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"I'll stay with you over break, you shouldn't be alone right now-"

"Remus, you need to go home to your mother," Messalina stated firmly, shaking her head at him as she folded one of his jumpers. "She needs you more than I do."

"Lina-"

"Don't be ridiculous Remus, I'm going to be fine here."

"I just think that you shouldn't be alone, I don't think that it's a good idea!"

"I'm not going to be alone! All the professors will be here and so will like eight other kids!"

"Wow, eight other kids whose names you don't know and some professors," Remus said with a smirk, eyes sparkling. "Sounds like a great break."

"Well, then I'll just have to get all my homework done!"

"Lina please, just think about going home with someone for the holidays! Lily and James both invited you to their houses, I just don't understand why you won't take them up on it!"

"Well I can't leave the castle and you can't stay at the castle so I think that explains it all," She snapped, clearly fed up with the conversation. "I don't want to hear about this anymore, Remus."

"Lily's mum's a nurse-" Remus began but Messalina cut him off immediately, throwing the jumper at him angrily.

"Maybe I don't want to leave the castle, you idiot," Messalina hissed, narrowing her dark eyes at him. "Maybe I don't want to spend the holidays with anyone, have you even considered that?"

Remus didn't respond, he just let the jumper hit him in the face and fall to the ground, a sympathetic look on his face. "I'm sorry, I'll stop."

"Thank you," She whispered, brushing a strand of her hair behind her ear. She gave him a small, apologetic smile that made the butterflies in his stomach flutter and just when she opened her mouth to say something, Peter walked into the dorm, throwing himself on his bed. "Hey, Peter."

"Lina!" Peter sat up in bed, surprised to see the girl out of her dorm. "How are you?"

"Fine, thanks," She gave him a close-lipped smile that didn't reach her eyes before turning to Remus. "I'll let you finish packing, I'll see you."

"Lina-" Remus threw the jumper on his bed and crossed the room but Messalina just shook her head and walked through the open door. He stood in the doorway, watching Messalina as she quickly made her way down the stairs, her ponytail swishing with every step.

It had been just a few hours since Remus had confronted Messalina in the Room of Requirement but almost no one else had seen the girl, she was becoming all too talented at dodging people. As she left the Marauders' dorm, she nearly ran face first into James and Sirius. The latter was laughing at something James had said and both of them were almost too distracted to see her. She inwardly swore when she was halfway past them and she heard James say her name in surprise. She plastered a smile on her face and spun around, a faux surprised look replacing the irritated scowl that had been on her face seconds before.

"Hey!" She smiled excitedly at the both of them, hugging both of them even though she wanted nothing more than to disappear.

"How are you feeling?" James asked, his face lit up with happiness at seeing his friend.

"A little light-headed actually," She told them, giving them both a small, hesitant smile. "It happens a lot, my healer just told me that I have to lay down when it happens."

"You can lay down in our dorm-" Sirius began, thinking that since Messalina was closer to their room it would be easier, but he noticed the immediate change in her body language. Her eyes darkened a bit and she shook her head almost immediately, not even letting him finish his thought. It was in that moment that Sirius noticed none of her smiles had reached her eyes which had such a distinctively sad, mourning look in them that he had never seen before. The light seemed to have been snuffed out in her eyes, replaced with a dull, exhausted look that, when matched with the incredibly dark circles under her eyes and the greasy sheen of her hair, made her look far worse than she had in the worst stages of her illness.

James seemed to have noticed it as well, for he took a step forward, reaching his arm out to her in support but she took a step back instead, shaking her head, the fake smile plastered on her face once again.

"Excuse me," She said calmly, but she turned on her heel and walked away as fast as she could, disappearing up the stairway to the girls' dorms.

Messalina moved faster than she had since being in St. Mungo's, throwing open the door to her dorm and slamming it behind her loudly. Leaning against the door, she sank to the cold tile floor, drawing her knees up to her chin. She wrapped her arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly.

After a few moments, Messalina slowly untangled her limbs and got to her feet shakily, blinking away black dots that threatened her vision. Grabbing a sweatshirt and pair of pajama shorts from her trunk, Messalina made her way into the bathroom, her mind deliciously blank for the first time in days. With drooping eyelids, Messalina closed the door to the bathroom, stripped her clothes off, and stepped into the shower, immediately turning the dial to scalding water. She wasn't sure how long she just stood there letting the water burn her skin with her eyes closed, but it was long enough that her fingers and toes pruned and her skin took on an angry red appearance.

Feeling as light-headed as she had told James and Sirius she was, Messalina stepped numbly out of the shower, drying off mechanically. She dressed automatically, avoiding looking at the steamed-up mirror directly in front of her. Messalina bundled her worn clothes into her hands and left the stifling humidity of the bathroom for the cool, refreshing dormitory. Dropping her pile of clothes into her chest, Messalina stood in the center of the room, debating with herself whether to crawl into bed or seek out Remus.

Before she knew it, Messalina was searching frantically through her trunk for a small box. Her dark hair dripped water all over the floor, her sweatshirt, and her trunk while she looked, finally triumphant ten minutes into her search. The box was old, a kit given to her by her healer before she had even started at Hogwarts. Inside were a few potions for eliminating acne, relieving her of menstrual cramps, helping her to focus on studying, curing the common cold, and more. But sixteen-year-old Messalina Lucien had no use for those potions and elixirs, her mind was focused in on one thing; a draught of Dreamless Sleep potion. Meant to help keep the taker from having nightmares the night before a big exam, the potion was a hazy purple color and Messalina grabbed it from its place in the kit, shoving the box back into her trunk.

Climbing into bed, Messalina took a gulp of the potion before she laid down as tears ran down her face. Her entire heart ached and she wanted nothing more than to never have gone to Lucien manor.

In the stairway, Sirius turned to James, puzzled looks on both of their faces. They had expected Messalina to act a bit strangely, considering the fact that she had fled to the Room of Requirement once she arrived at Hogwarts, but they certainly hadn't expected this. Bloodshot eyes, collarbones sticking out in a sickly way, skin pale and waxy, and dull, lifeless eyes seemed far more extreme than they ever would have guessed.

The pair continued up the stairs to their dorm, neither one saying anything as they were both preoccupied with their thoughts. Before they knew it, Sirius and James were walking into their messy dorm. Remus was sitting on the edge of his bed, his trunk open on the ground beside him and his clothes in piles on the bed, but his head was in his hands. He gave off an appearance of having given up and of sheer exhaustion. Peter was lying on his stomach in bed, apparently having fallen asleep.

"What's going on?" James asked quietly as Remus lifted his head to face the two of them. Peter rolled over and sat up, supporting his weight on his elbows as he looked across the room at Remus.

"Lina's staying at the castle for the break," Remus stated hollowly, refusing to make eye contact with any of them. Sirius closed the door to the dorm before crossing the room to sit on his own bed. James didn't move from his spot next to the door and he ruffled his hair nervously as silence fell upon them.

"Why?" Peter asked, breaking the pregnant pause and Remus frowned and shook his head.

"Caradoc Dearborn is dead."

"What?" Sirius practically yelled, turning his head immediately to face Remus as though he was expecting the werewolf to be telling a morbid joke.

"Dearborn just graduated, he's studying-" James began but Remus cut him off angrily.

"He was studying banking, James. He was killed a few days ago by Death Eaters."

"What the bloody hell happened?" Sirius asked, getting up and pacing the room.

"He was in the Order of the Phoenix and a mission went wrong," Remus replied. "The twins brought him back to wherever Messalina was and she watched him die."

Silence fell over them once again, broken only by the sound of Sirius' frustrated footsteps echoing.

"So why is she back?" James asked, his voice hoarse as he wiped his eyes angrily. "She should be back with the Prewetts or at least the Weasleys."

"She says she needs to meet with Madam Pomfrey every day and she feels sick when she floos places."

"But?" James asked, sensing that Remus wasn't telling them everything.

"I think they sent her back," Remus said quietly, looking at the other Marauders for the first time since they entered the room. "I don't think she's here voluntarily. I think something's going on and they didn't want her at the headquarters anymore. That it was too dangerous or something for her to be with the Weasleys. I mean, I don't know, maybe this is all just me being paranoid but-"

"It makes sense," James added suddenly and Remus turned to face him. "Dumbledore hasn't been here for days, the other teachers are more watchful, the Slytherins have been quiet. It makes sense that something else is going on behind the scenes that they don't want any of us to know about."

Messalina realized the mistake she had made in taking a sleeping potion at four o'clock in the afternoon when she woke up at two in the morning. Though she was groggy from sleep, her stomach growled hungrily and drove her to climb out of her warm bed and slip her shoes on. Yawning, Messalina moved stealthily through the room, listening to the sounds of her roommates sleeping and the wind howling outside. Shivering at the cold night air, she wrapped her arms around her torso, clutching her wand tightly in her right hand as she slipped into the stairway. The door creaked loudly as she closed it and Messalina cursed silently to herself, wincing at the noise. Without waiting to see if had woken anyone up, Messalina hurried down the stairway and into the abandoned common room. A fire was roaring in the fireplace, casting long shadows and bathing the room in soft, orange light.

Happy that she had not seen anyone in her walk, Messalina slipped out into the corridor and closed the portrait hole. The Fat Lady wasn't in her portrait but Messalina found that it didn't really matter if when she returned she was locked out. It was an insignificant factor, especially considering the fact that she was now wide awake and she could take refuge in the Room of Requirement if necessary.

The dull ache in her head that she had become accustomed to had increased exponentially since she had woken up, leaving her groggy and irritated but her thoughts seemed scrambled and blurred enough that she could only vaguely think about what had happened to her a few nights ago. With a small smile on her face, Messalina headed for the kitchens to eat, not realizing that someone was watching her every move.

Sirius Black was half asleep, dozing off every few minutes before startling himself awake. The Marauders Map was stretched out on his bed in front of him and he had been focusing so intensely on the two footsteps that were Messalina Lucien asleep in her bed that he had strained his eyes and gotten a mild headache. His eyes, exhausted from being so intensely focused, closed of their own accord regularly and it took all his willpower to reopen them. He knew that something was wrong, there was something off about what had happened to Messalina and her return seemed entirely too sudden.

Sirius also knew, though, that the not knowing was tearing his friends apart, not only the other three Marauders but also Lily Evans and Marlene McKinnon, two girls of whom he was reluctantly growing fond of. And so, Sirius had urged Remus to go to sleep and stop worrying about his mom, Messalina, and the impending full moon, and he had chosen to keep a constant vigil on the young woman.

Sirius was about to finally allow himself some sleep when the two footsteps began to move slowly. He watched as Messalina climbed from her bed, made her way slowly down the stairs into the common room. Just when Sirius thought she was going to remain in the common room, Messalina left the common room and headed into the corridor. Sirius got out of his own bed quickly, tugging his shoes on and grabbing is wand from his bedside table.

Sirius snuck out of the dorm as quietly as he could, especially considering the fact that he was fairly certain Remus was only half-asleep in his bed next to the door. Similarly to Messalina's hasty exit from her room, the door creaked loudly as Sirius left. He held his breath for a moment as he heard Remus' covers move and saw the curtains around his bed flutter. But when he heard nothing else, Sirius stepped into the stairway and closed the door behind him.

Sirius moved quickly through the common room, watching Messalina's name get farther and farther away on the map. He remained far enough behind her that she couldn't see him so that he could see where she was going. It took him a few minutes to realize that Messalina wasn't heading to the Room of Requirement as he had originally suspected, but rather down to the kitchens. Feeling like he was intruding on an innocent endeavor, Sirius nearly turned around and went back to bed, but at the thought of the look of hopelessness and confusion on Remus' face hours earlier, Sirius continued to track her through the halls.

As Sirius had thought, Messalina entered the kitchens after taking the longest route from the Gryffindor common room she could think of at two in the morning with a headache and grumbling stomach. Most of the house elves were nowhere to be seen, considering the hour, but three remained in the kitchen, preparing for the breakfast that was hours away.

"Miss Lucien!" One of them cried suddenly and Messalina smiled, closing the portrait behind her. "Are you hungry? Let Dotty make you something to eat!"

"Hi, Dotty, whatever you already have is fine-" Messalina began but she turned around the second she heard the portrait door opening. Her heart sped up instantly when she saw Sirius enter and she hopped off the stool she had sat down in, her mind working quickly to try and find an excuse for her to get away. Sirius sensed this, though, and closed the portrait hole decisively behind him, as if daring her to try and make an exit. "Sirius, what are you doing here?"

"Could ask you the same thing," He told her as he crossed the room, leaning against the counter her stool was against. "But seeing as you slept through dinner because Lily and Marlene couldn't wake you up, I'd just assumed it was for food."

"Sorry, I've just been really tired lately," She explained but she wouldn't look him in the eye. "This bout of scrofungulus has really been kicking me in the arse."

"Really?" Sirius asked, sounding surprised. "Why not just stay home for the break then? It's not like you can't just floo to St. Mungo's whenever you feel sick."

"I have to have constant access to a healer and floo'ing makes me feel sick," She told him, staring at the wall behind his head.

"You haven't gone to see Madame Pomfrey yet, though, have you?" Sirius asked, an accusatory undertone in his voice that Messalina picked up on almost immediately.

"You been stalking me?" She asked, a bite in her voice.

"We just wanted to make sure that you're okay and you haven't been yourself since you came back-"

"I think it's up to me to determine if I'm acting like myself or not," She spat at him, growing more irritated by the minute as the intensity of her headache grew.

"We're worried about you, Lina, and you can't tell me that you're not yourself since what happened?"

"I'm sorry that I can't just hang around here, happy-go-lucky, playing pranks on people and acting like there isn't a war going on out there!" She yelled at him and Sirius was relieved to see the all-too-familiar fire return to her eyes. "People are dying and-"

"And you're a sixth-year student at Hogwarts," Sirius told her, a concerned look on his handsome face. "There's nothing for you to do but study and get accepted into the Auror program. Lina, you're sixteen years old, I don't know what you would expect yourself to do out there at this point."

"Anything is better than just staying here and doing nothing!" She snapped at him.

"Lina-"

"We're not going to be ready for the war if we keep acting like kids!" She screamed at him, realizing only after that the house-elves had retreated long ago but that Dotty had left a bowl of steaming soup and a hunk of bread on the counter beside her.

"We are kids, Lina!"

"So was Caradoc and look at where it got him!" Her voice broke on his name and she turned her head away from Sirius, allowing a few solitary tears to fall down her cheeks before she cleared her throat, wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her jumper and turned to face him once again. "I have to grow up-we all do."

"Messalina, please, just listen to what you're saying," Sirius pled, bending his head so that he was staring into her eyes. "I don't know exactly what happened to you but no matter what anyone said or told you, you're supposed to be a kid. We're sixth years at Hogwarts, we wouldn't be able to make a difference out there right now. We have to learn and train and prepare for the war, not rush off and fight when you're sixteen years old."

"Caradoc was nineteen and he was no match-"

"You're not Caradoc Dearborn, Lina, okay? You're not him and you have got to get over what happened to him if you're ever going to be able to make a difference in this war. It's one thing to want to prepare and train, but it's something else entirely to just sleep all day, ignore and push away everyone who gives a shit about you, and close yourself off to world. You're not helping anyone right now, if anything you're acting more childish than I've ever seen you," He told her, reaching a hand out and holding the right side of her face in his hand. "Please, Lina."

Sirius wasn't sure exactly what he was pleading with her about, but he knew that he had succeeded when she nodded slowly, biting her bottom lip. There were still tears in her eyes but she had at least some of her former spark in her, or at least she looked more confident and less vulnerable.

"You're right."

Preview

Remus admits his feelings about Messalina to the other Marauders on the train ride to London, Messalina reunites with Graham Pucey and discovers why he's in such a good mood, and Messalina gets a letter from the Wizengamot.