame, you bastard, you get jealous every time another guy smiles at Kate."

Slowly Kisame rounded of Hidan and pointed his sword at Hidan's head. "And you, Zombie-Whore, get jealous every time Dessie kisses another guy which is – say – every two seconds. I bet right now she's making out with Suigetsu–"

"What the fuck did you say!" shouted Hidan. He dodged Kisame's sword and caught Kisame by the throat and began trying to strangle him. Kisame gasped for air and then slammed his fist into Hidan's shoulder. Hidan was forced to let go of Kisame's throat, but the moment Hidan recovered his balance, he leapt on Kisame's back and proceeded to hit the back of Kisame's head over and over again.

"Morons…" muttered Konan.

Leader shook his head. "Kisame… Hidan… If you don't stop trying to kill each other, I will show you the true meaning of pain."

Hidan and Kisame immediately stopped and stepped away from one another. Hidan snickered and said, "No pun intended, Leader?"

Leader ignored Hidan's comment and continued in the direction of the Hokage's office. Neji and Temari had gone one ahead to get them to the hospital where medics would care for their wounds.

We reached the offices and Leader and Konan went to find the Hokage. Hidan, Kisame, and I remained outside. For awhile, we sat in silence, unsure of what to talk about and also afraid that if we spoke Leader might come out and decapitate us all (which isn't a problem for Hidan so much as if is for Kisame and I).

Finally, I grew bored and got to my feet. I turned to smile at Kisame and said, "I'm going to see how Neji and Temari are doing."

Kisame snorted. "Why do you care?"

"Because I do."

I walked through Konoha until I arrived at a large tent with the medical symbol splashed across the top. Quickly, I ducked inside and found myself wandering amongst beds with white sheets and rows upon rows of medicine. At the moment, the medic tent was mostly empty except for Temari and Neji and the few medic ninjas who were caring for them.

"Are you alright?" I asked Temari.

She glanced at me and then over my shoulder to see if Kisame or Hidan was anywhere near. Finally, she said, "Yeah. Neji is a different case."

I glanced at Neji, who lay in the bed with several medics surrounding him. His eyes fluttered in and out of reality as they healed his bloody wounds.

"Will he survive?" I asked.

"He should," said Temari. "But not without a lot of pain."

"Oh…" I glanced at Neji and then bowed my head in slight shame. "I'm sorry…"

"For what?" asked Temari confusedly. "Why are you apologizing to me?"

I sighed and shrugged offhandedly. "I don't know… Because you had to carry him all the way back here even though you were in pain yourself… And now one helped you…"

Temari scoffed. Apparently she didn't like receiving help from the Akatsuki anyway. And even if they had offered she would have refused them flatly.

"Neji! Neji!"

Slowly, I glanced over my shoulder and saw two people rushing into the tents with frantic expressions on their faces. One of them wore green spandex and had a bowl cut hairstyle – he resembled a Gai mini-me. The other person, on the other hand, was a girl with panda buns and wide, brown eyes.

"Lee, Tenten…" said Temari, getting to her feet

"How is he?" asked Tenten.

"Neji…" said Lee, unable to gaze directly at the Neji who lay on the operating table with blood spilling everywhere. "Stay strong, Neji…"

I turned my face away so that they couldn't see the tears in my eyes. The moment I ducked out of the tent, I was met by the grinning blue face of my boyfriend. I managed a smile, but he saw the oncoming tears and asked, angrily, "What happened? What did they do to you? Do I have to chop off heads?"

"No…" I said. "There's just… Neji is in a lot of pain…"

"Oh. Is that it?"

Kisame looked confused. A smile gradually spread across my face and I leaned over to rest my head against his muscular arm. "Never mind…"

"Oh good. I was afraid you were going to start lecturing me on how I should understand other people's pain."

I shook my head. "No. I gave up on that pretty quickly."

"Kate? Kate?"

I looked over my shoulder and saw a woman with short black hair making her way down the road in my direction. Kisame kept a firm grip on my hands as I turned to face her. "Yes? That's me…"

"I'm Shizune. Pein and Konan have been talking to Tsunade and they all agree that it would be best for you to help out in the medical tent."

I blinked. "But… I'm not a shinobi and I have no training in the medical area…"

"You can run errands and help out with little things," explained Shizune. "Both Pain and Konan agreed that you would be little help in battle… And... Er… A guy called Hidan said you'd better learn how to sew heads back on…"

Kisame and I both rolled out eyes in exasperation.

"He'd better not lose a head in the middle of the fight," grumbled Kisame. "I'm not carrying his body back…"

"Lose his head…" asked Shizune.

"The immortal bastard," explained Kisame. "As much as we wish he would, he just won't die…"

"That's mean," I said, elbowing Kisame in the stomach. "We like Hidan – we keep him around so he can get together with Dessie some day."

Kisame grinned. "That will be the Love Guru's greatest feat. Hidan and Dessie…" He laughed. "I just want to watch them try and kill each other while they're dating… It would be the most interesting couple in the Fence."

"Yay…" I muttered.

"I don't get it…" said Shizune.

Kisame just grinned at her without saying a word. Then, he bent over to whisper in my ear. As I listened, a warm heat crossed my face and I'm pretty sure I looked like a tomato.

He pulled way, smirking villainously at my expression. Then, I turned around and, standing on tiptoe, I whispered back, "I love you, too." After that, I was so embarrassed that I had to run away, using Shizune as a shield against Kisame's stare.

"Try not to kill anyone!" he shouted, and then left.

Shizune led me to her medical tent where her office was set up. She was neat and tidy with all her equipment and supplies set up in a neat, orderly fashion. On the floor of her tent, an adorable pink pig ran around on the floor. It squealed delightedly at the sight of Shizune and visitors and ran straight to Shizune's side.

"This is Tonton," said Shizune.

"Awwww," I cried, picking up the pig and hugging her to my chest. "So cute!"

"You can stay here for the time being," said Shizune. "The war will be starting soon… And I was warned to keep you out of trouble. Many of the Konoha shinobi don't like the idea of allying with the Akatsuki – even if it is temporary. They might try and strike out at the weakest Akatsuki member…"

"Which would be me," I said. "But… If I die, according to Leader's jutsu, doesn't Tsunade die…?"

"They won't kill you," said Shizune. "Think more along the lines of 'agonizing pain'."

I shuddered. "Oh… Not pleasant…"

"No, no it is not. Which is why I need to keep you safe."

"Okay," I said. "I'm really good at being a coward. It is sort of my specialty."

"Er… is that something to be proud of?"

I sat down on the floor and started playing with Tonton. Still smiling, I looked up at Shizune and said, "Probably not. But we all have our strong points."

There was an awkward silence that was filled with the sound of Tonton's delighted squeals. I laughed and rubbed her head appreciatively while Shizune gazed at me with a curious expression on her face. Finally, when she could stand it no longer, Shizune asked, "Are you dating that shark guy?'

I nodded.

"Why? I mean… Not to seem rude or anything, but he's blue for god's sake... How can you be attracted to someone who is…blue?'

I considered this for a moment and then said, "He called me cute."

"…what?"

"You asked why I am dating him. He called me cute. So I fell in love with him."

"That's it…?"

"Yeah," I said. "That's pretty much it…"

Shizune shuffled around the room awkwardly for a minute before suddenly need to go borrow something from someone and rushing out. I rubbed Tonton's head and sighed. Chances are Shizune will never be able to look at me the same way again… I'm not that weird, am I?

Rule Number Seventy-Four: Never forget that normal people will actually be surprised that you like and are attracted to the Akatsuki.

"Kate…?"

In the middle of playing with Tonton, I turned to see Konan stepping into the tent. I waved at her and smiled. She came across the room and sat on the bed next to me. For a moment, neither one of us spoke. I toyed with the pig and Konan watched. After a long while, she finally asked, "Are you okay with this?"

"With what?"

"Being in the medical tents – not fighting."

"Of course I'm okay. I kind of suck at battle…"

Konan nodded in definite agreement. "You're absolutely awful at it."

I sighed. "You're not supposed to agree so vehemently… At least say I'm okay… ish…"

"But you're not."

I ran my fingers through the grass. "How far away is the army?"

"About an hour…"

"And Suna?"

"Already there…"

A shiver ran down my spine. "They'll be okay," I said. "Hannah's frying pan is a weapon of mass destruction… And Zetsu… And Kakuzu… They'll look after her." My mouth twitched slightly as Tonton crawled into my lap. "And the highest chance of Itachi dying is if Sasuke stabs him in the back… But Sasuke wouldn't be that stupid, he'll die if he does that, because of Leader's jutsu."

Konan shrugged. "Let's hope Sasuke isn't that stupid."

I laughed. "You don't think very highly of him, do you?"

"He needs a life."

"Itachi is Sasuke's life. If Sasuke were to kill Itachi," I trembled at the idea, "He'd probably stand over Itachi's body and say blankly, get up so I can kill you again. There'd be nothing left in Sasuke's life…"

"Well then," said Konan. "Itachi is pretty safe then."

"And you?" I asked. "What about you?"

Konan snorted. "I make Dessie look like a tamed house cat."

"…" I blinked. "Yeah, I'm terrified of you right now."

A grin flickered across her face and Konan touched the bed sheets with the tips of her fingers. She got to her feet and said, "I'd better go. Kate…"

"Yeah?"

"Try not to kill anyone."

I groaned. "Why does everyone keep saying that to me?"

"Obviously because we have no confidence in you." And with that, Konan ducked under the tent flaps and disappeared from sight, heading to the front line or wherever Leader was waiting for her. I remained on the grass-floor of the tent, playing with Tonton. I sighed and rubbed her head.

"I'd better listen to them, haven't I?" I said. "I don't really want to kill anyone…"

A/N: Please review! Otherwise Kate will be your doctor and impending doom awaits you!