The BatFam and their bedtime rituals.
Chapter 118: Rituals
Alfred
5) Pray for a safe return and wait patiently for family to arrive in Batcave from patrol. (Must happen every night.)
4) Immediately administer proper medical procedures and care if needed. Be prepared to dismiss any arguments.
3) Gather bloodied uniforms in order to make repairs and restock weapons. (My charges clearly think I have no life.)
2) Finally order everyone to bed. Refuse Master Timothy's offer of assistance. The poor child needs to sleep. Reprimand Master Richard for stealing cookies, remind Master Jason to watch his language, and confiscate whatever animal Master Damian has tried to sneak into the manor.
1) Check on everyone to make sure they're sleeping safe and soundly before reading something to pacify my nerves along with a nice cup of tea before bed.
Bruce
5) Scare Jim Gordon by jumping out of shadows at him. (It keeps him alert.)
4) Beat the shit out of Gotham's most wanted with kids.
3) Return to Batcave to have medical exam by Alfred, shower, file reports on Batcomputer with Tim, etc.
2) Check on boys to make sure they're safe and in bed asleep before heading to bed. (My precious babies have a tendency to get randomly kidnapped and Tim won't stop reading and Damian is addicted to his phone.)
1) If in mood, have sex with some random woman before sleeping. If not, go to sleep.
Dick
5) Fight crime in incredibly tight Nightwing suit. Remind Jason that my escrima sticks are not "fairy wands."
4) Return to Batcave to do whatever Alfred wants.
3) Spend approximately one hour in shower. I must have my shower/me time. Don't forget to blow-dry hair and wash face.
2) Sneak cookies and milk past Alfred for a little snack. (He always catches me!)
1) Have sex with current girlfriend. If she's not available, then have phone sex with her before sleeping. (Make sure Bruce has already checked on me or else things could get awkward.)
Jason
5) Kill people while trying to avoid Bruce.
4) Return to Batcave to have Alfred nag me to death.
3) Quick shower.
2) Trip up the stairs over one of Damian's damn cats. (The bitch is out to get me.)
1) Yell at Dick to shut the hell up with whatever the hell he's doing in the room next to mine before sleeping. (He's always so damn loud.)
Tim
5) Try to make Gotham a better place while patrolling with family. (Will probably never happen. Gotham is Hell.)
4) Pass medical exam, shower, help Bruce file information on Batcomputer, and offer to help Alfred with chores after returning to Batcave.
3) Listen to Jason cuss out cat on stairs. (Honestly. He should see it coming by now.)
2) Read at least half of a novel before Bruce comes in to tell me to go to bed.
1) Pray and cuddle with stuffed monkey, Banana, before sleeping.
Damian
5) Shank all the criminals before Father lectures me over something idiotic. (Todd agrees with me.)
4) Question Pennyworth and his motives before relenting to whatever he desires.
3) Check on animals and make sure they're receiving the proper amount of care and love. Deliberately place my cat, Demon, on stairs.
2) Play mindless games on phone. I must defeat all those unworthy. Father normally barges in and threatens to take it. (How does he know?)
1) Allow my body to claim the amount of rest it desires while cuddling animals and stuffed kitty, Cuddles.
Yeah, I know it's not a "real" chapter but whatever. It's finals week and this idea popped into my head so I wrote it. Be thankful. I could have been studying for my tractor driving, trigonometry, power equipment, walking, ag seminar, or animal science finals instead.