FroreEnchantress's request for the Bats to go shopping. (Hope you like it!)

Chapter 119: Shopaholic

Bruce's POV

Alfred continued on his coughing fit as I finally managed to ease him back onto his bed. Snot dripped down his nostrils as he groaned.

I pleaded, "Alfred, please just stay in bed."

"There's too much to be done!" he protested.

"Alfred, you need to stay in bed. The boys and I can handle everything while you rest."

He just stared at me in shock and rapidly blinked. He opened his mouth to reply but fell into another coughing fit. Alfred eventually calmed down enough to respond, "Alright. Seeing as there isn't much choice, I'll make you out a list."

********Break********

Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, and I exited my car and headed straight for the grocery store. The five of us stared up at the store in front of us. Have any of us ever been shopping before? I honestly don't know. I looked down at the list that Alfred had made out before I looked back at the boys.

"So… Any of you ever been shopping before?" I asked as only Jason nodded. I added, "Without shoplifting?"

"That's a negative, Boss."

"Alright… I guess we'll just stay together. How hard can this be?" I muttered before marching into the store.

Dick yelled, "Bruce, wait!"

I turned to see him pointing to one of those shopping cart things. He shrugged and asked, "Don't we need one of these thingys?"

"Well, we're not going to put our shit in our pockets. This ain't Skyrim," Jason scoffed.

I rolled my eyes at them before grabbing the cart from Dick. I passed the list to Tim, who obediently stuck to my side.

"You're in charge of that, Tim," I instructed as Damian asked, "What about me, Father?"

"Um… You're in charge of… Dick," I replied as I quickly scanned the area to find him flirting with one of the cashier girls.

"I shall not disappoint you, Father!" Damian declared before marching off towards Dick

I turned towards Jason only to find him missing. Damn. Can't they just stay with me?

"Jason!" I yelled.

"What?" he asked as he dropped something into the shopping cart.

I glanced down to see that he had placed lighter fluid in the cart. What the hell?

I calmly stated, "Jason, I don't know why you want this and I don't think I want to know why but we're not buying it."

He rolled his eyes before snatching it up and shoving it back onto the shelf where he'd gotten it from. I glanced down as Tim tugged on my sleeve. He pointed to the first item on the list.

"Alfred says we need eggs."

I replied, "Right. We can handle that."

I just stood there for a moment and gazed around the store. Where are eggs located? This cannot be this hard. Can it?

"Bruce, look, the isles are labeled," Tim said as he pointed to the signs stating what items were on each isle.

"Good job, Tim."

I steered the cart in the direction of the eggs with Tim following along behind me. I grabbed the first thing of eggs I saw and dropped them into the cart. The eggs made a crunching sound.

"They're breakable, Genus," Jason grumbled as he approached with his arms full of bread. "For someone who has a thing for bird collecting, you'd think you'd know."

Jason dumped his bread into the cart before reaching for another carton of eggs. He opened the carton before closing it and placing it into the cart. He then explained that you needed to check to see if any of the eggs were broken before you "gently" placed them into the cart.

I ignored him as I counted the loaves of bread. "Jason, we are not buying ten loaves of bread."

"Bruce, I need this. You don't understand. I have to have it."

I opened my mouth to reply but stopped as I saw Dick standing in a shopping cart with nothing but boxes of cereal in it. The cart zoomed past us with Damian chasing after it yelling profanities at Dick. Dick had a nerf gun in his hands. The next second Jason had one of those little foam rubber bullets stuck to his forehead.

He pulled it off his face and growled, "This means war. Tim! You're with me! We're going to retaliate!"

"I'd rather not get kicked out of the store," Tim calmly replied before moving a few steps away to where the butter was.

I grabbed Jason by his collar and ordered him to stand down. "Jason. No."

"Just let me get him back once."

"No."

"Favoritism!"

"Jason, I love you all equally."

"Bullshit."

Tim cleared his throat as he placed a package of cheese in the cart. "We need milk next."

Dick chose that moment to make his reappearance. I quickly snatched his ass out of the cart as it rolled by. He gave me a sheepish smile as I glared at him.

"Act. Your. Damn. Age. Richard."

"Sure thing, Boss."

"Also, you do not need forty-eight boxes of cereal. You may each have one. Pick four and put the rest back."

"Gotcha," he replies before dragging Tim over to the cereal aisle as Jason follows behind them most likely plotting his revenge.

I grabbed a carton of milk and dropped it into the cart as I contemplated my life choices. Why did I have to have so many children? I should've listened to Alfred when he said no the first time. But, no. I just had to have them. I should've stopped at one but I just had to have four… Wait a minute… Four… Where's number four?

"Damian!" I shouted as I frantically began scanning the area around me.

I practically raced up and down the aisles before coming to stop on the cereal aisle to find Jason on top of Dick smearing peanut butter over his brother's face while Tim calmly stood off to the side choosing his cereal. Dick bucked Jason off, causing him to fly backwards into the shelves. Tim grabbed a box and at the last second as the shelves completely fell apart. Cereal went everywhere.

"What the hell are you two doing!" I snarled as Dick and Jason pointed at each other and yelled, "He started it!"

"Well, I'm ending it!" I snapped, dragging them both to their feet.

I pointed to the shopping cart and hissed, "Either you both behave or you both sit in there. What the hell is wrong with you two? Tim and Damian behave more civilized… Damian! Why were none of you watching your brother!"

"Bruce?" Tim stated as he tugged on my shirt.

"What!"

"I found Damian."

I turned to see Damian standing in the meat section with a sword against the butcher's throat. Shit.

"How dare you massacre animals for the sake of providing protein for the peasants willing to spend their profits in this establishment!"

"Damian! Leave the man alone!" I ordered just as a box of condoms was placed next to the milk in the cart beside me.

I turned to see some random woman standing there. She sniffed, "You'll thank me later," before continuing on her way.

"Technically, she wouldn't be wrong," Dick added.

I opened my mouth to reply but stopped when I noticed Damian trying to sneak back towards the butcher. I grabbed onto the back of his shirt and forced him into the little place for children on the cart.

"But Father!" he protested as Dick and Jason started laughing. They immediately stopped when I pointed to the cart and ordered, "In."

A couple of minutes later, I had a cart full of three scowling boys and random shit for Alfred. Tim was the only one who hadn't lost his walking privileges. We eventually finished shopping and made our way to the checkout line. The clerk looked at me in surprise before saying, "Sir, we don't sell children."

"Good. I don't want any more," I mumbled before reaching into my pocket for my wallet.

My eyes widened immediately. Oh my God. Where's my wallet?

"Please tell me you take three hooligans and one perfect child instead of money," I pleaded as Jason yelled, "Favoritism!"

********Break********

I returned home emptyhanded to find Alfred still in bed with a bowl of soup. He smiled at me as I entered. I took a seat on the edge of his bed and hung my head in shame.

"Alfred, I'm sorry. I've failed you."

He patted my leg and said, "Not to worry, Master Bruce. I knew you would. I just needed an excuse to get you out of my hair. The five of you were smothering me. That's why I ordered the groceries online. They were delivered and put away only moments before you returned."

My eye started to twitch as I quickly stood up and left the room. Batman doesn't kill. Batman doesn't kill anyone… especially Alfred. If anything happens to him, I'm left alone with four kids… What the hell was I thinking?

All my stories are now on hiatus as of 10/1/16.

College is currently taking up all of my time, I've become like Austin Powers after Dr. Evil stole his mojo, I just don't have the desire to write at the moment, and the lack of reviews are having a major impact on me. Therefore, I'm currently taking a break from working on any of my stories. To be honest, I'm surprised that I managed to finish this. Anyway, I shall return to update... eventually... maybe... possibly.