Summary of Events: The Akatsuki have split ways. Hannah, Zetsu, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Tobi are staying in Suna. Leader, Kisame, Kate, Hidan, and Konan are going to Konoha. Dessie, Deidara, Suigetsu, Sakura, and Gai arrived in Wargonia. Hannah and Kakuzu plot against Itachi, who stole their titles as Master of the Night - twice.

Chapter Eighty-Seven: Parade in Suna

Rule Number Eighty-Seven: The Akatsuki don't do parades

Hannah

In the great shadow of Suna's wall was the military camp where dozens of white tents were placed just on the other side of the ferocious battle against the Wargonians. The tents were mostly used by medic ninjas, the wounded soldiers, and resting shinobi who had fought long hard battles and just needed some time to sit down and relax. Kakuzu and I belonged to the latter category. We crowded into the seat beside one roaring fire and carried out whispered conspiracies – every so often shooting glares in the direction of the dark haired Itachi.

"Tomorrow night," I said. "We'll bring him down tomorrow night."

"No one will ever utter the name 'Itachi' and the title 'Master of the Night' in the same sentence ever again," muttered Kakuzu.

I nodded. "That title belongs to us and us alone."

"Tobi thinks that Hannah and Kakuzu make an evil pair."

"Shut up, Tobi," snapped Kakuzu. "Go annoy Itachi or something. He can actually stand you."

"Probably not," I said. "He just refuses to show his irritation – that would ruin his cool image."

"Oh no," muttered Kakuzu. "Itachi could not sacrifice he coolness."

"Tobi thinks that someone is jealous of Itachi-senpai."

After about a minute of Kakuzu trying to rip of Tobi's head, Tobi decided that it was better to go and annoy Itachi. He sidled over to the other side of the campfire and left Kakuzu and me alone. The two of us immediately began plotting again, but we didn't get far because, at the minute, Baki came sprinting down the stairs descending from the top of the wall, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"What's he saying?" I asked.

"I don't know…"

"Hn."

As Baki drew closer, his voice grew louder, but his words melted together and none of us could make out what he was trying to yell at us. And them suddenly, the Venus flytrap of Zetsu rose from the ground beside me.

"Zetsu," said Kakuzu. "What's going on?"

"We won."

"Huh?"

At this point, Baki reached the campsite and his shouts were close enough to decipher. "We won! We won! The power source was destroyed! We won! The Wargonians have surrendered! We won!"

"Holy shit…" muttered Kakuzu. "You mean that Dessie and Deidara actually succeeded in something?"

Zetsu shrugged. "They probably sat on the sidelines and did nothing."

"I doubt it," I said. "They're hardly sideline people. Most likely, Dessie and Deidara mowed over all their allies and opponents alike and blasted their way through half the city to destroy the power source."

There was a pause.

"Yeah," said Kakuzu. "That's more likely."

"This is fucking stupid…"

I nodded in agreement. Crowds of Suna civilians filled the streets, all trying to get a glimpse at the shinobis who had fought for Suna's great victory as they walked in a procession through the city. The shinobi, of course, sucked it all up and smiled proudly, waving at the civilians. And then, for some screwed up reason, the Akatsuki ended up a part of the parade. Itachi stood in the front, looking very grim and very antisocial. Behind him was Tobi, who was waving and laughing excitedly, overjoyed to be shown this much love in one day. Then came Zetsu, who had shut himself away in his Venus flytrap (Zetsu was very shy around strangers). After him was Kakuzu – as grumpy and disapproving as always. And lastly there was me, who was quite invisible in comparison to the rest of the Akatsuki.

"I'm bored…" I muttered as someone tried to throw flowers at my head in celebration.

"The Akatsuki never does anything this stupid," said Kakuzu. "We win a war. Oh good, on to the next task."

"Well…" I said. "The Akatsuki is not a city…"

"And thank Warg – or Jashin – or God… Whichever you prefer…" Kakuzu shrugged. "Thank someone for that."

"Aren't we supposed to be bringing the Wargonian troops back to the blue orb?" I asked, shuffling along and trying not to be noticed by the spectators. "Not wasting our time on a stupid parade?"

"We want out of here…" whined Zetsu. "We don't like it here…"

"Poor Zetsu," I said, awkwardly patting him on the Venus flytrap.

"We're supposed to leave now," said Kakuzu. "But Suna wants to stay and have they're little parade – I'm not even getting paid for this. They're wasting my time and time equals money – therefore, they're wasting my money."

"Hannah…" whispered Zetsu. "Help us…"

"I can't," I said, before turning back to Kakuzu. "If they're wasting your money, why aren't you going ballistic on them?"

"Because Leader would kill me. I'll just wait until after the truce is over and then kill them all." A twisted smile cross Kakuzu's face and the villagers nearby who had been cheering were stunned into a horrid silence.

"Effective," I said. "Kakuzu, you are successfully quite terrifying – do you stare at your reflection in the mirror and practice everyday or just that just come naturally to you?"

"It's one-hundred-percent natural."

Before I could respond, Tobi dropped back in line to walk alongside the rest of us. A huge grin on his face, Tobi lifted up his hands placed a pink flower crown on my head.

"What is this?" I asked, reaching up a hand to take the stupid flower crown off.

"Wait! Hannah-Nunu!" wailed Tobi. "Hannah-Nunu promised that if we survived the war, she'd wear a flower crown for a day!"

I blinked. "Oh right…" As much as temptation wanted me to do it, I did not throw he flower crown to the ground and stomp on, but continued wearing it, a huge frown splashed across my face. "This is humiliating."

Tobi giggled delightedly and skipped along beside me. "Hannah-Nunu is very pretty!"

"It looks ridiculous," said Kakuzu helpfully.

Zetsu opened his Venus flytrap a crack to see what I looked like. After a minute of vacant staring, Zetsu muttered something about, "You look very nice, Hannah…" Before wrenching the plant shut again.

"Can I take it off yet?" I asked.

"Nope," said Kakuzu. "I'm enjoying your humiliation."

"Tobi doesn't want Hannah-Nunu to take it off!"

The crowds of people became ore compact as the procession drew closer to the Kazekage's offices. Eventually, when we reached the end of the path, the parade dispersed into organized rows in front of the building. Gaara, Kankuro, and Baki stood at the front, facing the troops with grim expressions on their faces. The Akatsuki begrudgingly fell in line with the rest and I received odd stares as people noticed the flower crown on my head.

"Well this is awkward," I muttered as I stood in line behind Itachi.

"Hn."

I scowled. I still had not forgiven him for stealing my title as "Master of the Night"… Yet again…

"Shinobi of Suna!" called out Gaara, capturing the attention of the audience within moments (with his good-looks and charisma, that wasn't hard to do). "Today we celebrate a victory."

Loud roars rose up amongst the ranks. Tobi did a little happy dance, which I will not describe for fear of scarring everyone for the rest of their lives. The cheers of civilians and shinobi alike went on for several minutes. The only people who did not participate were Kakuzu, Itachi, Zetsu, me, and Gaara. Gaara remained stiffly in control the entire time. Apparently joyful celebrations were not his thing.

When the cheers finally subsided, Gaara continued with his speech. "We are here, my fellow children of Suna, to honor the heroes and the dead…"

At this point I zoned out.

Just a little ahead of me, Tobi seemed to be wiggling uncomfortably. Then, I noticed that Kakuzu had gotten bored and decided it would be more entertaining to torment Tobi by tickling the poor guy with black tentacles. When Tobi let out a little squeak, I fought back a giggle and even Itachi glanced over his shoulder to look at me, One Suna shinobi even had the nerve to shush me. Thankfully, Zetsu put him in his place by trying to bite the shinobi's arm off.

"What the hell!" the guy screamed, jumping backwards. "You freak!"

Zetsu sunk his teeth deeper into the guys forearm and growled slightly.

I enjoyed the scene for a moment before stepping in. "Zetsu, spit that out. You don't know where it's been."

Obediently, Zetsu spat out the man's arm and turned to me with a disappointed expression. "But we're hungry."

"You can eat later," I said. "At the moment we have a truce with them." I lowered my voice and added, "Memorize that guy's face. Once the truce is over I want you to hunt him down and feast to your heart's desire."

A grin spread across Zetsu's face and he said, "We can do that."

While Zetsu and I returned to our places in line, I shot a glowing smile in the direction of the Suna shinobi and said, "Sorry about that. It won't happen again."

I positioned myself behind Itachi and he glanced over his shoulder to raise his eyebrows in my direction. Undoubtedly, he had read my lips and knew exactly what I'd said to Zetsu. I just smiled innocent at Itachi.

"Hn."

Itachi turned back to listen to Gaara's speech. I think Gaara was now giving medals of Honor to exceptional heroes. Someone the faces I recognized from the battlefield, but the majority of them were foreign to me.

"And now," said Gaara somewhat stiffly. "This last medal is given to a hero who came from the most unlikely of places…" A kind of scowl crossed his face, as if he was reluctant to mention this name. "The troops – myself included – have come to respect this man for his bravery, his skill, his talent, and his cunning..."

"No…" I whispered.

Up ahead, Kakuzu let out a cry of "You've got to be kidding me…"

"To honor the man known as the Master of the Night, the city of Suna offers a Medal of Honor to Uchiha Itachi."

Both Kakuzu and I were ready to murder while Itachi looked, quite frankly, bored with the whole affair. While the soldiers burst into applause, Itachi remained completely still, staring emotionlessly at Gaara. He didn't move an inch to receive his medal.

"Um… Itachi," said Zetsu. "We think you're supposed to go get the medal."

"Hn."

"Tobi will get the medal for you Itachi!"

"Oh crap…" said Kakuzu.

Tobi stepped out of line and went sprinting up to the front towards Gaara. Tobi snatched the medal out of Gaara's hands. And – too stunned to speak – Gaara watched as Tobi put the medal around his neck and raised two hands into the air in a V-for-Victory pose.

"Ladies and gentleman of Suna!" cried Tobi. "Tobi is the Master of the Night!"

And then, Tobi proceeded to do his extremely embarrassing happy dance that should not be seen in public, all the while singing, "Who's cool now? Tobi's cool now! Itachi was cool! But Tobi's cool now! Who's cool now? Tobi's cool now! Itachi was cool! But Tobi's cool now!"

Zetsu covered his eyes and Kakuzu groaned. Itachi stared at Tobi, too cool to look away no matter how horrendous the scene in front of him.

I sighed and stepped out of line. "Tobi!"

"Hannah-Nunu!" cried Tobi. "Do you see? Do you see? Tobi is cool now!"

I made my way through the crowds of shinobi. Tobi raced across the square, his arms outstretched to give me a hug.

"Hannah-Nunu! Hannah-Nunu! Do you see? Do you see? Do you–"

CLANG!

I smashed my frying pan down on Tobi's head. He stood there for a moment, muttering something about coolness, and then collapsed to the ground, completely unconscious.

Dead silence filled the square and every single eye was upon me. I reached down and grabbed Tobi by the collar of his Akatsuki cloak and, without a word, dragged him him through the crowds back to wear Zetsu, Itachi, and Kakuzu stood.

"Alright," I said. "We're leaving. I can't stand another moment of this hell."

"I second that motion," said Kakuzu.

Itachi took Tobi from me and slung Tobi over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and then, in a black and red procession the four of us made our way through the city streets towards the exit. Itachi led the way, his expression and blank as always, with an unconscious Tobi dangling over his shoulder. Then came Zetsu, drooling slightly as he passed by the masses of people. After him was Kakuzu as villainous and evil-looking as always. And lastly there was me, looking badass while wearing a flower crown and carrying a frying pan.

Rule Number Eighty-Seven: The Akatsuki don't do parades.