Summary of Events: The Akatsuki are splitting ways. Hannah, Zetsu, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Tobi are staying in Suna. Leader, Kisame, Kate, Hidan, and Konan are going to Konoha. Dessie, Deidara, Suigetsu, Sakura, and Gai arrived in Wargonia. Suna now faces the Wargonian threat.

Chapter Seventy-Five: Deadliest Frying Pan

Rule Number Seventy-Five: The Akatsuki fear no beast

Hannah

Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang! Clang!

The sound of a metal frying pan hitting exposed Wargonia skulls echoed through my ears. That was a good sound. It could be worse; I could be listening to the sound of my friends and allies dying. Yep. I can live with the sound of breaking skulls.

"Itachi!"

"Hn."

Despite Sasuke's constant assassination attempts and some shit about Itachi wiping out the Uchiha clan, the two of them seemed to get along quite well. They had precise teamwork and defeated many Wargonians even when the Wargonians were using their power source.

"Hannah! Duck!"

I dipped my head down, dropping to the ground. Several tentacles flew over my head and grabbed the six or seven Wargonians surrounding me and bound them tightly. They struggled against the tentacles. One or two managed to slice the tentacles open and released themselves, for the other four, I brought my frying pan smashing down on their skulls.

"Good," said Kakuzu.

I nodded once in his direction, before dodging the spear of an attacking Wargonian. I barely missed my vitals and the spear split open the surface of my skin. It was only a scratch, but it stung.

Before the Wargonian could strike again, Juugo brought his gigantic fist crashing down into the Wargonian's face.

"Captain down!"

"They're firing explosives at the wall!"

"Help!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Hold the wall! Hold the wall! Hold the wall!"

A stranger, fighting beside me, let out a scream of horror as a spear penetrated his abdomen. He staggered to the ground and blood spilled out onto the floor.

"I'm impressed," grunted Juugo as he picked up on Wargonian and threw him across the wall into his allies. "You can fight."

I shifted my grip on the frying pan and grinned. "All hail the deadliest frying pan."

"Hannah!"

I twisted my head around. A Wargonian stood over top of me, his teeth gritted and his spear coming crashing down towards my head.

I threw my hands across my face and wrenched my eyes shut. Oh shit…

Something grabbed my by the waist. My body jerked upwards and I was thrown through the air. With a crash, I hit the ground. Groaning, I rolled onto my back and stared up at my rescuer. Kakuzu – with black tentacles coming out of his arms and back – stared down at me. "Pay attention."

"Sorry…"

I got to my feet and turned to face the crowd of Wargonians battling their way through the lower levels of the walls. Suna was a sand city built inside of a gigantic wall. On the wall, there were five levels. The Wargonians would have to conquer all five levels before they had a hope of defeating the city. So far, we had managed to hold the lowest level of the wall. Of course, the war had only lasted about seven hours…

"Oh my god…"

I glanced to my right where a Suna shinobi stared straight ahead. His brown eyes were wide with trembling fear. Slowly, I turned, following his line of sight, and saw what had him scared shitless.

The Wargonians, being from a different world, stood before us with a beast of their own dimension caught in chains. The beast was hideous with a vicious snarl and only slits for red eyes. It reminded me of a gigantic black lizard with sharp fangs and claws…

Several shinobi raised their weapons. A squad of five rushed forward, using their jutsus and weapons to take the beast down. Kakuzu and I watched and the beast opened its jaws wide and let out a burst of flame.

The shinobi were nothing more than piles of ash.

"… We're screwed…"

"I think it's more fun this way."

I looked over my shoulder to see Juugo standing there, a maniac grin spreading across his face. A laugh bubbled at Juugo's lips and he let it free. Several shinobi around us turned to stare incredulously. I waved sheepishly.

"Yeah," I muttered. "We're just that insane."

"Tobi is a good boy! Tobi has come to save Hannah-Nunu from the fearsome beast!"

I rolled my eyes as an orange-masked figure appeared behind me. "Hey, Tobi," I said. "You here to help us take down the monster?"

Tobi clapped his hands excitedly as Sasuke and Itachi joined us at the edge of the wall.

"You want to help?" I asked.

"Hn."

Sasuke glared at Itachi before saying, "There's no way I'm fighting along side him."

I resisted the overwhelming urge to point of that Sasuke and Itachi had been fighting together for about two hours – ever since the Wargonians broke into the first level of the wall. How the hell has Sasuke not noticed! However, being the mature person that I am, I instead said, "Why don't Itachi and Sasuke deal with the Wargonians and the rest of us will deal with the monster."

"You really shouldn't call it a monster," said Juugo.

"Why not?" I asked.

Tobi giggled excitedly. "It's more like a cute little bunny-rabbit…"

Kakuzu and Juugo laughed at this, sharing some inside joke that I seemed unable to understand. Even Sasuke managed a smile and Itachi – as always – was grim.

"I can try and bind the animal with my tentacles," said Kakuzu. "And Tobi can deal with part of it… Sharingan?"

Tobi nodded.

"I can deal with its attention," said Juugo.

"So can I," I added. "We'll distact it, Kakuzu and Tobi slow down the… um… bunny rabbit… And Juugo will deal the final blow. Itachi and Sasuke will protect us from the Wargonians."

"Alright," said Tobi. "Stay safe, Hannah-Nunu."

And suddenly I found myself standing beside Juugo facing the snarling face of the beast. Juugo was smiling.

"Do you feel no fear?" I asked, gripping my frying pan.

"Fear?" asked Juugo. "This is life."

I was shaking. "Let's do this."

Juugo ran to the right and I ran to the left. The beast opened it's wretched mouth, about to let out a burst of fire. It turned its head towards Juugo, who – after unleashing the curse on his body – transformed into a hideous monster. He dodged the lizard's attack with ease. But the beast whipped around its tail, slamming into Juugo's gut. Juugo was thrown backwards and I was alone.

The beast turned its attention to me. I moved to the left and the beast opened its mouth, fire preparing to blast forth.

Flames licking outwards.

An arm grabbed me by the wrist and threw my out of the line of fire.

Itachi stood above me, his red eyes flashing dangerously as the Sharingan saw through all the beast's movements.

"Thanks," I, staggering to my feet. "I'm not a shinobi…"

"Hn."

"I'll take that to be – you're welcome."

The beast roared and I saw several black tentacles shoot towards the monster from the left side. Then, on the right side, a gigantic seal emerged from the ground. Tobi was trying to seal part of the monster. It struggled against the bonds, its tail whipping this way and that.

"Kakuzu!" I screamed. "Look out!"

The tail whipped around and slammed into the side of Kakuzu. He went flying and landed with a crunch. His body skidding across the ground and I rushed to his rescue. Thankfully, Kakuzu hardened his body and the tail had minimal impact.

"You alive?" I asked, coming to stand behind him.

"I'll live…" he muttered. "I'm getting far too old for this bullshit."

The beast roared again, his tail whipping around as if to take off someone's head. Kakuzu leapt to his feet (with a speed that seemed wrong on a ninety-one year old man) and started running in the opposite direction.

"Hannah!" he said. "Run, run, run!"

"Right!" I sprinted away from the beast.

It would have chased after us, but Tobi's seals kept it glued in place. Unable to get to its prey, the beast changed its attention to poor Tobi. But, being the badass ninja he is, Tobi dodged to flames and the tail and kept the seals in place. Kakuzu, Juugo, and I regrouped out of range and watched the scene in front of us. Sasuke and Itachi were preoccupied with the Wargonians while Tobi dodged the beasts' attacks and held the seals in place.

"This is harder than it looks," muttered Kakuzu.

Juugo nodded. However, despite the difficulty they were both facing, wide grins were spread across their faces.

"Try again?" asked Juugo.

"I can use my sharingan on the beast."

We turned to see Itachi standing nearby, his face solemn.

"You can?" I asked impressed. "What about the Wargonians?"

"Juugo and Sasuke can handle them," said Itachi. "Tobi has the beast sealed so I'll use my sharingan to stun the beast – it won't last long, but it will be effective – and Kakuzu will deal the finishing blow."

"What do I do?" I asked.

"Help Kakuzu," said Itachi.

I sighed. This is one of the joys of being a regular human amongst shinobi. "Alright, let's do this."

We rounded on the beast. Itachi stepped forward while Juugo went to help Sasuke deal with the Wargonians. Kakuzu and I ran forward on opposite sides. Itachi's eyes glowed red and captured the beast attention. The beast froze, his gaze fixed firmly on Itachi, unable to tear away.

Kakuzu and I drew closer.

Despite all the restraints fixed on the beast from some of the strongest shinobi in the Fence, its tail still whipped up and down. It jerked in my direction, unavoidable.

I ducked, hoping it would skim over my head.

But instead of hitting me, the tail froze, inches from my face. I glanced up and saw black tentacles clinging to the trembling tail, restraining it with all the strength possessed.

"Hannah…" hissed Kakuzu. "Get moving…"

I gripped the frying pan in my hands and sprinted forward. The beast didn't move. Its eyes didn't waver. I drew close to its head and no flames erupted from its mouth. It was frozen and bound and sealed. I raised the frying pan above my head. My heart pounded and I raised the frying pan above my head and brought the thing smashing down on the beast's eye.

A great roar leapt from its throat and I was thrown backwards as it raised its head, bellowing in agony.

"Itachi! Kakuzu!" I cried, plummeting towards the ground. Itachi caught me and we turned to stare at the groaning beast.

Blood poured from its eye and it shuddered and trembled and shook violently.

And suddenly, an orange-masked figured appeared, standing a top the beasts head. Tobi waved at us and drew back his fist. Using some unknown jutsu, he brought his fist crashing down on the beast's skull. The bones cracked and shattered beneath Tobi's strength. With an empty howl, the beast collapsed at Tobi's feet.

"Tobi is a good boy!"

I laughed. A grin spread across my face as Itachi put me down and I turned to regard him. My expression must have been as maniacal as Juugo or Kakuzu's, but I didn't really care.

"Damn…" I said.

"Shit-crazy," said Kakuzu, giving the dead body a kick.

Rule Number Seventy-Five: The Akatsuki fear no beast – after all, they are the most deadly things out there.

"Do we get to rest yet?" I asked, rubbing my aching muscles.

Sasuke and Juugo finished off the last of the Wargonians and they retreated to stand beside the rest of us. The dead body of the beast blocked the entrance to the lower level. For a moment – a brief moment – we stood and watched the Wargonians struggle with the monster.

"There is no rest for the wicked," said Kakuzu wearily.

"Is Hannah-Nunu alright?" asked Tobi. "She's not hurt anywhere is she?" Tobi grabbed my arm and investigated it carefully before moving on to the next arm and examining that.

"Is he always like this?" asked Sasuke.

"Hn."

"I pity you."

"Hn."

"Hn."

"Yeah…" muttered Kakuzu. "More of the Uchiha 'hn' conversation. Is it just me or is their way of communication ridiculous?"

I rolled my eyes. "Where's Zetsu?"

"He's running messages for the Kazekage," explained Sasuke. "His abilities have their uses."

"Good…" I said. "God… I need this break. This is ridiculous…"

"Join the club," said Juugo. "I hurt all over."

"They're like ants," muttered Kakuzu. "A giant overflowing ant hill. It's creepy – and annoying."

"You got an ant bite?" I asked, patting him on the shoulder.

"Shut up, Hannah."

Juugo rubbed his forehead, leaving a streak of blood. "I had an ant bite once… it itched a lot and I scratched it. Then the bite swelled and got even worse."

"Um…" I glanced at Kakuzu and shook my head. "That's… nice…"

As if on cue, there came a creaking noise. We turned to see the body of the beast, slowly moving – as if someone was pushing it. Suddenly, with a great groan, the body slid off the narrow corridor of the level and to the desert ground below. Behind where the body had been there were swarms and swarms of Wargonians, armed and dangerous.

"Oh dear god…" I murmured.

"We're screwed," said Juugo.

"Don't worry, Hannah-Nunu! Tobi will protect you!"

A/N: If you don't review, the Wargonians will release their fearsome beasts upon you (and there won't be any Akatsuki there to rescue you)!