Summary of Events: The Akatsuki are splitting ways. Hannah, Zetsu, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Tobi are staying in Suna. Leader, Kisame, Kate, Hidan, and Konan are going to Konoha. Dessie, Deidara, Suigetsu, Sakura, and Gai arrived in Wargonia. Kate is on the hunt of a vicious serial killer who has been murdering the medic ninja in Konoha.

Chapter Eighty: Serial Killer Uncovered

Rule Number Eighty: Wargonians are fearsome creatures

Kate

There is something really wrong with this picture. I don't believe it. I refuse to believe it. What the hell is going on here!

Three days after the first attack and I find myself standing, yet again, over the dead body of a medic ninja with the legs severed and several stab wounds in the face. Only this time, there was something very different and very wrong. Why are there pig-tracks leading away from the dead body!

I am confused. Very, very confused. The only pig in the area (that I know of) is Tonton. And, now that I think about it, I did capture Tonton as the serial killer earlier. But… WHY WOULD A PIG BE KILLING OF MEDICAL NINJAS! I grabbed my head and groaned. All this thinking was making me dizzy. There was only one solution to this nightmare and that was to stalk Tonton until the truth is revealed!

After cleaning up Tonton's tracks (I didn't want anyone to suspect the pig yet) I snuck out of the tent and went to search for Tonton.

"Kate!" cried Shizune, waving. "How are you?"

"Fine. Great. Fantastic. You?" I asked, slightly breathless.

"I'm good…" Shizune glanced at me suspiciously. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes. Perfectly fine. I was wondering if you've seen Tonton… I haven't played with her in awhile and I'm sure she must be lonely…" I shifted uncomfortably.

"Ah-hah! I know what's wrong with you!" cried Shizune.

I almost flipped out right then and there – what kind of crazy person could guess that I was freaked out because I have just discovered that a pig is responsible for the shinobis murders!

"You're worried about Kisame," said Shizune.

I blinked. "Um… yeah… How'd you…guess?"

"I'm psychic like that," said Shizune proudly. "But guess what!"

"W-what…?"

"I have good news. A report came in from Tsunade and she said that Pain, Konan, Kisame, and Hidan were exemplary members of the army – albeit a little brutal in their methods…"

A smile spread across my face and I nodded. "That would be Hidan."

"Probably. Well, I have to go. Tonton should be over there, by the way." Shizune waved her hand in the direction of her own personal tent. She made her way back to the busy medical tents while I went to find Tonton.

I didn't enter the tent, but peeked inside to make sure that Tonton was, in fact, there. Then, I camped out near the entrance and waited for Tonton. I ended up waiting several hours until the sun was setting low in the horizon, dying the sky red. Then, Tonton poked her little snout out of the tent. After making sure that there was no one around (I had stealthily hidden myself), Tonton scuttled along the ground in search of something.

I tailed after her, careful not to be seen by the pig. She wandered about the camp, passing by injured shinobi and rushing medics. Tonton led me all the way to the edge of camp where the tents were sparse and the tree grew widely. I followed her, using the trees for shelter as she delved deeper into the forest and away from the camp.

"Tonton…" I muttered. "What are you doing, you crazy pig?"

Of course, Tonton didn't hear me. She continued trotting through the forest until, suddenly, she came to a stop and turned to regard a tree. From what I could see, there was nothing fascinating about the tree, that was, until a gray-skinned figure leapt down from the tree's branches and landed beside Tonton.

I blinked.

A Wargonian. Only it wasn't just any Wargonian… This one was smaller and thinner than any Wargonian I had seen before. It took me a moment, but suddenly I realized that the Wargonian I was facing now was a child, probably no more than eight or nine years old.

To my horror, the Wargonian smiled and patted Tonton on the head. Tonton let out a little oink and wiggled appreciatively.

"There's a good girl," said the Wargonian. "I'm sorry to have to do this to you… but the god Warg demands it."

Tonton squirmed.

"You're going to have to kill again," whispered the Wargonian.

"Who's killing again!" I cried, stepping out from behind the tree. I kept the syringe clutched in my hand as I rounded on the Wargonian child. "What do you think you're doing to that poor, innocent pig!"

The Wargonian's eyes grew wide and he threw his hands in front of his face, backing away from me until his back hit a tree and he could move no further. "Don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! I don't want to harm you! Please! Don't hurt me!"

I tried to look menacing and said, "You're setting Tonton on all the medics at camp, aren't you?"

He shook his head.

"Don't lie!" I cried, my voice squeaking at the end.

"Alright!" he wailed. "I did! But it was for Warg! The great and all mighty Warg! And the Elders ordered me to…"

"Elders? What Elders? What's you name? What are you doing to Tonton? Why is she killing people?" I raised the syringe to eye level and pointed it at the Wargonian. "Don't make me… hurt you!"

"My name is Adler! My name is Adler!" He was practically crying now. "The Elders said that because Warg granted me a gift with animals I was to use my gift and influence some animals to kill off the enemy medics! I don't want to make the pig kill… I don't! But Warg…"

My hand was shaking violently. This little boy… Adler… He killed people… using Tonton… So why did he look so cute!

I dropped the syringe and flung my arms around Adler's neck, tears streaming down my face as well. "It's okay! It's okay! I won't hurt you! I promise! Please don't! Please don't cry!"

Of course, this only made Adler cry harder and he hugged me back.

"Whoa! Kate… What's going on here?"

My heart froze for a second and then leapt as recognition flooded me. I released Adler and spun around, a glowing smile crossing my face. "Kisame! Kisame! Look! Look who I found!"

Kisame, his face as blue as ever, was staring at me in the upmost horror. His sword was drawn and he was holding it tightly in his hand while several Konoha shinobi stood around him with similar confused expressions. Finally, when Kisame managed to stabilize himself, he said, "Um… Kate… That is a Wargonian you were…um…hugging… right?"

My face turned bright red and, embarrassed, I nodded. "But look at him! He's so cute!"

At once, everyone's attention turned to Alder, who was weeping miserable still. Their expressions turned to mush as they beheld his cuteness and some even "awwww"ed.

"Kate…" said Kisame slowly (he is not one to be affected by cuteness).

"But Kisame…" I said, pouting. "He's adorable! Even if he is the murder who has been controlling Tonton and causing her to kill all those medic – but he's so cute!

Kisame rolled his eyes. "Killed all the medics? Kate, what am I going to do with you?"

I smiled.

"Right," said Kisame, turning to face the group of shinobi around him. "Get the pig and the Wargonian and take them back to camp. We'll report the discovery to Tsunade. Meanwhile," added Kisame, his attention returning to me. "I will deal with the Wargonian-Fan-Girl over here."

"I'm not a fan girl," I said stubbornly. "That's Dessie. I just so happen to like cute things."

Without a word of warning, Kisame walked over and picked me up as if I weighed nothing at all. I let out a frail cry of "Let me go!" before giving up and resigning myself to be carried by Kisame.

Rule Number Eighty: Wargonians are fearsome creatures – but the most fearsome of all are the really cute ones.

It was a bit humiliated to be brought back into camp slung over the shoulder of a big, blue shark guy. The medical ninja paused in their work and stared at me confusedly, a couple of them cracked smiles and waved – apparently my relationship with Kisame was no secret. Finally, after a good fifteen minutes of embarrassment, Kisame lifted me off of his shoulder and set me down. Unfortunately, his chose to set me down right in front of the Hokage.

"So, Kate, what's this I hear about you uncovering the killer?" asked Tsunade with a pleasant smile plastered across her face.

I immediately got chills up my spine from just looking at her. Carefully, I backed up to cower behind Kisame, who just looked faintly amused by the whole ordeal. Tsunade stared me down until, finally, I said, "I found the killer…"

"How?" Tsunade's smile could cause any fearless man to have nightmares for weeks.

"Well… I found one of the murder victims with Tonton's tracks leading away…" I said. "So I decided to follow Tonton… And Tonton led me into the forest where Adler was waiting…"

"You idiot!" cried Tsunade, her happy expression shattering into a thousand pieces. "You idiot! You're not a shinobi! You could have been killed!"

"But I wasn't…"

"You could have been! What if it had been an adult Wargonian commanding Tonton! What would you have done if he'd kidnapped you! You're not a shinobi, Kate! You're a civilian! You can't fight off these Wargonians like shinobi can! Why didn't you just tell Shizune or me and we would have taken care of it! You don't have to be the hero, Kate!"

I cowered behind Kisame. "I'm not a civilian…"

"She has a point," said Kisame. "She's not."

"Stay out of this!" snapped Tsunade. "This is none of your business!"

"Actually," said Kisame. "It sort of it. Kate is my girlfriend after all. And I, honestly, have no issues with her chasing after serial killers."

Tsunade gawped at him. "You're an awful boyfriend!"

"Actually," I said in a smallish voice. "He's a very good boyfriend."

Kisame grinned and ruffled my hair fondly. "She spends her days with a group of psychotic criminals. If she can survive Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, Deidara, Leader, Konan, Zetsu, Tobi, and me – I think se can handle any Wargonian – even if he wields as mass murdering pig."

I smiled glowingly at Kisame. "Thank you…"

With a sigh, Tsunade threw her hands up in the hair. "Fine. Do whatever you like. I don't care anymore. Just don't die, Kate."

I nodded. "What happened to Tonton and Adler?"

"They were both contained. I promise no harm will come to Adler as long as he cooperates and Tonton is isolated for her own good. We don't want her to be manipulated into killing again."

With a nod, I took Kisame's hand in mine and the two of us headed out of Tsunade's tent. We strolled through the camp in no particular direction. Kisame told me his war stories (mostly about him decapitating violent Wargonians) and I listened delightedly. I was, of course, repulsed by the gruesome stuff, but Kisame just though I was cute when I did that.

Suddenly, I realized that we were standing outside of Sai's tent. Eagerly, I pulled Kisame inside and glanced around until my eyes fell upon Sai's face.

"Sai! Sai!" I cried, rushing forward and dragging Kisame behind me. "Guess what! I caught the serial killer!"

Slowly, Sai glanced up from his book. He looked at me, to Kisame, and back to me. "That's good."

"I saved you from the murderer!" I cried. "I was so worried that he was going to get you – or she since it was Tonton – that I stayed by your bed all night with a syringe in my hand so that if the killer came, I could protect you!"

Sai smiled. "Thanks, Cutie."

There was a pause.

Kisame moved behind me and I heard a rustling sound. When I turned around, I saw that Kisame – with a vicious expression slashed across his face – had drawn his sword and was now raising it above his head, preparing to lob of Sai's head.

"How dare you!" cried Kisame, his eyes burning with the usual murderous rage. "How dare you flirt with my girlfriend! I will slice of your shitty head and feed it to that wretched serial killer pig! While it devours you flesh I will stand above you and laugh and you will know the punishment for those la-dee-da pretty boys who try and steal my girl away from me! Just because I'm blue does not mean Kate and I don't have a happy, loving relationship!"

"Someone has some serious issues," said Sai thoughtfully.

"Wait!" I cried, trying to stop Kisame from murdering Sai. "It's nothing serious! I love you, Kisame! Really! He just… it's my nickname! Really! I promise!"

Of course, Kisame wasn't convinced. So, after saving Sai from one animalistic serial killer, I spent the hours after trying to save Sai from another. The things I do for men who call me cute…